so so upset,

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by tiffanydiamond, 12 February 2008 Social URL.

  1. tiffanydiamond

    tiffanydiamond Full Member

    Posts:
    138
    Likes Received:
    8
    Evening everyone, i wonder if there is any-one out there who can offer me some advice. Well positive stuff first, my second week in LL has been fabulous! I have had boundless energy and have been looking forward to weigh in on thursday. Then the sideways body blow comes and knocks me for six, i can't stop crying and feel awful all as a result of my ex partner who's father to my children.

    We split up last march and i set up home for myself and my children with very little help from him. We settled in fine and agreed some ground rules ie not involving new partners in the childrens lives until it was completely serious. Actually it worked well and there seemed to be lots of trust and good communication as moved forward in our separate lives for which i was proud of.

    Christmas morning he came round and announced he was taking the boys to meet his new girlfriend when he had only known her a couple of weeks. After heated disscusion he gave me his word that he wouldn't and eventually apologised for upsetting me. I found out this evening from my son that he took them out to dinner 2 weeks ago without telling me with his new GF and her children, and i feel so angry as he has gone against all we had agreed on! I feel so let down and that he has totally no respect for me. He has always been an incredibly selfish man and i feel that the situation is out of my control. I'm really hoping that this stress doesn't effect my LL as i have been feeling so strong lately.

    So sorry for going on but it kind of helps taking my frustration out on the keyboard! xxx :cry:
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. Sappho

    Sappho Full Member

    Posts:
    173
    Likes Received:
    22
    Hi, I dont know what to say about your situation with your ex, I think I would be just as upset in your situation, but I wanted to say a big well done for talking about it on here instead of reaching for the biscuit tin. You are getting stronger every day and doing so well. All I can do really is send a hug through the computer but it is a big warm duvet kinda hug! :patback:
     
  4. tiffanydiamond

    tiffanydiamond Full Member

    Posts:
    138
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thanks sappho, i guess i feel really protective over my children and after what they have been through in the last year i just don't want them to feel unsettled by anything!

    But i have to say a gin and tonic would be perfect but i promise i will stick to st clements and water x
     
  5. mustdoit

    mustdoit susan

    Posts:
    1,946
    Likes Received:
    87
    Diet:
    atkins
    my ex did that......................... now 3 yrs later they have voted with their feet and decided not to see him and his childish ways ....ie putting newspaper under their dinnerplates as he did not want the new dining table marked !!! they were 13 ,13 and 12 at the time !!!.......just hug your children xx
     
  6. mustdoit

    mustdoit susan

    Posts:
    1,946
    Likes Received:
    87
    Diet:
    atkins
    stick to that diet ...................he is not worth it xx
     
  7. tiffanydiamond

    tiffanydiamond Full Member

    Posts:
    138
    Likes Received:
    8
    I know deep down in the end the children will make their own minds up later in life but they are only 6 and 4 and i am so god damn angry with him which upsets me as thats not the real me i hate feeling angry but i feel it consumes me. I guess channel the anger into the diet, maybe that will work lol!
     
  8. mustdoit

    mustdoit susan

    Posts:
    1,946
    Likes Received:
    87
    Diet:
    atkins
    nobody understands unless they have been there ............ just be kind to yourself xx
     
  9. toller-girl

    toller-girl constantly confused

    Posts:
    666
    Likes Received:
    22
    Start Weight:
    12st11lb
    Current Weight:
    12st1lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st10lb
    Lost(%):
    0st10lb(5.59%)
    Diet:
    was Lighter Life, now Cambridge Diet
    He doesn't sound worth the energy it takes to be angry with him.

    As long as your children have you, they will be ok. I think it will do them good to see how well mummy is doing and how happy she is.

