Step 1 Sole Source + Ruthlet's Road to being a loser!

Discussion in 'CD Weight Loss Diaries' started by Ruthlet, 19 May 2014.

  1. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Hi all :eek:

    I'm feeling a bit nervous posting but here goes......

    I am not new to CWP. I first followed the CWP back in 2007 and lost 79lbs in 5 1/2 months taking me down to a healthy BMI. I successfully maintained from 2007-2012 (excluding 12 months while pregnant and losing weight afterwards) but sadly I find myself completely out of control of my eating with my weight just going up and up and up :(. I can't tell you how nerve-wracking it is posting that I am starting over again - it feels like I am a failure. But then I have to remind myself that I am only a failure if I stop trying!

    Long story short... I had a breakdown in 2012 and being a chronic emotional eater, I fell back into my old eating habits. As if my poor emotional food choices were not enough to tank on the pounds, the medication I was prescribed is also notorious for causing weight gain and resulted in weight gain much faster than I have ever experienced before.

    I have been umming and aahhhing about coming back to CWP, but didn't want to take the plunge until I felt I was strong enough to fully commit and take full responsibility and control of my own destiny. I am now on a good path as far as my mental and emotional wellbeing are concerned, and am well enough that I no longer need the anti-depressants :p I really feel that the last stage in my recovery journey is to shed my excess pounds. So here I am!

    Having tried a truck-load of different diets before I discovered CWP in 2007, I feel that SS/SS+ is the right choice for me. I really admire people that can stick with plans like WW and SW to lose weight, but they are just to open-ended for me, one syn would quickly become 10 before I realise how much I have eaten :eek: The thing that really resonated for me the first time I did the plan was how SS/SS+ is like hitting a reset button. Clean slate, taking food out of the equation to allow me to identify my triggers for over-eating and put in place alternative coping mechanisms for the future. Thats the plan anyway ;)

    So I am off to see my consultant tomorrow. I never kept a diary when I was losing before, but this time around I thought it might help me to have somewhere to share my experiences on the journey ahead of me.

    Have a good day all :)
  2. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    I met my CDC for the first time tonight & it turns out we used to work together in the past! We didn't recognise one another from our names as we have both married since we last saw one another - small world ;)

    So I am all set for day 1 tomorrow. I have been increasing my water since last week & cutting down on carbs for the last few days in preparation, so fingers crossed the carb withdrawal is not too hardcore.

    I read really a quote today which really struck a chord with me: "You cannot change what you refuse to confront."

    It sums up how I feel right now & gives me courage to give CWP my full attention. I refuse to ignore my weight & declining health anymore, I am in control & I can do this!

    Night Night.
  3. Sophiesophs

    Sophiesophs Well-Known Member

    Good luck for day one ruthlet! You sound really determined and focused which is 3/4's of the battle!plus you've been successful on the plan before so in your head you know you can get results! Keep pushing forward! I know what it's like to be an emotional eater, it's been one of the biggest challenges for me on this diet so far! I'll keep checking your diary! Xx
    Ruthlet likes this.
  4. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Thank you Sophiesophs :)

    Congratulations on your loss so far - a stone in 3 weeks is AMAZING :clap:

    I am off to work in an hour and I will be there til 8. It is always busy so I won't have time to think about food! I am saving shake number 3 until I come home as I am notorious for coming home and inhaling food :eek:

    Thank you again for the positive vibes :)
  5. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Day one 100% success!

    Well thats day one done and dusted :)

    I think I probably averaged 3-3.5 litres of water - our office is reaaaalllllly warm!

    Overall no real side-effects just yet. I'm about to have a de-caf cuppa with the last of my SS+ milk allowance then it will be time for bed. Fingers crossed for a decent day tomorrow. Huzzah!
  6. Pink Tulip

    Pink Tulip Well-Known Member

    Hi Ruthlet,

    Well done on completing Day 1! I also started yesterday after losing 4 stone last year and gaining 2 back:mad:! Day one is always the hardest for me and then day 3-5, once in Ketosis I find it much easier. I'm back to lose 3 stone before my holiday and family photo shoot:eek: mid August. I really feel so unhappy in myself at the moment, from the obvious things like clothes not fitting to the more complex emotional feelings of letting myself and others around me down. I had so many false starts and never made it past day 1 without cheating so am really proud of myself for getting through day 1 and am determinded to lose this 3 stone for good!

    Just wanted to wish you good luck on your journey! x
    Ruthlet likes this.
  7. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Day 2 - 6 types of birthday cake and not a crumb passed my lips. Yee-haa!

    Its been a long old day.

