My "fad/crash diet rehab" diary - 2 stone gone, 3 to go

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by Escapade, 10 March 2014.

  1. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    So here I am again.... but this time with a new attitude and view on life.

    Brief history - normal weight kid, chubby teen, lost weight late teens by basically starving myself :( slowly gained weight through my 20's, late 20s hit 16 stone, started food replacement, lost 7 stone very quickly, with no exercise and by again... pretty much starving myself, but this time it was ok because it was a diet plan... right?... hmm, thought woohoo Im skinny, started to eat actually food again, gained a stone, lost a stone, gained a stone and a half, lost a stone, gained 2 stone, lost half a stone, gained another stone, kept gaining until within 2 years I was back up to 16 stone but if you take into consideration the weight I lost of all those gains and regained again, I probably gained 10 stone in 2 years, my weight was up and down like a yoyo, but everytime I looked at the scales and saw half a stone gain or a stone gain, I would say "ohhh its ok, I can lose that in a week or two, no biggie" but then food replacement got harder and harder to start, the way they made me feel got worse, until I just couldn't last a day let alone 2 weeks doing them and you know what, it destroyed my metabolism and my attitude towards food and being healthy. I honestly thought the only way I would lose weight was to restrict what I ate drastically! And yes I did lose weight, I lost it fast but I also gained it again fast.

    The change came when I yet again came back to food replacement, I lost over a stone... gained a stone and a half in 2 weeks off the diet, 2 weeks... I came back to try again, I felt dizzy, I felt weak, I felt ill and I sat and thought about what I had done to myself over the time I did food replacement, to lose 7 stone, I had passed out twice, I had been forced to sit down or lean against a wall in the middle of the street until the dizziness went, I had to cut my hair because the lack of food made it fall out... my hair fell out and alarm bells didn't ring... what was wrong with me.. it was ok because everyones hair would "shred" it wasn't ok.

    So 4 weeks ago I changed, I sat and watched countless videos on youtube about calories, food, exercise etc and I started counting calories, weighing my food, pre planning what I was going to eat for the day, doing exercise, my 3rd weigh in was on Saturday and I have lost 7lbs, part of me was thinking "ohhhh could of done that in a week on total food replacement" but I did it while eating and eating a mixture of food, I did have days where I ate chips and a burger, but instead of having a huge plate of chips, I weighed out how many I could have, instead of having a beef burger with cheese, I had a grilled chicken breast with salad burger, I had a bit of cake, if I had enough calories for that day, I made choices of what I could and couldn't have based on what I had eaten that day. I started to exercise, it started with 2k dog walks, they are now up to 3 or 4k a day depending how much time I have, but I do walk every single day, rain or shine, no excuses, I always find time, I also dragged the exercise bike out of the garage and 4 times a week, I set it up, get the lap top open, go on youtube and do a spin class, the first time I did it, I honestly thought I was going to die, I had to slow down or use less tension just to get through it and yes I did miss bits out but now I can do the whole video without missing any parts out, so next I am going to try and do a harder video once or twice a week and just keep building on my fitness, I'm not saying I am ever going to be the type of person who goes to the gym every day but I am going to make sure I do 3 or 4 days of exercise that makes me sweat a week from now on.

    How I eat now I could happily live with, yes I am saying no to eating out or take aways or alcohol at the moment but once I am down to weight I can have the odd treat as long as the rest of the time I eat healthy.

    Oh and I used to set myself these insane goals of when I wanted to be a certain weight by... and when I didn't hit that goal, I would get so down on myself I would go and stuff my face, no more goals, well no that's not true... but my goals are improve fitness, increase difficulty of spin classes, walk further and faster etc, so different types of goals.

    Well done to anyone who got to the end of my ramblings without losing interest lol.

    As of my last weigh in I was 14 stone 10lbs.
    Last edited: 17 June 2014
  2. Llamasoks

    Llamasoks Well-Known Member

    Hi Hun,

    We're doing different diets, but your way of starting is SO similar to mine, I starved myself for about a moth and as half and lost 4 stone, put it all back on , starved again etc, until I started SW. I just wanted to pop in and wish you all the luck in the world. I don't know you personally but I am so proud of the way you're doing things, you will be so much healthier in the long run which means you're more likely to keep it off.

    Whilst I can't offer advise on calorie counting etc, it looks like you're doing amazingly, and not depriving yourself either, just making changed, your levels of exercise are impressive, and you're so determined.

    Good luck with your journey :D
  3. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    Thanks hun.

    Well today was my 1 month weigh in and I have lost 12 lbs in the first month, amazed with that to be honest! I have only ever lost that kind of weight by doing food replacement! Having a well earned glass of wine tonight (still within calorie allowance haha)

    The exercise is still going well, although having a day off that today as well, still doing my walks and spin.