    Ignore him and his childish, pathetic games, and get on with your life, which is going to be sooooo much better when you are slimmer and more confident :D
     
  10. annie_d

    annie_d Silver Member

    Posts:
    978
    Likes Received:
    44
    Start Weight:
    14st5lb
    Current Weight:
    13st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st12lb(5.97%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I have been there so i can see where you are coming from. But, you have split up now and so you and he are bound to be with new partners at some time and he is, sooner, rather than later, that's all. i would think that as long as the new GF is kind to your children all should be well. Surely it's a good thing that your children have as many people as possible in their lives loving them.
    Honestly, i have been in this situation and really you have to just let him get on with it and you do what you think is right by your own standards. Mine are grown up now,but i do recall those feelings of anguish and impotence.
     
  11. annie_d

    annie_d Silver Member

    Posts:
    978
    Likes Received:
    44
    Start Weight:
    14st5lb
    Current Weight:
    13st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st12lb(5.97%)
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    Another thought. The children are of course "half of him" so its very important not to let your anger about him filter through to them. I know you will know all that and it is VERY hard to live it when you are actually going through it but it is sooooooooooooooooo worth it in the long run.
    Happiness is the best revenge.
     
  12. Blonde Logic

    Blonde Logic Yes. You can.

    Posts:
    9,908
    Likes Received:
    343
    Start Weight:
    258lb
    Current Weight:
    228lb
    Goal Weight:
    168lb
    Lost(%):
    30lb(11.63%)
    Diet:
    cambridge
    I don;t know what to advice TD. I do not have any children so don't know what that is like - but I empathise with you, and hope you can find a way to come to peace with this. Stay strong, and I am sure you will get some good advice here from others who have maybe ben through the same thing.

    <<hugs>> Hope you find some resolve. XX
     
  13. tiffanydiamond

    tiffanydiamond Full Member

    Posts:
    138
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thanks to everyone for their support i really appreciate it. I can't think straight at the moment which is probably why i feel out of control of the situation. I'm sure it will pass xx
     
  14. Time4ME

    Time4ME MUST get a grip

    Posts:
    2,210
    Likes Received:
    98
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I'm really sorry that your ex has upset you - I split up with my OH in June last year and we have a very similar arrangement to you. I would be really peed off to if he had done something that I had, or more to the point WE had discussed specifically - unfortunately ALOT, not all men are like this! (Sorry to the men who arent!)....

    I think the most important thing is that the kids are ok - they know that you love him and let them also know that you are in no hurry to meet someone else, your priority at the mo is all of your well-being which includes, for you, you diet!

    Accept that any irritation specially caused by an EX can be a nasty trigger thought.... Its not long since you split and its never easy even if its amicable. Not only do you have your worries but you also carry those of your children too!

    Come here and VENT VENT VENT - but tell yourself that you refuse to let his shortcomings affect your choices in your new life xxxxx
     
  15. tiffanydiamond

    tiffanydiamond Full Member

    Posts:
    138
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thanks clare, it drives me mad that i let myself get so worked up over this but i guess it's because i feel so protective over the children. And yes it is even more annoying because we had specifically discussed this situation and had both agreed how we would deal with it! He has the children 2 days out of 14 he doesn't need the children to be involved with his dating at this stage. It's my four year old i worry about most as his behaviour is a little more high maintenance shall we say and when his routine or comfort zone is changed all hell breaks lose and guess who is the one dealing with it!

    But i realise that succeeding with this diet will make me stronger and actually i do feel happier since i have been on it, and being happy is the greatest gift i can give to my children xx
     
  16. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

    Posts:
    1,920
    Likes Received:
    71
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hi tiffiny,

    Sorry you have had a blow below the belt. I have read your post but not the others so thought I would give my opinion fresh.

    What I have noticed since I have being doing LL is that I seem to get a lot more emotional, in that things that didnt seem too bad, not good, but not too bad, now seem to get to me more. I am not sure why this should be I think it may be because when things went wrong I didnt feel the pain so much as it was muffled by the food I was stuffing.