    Firstly, I stayed up far too late reading threads on here :doh: Then when I got into bed I couldn't sleep as the rain was so loud :rolleyes: Once the rain eased off I was too cold :sigh: Then shortly after I fell asleep my 4yo daughter appeared in our room telling tales of noisy dragons and freckles and proceeded to be wide awake for a couple of hours *yawn*

    I spent the afternoon at a friends daughters birthday party. There was a massive party food buffet :eek: and (no word of a lie) 6..........yes 6 different cakes :drool: What did I have? A cup of tea :cool: I am still utterly amazed my resolve held strong.

    I'm just in from work & had my last shake. Having a quick look on here with a decaf cuppa in hand then I'll be off to bed.

    So that's it, day 2 done 100% :D Awesome!

    Thank you for your kind words Pink Tulip :hug99:I really can relate to what you said about feeling dissapointed in yourself. However, you have taken control & cleared day 1 :clap:I hope day 2 has gone equally well x
  8. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Dear diary.....100% today :cool:

    Its day 3 & I think I might be in ketosis :innocent0001: How do I know? Because I'm flipping freeeeeezing :gen125: I cut down my carbs before starting on Wednesday so it is possible that I might be cooking fat for fun!

    Onwards & downwards!
  9. AuburnAshes

    AuburnAshes Well-Known Member

    Ooh, I'm really cold today too. Just finished day 2 so it's a little early to be in ketosis, but it's possible I suppose! You're doing so well, especially with the cake-avoidance!!
  10. AuburnAshes

    AuburnAshes Well-Known Member

    Oh. Just checked the room temperature, and it's *actually* cold. Never mind then. :D
  11. Sophiesophs

    Sophiesophs Well-Known Member

    Ha ha I'm sure you're in ketosis! I'm in week 5 and still flippin freezing and having to wear fleecy socks to bed!
  12. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Day 4

    Dear diary, its day 4 & I'm still on track with another 100% day :D

    I was working all day which kept me occupied & away from food. So far I only seem to have had fleeting cravings which I have been able to put down pretty quickly. As much as the things I crave would be nice, I need to get my excess poundage off more.

    I have a friends birthday celebration brunch next weekend. I haven't had the chance to tell her I am on a losing streak again, as I want to have the conversation in person. We were supposed to see each other this week, but she cancelled on me last minute & I won't see her until her birthday brunch now. I was thinking if she chose a little brasserie I could just go & drink tea, but she's chosen a proper restaurant :rolleyes:.

    I think I'm going to call the restaurant & see if they would be OK with me just ordering tea/coffee, it'll be a fairly sizeable group so hopefully they won't object. If not, I can swap my SS+ milk that day for a couple of eggs & have scrambled eggs & leave the toast.

    Thank you for your kind comments & support Sophie & Auburn - I'd write more but my tablet is on 2% battery & bed is calling.

    Night night lovely Cambridge folk :zz:
  13. AuburnAshes

    AuburnAshes Well-Known Member

    I really don't know how I'd cope with meals out. One of the major advantages of being a single mum is having an easy excuse to avoid them, but that only works if you're an antisocial nerd like I am. :)
  14. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Day 5 DONE 100% & Day 6 almost there and WILL BE 100%!

    Well yesterday was another 100% on plan*air fist punch*!

    I have joined the 2 week challenge that started yesterday and really want to be able to track my loss so had a cheeky weigh this morning :scale: I have not weighed at home since last Sunday morning when I was 16st4lb. I cut down on my carbs Sunday-Tuesday before starting SS+ on Wednesday. The scales show me being 15st10lb this morning :party0011: thats a whopping 8lbs off :eek: and I haven't even finished my first full week of SS+. It is safe to say I am absolutely chuffed to bits and more motivated than before to keep on chugging my water & sticking to plan 100%.

    Sophiesophs - I am totally with you on fleecy socks in bed :giggle: I am soooooo flipping cold. Thats one of the reasons I am so desperate to crack on as I want to be out of ketosis and working up the plans before autumn when it gets cold again!

    AutumnAshes - I too am a bit of a antisocial nerd truth be told. I would much rather snuggle up on the sofa at home and read a book, watch sci-fi telly or play boardgames than go out on the town :p. I can't avoid this birthday meal though - my friend has specifically booked it for a day and time when I am not working and she knows my hubby is available to watch our LO.

    I have had a busy DIY day - I'm making good use of all the time I would usually spend cooking and shopping ;) So far I'm still on plan with my last shake still to go so I'm pretty sure this will be another 100% day :)
  15. AuburnAshes

    AuburnAshes Well-Known Member

    8lbs is fantastic!! :D :D :D :D Well done you!

    When is your first official weigh-in?

    I was wondering whether the losses would be impressive on SS+, or whether I'd feel a bit disappointed considering the cost and effort, but you've reassured me a fast weightloss is possible!
  16. Sophiesophs

    Sophiesophs Well-Known Member

    Oooooooo looks like you're on track for a great weigh in!!! :bunnydance:
  17. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Thank you ladies! Official CD WI is tonight.

