Ok, feeling more confident now!!

Discussion in 'Weight Loss Diaries' started by Rachels, 8 February 2007 Social URL.

  1. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Hey ho! Well, truth be told I am a tad inebriated, make that 7 voddies & diet coke down the line. I originally started SS'ing way back in Feb last year and lost 4 stone'ish which was great. However, due to a severe lack in self discipline and self image etc, I found myself gallivanting on the 'I dont give a f**k side of life'! Sad to say tho, I really do, give a f**k that is, I hate being the size I am (and am amazed I am making no spelling mistakes also given how drunk I am!!) I also have to point out I have spent the last 2 mins correcting spelling mistakes, but dont tell anyone!!!

    Anyhoo, here's the lowdown. I am a 35yr old mother of 2 fab girlies aged 14 and 8. I was a single mother 4 too long and am now married to someone I have been with 4 7yrs. I personally think that if I was the size I wanted to be, my outlook would be different and he and I would not be togeher. I know how that sounds but I am past lying and trying to cover up. There are many things I do love about him, but my Gran had a great saying, 'If in doubt, dont' And I am doubting big time.

    I re-started just over a week ago and weighed in at 20st 12lbs. Got weighed Tuesday and had lost 7lbs. Pretty ok and good you may think, but I have a whole person to ose so am not going to get excited about 7lbs, 7st maybe!!!

    Oh god, Im sorry for being such a bag, but Im not pretending, Im not going to say that I am like this because.... or I cant lose weight because...... It is my fault, I make the choices and I am in charge of my body!!!!!

    :) I hope

    I am sure that I will look back on thios tomorrow and cringe but hubby is back now and i best behave
     
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  3. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

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    AWW you should be pleased 7lbs is great, if you lose like that you will be at your target in no time......I envy the vodka and cokes I aint had a drink for ages......though Im not really missing it.
     
  4. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Thank god!! It wasnt as bad as I had thought! I have just spent my entire bus journey to work thinking 'oh my god, why did I post when i was drunk last night?' nad then 'why in the hell did I bugger up SS'ing and get drunk last night?'

    I know wheree it stemmed from, but Ill get to that in my lunch break today cos Ill post again.

    Am sorry guys, if I came across as an a**e but I am so good at supressing how I feel all the time, it has to come out somehow.

    Am back on track today, feeling very tires and sick tho, it doesn't take much to get me drunk or hungover sadly.
     
  5. cah-ching

    cah-ching Gold Member

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    I Understand

    Hi Sweetheart ......

    What drunken coherency! :)

    Anyway I completely understand how you feel regarding your husband. You are utterly brave for being honest with yourself. I'd feel the same way.

    I'm, no, we're all here for you. Just write it all down because having a diary is going to be the best thing you'll ever do to help you through your journey.

    Take Care ......
     
  6. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Rachel your diary thread is for you .... and write in it whatever you want or need to.

    We're behind you and will help, support, cajole, sympathise, empathise along the way - because between us all on here we have a lot of experience. I can understand totally how you are feeling - and if this is the start to constructing the new (slimmer) you then go for it! 7lb is a great start .... looking forward to your next loss - and you will get there if you want to ... and I think you really do!
     
  7. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Lunchtime

    Have just had a mushroom soup, which is fabulous! I didnt even know it existed until a couple of months back, its lactose free but tastes like the real thing!
    I have always had a soup at lunch out of a mug and it never felt enough, had it out of a bowl this week and bizarrely enough it feels better! Obviously psychological, the psyche is a very weird thing.

    Thanks everyone who left a message for me after my drinkfest last night. Its great to know that people do care and do take the time to let you know you are not alone, so thanks again:eek:

    The thing that made me lose it yesterday was my inability to deal with stress! I used to reach for a ciggie before I would ever reach for food, I gave up smoking just after New Year and because Im not eating now, my resolve obviously crumbled when faced with something I couldnt deal with.

    In the cold light of day, I suppose nothing drastic happened
    I’ll give you a quick insight into what’s been going on. I started my new job last September, It pays me 4k more than I was getting previously (yaay!) and for the first few days all seemed great. It’s a small company; our office is sectioned off into 2 areas, 1 for the receptionist and the accountant and then our section. As well as myself, there are 2 sales guys and then there is HER. Initially, I didn’t think there was a problem, we all got on with our work and had a laugh now and again, I did all that I was asked to do etc. I started noticing a few catty comments thrown my way all to do with my work and mostly when no one else was around to hear, if they did hear, no one says anything, the one time I replied (not with attitude etc) Everyone went ‘ooooooooooooh’ I am bigger than this I thought, the rest of the job is great and she only works part time. However, it’s just getting worse. Our boss said that once I got the hang of all the work I was set to do then I could start doing the same stuff as HER, however, she is having none of it, she seems to be able to get her own way all the time, its awful, they all pussyfoot around her and I have had enough of it.

