HealthOverDesires
New Member
Hi there!
I know my title is a bit depressing but that's exactly how I have felt all of my life... I'll give some background information of myself and how I became overweight AND why I wish to lose this weight. (Warning this is gonna be veryyyy long, I'm sorry in advance, may wanna grab a cup of tea/coffee before reading)
The unsteady relationship I have with food started when I was around 8 years of age (currently 23), I saw the people who were supposed to protect me fighting (physically as well as mentally), I saw extended "family" members try to worsen relations between my father and mother and I basically had a very rough childhood. I think from there on I found comfort in food, I turned to it for everything. Whenever something went wrong it was my first call, and that's when the weight started to pile on.
This worsened when I reached the age of about 12, we often visited our cousins. Considering there's 4 of them sisters and 1 of me I always felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I was treated like a little maid back then, clean this, hoover this, wash this, iron this, cook this, fetch this.. brings back a lot of memories. I ended up feeling used when they would talk disrespectfully towards me and physically slam the door in my face. This dropped my level of confidence below the ground and I started eating more and more. (They are just as nasty today although I no longer speak to them, having none of that use and abuse business).
Come high school, I carried on eating, I was in an all girls school so didn't really feel the need to "impress" anyone and had good friends who never made me feel like I was an outcast although when I went home I did feel it. By this time, things within our home began to settle my parents relationship was much better - but this didn't stop my constant eating.
Now past college and I'm about to begin uni when I had a health scare and in an ambulance. It was nothing major turns out but that was enough to tell me that I need to change and quick. At 15 stones I shouldn't have been so shocked but I never though it'd happen to me. So I went on a diet lost about a stone and then started eating again... the first 2 years of uni were a constant reminder of how much of a blobby I was. During the first year I met a guy.. Should have known he was bad news when he first showed interest but my foolishness took over. He used me... (not in the way everyone's thinking but might as well have been the way I felt). I remember his final email to me telling me how "ugly" I was and that I "needed to lose weight" and a lot of other mean things but most of all what hurt was that he said he planned this all with his friend, made me feel special then played around a bit and that's all... I don't think I've felt more used in my entire life. Needless to say after this food became my best friend.
Next came the second year of uni and lo behold the cycle repeated itself (yes i'm an idiot). I met another guy who made me feel "special" and then he left me for his skinny ex girlfriend.. again I should have known, why would someone be interested in me? And all he'd ever speak about was his ex anyway - why didn't I leave him before he left me?
Moving on at my final year of uni, I see all my friends at a slim size 10 and me the size 18.. I decided to go on a drastic diet. January 2011 till April 2011 I lost 2 stones and 7lbs down to 11 and a half stones (size 14). I have to admit I felt and looked FAB at the time. Although I had literally starved myself to get there I felt AMAZING. I was getting compliments from every direction and people noticed how much weight I had lost. My ex (2nd year of uni) all of a sudden started taking great interest in me, but THIS time I didn't let him have anything to do with me. I slammed the door in his face.
After graduating with a first and a new physique I felt absolutely fab on top of the world and ready for the "real" world of work. I got a graduate job almost instantly and started working. During these 2 years I eventually piled the weight back on.. I let people walk all over me, I've been shouted at like a school kid in front of a group of 40 people, I've been humiliated, degraded and treated extremely badly ..finally I decided to quit in May of this year. Enough.
Right now.. I don't know where I'm heading but I do know that I need to get my life back together.. I need to stop being so apologetic for mistakes of OTHER people. I try to please everyone as a compensation for me being overweight and it never works as they just use me and I feel worse. I feel like such a coward, I can never stand up for myself (EVER!).
I've made a decision that by the end of the year I will be my ideal weight (10 stones) which means a weight loss of 3 stones (currently 13 stones) and I want to be confident, and NOT a pushover! I also wish to be married by the end of 2015 (yes big goal but it's a dream of mine).
I need to do this, for myself, to rebuild the years of destroyed confidence and self esteem. I want to be able to love myself and say "you don't look bad today" instead of cringing. Everyone in life seems to be excelling either getting a new job, pay rises, getting married or having kids and then there's me.. 23 unemployed, overweight, relying on my parents and I feel like I have nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I'm very sorry for the long story but needed to let it out of my system. I want to lose weight and do it for myself and will be posting my mini goals, stats and weigh ins (weekly).
I hope I'm welcomed here and can feel like a part of you guys
Height: 5ft 5in
Start weight: 13 stones
Goal weight: 10 stones
Mini goal: -1 stone by end of September.
