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Oh my god its all fallen into place

#1
I'm gunna make this short... (ive just read it back and it didnt work... I've rambled! sorry!..)

I went to week 9 meeting tonight and lost another 6lbs... so well done me... :)

However, I bought something up with the others regarding compliments (or "strokes") that I've received from other people... I said that it makes me feel SO uncomfortable and it seems to have opened up a can of worms... a very large can...

I have kind of discovered... or well, I think so... with the others help... that I am absolutely POOPING myself about getting any lighter than I already am. I have lost 50lbs (i think) up until now... and that is definately an achievement.. but ive never noticed that talking about MY weight is such an issue for me. I'm ok with my group, and coming on here... but with anyone else even my closest friends I brush off the subject and walk off or change the subject - rapidly.

I think its fear of the unknown... I've never been slim and I've never been this size (my CURRENT weight) since, well... my journey through putting on weight... But for the record, I don't actually know when I was this size/weight because I NEVER weighed myself before LL.

My gosh... I feel so down :cry::cry::cry: I think I have always been in denial... and not realised... and just finding out (although am I stupid for not knowing?) has hit me like a tonne of bricks. :sigh::cry:
 
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#2
Claire I think we are about the same week. It is amazing how abstinence can bring up all sorts of issues that have been hidden away. However, I believe we have to go through this and get it sorted in our head for us to move forward.

Try writing a private blog spilling your heart out. That is what I did when I had issues, just ramble on. Then after a few days go back to it and I am sure you will feel different about what you said, it has just come to the surface and as you say you are not equipped to deal with it but am sure you will work it out.

Fantastic weight lost give yourself a pat on the back.:happy036:
and big hugs.:hug99:
 
#3
Hi hon - great loss!! Well done.

I related very much to what you wrote. Claire, you are not the only one who is frightrened of being thin - I am right there with you!! While I have been thin in my life, I did not know it, so feel as if I have been this big fat thing since birth. My issues are no doubt different from yours, but weight has, in my mind, kept people away from me. Men, if I am honest. Some things happened in my marraige that gave me little interest in that sort of thing after a time....and the weight seemed a sure fire way to keep my ex away from me. And it worked. But at what price.

So, it has become a ratahr comfortable zone to be in. Not a very happy one, but a comfortable one. Thankfully, my husband now is pretty patient. Most of the time. ITs hard for him to understand my resistance, etc., because he has no problem with my weight - which is lovely - but its not enough to give me the confidence I need. Only sorting out my head will do that.

You will face your issues, with the help of your counselor, and be all the better for it. It will be hard, and it will be scary - but most things that are worthwhile are.

You are young, and so so SO lucky to be addressing these things now. Put your heart and soul into it, and all the hard work will be worth more then all of our weights combined, in gold.

You will come out on top.

XX
 
#4
I fully believe in the powers of the private blog. going back and re reading some of the ramblings esp as this process continues helps you put some thoughts in perspective. I would definitely try it. (I currently just use a word doc on the computer)
 
#5
Claire.

Instead of being frightened by the unknown why don't you see it as a positive and embrace the unknown, realise that you aren't happy where you are now and hence the unknown IS going to be better and how much fun can you have in your new slimmer bod!

Mike
 
#6
Hi Clare

I know exactly how you feel!!!!!!!!!!!! as i have said before i have doen LL before and the last time my friend convinced me that by admitting and telling people how much you weighed or have lost was a good idea...... however i found that alot of mums in the playground were very hurtful with seeing the weightloss and not being one to sit down and take it it all came to a head.... it was only afterwards I relised how jeolous people can be!!!!!!!!!!!

This time round i haven't really told anyone and a friend i would tell I cringe when she talks to me about it!! I hate discussing it with her or anyone... It was only whilst talking with some other people they said to me that so and so was so jeolous of you last time.... aslo for me i had a lot of other issues and found that everyone was telling me i looked good but i ddint feel it and i couldn't handle it then...........

This time I am stronger in my head but the issue over my weight and taking compliments i am dreading big time!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Alibongo

Happily pro pointing!
#7
Claire, it can be very, very hard admitting things to people, because you have to admit it to yourself and it can be heartbreaking sometimes.
At my heaviest (Jan 2005) I was 18st, and until a couple of weeks ago when my sister asked me outright I had never told anybody, I had a lump in my throat but managed to get the words out. I have done a lot of thinking since then, but she is still the only one I have told, DH has a fair idea though.
I have always shied away from talking about my weight, but I am finding it a lot easier now. The LL counselling has done wonders for me, and not just for the weight loss but dealing with life in general.

I still feel a little embarrassed saying I still have nearly 2 stone to lose when everyone knows I have lost nearly 3 on LL already.

