Really funny - for all gym goers

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MadamDotty, 10 August 2008 Social URL.

  1. MadamDotty

    MadamDotty Back again!

    The Harcombe Diet
    A friend sent me this and it's so funny:

    If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

    Dear Diary,
    For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.
    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Brad, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

    Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Brad waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Brad gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Brad was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!

    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
    Brad made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Brad's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.
    Brad was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Brad put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Brad told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other sh*t too.

    Brad was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.
    Brad took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny ***** to find me.
    Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

    FRIDAY :
    I hate that Brad more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world.
    Brad wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher.
    Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

    Brad left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

    SUNDAY :
    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little ****) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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  3. Toots

    Toots Gold Member

    Yup, that just about sums it up!! :D
  4. aislinn

    aislinn Full Member

    LOL!! That did indeed make me howl with laughter. I must be some sort of masochist because that kind of activity gives me a real buzz……..or maybe my pleasure is in that I survived it and didn’t die!!!

    Aislinn x
  5. RachelM

    RachelM Full Member

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    Slimming world
    LOL!!! That made me snort with laughter, particularly liked the "he said some other s**t too"! haha
  6. MadamDotty

    MadamDotty Back again!

    The Harcombe Diet
    Yes I was howling when I read it and the tears were just streaming down my face. Funniest thing I've read in ages :D
  7. Kayles

    Kayles Member

    Sole source
    I think the name "Brad" is protection for my boyf, Adam, he's also a homicidal maniac when it comes to the gym, lol
  8. spooky

    spooky Banned

    LOL :D
  9. rainbow

    rainbow Gold Member

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    love it xxx
  10. missmf

    missmf getting slimmer

    cambridge, sole source. (trying!)
    what a laugh!!
    thanks x
  11. rainbow brite

    rainbow brite ~Starsprinkled~

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    Hehe!! That gave me a good giggle! :)
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