    I said I wasn't going to set myself goals but I am secretly hoping for 2lbs off next week to get the first stone gone.

    I honestly can not believe how easy I am finding this, I eat super healthy breakfast and lunch and then by just making a few adjustments Im having meals I like for dinner still but just changing a few things to make them more healthy and it really is working, the exercise gets easier every time I do it, I used to say I hated exercise, that comes from school and being forced to do sports I hated, was rubbish at in front of girls who were super sporty and would make fun of those of us who wasn't so good, I've found something I can do, that makes me sweat, burns calories and I actually enjoy, I like seeing my improvements each week.

    I've been thinking about how I am going to get to goal and my eating habits, at the moment I am eating calories based on losing 2lbs a week, I am losing more then that most weeks at the moment though but I know that will slow but I am going to keep eating this amount of calories until I get down to 11 and a half stone, which is my starting to feel comfortable with how I look weight, no where near happy but I can wear clothes I like and I don't feel like a big fat lump, so once I get to 11 and a half stone I am going to up my calories to try and lose 1.5lbs a week, I will do that for 6 weeks, then up them again to try and lose 1lb a week and that's where I will stay until I get to 10 stone, once I get to 10 stone, I will up my calories again to try and lose half a pound a week, hopefully that will help me keep track of what my body actually needs, I may find I stop losing weight at calories to lose 1lb, if that's the case then I will up the exercise or cut back on calories again, either way I need to find a way of gradually upping what I eat so I don't go from cutting back to eating stupid again, Ive set my goal weight at 10 stone but still ideally I would like to be between 9 and a half stone to 10 stone, so if I can lose a few more pounds over a longer amount of time that will be great, if not then I know that's where my calorie intake needs to stay.

    I am also going to religiously weigh myself weekly still, no more half a stone movement, if I gain a pound or two any week other then when its TOTM I will cut back the next week, I have to learn how to eat well for life, not just to lose weight. I think myfitnesspal will be a big part of my life for the foreseeable future, at least until I have managed to maintain for 6 months
  4. 2mnn

    2mnn Well-Known Member

    Yay!!!!!!! Well I must congratulate you on your positive and healthy attitude to food and of course your fantastic weight loss because of this. Surely you have the right idea, retrain your brain and body to be healthy. A whole new way of life to lose weight, feel better about yourself and keep it off.
    Congratulations hun x
  5. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Well-Known Member

    Hi there........hope you don't mind me popping my head round the door :)

    Just wanted to say that I can relate to absolutely everything you have said, apart from the fact that I haven't re-gained the 2.5 stones I lost on CD, just (?) 1.9 stones!!!! It totally screwed with my head and like you say, losing a lb here or there and I'm thinking 'could have done that in a day on CD' Not a healthy attitude to have at all. I am on day 3 of Slimming World and if I just lose 1lb per week then in 23 weeks (September) I will be at my goal of 10 stones and that is my aim.

    Good luck and I will pop in again, to see how you are progressing

  6. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    Thanks 2mnn and Chelsea lou!

    Good luck with slimming world, I have friends who have had great loses on SW.

    Last week I had a pound loss, so still chasing my first stone lost! Hopefully this week I will do it!

    One big change I have noticed is before if I cheated I would think "well that's it... today is lost, might as well just eat whatever I want for dinner" and then that would turn into "well this week is lost, might as well eat what I want for the rest of the week" but the other day I went to a friends house and ended up having cake and biscuits for lunch, I came home and worked it all out, I had pretty much no calories left lol, so instead of thinking all is lost, I made myself a big plate of salad with 100g of chicken breast and ended the day only 50 calories over goal, this is what I need to learn to do every day, if I know Im going to have a naughty dinner or just a dinner that's quite high in calories, then I need to make sure I don't snack during the day, do a bit of exercise and pick super healthy breakfast and lunch, I think... that's what slim people do without even realising it!

    Heres to a good loss this week, fingers crossed I get my first stone gone. I am also measuring at next weigh in, haven't measured since I started the diet, my plan is to measure myself every 6 weeks, so fingers crossed I have kissed goodbye to some inches as well.
  7. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Well-Known Member

    That's fantastic that you really thought about it all and saved the day and possibly the week. My problem has always been just the same. One naughty thing and then the sod if fairy taps me on the shoulder and I end up blowing it big time, feeling a failure and giving up!!! I will remind myself of your post in future when I think I have blown it!! Hope you get that lb loss that takes you to a stone. Such a big difference in how you look and feel when you can say you've lost a stone. A dress size down for one thing. :D
  8. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    I think at the moment Im too big for a stone to be a noticeable difference, it will probably take another stone for it to become really noticeable but I can see a difference in how my clothes fit, I think after gaining so much so quickly, I was still in denial and squeezing myself into clothes a bit too small haha but they fit better now. But when I get down to around 12 stone, I notice a big difference with every half stone I lose, like I notice it in my face and belly when I go from 12 stone to 11 and a half stone, got a way to go until Im back to that weight though but hey ho, hopefully I'll be there before this year is out.

