New Surname Dilemma - Resolved :)

Discussion in 'Brides To Be' started by KittyB, 9 July 2007 Social URL.

  1. KittyB

    KittyB Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,916
    Likes Received:
    138
    Diet:
    RC
    Just wondering if anyone else is deliberating over taking their husbands surname?
    Well, I guess I'm actually wondering what others thoughts are on this tradition is in general?

    My H2B wants me to take his name, I've always been fairly independant, and feel (I can't describe well why) that my surname is also important to me.
    Anyways, I offered up some middle ground with double barrelling our names..and it's gone down like a lead balloon. :sigh:

    Any thoughts and reasoning would be very welcome
    :)

    K xxx
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Posts:
    23,285
    Likes Received:
    588
    Hiya

    Second marriage and I ended up doing the double-barrelled thing. The main reason was because of my children from the first marriage - keeping the surname maintained a link that they needed, sort of the bridge between the families...

    You need to decide why it's so important to you before you can explain why it's iportant to him.

    Good luck honey ;)
     
  4. dizzy-n-mizzy

    dizzy-n-mizzy Not dieting ATM!

    Posts:
    3,884
    Likes Received:
    131
    Diet:
    Together we lost 8 stone on CD.
    Hi Kitty

    My personal preference is definitely with tradition and taking H2B's name. Especially if you plan having children.

    It can be a good idea to keep the maiden name for work though when you have built up an occupation.

    I thought taking hubbies name was exciting especially as we had lived together for years already. It was about the only change for us after getting married and felt nice.

    Hope you come to a decision you and H2B are happy with.

    Dizzy xx
     
  5. Russiandoll

    Russiandoll Carpe diem

    Posts:
    4,590
    Likes Received:
    305
    Start Weight:
    17st4lb
    Current Weight:
    16st11lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st7lb(2.89%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge Weight Plan - Step 1
    My daughter had my maiden name as I was a single parent back in 1980 when she was born and she didn't want to change it when I got married.

    When she got married herself, her husband took HER name: how's that for turning tradition on it's head!
     
  6. KittyB

    KittyB Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,916
    Likes Received:
    138
    Diet:
    RC
    Thanks DQ. :)
    If I'm honest, I've spent most of my life being under the cloud of TA's 'critical parent'.
    Always being told how I will be doing things, without any explanation...just that 'It will be that way'
    I almost feel that I've come so far in the last 2 1/2 years that I want to be able to make my decisions without being forced into what's acceptable.

    Wow RD, that's a real turn around in tradition! Can just see my h2b's reaction if I suggested that. :D

    He's pulled the usual lines about, I should take his name, and he wants to be traditional....so I asked why so traditional now, we already live together, and if we were to go with tradition then we'd live apart until we were married LOL
     
  7. KittyB

    KittyB Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,916
    Likes Received:
    138
    Diet:
    RC
    Hi Dizzy,
    The work side of things is def an issue for me, and part of the reason why I would feel comfortable with joining the 2 names.

    He just thinks I'm being stubborn, and if I'm honest, I guess I am.....but if I am then surely he is too?

    He's suggested I double barrell and he keep his own name....but I've already been told by a family member, that they don't care what I call myself, as far as they are concerned I'm Mrs S..... I know it was partly said in jest, but it feels like another example...of how 'stupid I can be'

    Blimey, guess there's more lying under this than I realised :S
     
  8. spudsbit

    spudsbit Full Member

    Posts:
    175
    Likes Received:
    13
    Diet:
    cambridge
    Ah sweetheart......

    It is a very hard one..... Who was it who said 'you'll be Mrs S'..... i'll sort them out.

    I totally understand about the name thing..... mine is very important to me and i hate my name being shortened. If i can offer a definitive oppinion, I think both of you should double barrel it. It's like joining of two individuals into one partnership, and any children will be the link to both families. Tell C how important it is to you and why - and recognise that his is important to him and that's why the double barrel will be special to you as a couple.....

    Plus i doubt that anyone in either families will have done it before..... so how special will that be

    Sorry I can't be more help
     
  9. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Posts:
    23,285
    Likes Received:
    588
    That's what we did - DH kept his name, and I just double barrelled mine :cool: Our daughter has his surname though - don't think DH would be too cool with his ickle angel having my ex's surname!! :eek:
     
  10. dizzy-n-mizzy

    dizzy-n-mizzy Not dieting ATM!