    Yesterday, the guys were on lunch and as it was nearly 2pm and I hadn’t had a break at all since starting at 8.30am, I opened up a folder of our xmas do pics to have a look, she walks past and says ‘you busy?’ ‘No’, I said, ‘just looking at something’ and carried on. She stood there for a minute then went through to the other side of the office saying that everyone else was running around like headless chickens and I was sitting doing nothing. I couldn’t believe it, at least the receptionist heard it (she knows what she is like and said she acts like the Queen Bee all the time) and knows what I am being subjected to.
    I sat there for feeling like my head was going to explode, like one of the people in that film ’Scanners’!! I really wanted to say something, but just didn’t know what to say and was too afraid of sounding like an a**e. Suffice to say I went home feeling awful and poured a drink as soon as I walked in the house.

    I just don’t know what to do, its like when I was bullied as a kid, she is just the same, always having a dig here and a dig there, if anything is wrong, its my fault even tho its not.

    I would really appreciate some coping tips as I am just not sure what to do and I don’t want to end up in the loo’s blubbing.
    I sound like a right twit, but when you are the only person being subjected to it , it can get too much.:cry:

    Anyway, I'd better go cos I have to get back to the slog.

    TTFN:wave_cry:
     
  8. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    I still have no idea what to say or do, I spoke to my mum and hubby who think I should confront her and ask if she has a problem with me. I just want to win the lottery and bugger off!!!!
     
  9. Roosters

    Roosters Silver Member

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    Hiya Rachel!!

    I think your mum and husband are right.. ask to have a quiet word with her and just let her know that she's making you feel uncomfortable. Be polite but firm.. office 'politics' are so shitty.. I don't blame ya for just wanting to bugger off, that would be my instinct too - but hell, it's your job, fight for it... !!!! I know sometimes standing your ground is hard but remember, your you!! and what could be more worth it?!

    best of luck xxx

    Lizzie
     
  10. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Oh Rachel that is awful. Think office bullying is worse than school playground bullying.

    Not sure what to advise - never been in that situation ... but really feel for you and must make work an unhappy place for you.
     
  11. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Ah god, what to do?!! I think I just need to hve a quiet but firm word with her, let her know I'm not trying to oust her, but just trying to do my job, and to leave me alone.
     
  12. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    I hate my life (bar my kids)

    I have done nothing but moan since I have started this diary, mind you, it makes for interesting reading!
    My mum came for the weekend, something I look forward to as I dont see her that often anymore. Hubby feigned a text from his mate to say that he asked him out for a game of pool, fine says I while ribbing him for pretending about the text. Anyhoo, mum and I enjoy the time and watch a dvd while chatting, hubby comes home slightly pissed and acts all shirty with me, his mate has hurt his back and wants him to work with him tomorrow, ok, but he is going out from 12pm onwards for a mates do and I wont see him. Regardless of how I feel about him buggering off tomorrow, it was his attitude that stunk, acting all shitty like I was having a go etc and I really wasn't. He goes to bed in a sulk.

    I want to leave but I cant disrupt my kids, what the buggery do I do. I am so fed up with this and no one seems to give a damn. I poke to my mum about it and it really is just a case of 'you made your bed etc' and think of the children.

    Bollocks and buggeration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  13. jane

    jane Opinionated

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    I'm really sorry you're feeling so miserable & don't really know what to say,except one thing. you said you feel you're the only one getting that treatment at work-but remember what the receptionist said. It may be that others too find her difficult but have found a way of living with her.Is there someone among them that you could also have a quiet chat to?
     
  14. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Hi Jane, to be honest there is only the receptionist I can talk to and she keeps well out of the other womens way. I have been looking into getting another job anyway, but I would like to confront her before I go, if only to let her know that I am not going to stand for treatment like that.
    As I said, it is a small company and bar the receptionist no one else has said anything, she doesnt seem to have a go at them, but then again, they are men and she likes working with men!!!

    I might just ask for a quiet word with her on Monday and see how it goes from there :rolleyes:
     
  15. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Thanks for that Cah-ching, Its not nice to admit to something like that but I know its the truth, he has really changed since we got married unfortunately, he seems to feel like he doesnt have to bother at all, its not much fun! Soldier on should be my motto, at least until I can decide what to do about it!:rolleyes:
     
  16. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Hi, just wanted to say thanks, I really appreciate it. I've never been subject to office bullying before and to be honest, Im just not sure how to react bar trying to have a quiet word with her which I think I will try on Monday, fingers crossed!:eek:
     
  17. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Hi Lizzie, I think you are right, Im gonna take her aside on monday and see how it goes from there. I'm quite p****d off at myself for wanting to choose the flight instead of fight option so will definately say something, hope I look convincing!:eek:

    Thanks
    Rachel x
     
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  19. Karen

    Karen Serial Foodie!

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    if it doesnt stop after u have a chat with her...i would say something in front of everyone next time. not bitchy but to put her on the spot.

    as with ALL bullies...she must feel she is lacking in her life and is putting u down to make herself feel better. i'd say something of that effect and ask her if you need to both take this further up the chain as u wont tollerate it. if she saves it for when u r alone, she may be mortified to get called on it infront of people. it doesnt have to be done nastily, just directly.

    i hope it works out for you. personally, i'd stick tacs on her chair and delete all her work but then, im evil lol
     
  20. Rachels

    Rachels Member

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    Ooooh Karen, do you know how tempted I am to do that?!!! I think you are right you know, she doesnt want anyone else to think that she is capable of being so catty/bitchy, so a polite yet firm mention in front of other folk might do the trick!

    If it doesnt then I have a pack of tacks in my bag handy!!:p
     
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