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Morticia's Musings


Happy in my own skin
Bit of a difficult one this. Like Minerva at the start of her thread, I feel a bit odd starting a thread all for myself but for a few reasons now I feel I need to write a few things down. To get things straight, to log my eating and to just generally mull things over. Feel free to pipe in or ignore as required/appropriate.

A bit of history first. I've done all of foundation with no lapses. I'm now in week 4 of RTM and have had no problems so far. The most outrageous thing I've done so far is have tomatoes 3 days early last week.

I'm going to list what I've had today then mull it over.

1. Breakfast was black coffee and a cranberry bar.

2. Mid morning was another black coffee.

3. Late morning I had a savoury drink.

4. For lunch I had a mushroom soup then a portion of low far greek yoghurt, with one apple sliced up and some cinnamon on top. I also had 4 strawberries.

5. Afternoon tea break saw me having a black coffee and a portion of fruit salad.

6. For evening meal I had crunchy salad with balsamic dressing, grilled salmon with lemon and herbs.

7. Out for the evening and I had a coffee with low fat milk.

8. Just home and I've had another coffee, black and 4 grapes and one orange segment (from fruit salad).

Ok here are my musings. Not sure if others think this is a lot to have. I feel I've eaten more today than I'm happy with. Normally I've only had two snacks a day and by the looks of it today I've had 3-4. I had the yoghurt and fruit at lunchtime when I'd normally just have a soup. I did this mostly because in work there have been comments about me not eating and how I have an eating disorder. So I felt it would help if people saw me eating more than just my usual soup. However I then had 4 extra stawberries, and I felt quite full....more full than I've felt in a long time, and more full than I'd like. so after lunch I'm thinking ohh I will not have anything more until I go home as it's 2pm and I'm quite full. Normally I would just have had a soup then nothing until I got home after 6. Well then tea-break comes at 4pm and I find myself having a portion of fruit salad...as it looked so nice, and well fruit is healthy anyway. And of course afterward I feel annoyed with myself as I've managed to avoid this sort of behaviour for such a long time. Tonight I'm happy with things until I came home and helped myself to another few grapes.

I'm hoping that by putting all this down here I'll get it off my chest and be able to make a different choice next time when I'm thinking the same thoughts.....cos even fruit is not good in large amounts so it's no good saying to myself ohh it's only fruit. It's the behaviour, the habit of over-eating that I want to address, not so much what I'm over-eating although that does have an impact I know.

That's about it for today. If anyone has read right to the end then I congratulate you....well done....:D
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hi there
i think it is a great idea starting your own thread as it kept me focussed , particulaly at the start.

in the future you want to be eating like a 'normal' person - and normal people do have snacks of fruit etc

it probably feels like overeating at the moment as you have been having so little for so long, but in reality its not.

be careful about doing things to 'please' others tho. i still get comments about being on a faddy diet etc, even tho i am eating everything/anything now.

it sounds like you are doing everything right - amount of food wise i went up 100 cals per week as a very rough guide ( i don't want to get hooked on cal counting, but found it useful at first to keep a sort of check on the amount to eat)

keep up the good work!
daisy x


Happy in my own skin
Thanks for that Daisy. You're absolutely right about not pleasing other people. That's exactly what I decided once I'd written everything down. I'm doing this for me so sod what anyone else thinks or says. I have to try to listen to my body and eat accordingly, not out of habit or expectation. I suppose it's all a learning curve.....:)


Happy in my own skin
Today...or are we now on Sunday??...anyway for Saturday here's what I had.

1. Breakfast - one 0% fat greek yoghurt with apple and cinnamon, black coffee.

2. Lunch - Cranberry bar and black coffee.

3. Mid afternoon - one apple and one plum.

4. Evening meal - Cold cooked breast of chicken, with crunchy salad and balsamic dressing. One portion of fruit salad.

5. Late evening - One LL mushroom soup.

Still feel I had a bit much fruit today but I'm not overly concerned about it today.

Edited to add, feel quite proud of myself, was with a crowd of friends at one persons house for a pizza and salad night. I took along my portion of chicken and my balsamic vinigar and ate with everyone else. Was not tempted by the pizza and the pudding was fresh fruit with cream so I just left off the cream. I think I'm learning to just be a bit organised for these things and nobody minds you not joining in when they see you're still enjoying what you are eating. I honestly did not feel deprived which is what I would have felt in the past.
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Hi Morticia,

It sounds as though you are doing well. I've just had a look back at my food log for week 4 (I use Food Focus) and I was up to around 900 to 1000 calories a day by then. Compared to what you are eating, I think I was eating a lot more by then! Here's a snapshot for you ...

Breakfast - LL Shake (I've never been a big breakfast person so have been happy to continue with that!).