    I've got 3 months until my husband is back and its so much easier to be really strict when he isn't around tempting me with meals out and wine! If I can manage to lose a stone every 6 weeks, I could have lost another 2 stone by the time he is back, which would be amazing!
  9. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    Lost 1.5lbs this week so done my first stone, yaaaayyyyy!!

    Also did measurements and in 6 weeks I have lost 3.5 inches from my waist, 2 inches from my chest, 2 inches from my hips, 1.5inches from each thigh and half an inch from each arm.

    Pretty happy with that, off out tonight for a friends birthday party so going to try and be really good and not pick from the buffet, already had my dinner and have 200 calories left, so that will be a couple of glasses of wine, then mothers day meal tomorrow... eeek this weekend could be a difficult one!
  10. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    Had to quick peak at the scales this morning to see what damage I had done over the weekend, 1lb gain, so not the worse, but with only losing 1lb or 1.5lb for the past couple of weeks, I could be looking at a STS this week, not ideal but better then a gain, going to up the exercise again this week to see if I can get a loss no matter how small, half a pound would be better then STS.

    Things like this are just even more proof to me that my change in diet is the right thing for me, if I had a weekend off of food replacement I wouldn't of tried to limit the damage, I would of gone full hog and had the things I had of been craving and I also had been known to gain anything between 5lbs and 7lbs just in one weekend off plan and I would be feeling really down on myself.

    I'm looking at booking a nice holiday in September for me and my husband, with him being away for most of this year (he is in the Army not in jail or anything dodgy haha) we're going to have missed both our birthdays, Christmas, new years, so I thought it would be really nice for us to spend a week or two away somewhere sunny and a bit fancy to make up for everything else and all the time apart, so that will be in around 5 months, I know I said no goals but if I could get into the 11s by then that would be amazing and I wouldn't feel like a total whale in a swimming costume, I really wish I was more confident, I often see ladies my size or even bigger in bikinis but I just couldn't do it, I feel so self conscious, Im not saying I would be in a string bikini and I wouldn't be prancing around but the last time we went away I was around 15 stone and I didn't even like walking from the sun lounger to the pool, so it would be great to feel a bit more confident, I would probably still wear a full swimming costume or tankini but I would still feel less self conscious and instead of getting dressed to walk around and would just put a sarong on.
  11. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    Another sneaky peak at the scales this morning after being extra good yesterday and that pesky pound has gone again, phew, no more weighing until weigh day though as I can become a little obsessed with the scales.

    Been really good today as well, trying to cut back the calories to make up for two days of going over my calories. This month is going to be a hard one, have another birthday party and a christening, thankfully I seem to have lost my like of alcohol, I find it too sweet, same with diet coke and any fizzy drinks, I drink mainly water and the occasional glass of orange squash, so this has obviously changed my tastes towards all drinks, I used to drink a few glasses of coke a day before, so its only a good thing that I no longer like the taste.

    Ive also found I actually really enjoy salads... who woulda thought it! Helped with lighter then light 10cal a table spoon mayo but I can happily eat a chicken salad or jacket potato and salad now, before salad had to be hidden amongst other food... ie in a burger haha.
  12. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Well-Known Member

    A holiday sounds fab and something to aim for. Well done on hauling back that small gain. I have been following slimming world for 12 days now and lost a measly 1lb for all my efforts. Feeling really cheesed off :(
  13. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    I think I would be a bit pee'ed off with 1lb in 12 days too :( but its better then gaining or staying the same. How about following SW but using myfitnesspal at the same time? I used myfitnesspal to log what I eat and that's been really working for me, it does include measuring but it might help you shift a bit more weight?
  14. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Well-Known Member

    I have mfp and might give that a go. Thanks :)

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using mobile app
  15. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    Still plodding along, trying hard to stop myself from setting myself weight loss goals Im going to struggle to reach, but with being so close to getting back into the 13's, I cant help but keep thinking "ohhh just 2 and 3/4 lbs and I would be in the 13s next weigh in" but with me losing 1lb and 1.5lb that last two weeks, I don't think is really something I'd hit and I don't want to start feeling disappointed but it does feel good to be so close to getting into the next stone bracket, then I can start chasing my 2 stone lose.

