Self-Esteem

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Sarah-Jayne, 24 February 2010 Social URL.

  1. Sarah-Jayne

    Sarah-Jayne Gold Member

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    Hiya,

    I have a massive problem with lack of self-image, self-esteem and confidence. Can't seem to get the image out of my head of when I was a 'bigger girl'. It's really starting to effect my life to be honest. I dont like the way I look (yes, I am aware I have lost 3 stone but it doesnt make any difference to the way I feel), I dont like bathing, showeing or seeing myself naked and I dont even like 'doing it' with the light on, it has to be off and in the pitch black as I dont want to see myself. We dont do it that often now because of my lack of self-image etc :( The psychiatrists I work for have suggested antidepressants but really dont want to go down that route. My other half has also suggested hypnotherapy but I have ruled that right out!!

    Does anyone else have this or had it and have any tips on how to build my self back up? Its been gradually getting worse over the past year and a bit. I dont want to get to the point where it ruins my relationship with my other half.

    Sorry for the essay and thanks for reading x
     
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  3. icklerockchick

    icklerockchick slow but steady!

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    *hugz for you love*

    and first things first may i just say you look STUNNING in ur pics! you really suit the weight you are at it looks great on you!

    theres so many people on here that are DESPERATE to be even anywhere near the weight you are now. just remember how well you have done.

    self esteem issues are a tricky one and i think its safe to say almost everyone suffers from them, and certainly everyone on here - noone would be on a diet if they were happy with the way they look!

    the problem is where to draw the line between whats "normal" with regards to body issues and where you need help. i personally have never been on any sort of antidepressants but have certainly had times in my life where i wonder whether i should and get really worried about how it affects my OH to see me like that when i am really down and crying a lot of the time. but i think sometimes everything can just get on top of you, sometimes people can work their way out of that and other times people need help in the form of pills or therapy or whatever. and theres certainly nothing wrong with that.

    maybe the next step for you would be to even just go and speak with a doctor about it see what they think is appropriate action to take. you don't have to do anything you don't want to do but its good to know what options are available.

    i hope it all works out for you hun and you feel a bit more secure in yourself as it can be the worst feeling in the world to be so unhappy in yourself.

    take care XX
     
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  4. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

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    I can't advise you as I have a large amount of weight still to lose and am flabby in all the wrong places (which is everywhere in my case!!). I hate being in public - even dressed - but at home my OH has made it quite clear he doesn't have a problem with the way I look and is a 'lights on' type of guy whcih doesn't bother me with him.

    I hope someone can come along soon who knows the right thing to say to help you BUT I must say, I think you look wonderful in your profile picture
     
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  5. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

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    Your other half has been with you since you lost weight? It obviously doesn't bother him then? So, as you work for psychiastrists, can they arrange some counselling for you. Did you take your measurements when you started? How different are they? have you any before photos? Compare them. Get together with some girlfriends and ask how they think you've changed.
    Have you started buying sexy underwear rather than the functional kind? I'm 59, and I haven't cared for clothes shopping in years, but as soon as I hit a 16 and could get a pretty bra (yes I know you can get them bigger but it's a mind thing!) I used ebay to get lovely M&S bras at very little money, and you do feel differently about yourself. OK I may not prance about the house starkers, but I am learning to look at my body in a favourable light, and it's how you are as a person, not your size. The only thing is I need to lose another 2 stone and I feel so good about looking in the mirror (compared to 2.5 stone ago) I am feeling like not bothering! :eek:
    You look wonderful bye the way!
     
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  6. Sarah-Jayne

    Sarah-Jayne Gold Member

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    Hey all, thanks for your replies. I have before and after pics and I do look different and for them few moments of looking at them I feel great, then I go back to my normal way of thinking. I have been with my OH foe the duration of my weight loss yeah and he says I look good but its all down to the way i feel, just cant believe what people say. i was an idiot and didnt take my mesurements before I started, wish I had to be honest! Hay-ho xxxxxxxxxx Thanks again all xxxxxxxxx
     
  7. Going2be*fab*at40

    Going2be*fab*at40 Silver Member

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    Hi,
    I do feel for you.
    I used to be a workplace coach and I know that self-esteem can only come from you - so no matter how wonderful people say you look (and you do look great!), it won't really make any difference to you.

    Have you thought about setting your self a goal - be it learning something new, trying a new sport/exercise etc?
    The reason for this, is that by trying something new and succeeding, you are starting to learn that you are fantastic :)

    You could also try putting yourself in the '3rd person' - what would you say to yourself? How do you look to someone else (you do have to get your imagination going!)?

    Lots of great advice on here as usual and I do hope that someone gives you something that starts to make a difference.