    It is the only thing that I havnt liked about LL, but believe me I know at the end of the journey and with the conselling I feel I will be a better person because I will learn to handle feelings better, although I am making a few cock ups along the way. It is a new learning curve. I have had to adjust and try and not react so quickly, sit down and think before the emotions start to take over, and I have wanted to turn to food, and did on occasions, but likely enough stopped before it was too late.

    I have had problems with ex's and children before so I know where you are coming from. I know you are hurting, but sit down and think about it rationally and then a good non heated discussion with your ex should be top of your list.

    Not easy as I dont always practice what I am preaching, but I am hoping that I will gradually learn to make it a good habit for the future.

    Hope this makes sense, and i will probably regret what I have said when I read the other posts. OH well:)

    PS The good thing from what you say he is your EX now, and fyi, my children did make up their own minds without any persuasion from me.

    and PPS and really big well done for sticking to the plan.
     
  17. FeelingFat

    FeelingFat Silver Member

    Posts:
    605
    Likes Received:
    14
    Goal Weight:
    11st0lb
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Hi sorry for your upset. When I split up with my ex husband we didn't have children but I completely understand the reasons and admire you for it.
    I now have two children and know if my partner and I split up that I would want the same for my children - you don't want to confuse them with many different partners and you need time to figure out for yourself whether it is serious before you ask your children to meet them.
    Men just don't think the way we do.
    Cheer up honey as long as your children feel loved and cared for it will work out in the end.
    Stick to your diet though - just think, you could show him what he is missing with the slimmer you.
    Take care, big hugs.
    x
     
  18. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Advert

  19. Time4ME

    Time4ME MUST get a grip

    Posts:
    2,210
    Likes Received:
    98
    Diet:
    Cambridge
    I couldnt agree more - I guess that's why I am here too! As I said I would be annoyed to say the least! My son is the younger of my two and he is the one that can also have issues, like yours a break from regime and all hell breaks loose... Thank god mine only spend 1 afternoon a week with their father(they go with him to his mothers for dinner), he's never asked to do anymore and since we split up I can count the no of times he's actually taken them out on 1 hand and still have fingers left over - I actually would like to shake the hand of the 'new girlfriend' who takes him on!

    I think you need to remain calm and focussed on your diet, which is something for you! The kids know as their mother that you adore them and if you were unhappy can probably see an improvement in your demeanor, I know mine could overnight! You're probably angry about it as well because its a loss of control, which reflects when we lose control and binge etc. I know my trigger for bingeing and stress is when situations happen that are out of my control... I tell you this so you realise you're not alone, others do feel like it as well!

    Lose the weight, re-gain control, enjoy your life & your kids xxxx
     
  20. tiffanydiamond

    tiffanydiamond Full Member

    Posts:
    138
    Likes Received:
    8
    Thank you lady, i will take on board what you have said and try to put things into perspective. He is coming round tonight to pick the children up so i will try and maintain an air of calm and serenity about me and then just through a brick at him when he leaves !! lol xx

    Feelingfat, thanks for the encouragement i'm feeling better i have to say and i think venting on here helps as it helps me understand my feelings when i'm able to read back what i've been waffling on about! And your right though unfortunately most men don't think like us! ( any men who read this se i said most not all!!) :hug99:
     
  21. ladylite

    ladylite Gold Member

    Posts:
    1,920
    Likes Received:
    71
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Thats it Tiffany you got the idea straight away, the brick is a good idea.:D:D:D:D
     
  22. tiffanydiamond

    tiffanydiamond Full Member

    Posts:
    138
    Likes Received:
    8
    Clare your right about bingeing when you feel out of control in a situation which i why i guess i feel hyper sensitive about everything as my coping stratergies are different now! Thanks again to everyone who has sent messages of support to me i really appreciate it. Anyway i'm off to the woods with the children now as it's a lovely sunny day and we fancy getting muddy!! xxx
     
    Time4ME likes this.
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...