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OH Not helping at all

*Leah*

Full Member
#1
I've been doing WW for three weeks on Thursday. I've got lots of willpower and I can see my goal etc, but my OH is being pretty useless at being supportive

We have a really good relationship, we bounce off eachother, but at my weakest times he forgets totally that I'm on a diet.

This weekend I finished a horrible shift at the pub I work at, came home and I said I was off to tesco to get something for tea, and he said 'well i'm having a mixed kebab' and woosh, motivation gone, chips and cheese in :(

At nights when I allow myself 1 vodka etc, the biscuits come out and the 'one wont hurt' starts and half a packet down, I feel like crap.

Anyone else have this problem? We are both over wieght and its because we over eat and eat crap, so i'm changing but talking to him about it is like talking to a brick wall.
 
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#2
My bloke is very slim and can eat anything and never supports me ever....
BUT im doing this for me and no one else and to make yourself more detirmened say to yourself I will do this.He may see you losing weight and think God I should too,maybe hes abit jealous as he hasnt got as much willpower as you or hes just comfortable with how you both are? Some people just dont like change ,maybe talk to him and ask hows hes feeling?
I have lost 2 stone bar 1.5lbs in 12 weeks and my bloke said to me yesterday you dont look any different..........
I thought stuff yer Im going to show you ;)
If he wants a kebab then have a chicken shish one its only 4 points with the pitta and salad,thats what I do,I have takeaways meals out but point it all and save points to stay on plan.
You can do this remember its only you that can and its for yourself hey :eek: ((hugs)) xx
 

Shabba

Loves the Nom Nom!!!
#3
Yes i totally feel your pain!!

After last weeks rather large gain i said i would lose it this week. Well this weekend i had planned the BBQ out and was only having 1 burger and that turned into 2 with a bottle and a bit of wine, a dough nut and me waking feeling rather deflated to have 2 burgers for tea last night! :cry:

If i dont want to go somewhere or eat a Maccy's then i dont, but he doesnt get it?! He thinks im being funny and says "it wont do any harm" Try saying that to my 3lb gain!!!!

I expect to gain this week :cry:I've already warned him it will be his fault.
 

Lorny

Silver Member
#4
My OH is the same. He eats whatever he wants and cuz of his 'giving' nature, he always offers me a bit of what he has, like chocolate or whatever. I have been really good this week and said no but if I wasn't feeling so good I could quite easily eat a load of crap. I know there are going to be times where it isn't possible to stay right on track, but when I can I'd like to try. I just have to say to him to stop offering me stuff full stop. I'd really like him to go on a diet too, cuz he isn't particularly overweight, but he eats a lot of rubbish. Chips with beans and something else most days for dinner, and then chocolates and biscuits.

I'd like it if we both dieted together, and we could help eachother out a bit and struggle along together. Things would be easier if there was no temptations in the cupboard and most of it comes from his choccies.
 
#6
Maybe just blank it out and say to yourself how well you have done,you can do it just take each day as a new one and maybe when he says things like this say to yourself this just one night will do my plan harm and I deserve to get to goal ;) xx
 

Lorny

Silver Member
#7
He does say to me sometimes when I say I want this or that, if I have the points for it. He doesn't even understand the points, but he knows it's either a yes or no answer. It's when he isn't really thinking about it and shoves minstrels in my face.

One night can do too much damage! I almost had a curry the other night, he said I should eat half of it so I'd be within points. Who wants to eat half a meal though, right? He really wanted curry though and didn't want takeaway on his own. So in the end we got a takeaway but I had Chinese instead. I counted the plain chow mein as 4.5 points, and then the vegetables in black bean sauce as 2points to be safe. I've heard beany sauces are higher in points? So anyway, it was all good once we compromised, but it was a close shave!
 

phill1978

wants to get slim
#8
I've been doing WW for three weeks on Thursday. I've got lots of willpower and I can see my goal etc, but my OH is being pretty useless at being supportive

We have a really good relationship, we bounce off eachother, but at my weakest times he forgets totally that I'm on a diet.

This weekend I finished a horrible shift at the pub I work at, came home and I said I was off to tesco to get something for tea, and he said 'well i'm having a mixed kebab' and woosh, motivation gone, chips and cheese in :(

At nights when I allow myself 1 vodka etc, the biscuits come out and the 'one wont hurt' starts and half a packet down, I feel like crap.

Anyone else have this problem? We are both over wieght and its because we over eat and eat crap, so i'm changing but talking to him about it is like talking to a brick wall.
Youve just described me up until the beginning of the year. My Mrs has tried to do WW diet on and off for the past 3-4 years and I would start doing it with her - get bored and sabotage the diet by wanting takeout or just general crap:break_diet:. I was totally selfish in my thinking and now I know how hard dieting is I feel really bad about making it even more difficult for my wife. :eek:
 
#10
This may seem a little harsh, but to be honest I think its unfair of us to expect our OH's to give up their fave foods for us. I happily go and get my family their takeaway, despite me opting out, because I don't want them to be affected by my healthy eating - its my fault I had to lose weight, not theirs lol. Don't get me wrong, I try to encourage hubby to get biccies and treats that I am not so keen on, but at the same time I don't expect him to give up foods. I honestly believe its vital to learn to be able to say 'NO' and not give in to temptation, because this is a life long thing, and there will always be temptation.

