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Off topic! Advice plz

#1
Right......my friend just had twin boys so I bagged up a few of my little boys clothes to give to her to help out. I found it all quite hard to do as I had a miscarriage last year and should have had my baby about two months before she had her twins, these were clothes I'd kept in the hope of having another child of my own. Well I've noticed she's started selling various little boys clothes on eBay, I think at the moment there may be one item on there that I gave her, it's really got to me and I now don't know what to do? I gave them to her as I wanted to help her, if I wanted to sell the clothes to strangers I'd do it myself? Am
I just being overly sensitive or should I just politely ask for them back? Sorry I know this is off topic and probably should have gone if a different place but just needed a quick answer before I get into a muddle:)
 
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fatal

Full Member
#2
I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage, it must be very raw for you still and it was very brave of you to give your friend those baby clothes. I think she is being insensitive to you after this kind gesture and you should ask her about it. Tell how you feel and I don't think there is any one in the world who would think badly of you for doing so.

Best wishes x
 

GLL

Silver Member
#3
Quite possibly she is selling on the clothes to buy some more in a bigger size. The fact it has upset you might possibly not have crossed her mind :)
I think yes, you probably are being oversensitive, but you have every right to be. I can't imagine how painful it is and you feel the clothes were a part of the baby you lost.
(I hope that didn't sound mean and unsympathetic)
Speak to your friend, explain how you feel. She is probably unaware of the effect on you.
I wish you could send real hugs via email, I'd be doing that right now to you.
 
#4
Hi

I think that this is very a difficult time for anyone who has lost a baby (speaking from own personnel experience). You should ask her about it calmly and tell her how it has made you feel and ask for them back if she is selling them. I hope you have had lots of hugs today. Big Hugs
 
#5
I've just sent a message saying 'once you've had a chance to look through the clothes if there is anything you don't need can you pop them back to me, thanks'.
Hopefully she will be ok with that, it's so hard to know how to be at the moment
 

Loser85

Gold Member
#6
surely your friend should understand your situation? or on the other hand though maybe she thinks shes helping you by taking them off your hands? ive never been through what you have so if i come across as insensitive then i apologise.
 

sarah88

Gold Member
#7
this seems really horrible, i understand if she has used the clothes for a couple of months and then put them on ebay but to just list them like that without asking if u want any back is a bit harsh.
i would have done what u have done and just gave her a txt to say if there were any clothes she didnt want that she could give back for other family members, let us know how it all goes
 

pudnpie

Silver Member
#8
It seems a bit off to take the clothes and then put them on eBay no matter what the circumstances (i'm assuming it was straight away rather when they were outgrown). I wonder if maybe she didn't need them and wanted to spare your feelings but if that was me, I wouldn't think oh I will sell them instead. I would feel very mercenary.

However, that said, if it was just one item, maybe it is a genuine mistake on her part and she got an item mixed up?
 
#9
There was some stuff that was for newborns but the rest was 0-3, 3-6 and 6-9 months so most of it they were way off fitting into. She hadn't brought anything for boys as she had a girl for first baby. To be honest I think I was being oversensitive with it being mothers day, but for me it was the icing on the cake because for the last few weeks on numerous occasions she has handed me the babies to hold without even thinking that I feel like I'm breaking inside. My friends were cringing last week at toddler group when she passed one to me and said 'here just hold max for me', poor little thing I couldn't even look him as I knew I'd burst into tears! After I had the miscarriage I just moved on thinking I was fine but since I went passed my due date I've felt like I've hit a brick wall
 
#10
Hi Jem292,

Maybe you could go and see your gp and ask about breavement counciling. This helped me but everyone is different, i know what you mean my friends recently had a baby but this has actually helped me because I releaised that I can't be in state forever and how would i cope if god forbid if happened again. Do you have a partner or your mum or someone you can talk to about how your feeling?
 

pudnpie

Silver Member
#11
well, you do have good reason to be sensitive, Jem.

She probably has no idea how you are feeling because I assume you do not make a fuss when she hands you the baby. Maybe she is trying not to make a fuss herself and is worrying that if she doesn't hand you the baby when she has her hands full then you might think that she thinks that something is amiss and is just trying to be "normal" - she doesn't want it to be the elephant in the room as it were (I hope I am making sense here).

There are also some people really do live in a little world of their own and are blind to signals being given out - it's just the way they are.

I think the suggestion to see your GP is a really good one. I know it's not quite the same thing but I was diagnosed with depression before Christmas. My GP was lovely and I am so glad I went to see her.
 


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