RUDE joke of the day :-)

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by onlyme!, 23 July 2009 Social URL.

  1. onlyme!

    onlyme! is a naughty girl...

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    An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "This guy hasn’t seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"

    "I’m so relieved you feel that way." the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "He just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight arse!"
     
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  3. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    lol @ onlyme!

    Here's one from me:
    3 blondes in a lift, suddenly the lift comes to a halt and the lights go out. First they try and call for help by using their mobile phones… but no luck. The phone's have no signal. After a couple of hours being stuck with no sign of help, 1 blond says to the others 'I think the best way to call for help is by shouting together.'
    The others agree, and they take a deep breath and begin to shout 'Together, together, together.'
     
  4. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    Also:

    So.... here's the situation, you're touring the Mexican country side in your car.

    You see a service station and need petrol, so why not stop and fill up....

    When all of a sudden this comes walking out of the garage !!!!!






    [​IMG]

    You suddenly think WTF !!!!!!!!!

    Then the beast turns to look at you...................




    [​IMG]

    Nice Doggy
    J
     
  5. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    You've set me off now Onlyme! Here's another one I got sent - hilarious!

    Do you feel like working today ?
    [​IMG]

    Tomorrow maybe ?
    [​IMG]

    Ehh the day after..??
    [​IMG]


    What about next week ??

    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]

    Next Month ???
    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
    [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
    Me Neither....!! I Feel like partying!! ....


    [​IMG]


    Do you ever get this feeling at work ???

    [​IMG]
    If so then send this on!
    and




    Don't forget
    to thank your

    workmates for all

    their help & support

    with a pat on the back

    to help you through

    the working week!!!

    I

    v

    [​IMG]
     
  6. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    these are vvv funny!!
     
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  7. onlyme!

    onlyme! is a naughty girl...

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    well tomorrow we are all happy because it is Friday today we needed a smile...because we are all fantastic and doing an stupidly hard diet (which I love) so all giggle away because if you laugh 100 times a day that is the same as 10 mins execise but feels better :D
     
  8. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    lol!! thats even funnier! 10 mins! i love laughing!its the best remedy for anything, we should post jokes more regularly! good idea, even though im so forgetful i would ever remember any that i've been told, i could just read and laugh and burn calories :)!!!
     
  9. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    lol @ lottie :):):)
     
  10. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    emma how do you get you picture on your profile? sorry to change the subject! just everytime i think i have done it, it isnt showing. Do i no have enough posts ect to be able to do it? xx
     
  11. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    Have you clicked on avatar? If you have and you load up pic and it doesn't show, it's quite possible that you haven't posted enough (I *think* it's 50 posts)

    What a lot of people tend to do is play the games - *Word Association* and *Last Letter* - I'll bump them up for you lovely so you can get busy posting! :)

    Hugs x x x
     
  12. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    ok thanks hun, i may have done it we will see once i have posted this! i didnt realise it was avatar, i was trying to do it another way! silly me! and if my picture does work then dont laugh!- my hair colour doesnt really make me this silly! lol! xx
     
  13. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    yay! i did it!
     
  14. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    Yay - well done hun.

    I love your hair colour, you're a very pretty lady :)

    Hugs x x x
     
  15. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    aww thanks so are you though!! we can all be pretty slim ladies together! :)
     
  16. emmapetty

    emmapetty Going for Goal!

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    lol - indeed we can. I need to update my pics really. Just not had time tbh. Hopefully get round to doing it soon - It'll be good for me to see the changes. :):):)

    Hugs x x x
     
  17. lottie***

    lottie*** Full Member

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    pictures are most definatley motivating! i have my before pictures stuck on my fridge!! when im hungry i open the fridge and just stand there looking at all the food my bf has in there like some sort of mentalist! thats when i wuld be likely to fall so the pictures stop me from opening the fridge door in the first place!x
     
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  19. Yvonne1989

    Yvonne1989 Needs to stop eating!!

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    :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

    I reeeeeally dont get this joke, I have read it over and over and am just not getting it?:eek:
     
  20. devilishandsweet

    devilishandsweet 100% all the way!

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    teeheee xxx I need to get a joke now! xx
     
  21. haggard_hannah

    haggard_hannah Proud to be a Loser!

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    I don't get it either! :( xx
     
  22. polishrose

    polishrose Gold Member

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    the piccies in those 2 jokes aren't showing up for me :(
     
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