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Men eh!!! and why are we such idiots?

cicerone

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#1
Hi Everyone,

I met a guy on a dating site, and since August things have been going really well.

Someone else's postings this week got me thinking (I wonder if my guy is on any other dating sites). We are both still on the site, but have changed our profiles to friendship only., and I was thinking of asking him "isnt it about time we stopped".
BUT
Lo and behold there he is on Plenty of Fish. Stating he is looking for long term. OMG, I am completely lost, as only this morning he was talking about decorating "our bedroom". WTF?

I have deviously set up an account and sent him a message. But not sure if I should of done this, and instead, just called him up and asked him why.

I have also tried to log on to his msn to see who he has been chatting to, but cant figure out the password. I also managed to block his account by doing this several times. grrrr, so not sure if he will know it was me and it will be me who's the bad person here!!

I'm feeling so hurt and confused right now, and so unsure of what to do for the best. Any advice would be great.
:confused:
 
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cicerone

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#2
ps. He has just phoned me to tell me he got the paint I chose, and I chatted away like nothing was wrong (what the hell)!
AM I CRAZY??
 

Happe

escaping the fat
#4
I would have done exactly the same thing. Ive been married forever and still check hubbys phone, emails, forum chats etc. Dont know whether your bloke is for real, guess youll find out if he answers your message. As for the msn thing, just deny everything.
 

cicerone

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#6
He was on there today! Thats why I did the crazy "set him up thing".
Its so strange, as he is always around me, so I dont know where he would find the time to see anyone else, but I will see when and if he replys and take it from there I guess.
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#7
Personally I would just ask him but that's me. His profile might be an old one, he might have forgotten it, or he might be playing you - hard to tell.
 
#9
Hi Everyone,

I met a guy on a dating site, and since August things have been going really well.

Someone else's postings this week got me thinking (I wonder if my guy is on any other dating sites). We are both still on the site, but have changed our profiles to friendship only., and I was thinking of asking him "isnt it about time we stopped".
BUT
Lo and behold there he is on Plenty of Fish. Stating he is looking for long term. OMG, I am completely lost, as only this morning he was talking about decorating "our bedroom". WTF?

I have deviously set up an account and sent him a message. But not sure if I should of done this, and instead, just called him up and asked him why.

I have also tried to log on to his msn to see who he has been chatting to, but cant figure out the password. I also managed to block his account by doing this several times. grrrr, so not sure if he will know it was me and it will be me who's the bad person here!!

I'm feeling so hurt and confused right now, and so unsure of what to do for the best. Any advice would be great.
:confused:
Please don't bring yourself to the point ur creating fake profiles and trying to hack into MSN accounts as you will only feel even worse..

Ask him about it.. anyone in a serious relationship should be able to talk x

Maybe its jst an old prof he forgot about??

Good Luck.. x
 

cicerone

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#10
Please don't bring yourself to the point ur creating fake profiles and trying to hack into MSN accounts as you will only feel even worse..

Ask him about it.. anyone in a serious relationship should be able to talk x

Maybe its jst an old prof he forgot about??

Good Luck.. x

Your so right, as now I feel awful for doing it. It was a moment of madness, and I should of just called him up and asked straight away.
Will have to leave it a few days though, as he is not stupid and will guess what I have done, and then we will have to have a talk.....
 
#11
Please don't bring yourself to the point ur creating fake profiles and trying to hack into MSN accounts as you will only feel even worse..

Ask him about it.. anyone in a serious relationship should be able to talk x

Maybe its jst an old prof he forgot about??

Good Luck.. x

Your so right, as now I feel awful for doing it. It was a moment of madness, and I should of just called him up and asked straight away.
Will have to leave it a few days though, as he is not stupid and will guess what I have done, and then we will have to have a talk.....
We have all done it at one point or another.. but we all also kno its not a way to live.

If you speak to him and resolve it.. you will feel all the better knowing that your relationship was strong enought to deal with it.. re-inforcing positive feelings ;)

Stay Strong.. whatever the outcome will be for the better in the end.. you will eiither resolve any issues with a resonable explination or you will have found out the truth before its too late x
 
#12
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. These sites are pretty addictive though, we were talking about them last night. It's best to delete everything when you're having a one-to-one relationship.

Incidentally someone told me to 'google' a username and then you can find out every site that they're on. I did it and was shocked some more.

Wishing you strength and courage to sort it out xx
 

louiser

Trying very hard!
#13
Do whatever it is that helps you, it might seem extreme to some to set up another profile but if that's what you've got to do then its your call.

I've been messed around too many men that I tend to be very untrusting of anyone.

I really hope its not as bad as it seems at first.
 
#14
Hi hon, I know it sounds really obvious but you will have to try and talk to him. You will drive yourself mad though guessing and imagining all sorts. its not easy. I can see where you are coming from with sending him that message, it will be interesting to see how he reacts to someone messaging him. All I can say, is you know him, we dont so its hard to make judgements, but you def need to talk hon, you could be worrying yourself for nothing. x x

We are all here tho
 
#15
he is a player, play him to thats what i would do, get him to meet you as the other woman on the other site see if he turns up, if he does you will know x
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#16
he is a player, play him to thats what i would do, get him to meet you as the other woman on the other site see if he turns up, if he does you will know x
I don't understand this, I really don't. Why set yourself up for the pain? :confused: :confused:

I am often unpopular in girlie chats with friends because I am very anti game-playing. I believe you can tell a lot by face to face conversation, and if you are doubting someone then surely talking to them should be your first move. If they make you feel suspicious, then consider other methods. But above all, treat him how you would want him to treat you. :hug99:
 
#17
Hey hun im sorry. I reeckon u should bide ur time for a day or so se if he replies. Then have it out with him either way. Hope it works out xx
 
#18
since Aug is not long, and clearly you don;t trust him yet which is a shame, I hope you get the result you want!

As in sorry no longer free, thanks for your interest lol
 
#19
My advice would be to speak to him, tell him how you feel and ask if you can both lay your cards on the table to see where your relationship is going x good luck x
 

cicerone

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#20
Thanks to everyone for replying.

My distrust comes from a previous relationship, (he was a compulsive liar), and i was very badly hurt.
But I never thought I could stoop so low as to spy on someone, and at the moment thats whats bugging me more.
I should of picked up the phone to him right away and asked can we meet for a chat.
Instead I've dug a stupid big hole, and even lied last night when I told him I was going to a friends, as I didnt want to see him.

The one thing I value the most is honesty, and I'm now becoming dishonest! GRrrrrrr

Anyway, I have to go through with it now. See if he replies to the email, and how he replies. I know deep down I am hoping I can get a response along the lines of "just looking for friendship".

Then I will have to leave it a few days and meet up with him and have a talk about where we stand.

At least I will find out, one way or another.

x
 


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