Negative Remarks

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by zeke, 1 May 2011 Social URL.

  1. zeke

    zeke Gold Member

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    I know it won't be long now before my weight-loss becomes noticeable to everyone.

    As I am a bit of a yo-yo dieter I have realised I have sub-consciously divided the people I know into three groups:

    1. People I will happily tell I have started SW and won't make any negative comments and won't make me feel like 'here we go again!'. (only a few people now as even I feel like 'here we go again!')

    2. People who I will happily share info if they ask me when noticing I have started losing weight. I appreciate their positive comments and I know they won't say anything negative.

    3. People who I dread noticing I have lost weight because they either go OTT and start asking me about it all the time or use it as an excuse to make back-handed comments/comment on how fat I was etc or somehow manage to give a compliment that doesn't feel like one (someone else could say exactly the same thing and it wouldn't feel that way...).

    The vast majority of people I know fall into group 2.

    The ILs fall into group 3 without a doubt. I am now find myself dreading when they notice and start commenting - which will be within the next few months.

    Do you have any 'group 3' people? How do you cope with them?

    Last time I lost weight :)sigh:) I was very vague with them about how I did it (said things like stopped drinking or had more time to exercise recently) and just smiled and tried to change the subject rapidly.
     
    Last edited: 1 May 2011
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  3. Sleepy59

    Sleepy59 Full Member

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    I know what you mean. I have decided this time I'm just going to say that I am being careful what I eat and that I'm exercising. Hopefully that will stop them going on.
     
  4. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    Have One group 3 in particular. Says 'wow you've lost loads of weigh round your hips'. translation - 'your arse used to be massive' or 'shame the rest of you is still lardy' .

    Partly its me - she is basically not a nice person ( girlfriend of one of OH friends so someone i have to tolerate) so i expect any comment to mean something else!

    Partly its her being a bit jealous of anyone being in control of their weight. She is overweight herself and ttc ( in a completely underhand way by flushing her pill and hoping her OH doesn't notice) but nothing doing.

    Have not made any suggestions on weight loss to her as have no desire to be complicit in her entrapment plan.

    I have learned to ignore her now. She is unimportant in the grand scheme of things
    I do not care about her's or anyone elses
    opinion of me anymore. I'm doing this for me & no one else!
     
  5. zeke

    zeke Gold Member

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    Let's hope so! I think it is a good tactic - giving as little information as possible.

    That's exactly the kind of comment that I mean! :mad:. I don't particulary want to talk to these type of people let alone have an assess my figure openly.

    That's exactly the way to be!

    I wish I could be. It's not that I really care what these people think at all. I just don't want to have to be polite while they force their opinion on me.

    When I lost weight after having my baby (back to pre-preg by 5 months) PIL told me that 'they were really pleased'. Which sounds harmless enough but....it just sounded really odd and hollow. They had obviously been discussing it then and wanted me to know that and they weren't pleased for me but for them...because their DIL wasn't embarrassingly overweight anymore?

    HA! I sound really oversensitive. I guess I am just talking about people who you have overwhelming evidence that they fall into the 'passive aggressive' bracket.
     
    Last edited: 1 May 2011
  6. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    I tell very few people that I am following SW (full blood rellies and 1 neighbour only lol) I haven't even told anyone at work and they don't ask. Nobody's business what I put in my body. If anyone at work asked I would say I had cut down on eating crap or started exercising.

    There was a thread recently on which people said that they were always being asked, "Should you be eating that cheese triangle" etc. It would drive me mad lol so I keep my cards close to my chest.
     
  7. letsgetlosing

    letsgetlosing Full Member

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    I have to be honest and say when people who have noticed that I have lost weight find out im on slimming world, they kind of just give a nod and say well done. Now, that was a different story when I lost 3 stone on Atkins diet. When they noticed, they looked shocked when I said Atkins and then came the jellyfish comments like, 'careful not to loose too much off your face, it can looked haggard..'!
     
  8. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    I would be tempted to backfoot the compliment
    "You smell nice today...are you wearing perfume?"
    "I see you're wearing your favourite top...again"
    "You think I've lost weight? I never notice these things"
     
  9. auntynet

    auntynet Full Member

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    Just tell them you've cut out some of the rubbish you eat and have switched to a few low-fat options then carry on with something like "Its amazing what difference a few healthy choices can make, isn't it?" that way you can almost force them to say something positive. ;)
     
  10. TRICKYTREE

    TRICKYTREE Full Member

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    If anyone asks how I lost my weight I reply that if I had a cream cake on one hand and an apple in the other, before I chose the cake and now I choose the apple....it isn't rocket science just common sense...usually works for me!!!!
    I also explain that before I wasn't mentally ready to lose weight. This time I am...
    Good luck......and I struggled with nice comments of which I wasn't used to!!
    xx
     
  11. zeke

    zeke Gold Member

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    Good ideas!

