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Relate

suepat10

I am one of the 63336
S: 20st3lb C: 20st3lb G: 12st7lb BMI: 44.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#2
I had an initial appointment with Relate with my 1st husband and was told there was a waiting list. This was in July 1996, just after we had separated. They rung me in January 1997 with an appointment, the day after his funeral.

I don't know if their waiting lists are any shorter these days but I do know people waiting for individual counselling who are waiting months for appointments after initial assessments.

If waiting lists are long it is worth speaking to your local CAB who may know of other counselling services xxx
 

alwyn

Silver Member
S: 80.29kg C: 80.29kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0kg(0%)
#6
Hope you're ok hon xx
 

pesty

Fighting the bulge
S: 13st13.5lb C: 13st2.5lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 31.7 Loss: 0st11lb(5.63%)
#7
I was a relate counciller when i was in college for all the younger children at school. I took a 2 week course - dont think that's quite what your talking about though lol xx
 

sassie

Full Member
S: 13st2lb C: 12st5lb G: 11st7lb Loss: 0st11lb(5.98%)
#8
Hmm.. not quite :)

Okay, here's the deal; I'm in a very happy loved up relationship and have been with my bf for 2 years and been living together for 1. Over the last few months I have totally lost my s*x drive and can't seem to find it anywhere! It has happened in previous relationships when i've not been happy but this time I couldn't be happier and I don't want it to get to the point where it tears us apart! I over think it all too much and so get myself into a vicious circle of thinking that it's going to go wrong, then it does go wrong and then I think it'll get worse etc etc.

I'm not really sure which way to turn to get some help but not sure I can wait a year to see someone at Relate!
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#9
My mum and her ex were referred to relate councelling and paid for it.

i met the guy as he then went ahead and councelled my youngest brother for free afterward.. I didnt like him, felt he wanted every one to be his success story and presured my mum to make descions.

and from what i saw, i could have done his jkob for the amount of money he was on.


wasnt impressed at all.. needless to say mum and ex did not reconsile. ( well, how can you? the bloke is compelte scum and completly screwed in the head, cant fix that! )
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#10
Hmm.. not quite :)

Okay, here's the deal; I'm in a very happy loved up relationship and have been with my bf for 2 years and been living together for 1. Over the last few months I have totally lost my s*x drive and can't seem to find it anywhere! It has happened in previous relationships when i've not been happy but this time I couldn't be happier and I don't want it to get to the point where it tears us apart! I over think it all too much and so get myself into a vicious circle of thinking that it's going to go wrong, then it does go wrong and then I think it'll get worse etc etc.

I'm not really sure which way to turn to get some help but not sure I can wait a year to see someone at Relate!

- Im in the same situation but Oh doesnt feel we need to talk to anyone.. so were just trying to work through it! - It only started once id started loosing lots of weight, im not self concious, just with him.. and cant relax.. and liek you over think things, dont know why as i love him alot and am very happy outside of this problem! hope you find somthing to help hon xxx
 

sassie

Full Member
S: 13st2lb C: 12st5lb G: 11st7lb Loss: 0st11lb(5.98%)
#11
Thanks Fern, I haven't told him that I want to talk to someone yet... I think he'd be happy to just keep it between us but I know (ish) how my brain works and I just don't think that's going to cut it!
 

alwyn

Silver Member
S: 80.29kg C: 80.29kg G: 60.33kg BMI: 29.5 Loss: 0kg(0%)
#12
Could it be the end of the honeymoon period? I was like you when I was first with my hubby - couldn't get enough of him!!

We spent 3 years apart at university and that kept it "fresh" IYKWIM

Once we moved in together and the routine of everyday life took over, my drive went down the toilet!

It's still not great - there are times when I just can't face it. And I love my hubby more than anything, it's just that I'd rather sleep sometimes!!

We've been together 9 years now BTW!

Another thing, have you changed contraception recently? Gone onto hormonal contraception for the first time? This can also have an effect.
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#13
iv also heard the pill has a side affect of affecting your sex drive, and although i recently switched from depo injection to the pill, iv been like this for almost a year ( god, cant believe its been like this so long)

i really do feel for my OH, hes so wonderful and treats me like a princess, always trying to help me and make things better, i have nothing to complain about, but he does get frustrated about it somtimes which i can completly understand! and like you alwyn, i love my sleep! LOL

i actually find it painful now, as im so tense all the time, OH googled it and apparently when your relaxed and turned on, your pelvic muscle/bone (im not entirly sure what he said now) moves upwards and thsu makes it all easier, but when your not, it doesnt and can make it uncomfortable.

