met old friend & felt embarrased about loss!

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Sez, 23 July 2007 Social URL.

  1. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    Just got back from a mooch around the shops. Whilst in Matalan ran into an old friend I have not seen for probably nearly a year.

    She is also a very large lady, who bemoans that fact but still enjoys whatever food she fancies. (Much as myself once upon a time, in the dim and distant past!) Our hubbies are life long chums, in fact her OH is our sons Godfather. I think, in an odd way, she regarded me as a conspirator in the "fat" world, if that makes sense?

    She did comment on my loss, but somehow it felt very odd and more than a little difficult for me. She asked how I had done it, and I just said meal replacements, and no convetional food. She asked if it was through the GP, and I explained that apart from the initial check-up,it was a private concern, not an NHS thing. Her closing comment was "Oh well pass some my way then" and she barely spoke other than this! I felt highly embarrassed, and the desperate need to leave the situation, so I mumbled my "Goodbye, must dash, left son at home " etc etc and made a hasty retreat.

    I dont quite understand this feeling as I have, until now, been utterly elated about my losses, and despite my moans, happily anticipating more to come.

    It seems a little spooky too, that this encounter came this morning, hot on the heels of Mrs L 's question about telling folks, and how did we hear about LL. For the first time, I felt this new me was not overly well received, and boy did it feel odd!!
     
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  3. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    Hmm, imagine the shoe on the other foot; you bump into her, she looks amazingly well, very much slimmer, more confident etc.. nothing has changed for you, still piling on the weight..... Do you want to swap with her? No you don't! You are doing brilliantly but don't be surprised if others that aren't, find your obvious sucess dificult to bear. You make it all too clear, just because of how you look, not that you are showing off, just what a bit of sustained effort can do!

    Who knows, you may have even inspired her to think about copying, that would be the ultimate compliment, wouldn't it?

    Love
     
  4. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    sounds like from the questions she asked she was genuinely interested in following suit or at least looking into it. did u not just tell her what plan u did instead of just saying meal replacements not done thru docs? just thinking that if i saw a friend lose LOADS in between seeing her i would wanna know exactly what she had done and all the details lol.

    I dunno...sounded like u were a bit gaurded. i guess u arent used to the attention yet and sounds like u are a modest lady :D u have done incredibly well. well done xxx
     
  5. Heaven can wait

    Heaven can wait Silver Member

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    Yes I agree with karen here Sez , sounds like a little tinsy bit of you didnt realy want her to know all the details. Woundnt you want her to tell you how she did it if the situation had been reversed? Its strange how we react, somethimes I long to bump into someone I havnt seen for ages I guess for the positive strokes, but you do feel a little over exposed somehow, and I thiink you sort of feel a bit embarrased for the person who is still in fat hell , not for yourself , but if you are a sensitive person and I feel that you are you take that embarrasement on yourself. At the end of the day she is responsible for herself but I do long to meet one or tow of my old fat friends who I have lost touch with so I can spread the good news about LL, I feel I owe them that.
    Maybe it will get easier for us as we learn to adjust to the new us , its all so new being slimmer and although its has its highs they are some difficult moments too.
    Carole
     
  6. Niceness

    Niceness Member

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    Yes but at the same time why wasn't the friend curious/interested enough to ask the relevant questions? It isn't up to Sez to "force" (for lack of a better term) her success onto someone, but rather she could be a fountain of information and inspiration if that person so wished. I think the friend may have been a bit envious, and based on what was reported, may even have tried to "down play" Sez's accomplishments. I think if it was important enough to her, the friend would have asked for more information and express more of a genuine interest.
     
  7. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    I have thought about this comment long & hard and TBH I truthfully dont think I was reluctant to tell her the details, after all I have shared all the gory info with anyone who gave me half a nod towards it! I genuinely felt as if she wasnt ready to hear it all, and yes, she is still in "fat hell", but I need to be confident that she would not be offended by me launching into a LL hard sell!! I think, no, I KNOW, LL has literally been my life saver and if it could help another in the same way, then I say share, share, and share again!
     
  8. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Dear Sez (and everyone else)

    I have thought about this and I think the timing is, as you say, quite spooky since I was posting questions about this issue.

    I think you faced the same dilemma (in a different situation), you were sensitive to her BUT also the fact that she did not go crazy at your weight loss seems to me to be about her. As Niceness says, it isn't up to you to provide all the questions (or answers!).

    I had a lightbulb moment on the other thread about this issue and I am pasting it here because I know Sez is a sensitive soul (I can tell!) and I know she wouldn't keep anything back and if people aren't asking, you don't want to go overboard.

