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Sammys diary - my rocky relationship with food

SammyE

Silver Member
#1
So here I am... 28 (blimey that sure crept up!) and at the heaviest I have ever been, 223lbs when I restarted this diet.

Ive always kept my relationship with food a secret, even to myself I guess, but I thought if Im going to do this... Im going to be totally honest, so here goes! Hehe dont feel the need to read it all as Im sure its boring as hell but Im hoping that by writing this, it will force me to face facts even more and not make the same mistakes.

I have been so good at pretending Im happy, that I even fooled myself, then one day it hit me, now I wasnt a crying mess or anything but I just realized I actually hate the way I look and in a way that means I kinda hate myself, it came as quite a slap in the face, all these years I had been pretending I was happy and confident when the reality was I was losing confidence with every pound I gained.

My relationship with food has never been great, I was a good kid, good parents, a chubby kid, gained more weight in my early teens, then i changed, went off the rails, I lost a lot of weight in my mid teens... by starving myself, I refused to see it back then but I had an eaten disorder and it was bad, I started to enjoy the feeling of hunger, it made me feel strong to over ride that feeling and deny myself food, I lived off of a tiny bowl of dry cornflakes and two apples a day and water, lots and lots of water, I read something about dancers eating tissue paper to fill themselves up, so I started doing that as well. I was under 7 stone at stage, having lost 5 stone. I was doing this with a friend of mine, who urged me to stop eating, we removed ourselves from all our other friends, her disorder had started almost a year before mine so she hit real danger point before me, the wake up call was seeing my friend in hospital, her hair falling out, her skin awful, screaming at them to please not feed her, trying to rip drips out, after this she refused to see anyone, even me, so there I was mid teens, friendless because we had ditched all our other friends, that lead to the next part of my rocky road.

I started to hang around with a new group of people, who smoked a lot of weed... when high as a kite, which for a while was from the moment I woke up until the moment I passed out from being so stoned. I started to eat again, pizza's, sweets, pure junk food, my body being starved for so long just hung on to everything I ate and the weight came back on and it came back on fast. I grew out of the smoking weed faze within 18 months but in that time I had gone up to 9 and a half stone.

I got my eating on track at that point, after meeting my boyfriend who really straightened me out, I was eating enough to keep me full, but without being silly, so I kept at around 9 and a half to 10 stone until I was 21, then the weight slowly started creeping up again, just eating too many of the bad things, the weight gain wasnt huge and it came on over time so I guess I didnt notice, thats been happening for the past 7 years, a fad diet would come along every now and again and I would lose weight, then put it back on and the yoyo just kept on going.

So that gets me to where I am now... 28 and 223 lbs on the day I restarted my diet, I have already lost 6lbs and ive set myself some goals I hope will keep me motivated to do this, I am now older and wiser and would never let myself slip into starving myself again but I am aware that is something I will have to keep my eyes open for, making sure I dont become too obsessed and start to cut more and more out. Im on the Tony Ferguson diet and Im sticking to it by the book, so I am eating lots of fruit and veg along with the shakes and soups and a healthy meal at night.

So here is my road to 9 stone, without being too rocky, I hope!

My goal is May 2011, 3 months before my wedding.

The end :)
 
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Ria.

Silver Member
#2
Welcome hun and good luck with your journey :) xx
 

SammyE

Silver Member
#4
Thank you both, the first stone is nearly gone, be glad to see the back of that unwanted friend!
 

Pink!

Silver Member
#5
Wow, you've had quite the journey, from chubby kid, to anorexic to overweight, I'm really glad that you seem to be levelling out and having a healthier attitude towards food, and that you're aware that you shouldn't slip back into old habits, must be difficult. Really good luck and the very best of wishes!

Oh, and congrats on the stone so far, amazing. :)
 
#6
Congratulations on your great weight loss.You sound very determined this time round.You are being clear sighted and honest about how you put on weight and this will help you to stick with the diet and of course having the wedding date and a goal to aim for is also good.
Best of luck,Hun
Lippy
 


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