    I thought about this a bit more whilst I was out and really I think the issue is that I don't much like a few people (who have all displayed passive aggressive/manipulative behaviour in the past) and due to circumstances I cannot just not socialise with them.

    These are exactly the people who are likely to make back-handed comments about my weight. I guess I just don't want to share anything personal at all with them and resent that losing weight will almost certainly 'allow' them to see/comment on something personal to me.

    But - hey ho - I guess I will just have to suck it up and get over it!

    It is certainly tempting to be passive-aggressive back :D.
     
  12. blue*smartie

    blue*smartie Blue Rulz

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    I have decided not to be passive aggressive and just go straight for the jugular :p

    I posted a while back about one of my 'friends' making negative comments about my decreasing boobage (shrivelling, sagging etc). Last weekend I went out and she was there, several *****y comments were sent my way, with me defending myself yet again :rolleyes:

    I bided my time, then complemented her on her dress and how I would like to borrow it, and what size was it? Her reply- 'a size 16' I replied sweetly 'oh thats a shame I'm a 14', which resulted in her lips doing a rather fantastic impression of a cats bum :cool: But it seems to have worked as she hasnt made a single negative comment since :D

    I do think I need to find different friends tho, as I shouldnt have to respond to *****y comments with an even *****ier reply ....... *sighs*
     
  13. zeke

    zeke Gold Member

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    Love it blue*smartie! Well done!

    I think the only thing that will really get the 'cat's bum face' longterm from my passive aggressive peeps is to get to my ideal weight, keep it off and look fab :D. That will probably piss them right off!
     
  14. kingleds

    kingleds Gold Member

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    PMSL!!! Can't wait to get to this point!
     
  15. blue*smartie

    blue*smartie Blue Rulz

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    Thats the spirit Zeke :D
     
  16. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    Yaay! That's my girl :clap:


    Zeke - if these negative people ask you if you have lost weight, you could just say "No." That will bamboozle them hehe.
     
  17. takemedrunkimhome

    takemedrunkimhome Full Member

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    Yes I have a few people like this and one person in particular says hi slim every time she sees me. I get the impression she is taking the p**s but she could just be trying to encourage me to keep going I don't know.

    The other thing that I have found is some people who haven't seen me in ages will say wow you look good and they really notice a difference that I have lost weight but then I get people who have not seen me in months and months who don't say a word. I find that strange I don't know if it's a jealously thing or perhaps it's more of a reflection on me that I am always looking for people to say something about my weight loss :lost:
     
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  19. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    At the end of the day we are all losing weight for our own health and happiness. We are not going to stop just because there are some eejits about.

    We will just have to rise above it. Go us! :party0011:
     
  20. Sleepy59

    Sleepy59 Full Member

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    Exactly, I am losing weight for me and no one else. It doesn't matter what anyone else says - I will suceed.

    I know my husband loves me as I am but he is supporting me all the way.
     
  21. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    I've posted about this friend of mine before, so sorry if you're reading it again.
    She's doing SW, but the menu version of it, as in, taking the bits that suit her and just eating what she wants the rest of the time. I've now lost more weight than her, even though hands up I've been bold along the way. I know I've a gain or a sts coming up, cos I'm not on plan, but with the increase in exercise, the weight is coming off at the mo. But she is "doing it 100%" (ahem!) and nobody can recognise her cos she looks so young. She's a dress size down and everyone just keeps telling her how fab she looks, and on and on and on it goes.

    Anyhow, out last weekend, I'd a lovely dress on me, feeling great and her only comments to me were "God, you can see the weight off your boobs, they look nice in that dress now":mad: and "What are you actually doing cos I'm doing so well, but I just can't get this last half stone off me. But you do have more to lose than me..."

    Bite the tongue, bite the tongue...
     
  22. zeke

    zeke Gold Member

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    You did very well biting you tongue with that shocker curvesandcurls.

    I have since read online that some people hate their weight loss to be acknowledged at all as they don't want anyone commenting on their weight (it was a blog - I did a search for stuff like this!). Maybe the people you meet that don't say anything, Scottish Bride, are mindful of that? They may not have even registered that you had any weight to lose at all...
     
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