oh dear

Discussion in 'Route to Management' started by daisydoll, 17 June 2009 Social URL.

  1. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    OK so having been saintly for 20+ weeks i can feel things starting to go wrong!

    my lapse at the weekend was fine - but despite promising to get back on track i am starting to pick...

    i have just had a mini egg - and a lick of cake mixture

    a week ago i would not dreamed of doing it, but i'm saying to myself
    'oh well, i'm not abstinent any more so i can have bits of real food' - i know i can't, but its like the rules have changed now

    arrggghhh!!! i so don't want to go down this route of 'cheating ' everyday. why can't i stick to the rules?? - it was so easy on 4 food packs, no choice, no deviation

    i'm saying to myself -' i should be on about 750 calories, so if i have a mini egg about 30 cals then it will be ok.'
    i know its not about calories, and its about introducing the right foods at the right time - so why am i messing about?!

    its a pain remembering to have to eat too - ive just realised i still need to have another pack

    and i've been getting hungry - don't like that at all.

    i want to back to foundation....please, it was so easy and safe there

    daisy x
     
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  3. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    oh Daisy. Sending hugs to you! I guess we know these are the sort of bad habits we are needing to kick.

    Try going back to the CBT about Thoughts, Behaviours and Feelings to work out what is happening. It sounds like you are suffering in the way many who lapse do. Don't let any Crooked Thoughts take control. You can do this.

    xx
     
  4. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    i know- am kicking myself
    i haven't really been awful- one mini egg and lick of cake mix is not end of world i know,- its just that its rule breaking and i don't know why i'm doing it.

    its almost like i'm daring myself to do it- challenging my body somehow, just cos i can now i'm eating again

    its got to stop tho - as one lick of mix today will become spoonful tomorrow, then the bowl, then a cake ( and i'll end up the fat woman in the wheelchair like on the cd!)
    daisy x
     
  5. sukie sue

    sukie sue this is My time to shine!

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    oh bless you daisydoll, its a really hard time getting back on food , the ups and downs i remember having were so difficult , abstinent is so easy isnt it , big hugs youre way xx
     
  6. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Your body's woken up, your mind is readjusting it's pattern of thinking to the now allowed rainbow of food: all of it.
    You need to reset your boundaries. The slight jolt you had at the weekend opened the floodgates, and you'll need more effort to shut them.

    What I suggest doing: Is visually remind yourself what you ARE allowed, and what you AREN'T allowed (yet).
    I did RTM by way of having a large piece of paper on the wall, and at the beginning of each week, I'd add the new food items to the list. That way I know what, where and how much.
    Stick to your original planned schedule of the day: if you had shakes at 9-12-3-6 then keep having those meals at those times of day.

    Don't allow yourself the luxury of deviation. ...

    I've had to catch myself quite a few times this week on those exact measures. Like.. ok. I've had to put whatever I'm holding down and walking out of the room. If you're licking the cake mix - actually walk out of the kitchen. Scrape it out of your mouth (yes sounds harsh! but --- if your child ate something he shouldn't - you'd make him spit it out too!). We're all in essence children inside, and we need to be disciplined in much the same way.


    Hope this helps a bit. :hug99:
     
  7. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

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    awwww daisy, im sure you will get over it, and discipline yourself again
    (big hugs)
     
  8. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

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    cheers folks
    i'm sitting here with week 3 list planning my food for next week.
    i start my RTM group on saturday - but i am actually due to start weeek 3 tomorrow
    i'm thinking of staying on week 2 til sat tho so i can be in line with my meetings and poss make up for the bad bits!

    i have just noticed its down to 2 food packs from week 3, but only 1 meal..how does that work? do i have more snacks, am i right with the cal count - approx 850 week 3?

    daisy x
     
  9. Sean(JSF)

    Sean(JSF) Making it all add up

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    Hi Daisy, what you're feeling is perfectly normal, as Min says it's your mind opening to all those possibilities that just aren't available when you're on packs, and it is a challenge. I think it's important to push the boundaries but know when to stop and take a step backwards, keeping on week 2 for a few more days seems sensible.

    Also don't think that RTM has to be 'perfect' as it's deliberately vague in some areas so you are forced to making your own choices, and 'mistakes' as that's the best way to learn for the long term :)

    Re packs, 2 packs for 'meals', then one proper meal and snacks in week 3. This is really where the 'allowed' snacks come into their own and I substituted yoghurt/jelly etc for the LL Bar in this week which worked for me.

    No rules re calories but you'll struggle to get above 800-900 with the permitted food choices anyway.

    Good luck & keep the faith, you're doing brilliantly.
     
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