Mental Barrier?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by futureyummymummy, 17 March 2009 Social URL.

  1. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    Hello, right I'm struggling to get back on track. I tend to do 2-3 days of abstinence then about 4 of totally shameful gorging on anything and everything. At the moment my weight is just above 11st and whenever my scales tell me I'm below this (or going to be soon) I binge and put on a few lbs.

    I was wondering if anyone else has this kind of stupid mental barrier going on (or has had in the past) and can give me any tips on how to get over it.... or just volunteer to come and kick me up the backside or give me a good slap every time I head for the kitchen!

    Emma xXx
     
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  3. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    I believe I did have something similar. I just wasn't in the right place anymore to do the diet. I still had about a stone to go until my 'target'. I wasn't feeling 100% about myself yet, but I wasn't feeling rubbish either... But I didn't feel I needed LL in it's drastic form.
    To stop myself destroying everything - I actually started RTM and did it all the way through (where I learnt LOTS)... Then after RTM I put a bit of weight on (after about 3 weeks of Christmas/New Years bingeing!)... I got it out of my system. Then I spent about a month and a half learning how to MAINTAIN and work out who I am. Sort of reflecting back at who I was, am, and who I want to be. Accepting my new image. Accepting my new-found confidence.
    But all the way through that I still had the feeling that I never finished. Then one day, I felt ready to carry on with this diet and I started again (granted the Lite version - I can't make myself go on abstinence again ... I don't feel like I need it, I understand my relationship with food quite well now). I am happy to keep going on this.

    You really, and honestly have to be in the right place mentally to do LL. If you're not, you really can't force yourself... I do suggest considering restarting again at a later date, but doing RTM and learning to manage your new self for now. I believe you're ready for that lesson now. :) In a way I think you're itching to show yourself that you can do it on your own a bit! Yes, it will be scary, but RTM will 'hold your hand' all the way through; so to speak.

    :)
     
  4. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    Yeah I have been considering this but my worry is that as soon as food is introduced I wouldn't be able to control myself plus I know I'll just feel really down on myself and really crappy if I don't reach my goal or at least just get to a normal weight you know?

    Emma xXx
     
  5. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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  6. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    Ok, thanks just added you i'm memylou etc etc x
     
  7. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hi honey

    I did have that in the past. Could never, for years, no matter how I tried get past losing 2 stone.

    For me, I faced some very painful things the year prior to LL. Things I had buried for over 20 years. I believe therein lies my success.

    I now know I was using food as punishment. But it took a lot of soul searching to uncover those things. I don;t know it thats anything you might have going on - but I KNOW without doubt, that is how I was able to get past the 2 stone barrier.

    I worked out what food was to me over the years.

    I was slim when I got married. Then marital probs ensued.

    Food became spite.
    that led to weight gain and depression
    Food then became comfort, love, company
    that led to feeling of shame, despair, self-hate, no self-worth
    Food then became punishment

    It wasn;t until I faced that I had to work through what I was punishimg myself for. I knew what it was but could not face it for years. When I finally did....or I should say when it slapped me in the face and said DEAL WITH ME NOW OR ELSE....it wasn't until then, that I went through shedding the denial and feeling the pain/shame/guilt that forgiveness could enter the picture.

    Once it did, it freed me. And that, I know, is how I was able to be successful.

    Don;t know it that helps you at all, but thats my story, and how I broked the pattern of self-sabotage.

    We're all here for you, and I hope you find your answers.

    xx
     
  8. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Yep. That is my point. Exactly. We will never be successful until we rid us of things that hold us back. In anything in life - not just weight. Thats what I believe.
     
  9. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    A few things have come up that happened to me years ago but I don't know how to get past them, I don't particularly want to talk to llc about them as it's very personal but I do think thats whats stopping me as I'm about 8-10lbs away from the weight I was when this happened and I keep feeling that if I get back there it might happen again even though I know there's like no chance of that!
     
  10. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    (((hugs)))
     
  11. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hon, believe me I understand. I would urge you to try. What I discussed in group was as personal as it gets, and I was terrified I would be judged - but I got such great support and it helped SO much. I realised I was the only one judging me.

    I think it is very very ikportant you get this out - if you really feel you cannot do it with your group, could you arrange a one-on-one with your LLC? Ours does that.

    Good luck. I am sure you will conquer this. :)
     
  12. jcjazzy

    jcjazzy Silver Member

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    Hi Emma, I can identify with your behaviour very much.I have lost so much on other diets and then put it on again previously :eek:.I think the fact you have the insight to see whats behind your behaviour is a great start.BL 's points make a lot of sense- if your LLC is prepared to speak to you one to one ,to help you get through this it's worth a go.If not have you considered some other counselling/CBT if you feel ready?Might be worth discussing with your GP,or self-referring if you can.Good luck x
     
  13. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Hugs FYM. We're with you all the way. I hope you find your way through the emotional tangle to the clear view waiting for you.

