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Nasty people!

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
#1
I am on my 3rd week of SW and although i have a long way to go ( 7 stone roughly :( ) i feel im making good progress.
I joined with my sister and she hasnt been doing as well, she lost 1lb the first week STS last week. I feel really bad for her as she has around the same to lose and has the added problems of arthritis due to being born with clubbed feet and high blood pressure so REALLY needs to lose the weight.:sigh:
Her husband is being a total sh*t!!!
He keeps telling her its a waste of a fiver a week as she will never stick to it. He says shes the fattest wife out of all his friends and also as he controls the money ( she cant work due to her condition) he wont give her any towards a bit of extra fruit etc.
I really want to tell him to lay off but as its my brother in law its a real akward situation.
Should I speak to him? :mad:
 
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Eternalflame

Excited about the new me!
#2
Hello.

What a B...d your BIL is, awful man.. You sister is doing really well and has made the effort (unlike him) to do something about the way she feels. Ppl who put other ppl down, do it to make themselfs feels better, low self esteem issues, so he's the one with the problem, not your Sis.

I hope this makes your Sis more determined to do well and to show that waste of space man.

Can she not save some of the shopping money for her weekly fee? I'd talk to him and ask him to give her a chance. If he can't be bothered, then I'd say help your sister with it... if you can, if not, then organise to WI with her weekly after the group at say Boots, so she comes with your for moral support to group?

That way she'll still get to continue, and nothing can stop her then.
 
#3
I'm thinking she could start my losing a average of 11 stone of useless fat without dieting.

on a side note does she claim disability living allowance if not she may be entitled its not based on his wage and she doesn't need to tell him she can have it paid into a account he doesn't know about and save up, spend as she need for her without him bullying her
 
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#4
Your poor sister, I can't stand people like her husband. His job is to be supportive and loving. Stupid bloke!

Could it be a control thing? Sounds weird but I know that sometimes partners like to be seen as the caring one who puts up with problems/disabilities etc but actually don't want their partner to get better because they then lose their status as the hard working hero.:mad:

Personally I would say something to my brother in law but then I'm a loud mouth and it would probably be expected. It's so difficult to know whether to stay quiet, will it make it worse on your sister if he feels you're butting in? You need to think about the consequences on her even if it means biting your tongue when you want to lash out. If you have the sort of relationship where he might listen then go for it and give him a slap at the same time from me.
:8855:
 

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
#5
Lmao at busy mam! she would need to lose around 18 stone of useless skin cos he aint no slim jim himself!
Yeah she gets disability i think but every thing goes in his account - long story but this man has always been an arse!
I have been buying extra fruit and veg etc and telling her ive bulk bought and it will go off so giving her it.
She has been saying she isnt bothered about being overweight but i know thats not true......
Anyone know of any hitmen ;)
 

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
#6
Laura -the temptation for the slap is more powerful than any chocolate!
 
#7
What a mean, horrible man - makes me feel sooo lucky.
Can she get referred to SW by her GP? Save her the weekly cost then which she could put towards fresh food?
I find it hard to believe that someone could be so unsupportive and a total sh*t.
Its so easy for us to say what she should do, but only she can find the strength to stand up to this bully.
x
 
#8
What a great idea going2be... Referral would save any hassle about the money and then when she's looking fabulous and confident she can tell him where to go.:8855:
 
#9
There seems to be a lot more going on here. Why does she not have a bank account of her own? I realise she is not well, but she ought to have her own independence. If the disability money is in her name then she could arrange for it to go into an account she sets up for herself. It is not to late for her to start fighting back.
 

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
#10
I think its just a joint account - of course your right, they have been together about 20 years and she used to stand up to him but now he has worn her down tbh.
He is obviously not liked in our family but she chooses to stay so what else can we do.
I think the referral thing is a great idea but i thought if you had been paying in the last however many months you couldnt get it? need to look into this.
My opinion is he is terrified that if she loses weight she will start living and realise she doesnt need him!
 

malaika

Lover of Extra Easy
#11
I totally agree with what avisk says.
Your sister needs to go and open her own bank account, and have the money going there so she has her own independence.
Perhaps she is too scared to do so, as he may not take it too well!
Obviously, I don't know their personal circumstances, but it is very apparent that this man has the need to control, and it is also obvious that he is a bully.
Depends on his reaction, and you do know him better than any outsider, I would speak to him, but not if it will make it worse for your sister.
People like him make me really mad. It's so easy to bully someone smaller and weaker than himself, but sometimes when they lash back, they are shocked and back down! It would be great if that happened.
Either way, your sister is so lucky to have you to support her, and please continue to do so. If I could I wouldn't just slap him, I would kick him where it would really hurt!
Many hugs from me to you, and your sister xxx
 

*EB*

Gold Member
#12
IMO your sister needs to get rid and get someone who respects her, but i guess thats a perfect world :(

I feel so sorry for her not being able to do anything....

Try a GP referral for SW as someone said - hopefully that will help.

Is she following it to the t? i want her to lose loads of weight and show her nasty bag of washing hubbie it DOES work...

Grrr....i am an angry bear now! x
 

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
#13
Thanks guys - I will ALWAYS be there to support her no matter what she chooses.
He is a very difficult man and to me the way to shut him up is to do this, lose weight and rub his nose in it!
She seems so defeated though - her attitude is why bother when he already thinks so little of her ( wrong in my opinion - although my hubby doesnt care about my weight im doing this for me!)
 

Shrinking_Bev

Likes to eat.........alot
#15
I'm thinking she could start my losing a average of 11 stone of useless fat without dieting.
:8855:You beat me to it! lol

What a lovely man your BIL is :(

I know what I would do if she were my sister, but I don't suppose squeezing (or kicking, take you pick) a blokes wedding tackle is for everyone :rolleyes: I wouldn't be able to sit back and say nothing though, that's for sure :(
 

Circes

Strutting her stuff
#16
Lots of good advice here and I do agree. Personally I think it would be a mistake to speak directly to him as he will only see you as interfering and then likely take it out on her. I think you need to empower your sister to take charge of the situation herself.
 

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
#17
Good point Circes - Power to the slimmers!!!
 
#18
Very interesting thread & lots of lovely helpful comments.

My thoughts are, your sister could plan her food first when buying the shopping making sure she has all her SW food she needs. Lets remember SW is versatile & the whole family can eat the same meals. She can start making SW friendly meals for them both. I appreciate fruit & veg is expensive. What I do to keep the cost down is buy frozen fruit, Sainsbury's do their own for £1 pack & farmfoods also do cheap frozen fruit. She could buy veg frozen as well this will keep the cost down & also minimum waste. I love all fruit & veg so when shopping I buy what's in season (usually cheaper) or whatever is on offer.

What's apparent is your sister is in a relationship which isn't going to change so she has to make the most of it.

Please let us all know how she is getting on.
 

moomintrolljen

Will be thin god dammit!!
#19
We weigh in tomorrow night so i'll keep you all posted - good thoughts from you all x
 
#20
Just a quick reply, have not read pp so forgive me for repeating, my sister is mid divorce from what sounds like your bil's twin!!
Tell your sis this from me.....
SUCSESS IS THE BEST FORM OF REVENGE.
AND SOMETIMES FAT GUYS DONT WANT THEIR OH'S GETTING SLIMMER CUZ IT JUST POINTS OUT THAT THEYRE STILL FAT
it's probably an insecurity with him that she will be thin and leave him, just like my sis is doing now....I just wish i could get mine to SW with me... She overate as a symptom of being with a t*** man wish her all the best and why not let her log on here too and see your concerns and the replys to your post x
 


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