For the first time ever I am the lightest out of all my sisters (there are 4 of us) and I have always been the fat one, now I am just about to overtake the smallest one. I can tell they are a little put out, but they are all very pleased for me, and it has spurred them all on to do something about their own weight issues.
 

bexnkev

Silver Member
#9
Claire, it was a revelation to you but now you've recognised it, it makes it so much easier to deal with. I haven't really thought about being thin (perhaps I'm scared too!!) but after losing my 3 stone I'm realising just how fat I'd got! My fear isn't of being thin but of someone or something derailing my control!! We all have fears and let's hope we can all help each other x I'm going to congratulate you for recognising your fear... it's a huge step forward :)
 
#10
*hugs* to you Claire...You have amazingly well and you are always so open and honest on the forum. It is very scary isnt it.. but in a weird way very exciting also. Its amazing how different a life of a happy slim person is to that of an unhappy overweight person. I like you am probably now the lowest I have weighed in about 10 years and I still have tons to go.. accepting compliments is hard if you don't feel you deserve them in the first place. People talk to you that previously would have walked straight past... be brave.. go for it. and promise yourself you will enjoy the journey!

xx
 
#12
Claire, you'll get a lot of understanding on this forum. Change is really scary...I used to be thin but I was still terrified of being thin again. Weight, food and appearance are so tied up with our feelings and change is terrifying. If it's any help, I am enjoying being thin so much despite my previous terror and it feels better than it did first time around. If you are aware of your issues, they become much easier to get control of. Good luck!
 
#13
I was just thinking too, for me, being overweight, I go out of my way to be in the background and to not be noticed....I do not like being the centre of attention because I don't want eyes on me. Unless I am with friends or people I am very comfortable with - well then sometmies I am just a fool! lol
I don't like negative attention, don't get me wrong, but being slim will surly bring more positive attention, and that will be something I am completely not used too. It does feel daunting at times.

I am hoping Freija, like you, I wil love it - but it will surely be an adjustment!!

I have felt however, that here in the UK, overweight people seem to be generally more accepted by most, then in the US. So the other yanks here feel that way, or is it just me? There seems an awful lot of pressure in the states to be celebrity stick thin. I haven't seen that here, not so much anyway I am really just basing this on work places, and general social scenes as I don;t go clubbing or anything like that - so maybe its out there, and I have just not noticed it....having developed a somewhat reclusive lifestyle?

What do you think?
 
#14
Hi all, new here but heres my rant...

I've been big all my life almost and gaining weight for the last few years, I got on a plane in the summer and couldn't put the tray down for lunch. Whilst on my short break couldn't find any t-shirts to fit me. You've all been there I'm sure. Point is, it might be scary being normal for a change, but it's a damn sight easier I'm sure. I've always been big gazz, big man , gazza 5 bellies .. etc .etc.. Would be nice just to be called Gazz for a change.
 
#15
Oh yeah. I agree Gazz - just going to be quite a change!!! Alot to get the head around. Once you are used to blending in to the background, suddenly being 'normal' (not that I will EVER be truly normal, in other senses lol)....gonna be different! Good! But different!
 

Alibongo

Happily pro pointing!
#16
Hi all, new here but heres my rant...

I've been big all my life almost and gaining weight for the last few years, I got on a plane in the summer and couldn't put the tray down for lunch. Whilst on my short break couldn't find any t-shirts to fit me. You've all been there I'm sure. Point is, it might be scary being normal for a change, but it's a damn sight easier I'm sure. I've always been big gazz, big man , gazza 5 bellies .. etc .etc.. Would be nice just to be called Gazz for a change.
Totally agree there Gazz, I have always been the fat sister, out of 4 of us, and now I am the smallest.
It is a bit strange, but I like it.

I went on a plane at Christmas and didn't touch both arm rests at once (or squish under them ;)) and the tray didn't hit my tummy. Before that I was lucky to be travelling with a toddler so I could spill into her seat, poor kid :cry:

This has been such a life changing experience in so many ways, but you will get used to it and I am sure you will love the new you.
 
#17
I was giving this a lot of thought this afternoon.....and ya know what I decided? Sod it! I am going to run up and down my street naked shouting LOOK AT ME, I'M THIN!!!!

:bliss: :giggle:

I do tend to overthink somethings sometimes, and I may be worrying aboubt this more then I need to - and maybe not - time will tell!
 
#18
I can fully understand this whole being scared thing - I seriously believe that that is the reason why I gave up on LL last year. Unfortunately my discovery of being scared to hell came at a time when I'd just come back off holiday and was struggling to get back into abstinence.

My realisation was when I'd gone from a size 24/26 to a size 16 and I'd ordered a size 14 (gorgeous) grey pencil skirt from Next, my mum was home with me and I put on the skirt to see how much I needed to lose to wear it and it fastened! I couldn't believe it, it was way too tight to wear but it did fasten but instead of being overjoyed my first thought was '**** Oh No' - now you've got to agree that that's not right...... and that was the end of my diet, after that I never stuck to the plan at all and I knowingly and purposefully ate what i wanted to and more, jeapordising my chance to be slim.

But that was then .... that's not going to happen to me this time, because this time I know what to expect and I'm more than happy to face any kind of fear now if it means that I can be slim. I'm hoping that the counselling will help me with this as I'm now doing it with that thought in my mind at all times.

I'm not scared :)
 
#19
Hi all, new here but heres my rant...

I've been big all my life almost and gaining weight for the last few years, I got on a plane in the summer and couldn't put the tray down for lunch. Whilst on my short break couldn't find any t-shirts to fit me. You've all been there I'm sure. Point is, it might be scary being normal for a change, but it's a damn sight easier I'm sure. I've always been big gazz, big man , gazza 5 bellies .. etc .etc.. Would be nice just to be called Gazz for a change.

well... GAZZ!!!

... Try getting on a plane only to see the seatbelt doesn't do up let alone the seat tray going down!!!!! :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
#20
That was the past Claire .... the future is slim and plenty of space in that aircraft seat :D
 


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