Sam x
I know my title is a bit depressing but that's exactly how I have felt all of my life... I'll give some background information of myself and how I became overweight AND why I wish to lose this weight. (Warning this is gonna be veryyyy long, I'm sorry in advance, may wanna grab a cup of tea/coffee before reading)
The unsteady relationship I have with food started when I was around 8 years of age (currently 23), I saw the people who were supposed to protect me fighting (physically as well as mentally), I saw extended "family" members try to worsen relations between my father and mother and I basically had a very rough childhood. I think from there on I found comfort in food, I turned to it for everything. Whenever something went wrong it was my first call, and that's when the weight started to pile on.
This worsened when I reached the age of about 12, we often visited our cousins. Considering there's 4 of them sisters and 1 of me I always felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I was treated like a little maid back then, clean this, hoover this, wash this, iron this, cook this, fetch this.. brings back a lot of memories. I ended up feeling used when they would talk disrespectfully towards me and physically slam the door in my face. This dropped my level of confidence below the ground and I started eating more and more. (They are just as nasty today although I no longer speak to them, having none of that use and abuse business).
Come high school, I carried on eating, I was in an all girls school so didn't really feel the need to "impress" anyone and had good friends who never made me feel like I was an outcast although when I went home I did feel it. By this time, things within our home began to settle my parents relationship was much better - but this didn't stop my constant eating.
Now past college and I'm about to begin uni when I had a health scare and in an ambulance. It was nothing major turns out but that was enough to tell me that I need to change and quick. At 15 stones I shouldn't have been so shocked but I never though it'd happen to me. So I went on a diet lost about a stone and then started eating again... the first 2 years of uni were a constant reminder of how much of a blobby I was. During the first year I met a guy.. Should have known he was bad news when he first showed interest but my foolishness took over. He used me... (not in the way everyone's thinking but might as well have been the way I felt). I remember his final email to me telling me how "ugly" I was and that I "needed to lose weight" and a lot of other mean things but most of all what hurt was that he said he planned this all with his friend, made me feel special then played around a bit and that's all... I don't think I've felt more used in my entire life. Needless to say after this food became my best friend.
Next came the second year of uni and lo behold the cycle repeated itself (yes i'm an idiot). I met another guy who made me feel "special" and then he left me for his skinny ex girlfriend.. again I should have known, why would someone be interested in me? And all he'd ever speak about was his ex anyway - why didn't I leave him before he left me?
Moving on at my final year of uni, I see all my friends at a slim size 10 and me the size 18.. I decided to go on a drastic diet. January 2011 till April 2011 I lost 2 stones and 7lbs down to 11 and a half stones (size 14). I have to admit I felt and looked FAB at the time. Although I had literally starved myself to get there I felt AMAZING. I was getting compliments from every direction and people noticed how much weight I had lost. My ex (2nd year of uni) all of a sudden started taking great interest in me, but THIS time I didn't let him have anything to do with me. I slammed the door in his face.
After graduating with a first and a new physique I felt absolutely fab on top of the world and ready for the "real" world of work. I got a graduate job almost instantly and started working. During these 2 years I eventually piled the weight back on.. I let people walk all over me, I've been shouted at like a school kid in front of a group of 40 people, I've been humiliated, degraded and treated extremely badly ..finally I decided to quit in May of this year. Enough.
Right now.. I don't know where I'm heading but I do know that I need to get my life back together.. I need to stop being so apologetic for mistakes of OTHER people. I try to please everyone as a compensation for me being overweight and it never works as they just use me and I feel worse. I feel like such a coward, I can never stand up for myself (EVER!).
I've made a decision that by the end of the year I will be my ideal weight (10 stones) which means a weight loss of 3 stones (currently 13 stones) and I want to be confident, and NOT a pushover! I also wish to be married by the end of 2015 (yes big goal but it's a dream of mine).
I need to do this, for myself, to rebuild the years of destroyed confidence and self esteem. I want to be able to love myself and say "you don't look bad today" instead of cringing. Everyone in life seems to be excelling either getting a new job, pay rises, getting married or having kids and then there's me.. 23 unemployed, overweight, relying on my parents and I feel like I have nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I'm very sorry for the long story but needed to let it out of my system. I want to lose weight and do it for myself and will be posting my mini goals, stats and weigh ins (weekly).
I hope I'm welcomed here and can feel like a part of you guys
Height: 5ft 5in
Start weight: 13 stones
Goal weight: 10 stones
Mini goal: -1 stone by end of September.
Sam x