    Take care of yourself. x
     
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  8. Sarah-Jayne

    Sarah-Jayne Gold Member

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    Thats some really helpful advice, thank you xx
    Will give something new a think tonight and try to get myself motivated!
     
  9. Meli

    Meli Gold Member

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    Some good advice given above. I would not rule out having the hypnotherapy as it may help you to find ways to get back your confidence.

    Some info I found was:

    Focus On Your Strengths

    What do you do best? What makes you stand out from the crowd? Take some time to reflect on this and as you do you will release that you are so much more than your physical body. Begin to recognise yourself as a whole being, not just a person who is to be judged on her physical appearance alone.


    Be Grateful

    Write down all the good things you have in your life. I’m betting very few of them have anything to do with the way you look. Life is multi-dimensional, so focus on the things you love about your life and you will draw even more wonderful things to you.

    You have shown success in losing your weight and I know you will succeed in getting back your self-confidence!
     
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  10. Sarah-Jayne

    Sarah-Jayne Gold Member

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    Thanks for that Meli :)

    As for strengths and things that make me stand out, to be honest I dont really have any! Sounds silly I know but I really dont! I'm just a simple ordinary person. Hmmm.

    I like the idea of writing stuff down though about gratefulness. Im going to start keeping a positivity diary as from tomorrow and write all the good things about the day.

    xx
     
  11. Meli

    Meli Gold Member

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    That is where the pursuit of new things comes in. I have a sewing machine that my OH bought for me and it hasn't been touched, so I looked into how to actually work the machine. From there hopefully I'll take the step of actually trying to thread the bobbin and the needle and hopefully start to make some nice things. It all starts with trying out new things and finding and recognizing your successes.
    Same goes with taking up a new sport.
     
  12. avisk

    avisk xx

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    I don't believe that anyone is ordinary. We all have special qualities, even if we don't realise what. It may not be a talent as such - it could be a special quality such as kindness, or the ability to look after someone. I know someone who isn't really that interesting on the face of it, but who has the ability to notice the tiniest detail of something and getting me to see things quite differently.

    What I do believe is that what is really important about each one of us is NOT our appearance. It is our character and our personality that matters.

    People talk about "self-image", but I wonder if we would not all be a lot happier if we didn't have any image of self at all. If we all looked outwards, towards relating to other people, rather than looking inwards to ourselves.

    And please do not rule out hypnotherapy without giving it some thought. Ignore all the theatrical nonsense you see on television - that's hypnotism, not hypnotherapy.

    Have a look at this website for more information:
    Frequently Asked Questions
     
  13. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    Firstly you are special, "fearfully and wonderfully made", you are unique, an individual and you have many strengths.
    How do I know? Well that's for me to know.....;)

    Secondly, this is a deep rooted programme that your brain is wired into and I think you need a little bit of help unravelling the wires. Anti depressants are not a failure, there is no shame in taking them, think of them as a plaster cast for your psyche whilst it heals and grows stronger.
    Negative body image is damaging, and needs to be sorted. Try to get counselling if you can, at least sign up for it. Talk to your GP about your feelings too.

    I hope you soon feel better, you look wonderful.
     
  14. TobiiRheaStarr

    TobiiRheaStarr Away with the faeries....

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    Hey I don't really have any advice because I go through the same problems daily but I wanted to say that I know how you feel and can relate to your problems. Admittedly I am a lot bigger than you but that doesn't mean to say that people your size or smaller cannot have self esteem etc problems. You should really have a word with your GP. They can put you in touch with people that specialize in esteem problems. I noticed that you work with Psychiatrists. Like someone said previously, is there any chance of having a "session" or two with one of the Doctors there? This may seem extreme, but self esteem issues are something that can get so bad as to prevent you doing anything in life, e.g people with Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I rarely leave my house due to my esteem problems and it's not a nice place to be, I would hate for you to feel like that as you are beautiful (I know it's hard to accept other people's opinions).

    Anyway that probably wasn't much more help than other people have said but I wanted to show my support.

    xx
     
  15. Sarah-Jayne

    Sarah-Jayne Gold Member

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    Morning all, thanks for all the messages left whilst I was away from the computer. Im going to speak to my boss today (who is also the deputy medical director and consultant psychiatrist) and hope maybe he can slot me in for half hour a week for some sessions. Wish me luck. Thanks again for your help xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  16. ilovelife

    ilovelife Wishing and hoping!

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    you look fantastic but I can understand how you feel. one tip I would suggest which has helped me is imagine it was same problem with a friend what would you say to her??? we can all be harse to ourselves but in the end we are only human and have and good and bad parts about ourselves, but it is much more better to appreciate the good things because then when you distract yourself the bad bits are not so bad after all :)
     
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