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New Surname Dilemma - Resolved :)

KittyB

Gold Member
#1
Just wondering if anyone else is deliberating over taking their husbands surname?
Well, I guess I'm actually wondering what others thoughts are on this tradition is in general?

My H2B wants me to take his name, I've always been fairly independant, and feel (I can't describe well why) that my surname is also important to me.
Anyways, I offered up some middle ground with double barrelling our names..and it's gone down like a lead balloon. :sigh:

Any thoughts and reasoning would be very welcome
:)

K xxx
 
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DQ

Queen of the Damned
#2
Hiya

Second marriage and I ended up doing the double-barrelled thing. The main reason was because of my children from the first marriage - keeping the surname maintained a link that they needed, sort of the bridge between the families...

You need to decide why it's so important to you before you can explain why it's iportant to him.

Good luck honey ;)
 

dizzy-n-mizzy

Not dieting ATM!
#3
Hi Kitty

My personal preference is definitely with tradition and taking H2B's name. Especially if you plan having children.

It can be a good idea to keep the maiden name for work though when you have built up an occupation.

I thought taking hubbies name was exciting especially as we had lived together for years already. It was about the only change for us after getting married and felt nice.

Hope you come to a decision you and H2B are happy with.

Dizzy xx
 
S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#4
My daughter had my maiden name as I was a single parent back in 1980 when she was born and she didn't want to change it when I got married.

When she got married herself, her husband took HER name: how's that for turning tradition on it's head!
 

KittyB

Gold Member
#5
Thanks DQ. :)
If I'm honest, I've spent most of my life being under the cloud of TA's 'critical parent'.
Always being told how I will be doing things, without any explanation...just that 'It will be that way'
I almost feel that I've come so far in the last 2 1/2 years that I want to be able to make my decisions without being forced into what's acceptable.

Wow RD, that's a real turn around in tradition! Can just see my h2b's reaction if I suggested that. :D

He's pulled the usual lines about, I should take his name, and he wants to be traditional....so I asked why so traditional now, we already live together, and if we were to go with tradition then we'd live apart until we were married LOL
 

KittyB

Gold Member
#6
Hi Dizzy,
The work side of things is def an issue for me, and part of the reason why I would feel comfortable with joining the 2 names.

He just thinks I'm being stubborn, and if I'm honest, I guess I am.....but if I am then surely he is too?

He's suggested I double barrell and he keep his own name....but I've already been told by a family member, that they don't care what I call myself, as far as they are concerned I'm Mrs S..... I know it was partly said in jest, but it feels like another example...of how 'stupid I can be'

Blimey, guess there's more lying under this than I realised :S
 

spudsbit

Full Member
#7
Ah sweetheart......

It is a very hard one..... Who was it who said 'you'll be Mrs S'..... i'll sort them out.

I totally understand about the name thing..... mine is very important to me and i hate my name being shortened. If i can offer a definitive oppinion, I think both of you should double barrel it. It's like joining of two individuals into one partnership, and any children will be the link to both families. Tell C how important it is to you and why - and recognise that his is important to him and that's why the double barrel will be special to you as a couple.....

Plus i doubt that anyone in either families will have done it before..... so how special will that be

Sorry I can't be more help
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#8
He's suggested I double barrel and he keep his own name....
That's what we did - DH kept his name, and I just double barrelled mine :cool: Our daughter has his surname though - don't think DH would be too cool with his ickle angel having my ex's surname!! :eek:
 

Mini

Administrator
Staff member
S: 18st2lb C: 16st1lb G: 11st2lb Loss: 2st1lb(11.42%)
#10

LENNY4974

Silver Member
S: 15st13lb G: 10st7lb
#11
Hi,

Second marriage for me and I took DH's surname - mainly because he didn't want me keeping the ex's name;). I didn't have a problem with this as someone said earlier - as we already lived together it was the only thing that changed after we married.