Don't get me wrong, all the family are eating healthier now thankfully, but at the same time I would never stop them from their once a fortnight takeaway, and the odd treat food.
 
#11
Although, I wonder if this is just be pushing the blame on him.

Purple Star, I don't want to change his diet, its his choice what he eats, but he gives me real temptation when I'm weak.

I think to be honest, it's an excuse, he's not exactly lacing my food with extra sugar or force feeding me burgers :(
 

Shabba

Loves the Nom Nom!!!
#12
Thats it! "It won't harm" and "it's only one night"
and they just know how to make you feel guilty about it, so you eat it and then you feel worse! :cry:

And i have never asked my OH to give up his food. Simply because he wouldnt have anything to eat! He hates all the food i am eating. Its that they constantly whine about it wont hurt us and in my house it causes arguments because i dont want to eat another BK. I want my salad!:mad:
 

x_ali_x

Silver Member
#13
He can offer the food but you have the ultimate power over what you eat you can say no. Talk to your OH explain how much it means to you and that it isn't helpful even though he's only being kind, perhaps teach him a bit about how WW works. You can still have your treats like the chips & cheese but smaller portion, also if you find your willpower goes after a vodka you have to think whats more important to you that one vodka or the weightloss and avoid the vodka till your in maintenance.

You can do it you can say no.
 
#14
Ali, great post, you worded it much better than I did!!

Leah, you CAN do it hon, we all have weightloss saboteurs - whether they are intentional or not. We have to learn to cope with it unfortunately. And you will, it just takes time xx
 

DopeyAngel

Sweet wrapper fetishist.
#15
To be honest - I still have moments of weakness and I live on my own and don't have a partner. I know it's an easy thing to say but as ali has pointed out, we are the ones that are in control.

I work with drug users a lot and it amazes me how many of them manage to get clean and avoid drugs whilst in prison - only to relapse immediately upon release, despite their best intentions. The success stories are those addicts who manage to get clean whilst still surrounded by drugs - usually in the community. Because they develop the skills to manage their addiction.

Now I am not suggesting that we are all 'addicted' to food - but I do think it's a similar principle. Being able to say 'no' is actually a lot harder than avoiding the 'naughty foods'. But in the long run, it's saying 'no' which identifies a lifestyle change (management of food intake) from a diet (avoidance of certain foods).

Unfortunately unsupportive friends/family/OHs will always be there - I guess we just have to learn how to detach from that and do what is best for us. I am by no means able to do that yet - but I hope I will be able to in the future!

Sorry - I'll get off my soapbox now!
 

Meike

..crawling after ze wagon
#16
Ooh, I really hate those 'oh just one' temptations.. and don't like those unsupportive OH's at all!! :mad: Why can't they just get their stuff for themselves, why do they have to share it? Are they really afraid of the change? Afraid they have to work harder to keep a 'slim(mer)' girlfriend? Are they not suppose to support us and be happy for us when we are? :mad:


Saying all this, I have to admit that mine is the complete opposite, :eek: he even said this morning that he doesn't want to eat huge dinners anymore, that he wants to cut down on all the rubbish and he is more likely to say no to a take-away than me! :eek: Even though I fancy it sooo sooo much.. and makes me feel guilty coz I am the one who should be on a diet and reduce food-intake, rubbish foods etc.. :eek:

Guess I shouldn't complain and be happy that he helps me back on track - been off for too long now (due to my own weakness and holidays :) ) so I guess I should just sh*t up..

I agree, saying NO is what we need to learn to keep it off in the long-run, we can't expect everyone around us to be good just because we need/want to be.. have to learn that myself..

sry.. xx
 

Lorny

Silver Member
#17
To be honest - I still have moments of weakness and I live on my own and don't have a partner. I know it's an easy thing to say but as ali has pointed out, we are the ones that are in control.

I work with drug users a lot and it amazes me how many of them manage to get clean and avoid drugs whilst in prison - only to relapse immediately upon release, despite their best intentions. The success stories are those addicts who manage to get clean whilst still surrounded by drugs - usually in the community. Because they develop the skills to manage their addiction.

Now I am not suggesting that we are all 'addicted' to food - but I do think it's a similar principle. Being able to say 'no' is actually a lot harder than avoiding the 'naughty foods'. But in the long run, it's saying 'no' which identifies a lifestyle change (management of food intake) from a diet (avoidance of certain foods).
I think you have a point here. I love food. I love how it makes me feel when I eat it, the joy of not caring that it's 15g of saturated heart attack in it. I could eat chocolate til the cows come home. It's my one and only cure-all. If I'm happy I celebrate it with food, if I'm sad I cheer myself up with food (or wallow in it), it has just always been 'there' for me since before my OH came along!

I mostly have to rely on my OH to question whether I need something, cuz he knows I'm so desperate to lose the weight. He loves me how I am, was, and will love me when I get slim. I think my problem is (especially totm) that he will get me choccie cuz he knows it makes me better, or he'll not get it and I have a moan at him. It's lose lose for him really, bless him!
 


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