    My lightbulb moment was this - our results can say more than enough! We don't need to oversell this diet (it's saved my sanity/life and I know so many of us feel the same - we want to help others NOT have to suffer in the same way) but I really didn't get that until two minutes ago.

    Here's what I wrote (so hope it helps):

    I think that was part of my dilemma - I wish I HAD known someone who had done LighterLife, particularly a couple of years ago when I really was SO receptive (and highly motivated) - but I am not sure how I would have responded to an evangelical approach. But I just realised I don't NEED to be evangelical! Doh! The results will speak for themselves (still got my fat head on and don't see what other people see as I feel the same as four and a half stone ago)!

    All I need to do is, as you say, point them in the right direction. Horses and water analogies worked...brilliantly! I got it. Feeling a bit silly now!! I think I was trying to overegg the pudding when I really don't need to say very much at all, do I? A quick description, the web address and..that's that!

    THANK YOU!!!! Feel I can handle those situations now. Phew!


    So, Sez, maybe this will help you too? Totally understand how deflated/uncomfortable you felt but as I am realising everyday, other people have their own issues and sometimes we forget that and think it must be us. But it isn't.

    Stay strong!

    Big kiss.

    Mrs Lxxxx
     
  9. Helen

    Helen Full Member

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    When I found out about LL I mulled it over for about a year before I decided I was desperate enough to try anything. If people mention my weightloss and sound interested I usually mention, as Sez did, that its meal replacements. 9 out of 10 people then ask me for more info and I give it. If they don't then I offer more of my story if thats what they want. Several have come back to me since and asked for more info and I have happily given it. But I think its up to them to ask. This lady may well mull it over and ask you for more info in the future. As you know, you need to be ready to do this diet and she may not be at that point at the moment. Dont feel embarrased or uncomfortable by it, you told her what she wanted and didn't push the subject. She is probably a bit jealous too, I would be but as I say she needs to be in the right place before she is receptive enough to take it further.
     
  10. SandraEG

    SandraEG Full Member

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    For me it depends on the situation. My girlfriends know I'm on LL and I did talk someone I'm close to at work to try it. She had stopped WW for the umpteenth time and she knew what i was doing and I lent her the magazine (didn't get it back!) and said it would be a relatively short journey for her.

    On the other hand, when people who know me as acquaintances ask me how I'm losing weight I tell them I'm on a pretty drastic diet - and leave it at that.

    I find criticism quite hard to take at the best of times and feel a bit overly sensitive at the moment...
     
  11. Heaven can wait

    Heaven can wait Silver Member

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    Hi Sez, I really wasnt suggesting you maliciously kept Lighter Life from her, it was just the paragraph below where she said 'pass some my way' that seemed to me she wanted to know more, but then she didnt push it so you left it.
    You obviously know her and of course you were there us lot were'nt!, so you would know if she was serious or not. You were obviously a bit uncomfortable in the situation , and I dont really blame you for wanting to distance yourself as quick as possible, and as Mr Lard has said , if she had really been interested she would have pursued it. But I have found myself in situations like that when I was big and feeling despair at ever loing weight and the shock of seeing someone you saw as a fellow 'fat world person' slim can send you into a stunned shock. I was once rendered speechless by such an occurence, (and believe me it dosent happen often LOL), and afterwards I wished I had pressed for more information, but I was in too dark a place at the time to get the courage up to pursue it. Depression is often a side effect of living in a body you hate, and it manifests itself in many ways, including a glib , offhand reaction like your old friends. But believe me when I say , I meant no offence to you, I think learning to recognise how we feel about others response to the 'new us' is bound to be very difficult. I dont know about you , but as a big person I was a bit of a doormat sometimes, eager to please and be liked, but I feel that is changing now. I stand up for myself a bit more now and I am learning to protect myself from uncomfortable situations like the one you found yourself in, and I think that is what may have done in this instance, and I congratualte you on that.
    Hopefully your friend may find her way when the time is right for her, but its not your responsibility at the end of the day.
    Love carole
     
    Last edited: 24 July 2007
  12. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

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    I think that you possibly felt uncomfotable because she seemed miserable? Its awful knowing people feel like you used to. You want to help them but knw it has to be their decision but this doesent make it any easier! Its a bit like an alcoholic who is not ready to stop drinking! You know they need to, should & are on a downward spiral but it wont work until they hit their own rock bottom! If she wants to know more she'll have a think & get hold of you. If you feel bad in any way you could ring her & say you were sorry you had to rush off & if she wants more info to feel free to chat at an time....HTH?
     
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