Relationship help....:(

[welshchick]

Hi everyone, feeling crap and don't know what else to do. Basically married last year and we've been together for 9years since we were 16. I just feel fed up about where things are heading - is it possible to feel like ur husband is more of a friend than a lover. I seem to work my but off, look after him, have to avoid social situations due to lack of money and he doesn't get his despite me trying to talk to him about it. He works for his parents 7 days a week and gets small pay for it. At 25, I feel like a boring old woman. I want to consider kids etc but it's out of the questions as I'm the bread winner etc...don't know if any of you can help but do't know who else to turn to. Friends my age have no responsibility and don't seem to get it!! Most still live with parents or have partners that virtually support them.

 

[Sio]

We were together 7 years when we got married and the first year nearly broke us up. He was spending every weekend with his mates and my gran was dying and I pushed him away. I took us a while but we're much stronger for it. Getting things out in the open really helped, he hadn't realised how upset I was we weren't spending time together.

I'm not saying just ride it out but I was talking to 4 sets of friends who all said their first married year was their hardest overall. The movies teach you it's happily ever after but good marriage take effort.

Is there an option for him to change job? Maybe even if he got one day off a week you could spend quality time together. Also talk to your friends and suggest cheap things to do, e.g. going for walks etc...

Hope things get better!

 

[xMandyDx]

It sounds like his lack of "hearing" is causing a lot of problems. Perhaps you could mention to him that your body clock is ticking and you'd like to discuss starting a family. That will automatically open up the "we can't afford them" can of worms, which then leads you to suggesting he ask his parents for a raise, since it sounds like he works crazy hours.
Perhaps even suggest retraining or learning a trade? In today's economic wasteland, there doesn't seem to be much else to do but retrain/learn a trade and hope.
Tell him you feel run down and need some support, and you both need to spend more time together, even if it's just watching a movie with a bag of popcorn to share, cuddled up on the couch.
Yeah, it is totally possible to feel like you have a room mate rather than a husband, but as with all things, you get out what you put in, and you both need to do this equally.

 

[welshchick]

Thanks for the suggestions! Will give them a go. I've tried suggesting cinema, films, meals but he just eats supper then plays on his laptop and goes to bed. Tis ,orning, he finished work at 9 and went so see his friends until 3 and then is back in work - meanwhile I'm stuck with no car living in the middle of nowhere hopeful that we might do something or spend time together....! When I mention anything, he said I'm moanin and moody, will keep trying! I think you're right in that being married doesn't make everything perfect. We've been together a while and loved together 3 years, seems that recently things are taking their tole..