Personal advice

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by megsmum, 7 November 2007 Social URL.

  1. megsmum

    megsmum Full Member

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    Hi

    Not been around much recently as I have had a few issues i have needed to deal with,

    Seems like I cant do it on my own and have now come on here looking for advice and help.

    Ok from the start

    I am in week 13 and have lost 51.5 pounds almost 4 stone and I am delighted but I have been having problems with nibbling and this has slowed down my weight loss.

    Last night at class I was saying this and how i didnt need help to stop it as it was only me that could do it. It was suggested that if I was seen eating a member of my family would tell me. I had to admit no one sees me as I am a secret eater. I have been doing this since I was little. Asked if there was a reason that I knew of I confessed that I was sexually abused since a very early age by a very close family member. Boy did that put a damper on the class. But it did make things fall into place . As a child eating was my comfort zone. It has been suggested that unless I deal with the abuse I wont be able to deal with my eating. It could be a physcological thing that I dont want to be thin as I dont want to be sexually attractive.

    In the past I have spoken to a councellor about it but it has only made it worse rather than better. I havent told a lot of people including my family, The abuser is now dead and I worry they wont believe me telling them after all these years.

    Today at work I told one of my collegues and she said yes it made things very clear. I am obsessed about not leaving my kids with anyone and recently took time of work to look after them. She now understood why I did that. There was more to it but going into enough details here.

    I know this is hard but as anyone been in a similar situation and delt with it. If so how. I dont want this to ruin the rest of my life. I have had a couple of days binging in the last week as i am having a problem coping with it now i have got it into my head again.

    Thanks
     
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  3. Miss Fenella

    Miss Fenella Full Member

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    Hiya - I had some great counselling and it really did help sort my mind. No need to tell anyone else if you don't want to but really, get counselling - and if you don't get on with your counsellor get another one. A good one sorts your mind and makes it clear - promise.
    xx

    I think I eat to self destruct, nothing to do with abuse other than it's me 'showing' that I can do what I want!

    All I am doing is being an arse!
     
  4. New-Me

    New-Me can do it this time!

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    hi
    just read your post.

    sorry, have nothing to offer in way of any similar experience at all, but wanted to send you a huge warm fuzzy - think you are really brave admitting what you have been through and sharing it with others. Am sure others may advise you to try different counselling again, but with support of good friends, family, and of course this fab site, you can def do it. Look at everything you have achieved so far - its fantastic.

    hang in there and good luck.
     
  5. janetljones

    janetljones Full Member

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    MegsMum

    Sorry to hear you have been having a hard time recently. You have done fantastically well with your losses so far, well done you.

    LL does help us to unearth many of the past causes of why we overeat now. There is no quick fix to dealing with deep seated issues, you have used food as your coping mechanism for whatever reason for a very long time.

    I think it helps to realise that whilst you have turned to food, probably because it was the only thing readily accessible to you at the time, had you been a little older it could have been cigarettes, alcohol, drugs etc. What they all have in common is addiction and a pattern of addictive behaviour.

    Counselling will help you as you try and come to terms with what happened to you, and I agree with Fenella it is worth getting the right counsellor for you, if that is the first one you see that is a bonus. I had different issues, but it was the third counsellor who actually worked for me. You should think about the type of counselling you need, there are many types, you already have a foundation in CBT cognitive behaviour therapy, with LL and I personally find it helpful. It is all very well understanding what it is that caused the problem but you need positive tools to help you break the pattern of addictive behaviour.

    You are dealing with big issues so please don't beat yourself up about the occasional lapse. Keep on with your journey and I am sending you a great big hug - it is scary at times but so worth perservering with the transformation for you and your family.

    :grouphugg:
     
  6. megsmum

    megsmum Full Member

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    Hi

    Thanks, you dont know how hard that was to write last night.

    But I think it has helped me get it of my chest to. My hubby came in and wanted on the pc but i said no i have to finish this now or I wont. He looked over my shoulder and saw what I was writing. I told him about it years ago. Having seen it in writing we were able to talk about it. I said I had mentioned it in my group which suprised him but he was pleased I am able to talk about it. Today I was worrying about not eating. I dont work on Thursdays but have loads to do but I know this is when i am in the house all day on my own. I do go out with the dogs ect but I have things to catch up with so I cant stay out all day so I dont eat. But today I have made a special effort and have eaten nothing. I wont say it has been easy and the day isnt over yet but my youngest will be in from school shortly so I wont be on my own.

    I have set myself a goal of loosing 4 pound this week taking me to 4 stone in my final week of foundation. Ignore my tracker it is wrong and I cant change it. I know I can do it if I can control myself.

    Thanks again this is such a great place to come and share with. The good and the bad
     
  7. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

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    it sounds that you have made significant progress by being able to talk about it in group, at work and on here. be patient and loving with yourself and you will get there.
     
  8. Minnie64

    Minnie64 Think thin

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    Cambridge
    Hi Megsmum
    I have sent you a PM
    xxxxxxxxxx
     
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