Mid Morning Snack - Muller Light fruit yoghurt

Lunch - LL Porridge with 80 grams frozen summer fruits (I have Sean to thank for that one ... it's lovely!!)

Afternoon Snack - Apple & Plum (sometimes 2 plums - a newly discovered fruit for me)

Dinner - Salad (normally a baby leaf spinach salad with peppers, spring onions, cucumber, tomatos) and fish or chicken. I also use a salad dressing I make using quark. I love creamy salad dressings and as I can't find any fat free versions it's a good substitute!

Late - Baked Pears or fruit salad with some Fromage Frais (mixed with a bit of splenda to sweeten it).

My list certainly seems to be quite a bit more than yours, but then it doesn't seem to have done me any harm :)


Edit ... I also have around 3 to 4 cups of coffee/tea a day, all of them with skimmed milk (never got to like the taste of black coffee).


Happy in my own skin
For Sunday here goes....
1. Breakfast – LL cranberry bar and black coffee.

2. Lunch - LL Soup.

3. Dinner – Grilled mackerel with ginger and lime juice, courgette, broccoli and asparagus. Fruit salad. Black coffee.

For today this is my log.

1. Breakfast - 0% Fat Greek yoghurt with fruit salad.

2. Lunch - LL cranberry bar with black coffee.

3. Dinner – Variation on Jamie Olivers moroccan cous cous (without the cous cous :))...100g haddock, tinned tomatoes, 50g prawns, green beans, peas, chilli, served with crunchy green salad and balsamic vinigar. Black coffee.
4. Lates – LL soup.


Happy in my own skin
Hi Mel,

Thanks for that. It's only when you actually write things down that you get a proper perspective on this. Probably pre LL days I under estimated what I ate, now I think I'm over estimating what I'm eating. I've taken to logging things on food focus and I think my cal intake might be a bit low still. I've also been walking quite a lot which I've not really taken into consideration.

I've bought some sugar free jelly and am going to see if I can see the post about frozen summer fruits to add to my snacks...it sounds fab....:)
hi there
being organised is definately the key - not getting caught out without anything to eat has been my downfall at times on RTM

i now always carry round with me in my bag/car LL bars, fruit, dried fruit and nuts ( i know you can't have these yet)

it has been great at times as i haven't had a reason to not eat or to eat rubbish - example was at a park the other day, had lunch at the cafe but there was no soup/jacket potato etc so i just had a coffee and a LL bar - nobody minded/noticed and if i hadn't had it with me i would either have gone hungry or eaten cheese toastie or something i didn't really want.

you lists do seem a little light calorie wise - don't be afraid of eating the 'required' amount! - you are doing fine

daisy x


Making it all add up
Hi Morticia

Strikes me that you're doing fine. We all go through internal struggles at various times in RTM. Remember that on abstinence you're hardly eating anything so as you introduce more food groups it's a shock to the mind (mostly) that you have to overcome.

Trust me when I say that in 3-4 week's time you'll look back on these posts and wonder how you didn't feel 'deprived'.

Keep up the good work


Happy in my own skin
Thanks Daisy and Sean for your input. I went to W/I last night and lost 2.5lb, so I do think I need to eat a bit more. It's so tempting to just stay on what I'm having at the moment as I feel satisfied. I'm sure as the weeks go on I'll be looking for something more to fill me up.

Yesterday I had.

1. Breakfast - Greek 0% fat yoghurt, one apple and one plum with cinnamon. Black coffee.

2. Lunch - Black coffee and LL cranberry bar.

3. Mid afternoon - Tea with soya milk. One plum and one satsuma.

4. Dinner- Green salad, tomatoes and 100g prawns with low fat thousand island dressing. Sugar free jelly with one satsuma and 2 plums.

5. Late - LL mushroom soup.


Happy in my own skin
Ps Sean or Mel, I've tried to find the post about frozen summer fruits but can't find it, any info?


Happy in my own skin
A little bit of musing here for me this morning. I've been pondering the fact that I've not really been challenged as far as food goes. Or at least I don't feel challenged at the moment. Everything seems all a bit surreal, like food is not bothering me, is not a temptation, like I'm some sort of stepford wife with no thoughts or feelings. Is that odd? I wonder if I'm actually learning anything as I have not been able to put into practice all he knowledge I've accumulated over the past few months re crooked thoughts, adult/child ego states etc. I know that most of my eating in the past has been at times I've felt in crisis or under pressure and to be honest I've not had any major or even minor blips in my life for a good while.