    I have definitely done the same in the past - sabotaging myself every time a particular weight approached.... this week I have beaten that :D. You are going to beat your nemesis too. Yep surely.
     
  14. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Hi fym

    I'M CONVINCED that's why you are struggling. It's a bit like Pandora's Box. You have lifted the lid, opened the box,had a look, remembered what's inside. It's not comfortable,but i also wobbled when I was at the same weight as one of my huge life events. I have to say I wasn't as open in the group as BL was, but I have dealt wiyh it and given myself permission to move on with my life.These things won't go away on their own unfortunately.
    :hug99:
     
  15. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    I feel your pain on this one too, now that I am lighter I keep going over all the things that happened to me when I was last this weight (roughly), and some of it is very hard to deal with - it's strange isn't it, almost like stepping back in time to the day after an event happened, even though it was years and years ago in reality!

    I think it shows that actually, at the time of the event the emotional reprocussions of it were not dealt with fully - at least, that's what it feels like to me - a heartbreak that has been allowed to fester for half a decade beneath layers of protection (fat) that finally has nowhere to hide behind anymore, and suddenly seems to be worse than you even remember.

    Not knowing the event/s you are spekaing of, its hard to give real advice but I think that a universal starting approach would be to forgive yourself (if you think you need to) for whatever happened.

    It's what I'm doing, and yes it is hard, but you can get through it :)
    x
     
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  16. futureyummymummy

    futureyummymummy Silver Member

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    Thanks everyone, I've been up all night as I'm ill and I literally wrote pages and pages of stuff in my diary about everything that happened. I still don't know if I can bring it up in group but I will definately try to and if not Julia will do one to ones so I might be brave enough to talk about it that way.

    It's definately weird the way this all comes up after so long, I had no idea it was all still so strong in my mind you know?

    Emma xXx
     
  17. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Morning lovey. SOrry you are poorly - I'm there with you. My back went out late monday night and I have been flat out since. Nothing like time like that to get the old mind working, ay?

    Journaling can be a very good start - you see things more clearly and that can help you start to get it all out.

    I think why we feel it now, or as we go through all of this is like Pete said - there are so many layers underneath that as we shed one, we approach another. I know that each 20, 30 - 50 pounds I gained were for individual events and reasons....as you shed one, you then approach another. It's usually the last one that is the hardest. It was for me anyway.

    SB- I would not have been so open in group if were not for people like you and H and J etc that made me feel safe to do so....so I owe you a lot of thanks too. ;)

    Its bloody hard work Emma - BLOODY HARD - but it is the BEST thing you can do for yourself.

    If it is any help, it is harder THINKING abuot talking about it, then it is to actually talk- once you blurt it out, put it on the table, it then gets easier. So much easier. Painful? Sure. BUt easier? Definately. And you will feel the benefits almost immediately.

    ANd it is very freeing - in so many more ways then just shifting weight - it can be life changing. SO don't give up - be strong. When you are ready, get it out - and get rid of it. You don't need to hang on to it anymore. And we're all here for you to help you like your wounds once you do. <<<<<<hugs hugs hugs>>>>>>>

    xxx
     
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  19. lovelynaett

    lovelynaett Full Member

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    Hello futureyummymummy.

    I've done LL some 18 month ago and gave up because I couldn't deal with lots of emotion I thought were gone.

    They came back wih a vengeance as soon as I reach my goal weight. It took me some time and I realised that I had to deal with it now or never. I'm tired of being overweight and tired of using my weight as an excuse for every failure. So to make it work this time around, I'm seeing a therapist. I can talk freely and even thought it is hard, I know I need it. Maybe you should look into finding someone you can talk too.

    Hope that helps.
     
  20. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    Pete

    Good to see you acknowledging the emotional side. I could have sworn you previously said that was just for the ladies and for guys it was more straight forwrd, or am I remembering wrongly?
    We all bleed when we are scratched don't we?
    We all have feelings and emotions which affect our lives.
     
  21. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    I did say that in a way, though I never meant that there is no emotional side to it for guys at all, I think the point I was making at that time was that for most guys, on a day-to-day basis, there isn't so much emotion involved, or at least, we don't acknowledge that it is there and affects us as much as some ladies seem to.


    Case in point, one of the female teachers at work is doing the Rosmary Connolly diet, has been for a few weeks. Today she totally lost control and ate a huge bar of galaxy, and for half the bar she was crying while eating. I really, REALLY can't see a guy doing that; much more likely we'd adopt the "f*ck it" approach and just eat it and feel guiltily happy afterwards, like a child with dinner smeared around his chops and grinning ear to ear :p
     
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