A friend of ours is getting married this weekend and as she is a solicitor she is keeping her name for work only and taking his name for everything else. He is happy with this too.

Good luck with your decision whatever it may be.
 
#12
Ah sweetheart......

It is a very hard one..... Who was it who said 'you'll be Mrs S'..... i'll sort them out.
The other Mrs' S :D ;)

I totally understand about the name thing..... mine is very important to me and i hate my name being shortened. If i can offer a definitive oppinion, I think both of you should double barrel it. It's like joining of two individuals into one partnership, and any children will be the link to both families. Tell C how important it is to you and why - and recognise that his is important to him and that's why the double barrel will be special to you as a couple.....

Plus i doubt that anyone in either families will have done it before..... so how special will that be

Sorry I can't be more help
Thank you :) Last night became very 'difficult' .....I hadn't realised how deep feelings ran for both of us.
It seemed the only compromise would be his name....or his name!!! but I'm hoping we've worked through that now.

That's what we did - DH kept his name, and I just double barrelled mine :cool: Our daughter has his surname though - don't think DH would be too cool with his ickle angel having my ex's surname!! :eek:
This is interesting as it really was a key point in our discussions last night. It's tricky because I've never seen myself having children, but did factor last night.

H2B used this as an argument for us having the same name, which seemed strange as H2B and his sister both have their mothers name and not their dad's.

I found this on the subject which makes for interesting reading.

To Keep Or Not To Keep Your Maiden Name - On Balance



:D
Thanks Mini :)

Hi,

Second marriage for me and I took DH's surname - mainly because he didn't want me keeping the ex's name;). I didn't have a problem with this as someone said earlier - as we already lived together it was the only thing that changed after we married.

A friend of ours is getting married this weekend and as she is a solicitor she is keeping her name for work only and taking his name for everything else. He is happy with this too.

Good luck with your decision whatever it may be.
This is also a definite option. I just wonder if it will satisfy the side of me that seems to be so damn stubborn at the moment!! LOL

Maybe reading this may help with your decision.

Changing Your Name When You Get Married - A Guide For Brides on Taking His Name, Keeping Your Own Name, and Options In-Between

..although now I've read through it, you have probably thought through all these points already.

Dizzy x
thanks Dizzy :) I've been giggling at the thought of creating a new name from our two!!!

K xxx
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#13
If you make up some good ones, share them with us!! ;)
 
#14
If you make up some good ones, share them with us!! ;)
Ok... :D

One of H2B's issues with this is that my name - Beavan - is often mistaken for Beava or even Beaver with my scrawly signature....so add to that his surname.

I could well be known as........



Mrs Seymour - Beaver!!!!!!!!!! ROFL

Now what bloke would have a problem with that?! haha

K xxx
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#15
Oh dear!!!! :giggle: :giggle:
 

Dobo

Full Member
S: 12st5lb C: 11st6.5lb G: 10st5lb Loss: 0st12.5lb(7.23%)
#16
I can understand why he might have a problem with this !! LOL. I took my husband's name, never gave it a second thought to be honest, just went with tradition and I have to say my maiden name was much nicer and easier to spell that my married name !
 

pbfhpunk

Full Member
S: 236lb C: 232lb G: 196lb BMI: 42.4 Loss: 4lb(1.69%)
#17
My Fiance changed his name legally several years ago after a fall out with his father and uses his middle name as his surname - he's lucky it's one that suits both! - so I see it as starting a whole new family with a new name ands I kinda like that.

Helen
 
#18
Hi all.....

Thank you all so much for taking time out to reply.

Well...wedding in 37 hours!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!

Have we resolved the issue?...have we heck as like :D


The lovely spudsbit gave us a fantastic insight on Tues night about perspectives on this....and how to deal with the negativity from any family members.

Any bets on getting this resolved by Sat at 2???!!! LOL

K xxx
 

DQ

Queen of the Damned
#20
Good luck for Saturday!! :D

Starlight, you did make me giggle!! :giggle:
 


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