Question I'd like advice on ...

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Mel P, 15 September 2009 Social URL.

  1. Mel P

    Mel P Full Member

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    I feel a bit stupid and preemptive asking this now, but I would like people's opinions/advice on what I should do (whether it's now or the next time).

    I have met someone through a dating website. We have been in contact for the past 3 weeks, emails/txts/calls and went for our first date on Saturday, which went very well. Still very early days and we only have a 2nd date this Friday.

    What I am wondering is when I should tell someone about my weight loss. I can't hide it forever and he already commented that I looked thinner than in my profile picture (which is 6 weeks old).

    All opinions gratefully received (then I can decide if I should be hiding all my "fat" photo's before Friday for when he collects me!).

    Thanks

    Mel
     
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  3. thin_inside

    thin_inside I Can Do This!

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    Depends how comfortable you are with him I suppose. It may be obvious that you are thinking carefully about what you eat and he might think this strange. Also, you are who you are - and being overweight was a part of you, but you have dealt with it. Be proud of yourself, even the overweight you who took the decision to regain control over food.

    Relax and enjoy your new confidence. :)
     
  4. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    I'd tend to be sneaky about it. Just becasue I'm a bit twisted, I'd try to find out his attitude towards people who are overweight first....just to get a feel for the real person and if he has no issues then I'd spill the beans.

    Not saying you should do this Mel....just that I would cos I'm bad...:)
     
    Last edited: 15 September 2009
  5. London_Girl

    London_Girl Member

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    If I was you, I would just relax and forget about the issue of talking to him about being overweight for now.
    Even though it has been a big part of your life until now, you are now a different person and I would concentrate on getting to know him, enjoy the time and just discover if you get along...
    See him as just another new part of your NEW LIFE without being overweight...
    I am sure you have so many lovely characteristics, hobbies and interests that you can talk about.
    There will come a moment when you feel it is right to tell him about the issues you have faced in the past...but until then, just enjoy your new confidence and the butterflies :)
    Good Luck
    xx
     
  6. Gemma79

    Gemma79 I will do this!

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    firstly wohoo on the new man, must make you feel great.
    I would not tell him about the weight issue as I don't think you need to, but I wouldn't hide the pictures either. If he comments I would be honest, but I would wait for it naturally to come out rather than making a point of telling him.

    Good luck whatever you do, and hope the second date goes well xx
     
  7. pete10141748

    pete10141748 Postaholic

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    From a guy's POV, unless he brings up the topic, just don't mention it.

    One of the warning signs to us guys to leg it is a girl who is obsessed about how she looks - I'm not for one minute saying you are, but if you start talking about your weight without prompt from him, when you barely know him, he's probably not going to react well! That might sound shallow or wrong, but sadly that's just how most of us are :eek:

    If he brings it up, go for it, bit I'd still advise against going into detail about it - again, most guys aren't going to be understanding on the 2nd or 3rd date to hear you've been "in therapy" or want to hear about the details of CBT!

    Just keep it light and breezy. If he mentions you've lost weight, just say "thanks" and leave it at that, unless he prompts you for more.

    Hope that helps :) and have a nice 2nd date!
     
  8. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

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    If it was me

    I wouldn't say anything at this stage. Just take it lightly and see how it goes.
    Enjoy dating, don't get heavy too soon.
    Plenty of time for that if you get to know each other better. But don't try and hide it if it comes up naturally (the subject, I mean!!!)
    We all have our private stuff.
    Good luck.xxx
     
  9. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    Hmmm, but being sneaky - if he DOES have issues with fat people, would she really want to be with him? ;)

    Honesty - always the best way forward. :) In my humble opinion. :D
     
  10. Morticia

    Morticia Happy in my own skin

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    That's what I mean, so she can see if he does have issues and move on to the next guy who does not have issues with weight...as I said a bit sneaky so not advocating it...:)
     
  11. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

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    ahhhh.....gotcha M. :)
     
  12. Mel P

    Mel P Full Member

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    Thanks to everyone for your advice. It is still early days and I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have decided to take the sage advice of going slowly and getting to know him better first, so photo's will be removed for Friday.

    Mel
     
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