    Posts:
    3,884
    Likes Received:
    131
    Diet:
    Together we lost 8 stone on CD.
    Last edited: 10 July 2007
  11. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

    Posts:
    31,874
    Likes Received:
    1,003
    Start Weight:
    18st0lb
    Current Weight:
    16st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    1st7lb(8.33%)
  12. LENNY4974

    LENNY4974 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,058
    Likes Received:
    34
    Start Weight:
    15st13lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st7lb
    Diet:
    Cambridge Diet
    Hi,

    Second marriage for me and I took DH's surname - mainly because he didn't want me keeping the ex's name;). I didn't have a problem with this as someone said earlier - as we already lived together it was the only thing that changed after we married.

    A friend of ours is getting married this weekend and as she is a solicitor she is keeping her name for work only and taking his name for everything else. He is happy with this too.

    Good luck with your decision whatever it may be.
     
  13. KittyB

    KittyB Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,916
    Likes Received:
    138
    Diet:
    RC
    The other Mrs' S :D ;)

    Thank you :) Last night became very 'difficult' .....I hadn't realised how deep feelings ran for both of us.
    It seemed the only compromise would be his name....or his name!!! but I'm hoping we've worked through that now.

    This is interesting as it really was a key point in our discussions last night. It's tricky because I've never seen myself having children, but did factor last night.

    H2B used this as an argument for us having the same name, which seemed strange as H2B and his sister both have their mothers name and not their dad's.

    Thanks Mini :)

    This is also a definite option. I just wonder if it will satisfy the side of me that seems to be so damn stubborn at the moment!! LOL

    thanks Dizzy :) I've been giggling at the thought of creating a new name from our two!!!

    K xxx
     
  14. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Posts:
    23,285
    Likes Received:
    588
    If you make up some good ones, share them with us!! ;)
     
  15. KittyB

    KittyB Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,916
    Likes Received:
    138
    Diet:
    RC
    Ok... :D

    One of H2B's issues with this is that my name - Beavan - is often mistaken for Beava or even Beaver with my scrawly signature....so add to that his surname.

    I could well be known as........



    Mrs Seymour - Beaver!!!!!!!!!! ROFL

    Now what bloke would have a problem with that?! haha

    K xxx
     
    Mini likes this.
  16. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Posts:
    23,285
    Likes Received:
    588
    Oh dear!!!! :giggle: :giggle:
     
  17. Dobo

    Dobo Full Member

    Posts:
    466
    Likes Received:
    23
    Start Weight:
    12st5lb
    Current Weight:
    11st6.5lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st5lb
    Lost(%):
    0st12.5lb(7.23%)
    Diet:
    CD (ex-WW)
    I can understand why he might have a problem with this !! LOL. I took my husband's name, never gave it a second thought to be honest, just went with tradition and I have to say my maiden name was much nicer and easier to spell that my married name !
     
  18. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Advert

  19. pbfhpunk

    pbfhpunk Full Member

    Posts:
    376
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    236lb
    Current Weight:
    232lb
    Goal Weight:
    196lb
    Lost(%):
    4lb(1.69%)
    Diet:
    Calorie counting and exercise
    My Fiance changed his name legally several years ago after a fall out with his father and uses his middle name as his surname - he's lucky it's one that suits both! - so I see it as starting a whole new family with a new name ands I kinda like that.

    Helen
     
    Mini likes this.
  20. KittyB

    KittyB Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,916
    Likes Received:
    138
    Diet:
    RC
    Hi all.....

    Thank you all so much for taking time out to reply.

    Well...wedding in 37 hours!!! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkk!

    Have we resolved the issue?...have we heck as like :D


    The lovely spudsbit gave us a fantastic insight on Tues night about perspectives on this....and how to deal with the negativity from any family members.

    Any bets on getting this resolved by Sat at 2???!!! LOL

    K xxx
     
  21. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

    Posts:
    37,910
    Likes Received:
    1,128
    Diet:
    Weight Watchers
    Id definitely take my hubbys surname, but thats because I fancy a personalised number plate for my car and cant get one with my current initials..... or is that really shallow ;) Not much help am I :giggle:

    Seriously, hope you get it resolved but what ever you decide, best of luck for Saturday :)
     
    KittyB likes this.
  22. DQ

    DQ Queen of the Damned

    Posts:
    23,285
    Likes Received:
    588
    Good luck for Saturday!! :D

    Starlight, you did make me giggle!! :giggle:
     
    KittyB likes this.
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...
Similar Threads - Surname Dilemma Resolved
  1. egbert
    Replies:
    5
    Views:
    555
  2. MaxieP
    Replies:
    7
    Views:
    792