On January 28th 2013, I joined Slimming World with the mentality that I would give weight loss one last try to prove I couldn't do it. I weighed in that night at 22st exactly wearing a top that was a size 24-26 and a pair of leggings that kept rolling down as my waist was wider than my hips. My periods had been so irregular (none for months at a time then a couple a month) and my hormones were all over the place. I was miserable. I slunk into the room and hid at the back hoping no one would notice me. By the time I left that night, I had a glimmer of hope. I set my first target to lose 6st as I didn't want to think about a final target, but didn't see the point of aiming for one or two stone when I had so many to lose. Getting to 20st didn't seem like an achievement, I would still be 8st overweight. That first week, I gave it an honest try, even though I didn't expect much. I knew I could lose weight, I just couldn't keep it up. I lost 2.5lb in my first week and that bolstered me. It wasn't the huge loss I knew I could achieve, but it was maintainable. Someone mentioned in those first few weeks that 1 lb a week for a year was over 4st in a year, and somehow my attitude changed. I was in it for the long haul this time. I'd been on slimming world before and lost almost 2st but piled it (and more) back on. Something clicked in my brain that day that if I'd gotten my act together the first time, I'd have been at target and I wouldn't still be struggling to shift so much. Fast forward to the summer and I'd lost over 4st and was feeling good. I was wearing a size 18-20, my periods were regular again, and my confidence was soaring. Then I had my first true gain and my motivation shattered once more. I tried everything to get my mojo back. Red days, green days, success express, limiting fruit, gorging on fruit, cutting down on carbs, lots of exercise, limiting exercise, tons of water, taking a break from slimming world, religiously counting syns. ..honestly, I think all I did was shock my system into paralysis. False starts, hiccups and frustration have dominated my last 9 months and it saddens me that if I'd been able to get my **** together in all that time, I could have been at my new final target of a healthy bmi by now. This is not a plea for pity, I don't know that anyone will read this, this diary is for me, but if my being honest can help someone else, then it's worth putting it all out there. My lowest weight since I started in January 2013 was 16st 13.5lb. Today I weigh 17st 9.5lb. I have stumbled but I have not quit. Sometimes you have to retreat in order to go forward in a new direction. Today I am making myself a promise. This is my new slimming world journey. I plan to lose another 5st 11.5lb. It won't be easy, nothing worth doing ever is, but I deserve it and I will fight for it. Today is the first day of my third slimming world journey and I can do it.