Possibly I've eaten in the past when I've felt under pressure or in crisis and that carried on as a habit into non crisis times. So I will just have to wait until some life even comes up to challenge my thinking and see if I'm able to put into practice what I've learned. How odd, to be looking forward to some sort of crisis....maybe I need more help than I first thought....:O

Anyone else felt like that during the process?
Hi Morticia,

Your not alone on that one and I am battling with exactly that thing at the moment. I am supposed to be on 2 meals, snacks & 2 packs and I just can't manage it. I just don't feel hungry and have been battling to hit the 1300 calorie mark that I think I should be on now. I have my weigh in tonight and am starting week 7. I know I have lost weight this past week and more than just the 2lbs I put on while on holiday. My home scales tell me I weigh less than I did before my hols and size 10's are fitting comfortably (12s too big now).

I'm going to have a word with my LLC tonight and will let you know if she has any suggestions/advice.

For the frozen summer berries - all I do is defrost about 80g in the microwave, which heats them up a bit, add some splenda to remove the bitterness and then put on top of the LL porridge ... Yummy! I also sometimes have them with fromage frais after dinner.



Happy in my own skin
So today I had.

1. Breakfast - Greek FF yoghurt, 1 apple, 1 plum and cinnamon. black coffee.

2. Mid-morning - 1 apple

3. Lunch - LL cranberry bar, black coffee.

4. Mid -afternoon - 1 Apple, 1 Satsuma.

5. Dinner - Roast breast chicken in weight watchers pasta sauce with veg. Sugar free jelly with 1 plum, 1 apple and 1 satsuma.

6. Late - 1 sugar free jelly with one plum and 1 satsuma. Black coffee.

Gosh it's only with writing this down I can see how much fruit I've eaten today. Probably did not need the last snack and feel full now, only had it because I thought I was not eating enough. I really should ignore that and just eat if I'm hungry. I have not had my last pack today as I'm too full.
Hi M :)

Looks like you are doing great! Logging food is a good exercise and we get a much clearer picture then we do when we store all the info in our heads. Its a good idea. :)

I agree to , to always be prepared and not get caught out. SOmeimte then you have no choice but to make a bad choice. Easier siad then done some days - but most days if planned out, it all goes to plan.

Well done you! Keep at it - you are doing great! :)



Happy in my own skin
Thanks for the input BL. As always you speak much sense...:)

Today has been much the same as before only I added in my second meal, nothing too exciting as I was a twork so I had prawn salad and tonight as I was rushing out to meet my husband for coffee (life has been so busy we have had to arrange a coffee at starbucks to get together) so anyway, just had a grilled chicken salad with balsamic. Had my bar when I was out to coffee but still to have my last pack and just don't want it. I don't feel hungry and feel greedy having something when I'm not hungry as I'm trying to listen to my body. Total calories today was 750, which is roughly what I've been having.


Happy in my own skin
Yesterday was another good day, though the scales show a 1lb weight gain. I'm hoping it's just fluid retention.

1. Breakfast - LL cranberry bar, black coffee.

2. Mid Morning - 1 Apple, black coffee

3. Lunch - LL mushroom soup, green salad, cherry tomatoes, balsamic vinigar. Black coffee.

4. Tea break - 2 Apples.

5. Dinner - Out to dinner with friends, Had Starter of smoked salmon with pickled cucumber, asked for lemon oil to be left off and no soda bread. Mains was seared tuna with grilled plum tomatoes and rocket salad no dressing and asked to leave off the pesto, added in some plain cauliflower and green beans. No dessert though they did look fab, I was still not really tempted, had decaf coffee and resisted the tablet. Felt really full with all that. Usually I would have had dessert and some of the tablet. Now I wonder where I put it all as my poor stomach could not have handled any more.

So all in all I'm feeling quite good and in control. Had to be assertive and send back my tuna as it came at first with pesto, but I'm quite good at being firm. In the past I would have just eaten it even though I'd asked for it without the pesto.

Hope everyone is having a good start to their weekend.
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.... I was rushing out to meet my husband for coffee (life has been so busy we have had to arrange a coffee at starbucks to get together) ....
Sounds like your life very similar to mine. I did the same with my OH this week! We have been like ships that pass in the night recently.

Today is our anniversary and we are fortunate that two of the kids are at a brownie sleepover and a friend took pity on us and invited the third for a sleepover. We have a whole child-free evening ahead of us. LOL - we don't know quite what to do with ourselves. Nice meal out is not an option, so looks like we're heading for the cinema. I read The Time-Travellers Wife earlier in the year - and its just arrived on the big screen so that would be good to see. xx
No dessert though they did look fab, I was still not really tempted, had decaf coffee and resisted the tablet. Felt really full with all that. Usually I would have had dessert and some of the tablet.
Well done on the eating out choices. Sounds yummy! Tablet is a frequent coffee accompaniment at the places I have been too. It was tough to resist to start with, but now its easy and I have even stopped feeling like I have to foist it onto the kids (although they would always happily devour it of course).

And quite right to send back the pesto dish. I recently sent back some water that had a lemon slice and ice in it, despite me being very specific about it coming without. The diet is making me more assertive as I am so determined so stay with it. Good thing too I say.xx

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