o/t why dont men understand!

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by sumayyah, 20 July 2008 Social URL.

  1. sumayyah

    sumayyah please try again

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    ive been kinda seeing a bloke from birmingham
    he thinks hes being really supportive by constantly asking how much ive lost, what do i weigh now, how much more to lose etc

    he also keeps saying how things ahem will be so much better once im at goal

    he doesnt seem to understand it upsets me ( seems i should be happy that he likes me ) and if i try to get him to stop tells me to calm down and stop taking it personally cos hes just being supportive.

    any ideas how to get him to stop being that kind of supportive?
     
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  3. klee

    klee Full Member

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    personally id say to him that you know he is trying to be supportive and you do appreciate it but you feel more pressured about it so just say to him you would prefer it if you only spoke about the diet when you bring it up.
    My other half can get a little over enthusiastic about the diet and i know he was only trying to be supportive, but ive asked him to no talk about it unless i bring it up, which seems to have worked
    xx
     
  4. Deejay

    Deejay Full Member

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    Oh, men eh?! I'm sure he just wants to be supportive :)

    I would suggest telling him what it is that you want to hear, what sort of support helps and motivates you. Then he can support you in the way that you need him to, and he can still feel like he's helping.

    Anyway, good luck, and I look forward to hearing how you get on :)

    Dee x
     
  5. Anne-Marie

    Anne-Marie Anne-Marie

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    I'd try the nice calm explaining to him that he's upsetting you - if that doesn't work I'd be tempted to cut my losses and say bye bye !!!!!!!!
     
  6. airgirl

    airgirl Gold Member

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    I think your gonna have to be blunt hun and say to him, it's all very well you saying your supporting me, however I do not find it supportive, if you really wanna be supportive and help me then do/say xyz (whatever it is you want him to do, if anything at all).

    I'm sure if he is genuinely being supportive he'll stop when he knows it's not helping you one bit.

    Oh and one last thing, you do not need to be happy just cos he likes you, he's the lucky one to have you, and don't you forget it.xx
     
  7. sumayyah

    sumayyah please try again

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    well he should be coming up tonite after hes finished work ( he texted earlier to ask if i was still p***ed off at him, explained i never was angry at him.
    will try again to explain that hes being too intense with his support and take it from there
     
  8. sumayyah

    sumayyah please try again

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    airgirl, see the thing is hes way way way out of my league and ive been keeping my distance from him for 8 years. i must be mental, lol
     
  9. jabbathehut

    jabbathehut This is the last time!!

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    Hi Claire.
    My hubby knows I am doing the diet but I am refusing to give him weekly updates (bit of background, he is in Iraq at the mo, due home end of Aug for a couple of weeks before he goes back til December)
    Whenever we speak he asks if I am ok, and if the diet is still suiting me. I say yes, and that's it, end of conversation.
    Maybe you could say to your fella that you love the fact that he shows an interest but you feel he is putting too much pressure on you, and you'd rather tell him things if you want to. Flipside to this is, of course, if you are feeling fed up diet related and he doesn't seem sympathetic, then you'll prob get peeved with him.
    That's only going on my relationship with my hubby though......poor man can't do right for doing wrong bless him ;)
     
  10. jabbathehut

    jabbathehut This is the last time!!

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    ps..why is he out of your league sweety? Nobody is out of anybody's league. In my honest opinion, when you fall in love, you see beyond the packaging and it's the little things that make that love/attraction grow.
     
  11. festivalfairy

    festivalfairy Finally a size 12!

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    My fella used to be like that but i just said to him if i wanna talk about it i will and he just wait for me to chat about it now just say thanks for ure support so far but i just wanna lay off the diet talk for the min xx
     
  12. festivalfairy

    festivalfairy Finally a size 12!

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    I agree with that whole heartly!!!!!!
     
  13. sumayyah

    sumayyah please try again

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    he was gorgeous when i met him and still is 8 years on while i look like an elephant
     
  14. airgirl

    airgirl Gold Member

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    It upsets me that you think he is out of your league, but i do know excatly where your coming from. (i cancelled date tonight cos i felt that way). However it makes perfect sense in my head when i tell other people what i should also be telling myself, acting on it is harder. Try and look at it this way, you may THINK he is out of your league right now, but when you get to goal i bet you won't be thinking that, infact you'll prob be out of his league.

    I would still be blunt tho, just because you think he's too good for you doesn't mean you shouldn't have the confidence to stand up and say if your not happy with something. Good luck hunni.xxxx
     
  15. sim94

    sim94 Cambridge Diet Counsellor

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    Not sure if I'm missing something, but I'd say to him what does he mean things will be so much better once you get to goal.
     
  16. jabbathehut

    jabbathehut This is the last time!!

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    Just to add also, when me and my hubby first met, I wasn't physically attracted to him at all (tho he claims to have fallen for me at first sight!). But, I got to know him gradually, mainly through phone calls and text messages as he was so far away, the physical attraction thing faded away, it was HIM I fell in love with. It's kind of like buying a book with a really bland, depressing cover, then opening it and reading the most amazing story ever. (not that I am saying my hubby or you are bland and depressing lol, far from it!) but you know what I mean? I'm not very good at explaining things, even though it makes sense in my head.
    And do you know, you are NOT an elephant, please don't think so badly of yourself. You seem to me like an amazing, genuine, kind hearted and positive person, so accept a compliment when it is made, and go with the flow xxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. sumayyah

    sumayyah please try again

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    erm i know exactly what hes talking about, its just too embarrasing to be putting the full meaning
     
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  19. festivalfairy

    festivalfairy Finally a size 12!

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    Jabba i get where ure coming from when i 1st met my boyf i thought oh my god what a geek (he was studying IT at uni!) i just wasnt interested at all i if anything thought i was too good for him (hanging my head in shame!!!! im not big headed!!) but after a while i was blown away by him and he was so easy to talk to and after time i thought wow hes too good for me!!! But then u reach that point where u realise u are made for each other and no one is better then anyone else xxxxxxxxx
     
  20. festivalfairy

    festivalfairy Finally a size 12!

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    Oh and if he cant except u then way u are now then thats a bit wrong!!! Dont get me wrong i will be the 1st to admit my relationship with Dave is sooooooooooooo much better now i dont have confidence issues and im happy with my figure but he fell in love with me at 14 stone not at 11 xxx
     
  21. jabbathehut

    jabbathehut This is the last time!!

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    Ditto. I was 11.5 stone when me and hubby met (having crash dieted from 17 stone in the 6 months previous to us meeting!). He has stuck by me whatever, and I know what you mean about the initmate side of things. An fling of mine said 'things would be so much better' if I lost a bit of weight (this was when I was a size 16, just before meeting hubby) and I was totally heartbroken, having done so well to get where I was at the time. At the end of the day though, he was still more than happy to oblige so it can't have been that bad!
     
  22. sumayyah

    sumayyah please try again

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    see i think that comment was meant to make me feel better. ive always asked if my weights a problem and hes always said its blatently not ( again cant type exact words, too embarrasing ) and to stop thinking that. starting to think my lack of self esteem is the problem here
     
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