Its not his fault, and i honestly couldnt tell you why, and i really wish i could fix it, but i just dont know how! i just dont want sex.. much to his dissapointment! - poor lad :( lol .. its bizarre, were so young!


your not alone hun, and im always here to chat to if you need someone! - let me know if you do go ahead with the counselling, id love to know if it helps at all. x
 
S: 16st4lb C: 13st8lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 38.4 Loss: 2st10lb(16.67%)
#14
You could try private counselling - my drs surgery provides it (NHS) and you are allowed 3 sessions. You should also have a medical just to see if there is something causing it. But I do think that there are times in one's life where sex becomes less important for a period .
You could also try to get some time alone with hubby and have a romantic evening of your choice and see what happens. I always feel it is quality not quantity too.
Good luck let us know how you do
 
#15
Hi there, I have had Relate counselling, & frankly I didnt think it was worth it. Not for the same issues as you but nevertheless... The counsellor was basically just a mediator between warring parties... I believe you can get much better than Relate. I have no experience in your predicament, but have heard/read that removing "IT" altogether from the equation is possibly the best way forward. Try lots & lots of the fo*ep*ay type stuff, for a good while, but absolutely no "IT". I guess its supposed to heighten the anticipation, which then eventually happens when you are both ready to do so. Whatever you do, very best of luck. x
 

Leapfrog

Champion actifryer
S: 84kg C: 71.5kg G: 65kg BMI: 27.9 Loss: 12.5kg(14.9%)
#16
I think we all lead such busy lives these days that it's a question of finding time for "it". Personally, I'm usually just too tired last thing at night and first thing on a work-day morning is a no-no. So we find other times, like weekends, when it's more spontaneous or daytime if work allows, which feels ever such a little bit naughty! Takes the pressure off :D
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#17
Hi there, I have had Relate counselling, & frankly I didnt think it was worth it. Not for the same issues as you but nevertheless... The counsellor was basically just a mediator between warring parties... I believe you can get much better than Relate. I have no experience in your predicament, but have heard/read that removing "IT" altogether from the equation is possibly the best way forward. Try lots & lots of the fo*ep*ay type stuff, for a good while, but absolutely no "IT". I guess its supposed to heighten the anticipation, which then eventually happens when you are both ready to do so. Whatever you do, very best of luck. x


iv also heard of this as a technique being used xx
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#18
iv also heard the pill has a side affect of affecting your sex drive, and although i recently switched from depo injection to the pill, iv been like this for almost a year ( god, cant believe its been like this so long)

i really do feel for my OH, hes so wonderful and treats me like a princess, always trying to help me and make things better, i have nothing to complain about, but he does get frustrated about it somtimes which i can completly understand! and like you alwyn, i love my sleep! LOL

i actually find it painful now, as im so tense all the time, OH googled it and apparently when your relaxed and turned on, your pelvic muscle/bone (im not entirly sure what he said now) moves upwards and thsu makes it all easier, but when your not, it doesnt and can make it uncomfortable.

Its not his fault, and i honestly couldnt tell you why, and i really wish i could fix it, but i just dont know how! i just dont want sex.. much to his dissapointment! - poor lad :( lol .. its bizarre, were so young!


your not alone hun, and im always here to chat to if you need someone! - let me know if you do go ahead with the counselling, id love to know if it helps at all. x
I am exactley the same!!! I swear to god it is due to the pill im on (friends that are on the same have noticed also) its been about 3 years for me..and it makes me feel awful for him, but he never moans!! I think half the time people exagorate how often they do it..if you asked people to be honest i think you would be very surprised!!
 

sassie

Full Member
S: 13st2lb C: 12st5lb G: 11st7lb Loss: 0st11lb(5.98%)
#19
Thanks for all your comments - I will definately try out your suggestions and even if they don't work, I feel much less alone now :)
 
S: 14st13lb C: 14st13lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 38.2 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#20
^ Same. Its easy to think your the only one, and as said i think people over exagorate how often they really do do it.


i know you can feel a bit lost, under pressure to fix it even when you dont honestly know how, i just hope things will eventually sort themselves out. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 




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