    For the first time in ages, I am feeling positive that I can get this weight shifted once and for all, for me losing the weight has always been the easy part... its the maintaining, but how I eat now, I am happy with, I quite enjoy my salads and healthy dinners, I don't feel like I am missing out because I do have the odd treat still but I guess only time will tell. My husband is a nightmare for take-aways... but with his job and all the fitness they do, he can get away with it, but Im going to put my foot down, take-aways will become a monthly treat, not a weekly treat! If he wants to drink, then fine, but he will be drinking alone like a loser haha, I don't want alcohol to become something we do most weekends anymore, its just empty calories and I am honestly unhappy when I gain weight.

    On a slightly different subject... I honestly don't get why adults still feel it is acceptable to comment on anothers weight or use it as an insult. My husband was married before, their relationship ended nearly 10 years ago, long before I came along, she was the reason for the breakup, she is with someone else and has two more children, we see my husbands kids as much as possible, we take them on holiday, support them best we can financially and physically, when my husband is home we have the children pretty much the whole of their school holidays and every other weekend, even though it does mean a 5 hour round trip to pick them up and then again to drop them back home, we have paid for school trips, school uniforms, new shoes etc, all on top of the monthly money that goes direct to his ex, which is well above CSA guidance to what should be paid. I've always made the kids welcome, made a real effort with their rooms and making sure they have plenty of things here for them to do, never stopped them from coming here whenever they wanted, even though it can be difficult, I don't tell them off, Im not nasty to them. Yet I log onto my facebook this morning to find yet another barrage of abuse from her in my inbox, I keep blocking her but she keeps making accounts to contact me, pretty much every single insult is about my weight or how I look but mainly my weight and its really really nasty, not just oh you fat cow, its things like "ewww look at you, your so fat, I cant believe he even wants to be seen in public with you" or "ewww you whale, how can he even bare to touch you" its really hard to keep taking this all the time and not let it get me down. Its nothing really to do with my weight loss but I think I just needed a bit of a rant to get it off my chest. I just don't get why people are so nasty to others.
  16. KMD

    KMD Well-Known Member

    Just been reading through your diary. Here to sub, looks like you are doing fantastic! :) xxx
  17. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Well-Known Member

    What a dreadful way for a supposed adult to behave!! She sounds like a very bitter and jealous person who probably can't cope with the fact that her children like you and the welcome you give them when they come and stay with you so she can only attack your weight. Thing is, pretty soon she won't be able to throw that at you. Someone like her doesn't deserve you getting upset. I really hope that all this doesn't throw you off track and that you focus on what you want to achieve. Ignore the silly c*w, she will give up eventually.
  18. KMD

    KMD Well-Known Member

    Just read this and it's really sad to hear. She sounds like a horrible woman! :eek: Please don't let her get you down. And you are doing something about your weight now! I think she's just saying it to be hurtful. God, what an awful thing to say to you. Hope you're ok. And just remember your husband loves you just the way you are now! Her relationship must be really cr** if she has to focus so much energy on yours! xxxx
  19. Escapade

    Escapade Well-Known Member

    It been happening for about 4 years now, at least once a month, she said the same thing when I was 9 stone so I know it isn't really linked to my current weight because shes said the same no matter what size I was, but when shes saying it and im slim, its easier to ignore, but when the insults actually hit home it is difficult to ignore. She has never seen me, so everything she says comes from the kids or what she can see on facebook, which isn't much as my profile is made as secure as possible. I've even got abuse for reading a book on holiday, apparently that was because I was too fat to go swimming, I was a size 10 at the time. Shes around a size 14 herself but even at a size 10 myself I would never throw insults at anyone for their weight or for any reason for that matter. I never reply to her, just block the page shes using, but it does get to you when you have it so often, it also makes me a bit wary around the kids, of what I said, or the conversations they over hear as she obviously quizzes them, my husband says he doesn't think the kids say anything nastily about me... and she just twists what they say innocently but he would say that really wouldn't he!

    She did the same to the girl my husband dated for 2 years before me, so its been going on for a long time, I don't think she will ever stop, I just need to learn to ignore it, when shes back calling me fat when I know Im a couple of stone lighter then her, it will be a bit easier to take again. Shes just a vile person, even the kids comment about how nasty she is, without any pressing from us, when they were little she used to get them to sing a really insulting song about my husbands family, the kids were too young to understand, they just thought it was a funny song but it was really nasty and insulting and the kids would sing it over and over
  20. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Well-Known Member

    You always find with bullies/control freaks that they project all the things they hate about themselves onto other people. She is obviously very unhappy about the way she looks and is trying to deflect that onto you. I almost feel sorry for her. Such a sad person having to take such an interest in your life.......she obviously doesn't have much of one of her own. Head up high Escapade :D

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