    Silly me got on the scales again this morning - this is why I try not to weigh in between weeks - & they read 15st12lb, so may not get the super duper official WI I thought I would! Guessing it'll be water retention. Usually I would get stressed about it & inhale half a packet of biscuits, however I know I've stuck 100% to plan & am definately in ketosis. So, while a fab WI is great, I know the weight has to be coming off regardless of daily fluctuations on the scales. I'll make an extra effort with my water today & see if I can't flush those couple of lbs away by teatime ;)

    Have a great day :)
    Last edited: 27 May 2014
  18. amanda j94

    amanda j94 Active Member

    Heyy Ruthlet -

    seems like just a couple of days ago that i was eagerly awaiting my 1 week weigh in and this morning was my 1 month mark! Props to you for starting out again after clearly a hard time in your life - the toughest thing is to get the courage to actually do it and you're already over that hurdle.

    It's funny before I came to uni my life was pretty great and I always though mental health issues like depression were really rare and unusual conditions. But - since the stress of moving away from my family for the first time ever, not instantly making friends and having difficult work all the time that I just couldn't do, I felt like my whole life had changes in ways that freaked me out. Then my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer not long ago and I don't think I left my bed for about a week: I ate ridiculous amounts of food, barely showered and just did no work until i realised that I was slipping down a path that i couldn't get out of. In the past 2 years since all this has gone on I went from 8 stone 10 to 12 stone 6. Also - loads of my friends who found the move from home to uni a bit traumatic and/or have had family/boyfriend issues have had mental health issues and binge eating problems with many of them being put on antidepressants.

    I didn't mean to ramble into my life story but just wanted to say you shouldn't feel embarrassed that your health problems de-railed you: they do to everyone! And for people with real lives and real stresses, its far more common that we're lead to believe! I think its a fantastic achievement that you managed to keep the weight off for so long last time and really wish you good luck this time around - there's no point in looking back at 'what if I'd just stayed slim' as i did for ages and felt like i was so big that it was hopeless to even try to lose the weight because the journey was just too big: its important to accept who we are now and really feel good about our achievements on this diet rather than try to rush down to the weight we were before without properly recognising our weekly achievements.

    In terms of knowing if you're in ketosis - the sticks that you pee on are good: they're like £2 for 50 of them and they're good for if you want to weigh yourself but know you shouldn't - just pee on a stick to check you are on track and in ketosis. Also at the beginning weighing yourself all the time is so pointless because a lot of the weight is water retention (as I'm sure you know) so 1 minute you're one weight and the next you've put on 4lbs! Apparently in the last 2 weeks I've only lost 3.5lbs but i know i look much slimmer now than i did 2 weeks ago so meh - scales are scales - I'll go by what I feel like. Good luck for the 1st weigh in - keep us posted!
    Ruthlet likes this.
  19. Ruthlet

    Ruthlet Wants to be a loser!

    Week 1/day 7 DONE 100%

    Evening all.

    My week 1 SS+ official weigh in was 4 1/2lb's :) My CDC was very pleased & says she thinks that is a good loss of someone who reduced their carbs before starting - I know I had pretty much wiped out my glycogen store before I started last Wednesday which means the 4 1/2lbs off is all fat :D If I stay focused & on plan I should hopefully be on track for a stone a month which would be ace!

    Thank you for your wise words Amanda j94, I'm so sorry your Dad is so sick. I expect he is really proud of you being at uni. Well done only your losses so far, they are fantastic! I know what you mean about depression & anxiety being more common than you think - there is a quote I often see which is along the lines of 'Always be kind to people, as everyone is fighting their own battle'. My breakdown was a result of an accumulation of several very stressful events that began with my sisters suicide in 2010. I bottled everything up & put a brave face on for more than two years until I fell apart at the seams. Like you, I couldn't even find the will to get out of bed or even shower/wash. It was at that point I fell back into the habit of eating to push down my emotions. But I got help, & 2 years on I am doing very well, all things considered. I feel like losing weight & getting my real body back is next piece of the puzzle of my recovery if you know what I mean. Thank you for taking the time to post, share & support. It really does mean a lot xx
  20. Pink Tulip

    Pink Tulip Well-Known Member

    Well done Ruthlet, that's a really great loss!:clap: Onwards and downwards for week 2! I had my WI this morning and 8lb off for me. I did the strip test a couple of days ago and it turned nice and pink so I am now in Ketosis :D. It's strange but at this stage I am prouder of myself for sticking to it for 1 week 100% than the actual's probably because I had uncountable false starts that I'm still amazed that I've stuck to it this time:p. Here's to a fab loss in week 2 too! x

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