Milestone - The first 'Don't lose too much'

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Cerulean, 19 June 2007 Social URL.

  1. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

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    And it came from the person I predicted it would come from. I smiled and assured her I would know when to stop. What she was really saying was 'Don't get thinner than me'.

    I actually find it quite inappropriate - we aren't exactly chummy and I don't like the way she does it (sort of in theatrical whispers).

    I never comment or pass comment on people's appearances - I find it the height of bad manners to be honest - I hate people who pick threads and fluff off clothes without asking because it feels intrusive - I was brought up in quite an old fashioned 'don't discuss religion, politics or make personal remarks' kind of way (obviously I do with my close friends - but I have very definite boundaries) it actually causes me some problems in group because one of my group finds it appropriate to comment and pass judgement about what I (and other people) should and shouldn't do and also the group really focuses on what I wear and how I look and I find it quite uncomfortable (one of them said 'you won't be able to wear that next week, and you only bought it a few weeks ago' I am perfectly aware of what does and does not fit me, enough with the personal remarks! - I know they mean well and I don't want to p** on their parades - but I guess I might have to have a discussion about boundaries in the next couple of weeks because I would rather that than come close to snapping at the 'inquisitors' like I did in group last week. Instead I've been shutting down because I really don't want my personal life to be an open book. I don't talk about my relationship with my sort of ex other than with my sort of ex or my dreams and ambitions other than the people I know to trust with them. - I am a very private person - but people confuse my warmth and openess with someone who wants to reveal their innermost secrets.

    This sounds a bit negative, I know - but that comment today made me really think about the lines I like to draw around my life and standing up for myself.

    Do you mind the comments that people make about you? Do you revel in it or shrink away?
     
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  3. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    I am someone who is able to discuss quite personal details with someone who I have just met - BUT only if i feel a bond with them. I understand where you are coming from and think you are quite right to feel as you do - and others should respect your feelings.

    Dieting seems to be an area where perfect strangers feel they can comment inappropriately and personally, best friends tell you "you look scrawny now - please stop" ... when infact you are just slimmer than them, and OH's can feel threatened and think you'll go off with someone else.

    I don't think you sound negative - just getting stronger about what you are prepared to put up with/not put up with. You go!
     
  4. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

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    Interesting one! I am perceived as quite open but keep my innermost secrets for close family/friends and only a few people know how I felt about being fat deep down. As for people saying I'll need new clothes it doesent bother me because I agree! What does upset me is when people are just plain nasty & malicious because of their own issues but I think (once I had a good cry!) that that is their stuff and I now just feel sorry for them! I try, whereever possible, to be an encourager and when I cant just say nowt! I guess its apersonal comfort zone isnt it!
     
  5. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

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    Yeah ISOM - I normally wouldn't mind about clothes - but it was the way she said it and actually the coat was very fitted. But I do feel that the group focuses too much attention on my appearance in particular.
     
  6. Cerulean

    Cerulean Gold Member

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    Thank you so much for that!
    Luckily I don't have to go through the OH stuff - I can imagine that would be quite challenging.
     
  7. bridejoo

    bridejoo Member

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    I'm someone who can open up quite easily if I feel close to people. I hold more feelings back from my family, especially about my weight.

    I hate the comments people make about what I eat; if I say I don't want a piece of chewing gum they're like ''oooh trying to be good are we?'' which whilst its true, can a person just not want a piece of chewing gum?!?!? People find me odd as well because I never drink tea or coffee! I just prefer cold drinks!!! (sorry that was off the topic a bit!)

    Stick to your guns and don't ignore what you believe in. Just because your body is changing, doesn't mean your 'person' has to.

    XXX
     
  8. harri

    harri Full Member

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    I have had similar comments from people in my group.So far i have lost 2st9lbs and as i am quite tall i do look very different,lots of my group have said,"ooh you've not got far to go now"and then when i tell them i have to lose the same again (to get to my personal goal which is within the healthy range for my height) they almost fall over themselves saying,"that can't possibly be right, there'll be nothing left of you".
    I find these sort of comments unhelpful and de-motivating and think that my group of all people should understand.I think that this is something that I may have to discuss with my group too.I'm sure they are trying to be kind by saying i look good but i think it's how I feel, I have to get to my own goal because I know I will look so much better than I do now.
     
  9. SafcGirl31

    SafcGirl31 Full Member

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    One of the girls at my class came up with the perfect response when she got the 'Don't lose too much' comment. She said 'I'll stop somewhere in my healthy BMI'
    They can't really respond back because its healthy and they won't know what your BMI is! I'm going to use it myself when I get the 'well meaning' comment especially as I want to try to get towards lower end of my BMI to see what its like and I'm sure it will make a few people uncomfortable as they are used to me being large and jolly!
     
  10. SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue!

    SoonBeSlim... It'sTrue! Full Member

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    Hope you have some firm strategies ready for the next time, as we all know there will be a next time!

    I had such a comment today when a women asked if I meant to loose weight? I cheerfully added ..... Yes. In her defence she did not say anything in tha hushed tone way, but did say I looked really well/good and was nice before too.

    Hey I know I was big before, but at least she did not say what a fat bloater I was before. LOL

    Sam
     
  11. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    This is the one I use too! It stops 'em in their tracks, well & truly!!
     
  12. Tinley

    Tinley Full Member

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    I know where you're coming from, Cerulean. I too have been brought up to never make personal comments about anyone's appearance, good or bad.

    For me, the worst part about losing weight is that people who have hardly even noticed me in the past have started making personal comments. To be fair, most of them are complimentary and although I try hard to be gracious when this happens what I really want to do is just crawl into a hole and hide.

    I do realize though that this is my problem, not theirs, so unless they are being horrible (some are) I tend just to smile and leave it at that, then rush away before they notice the blush of embarrassment creeping up my neck and face :eek:
     
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