So here I am again.... but this time with a new attitude and view on life. Brief history - normal weight kid, chubby teen, lost weight late teens by basically starving myself slowly gained weight through my 20's, late 20s hit 16 stone, started food replacement, lost 7 stone very quickly, with no exercise and by again... pretty much starving myself, but this time it was ok because it was a diet plan... right?... hmm, thought woohoo Im skinny, started to eat actually food again, gained a stone, lost a stone, gained a stone and a half, lost a stone, gained 2 stone, lost half a stone, gained another stone, kept gaining until within 2 years I was back up to 16 stone but if you take into consideration the weight I lost of all those gains and regained again, I probably gained 10 stone in 2 years, my weight was up and down like a yoyo, but everytime I looked at the scales and saw half a stone gain or a stone gain, I would say "ohhh its ok, I can lose that in a week or two, no biggie" but then food replacement got harder and harder to start, the way they made me feel got worse, until I just couldn't last a day let alone 2 weeks doing them and you know what, it destroyed my metabolism and my attitude towards food and being healthy. I honestly thought the only way I would lose weight was to restrict what I ate drastically! And yes I did lose weight, I lost it fast but I also gained it again fast. The change came when I yet again came back to food replacement, I lost over a stone... gained a stone and a half in 2 weeks off the diet, 2 weeks... I came back to try again, I felt dizzy, I felt weak, I felt ill and I sat and thought about what I had done to myself over the time I did food replacement, to lose 7 stone, I had passed out twice, I had been forced to sit down or lean against a wall in the middle of the street until the dizziness went, I had to cut my hair because the lack of food made it fall out... my hair fell out and alarm bells didn't ring... what was wrong with me.. it was ok because everyones hair would "shred" it wasn't ok. So 4 weeks ago I changed, I sat and watched countless videos on youtube about calories, food, exercise etc and I started counting calories, weighing my food, pre planning what I was going to eat for the day, doing exercise, my 3rd weigh in was on Saturday and I have lost 7lbs, part of me was thinking "ohhhh could of done that in a week on total food replacement" but I did it while eating and eating a mixture of food, I did have days where I ate chips and a burger, but instead of having a huge plate of chips, I weighed out how many I could have, instead of having a beef burger with cheese, I had a grilled chicken breast with salad burger, I had a bit of cake, if I had enough calories for that day, I made choices of what I could and couldn't have based on what I had eaten that day. I started to exercise, it started with 2k dog walks, they are now up to 3 or 4k a day depending how much time I have, but I do walk every single day, rain or shine, no excuses, I always find time, I also dragged the exercise bike out of the garage and 4 times a week, I set it up, get the lap top open, go on youtube and do a spin class, the first time I did it, I honestly thought I was going to die, I had to slow down or use less tension just to get through it and yes I did miss bits out but now I can do the whole video without missing any parts out, so next I am going to try and do a harder video once or twice a week and just keep building on my fitness, I'm not saying I am ever going to be the type of person who goes to the gym every day but I am going to make sure I do 3 or 4 days of exercise that makes me sweat a week from now on. How I eat now I could happily live with, yes I am saying no to eating out or take aways or alcohol at the moment but once I am down to weight I can have the odd treat as long as the rest of the time I eat healthy. Oh and I used to set myself these insane goals of when I wanted to be a certain weight by... and when I didn't hit that goal, I would get so down on myself I would go and stuff my face, no more goals, well no that's not true... but my goals are improve fitness, increase difficulty of spin classes, walk further and faster etc, so different types of goals. Well done to anyone who got to the end of my ramblings without losing interest lol. As of my last weigh in I was 14 stone 10lbs.