So upset

[Karen.hat]

I Know this is nothing to do with slimming world but I'm so upset and needed a rant!! Here goes

So we picks my daughter up from kings cross, hubby forces/persuades me to go even though I've been off colour for last few days. I throw up small amounts every few minutes for whole journey and feel positively like s':te excuse the French.
Said older daughter wants to go see younger Sid at open air concert. My hubby had upset my son cos he had been doing my hair/painting my nails last few days to pamper me while I feel ill and son overheard hubby say he shouldn't be doing it he'll end up gay!! He is 11 ffs does it really matter if he us trying to be caring and does feminine things or even if he ends up gay. So to save arguments I go with hubby and son to drop older daughter of with younger daughter. We park in sainsburys car park and I turn to say something to hubby and he's blatantly sat there staring at 3 lasses very pretty they were too. I tried to ignore it but I'm dying inside it hurt so much even the kids noticed it and confessed he does it a lot when he's driving them with out me.
It was made worse that I had no make up on my hair was scraped back in a ponytail and I had slouchy clothes on and generally looked the way I felt. There is no way I could compete with these younger lasses and I know he was only looking but it has really hurt me and knocked my confidence. I still have a stone and a half to lose but can't seem to get my head back in the right place and I know now that I'm probably losing the weight for the wrong reasons. Being a size 10 isn't going to stop my hubby having a wandering eye.
He has tried it on with girls in the past but insists nothing ever happened except a new year snog as they said no I have no trust left and seeing this tonight had knocked me for six

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[gentoo]

Virtual hugs sent your way. And I hope you work things out.

gentoo/aptenny

 

[AnnaFaraday]

Are there really and truly still people out there who believe that someone can "end up gay" by doing something feminine? If someone is gay then they are, and if they are not then they are not, and no amount of nail varnish will change that. It is very unkind of your husband to say things like that to a child.

You get "forced/persuaded" to go on a long journey when you are really too ill to go, he admits to a "wandering eye", and also that he has tried it on with other girls (how young??) but they have said no (well at least someone has some sense!) and that's the only reason nothing happened???

No doubt he has some good qualities somewhere, but it is difficult to think of any which would make any of this any better. I would suggest that you seriously consider what is going on here, and start standing up for yourself.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I am genuinely horrified by what you have written, and feel so sorry for you in this situation. I hope you manage to get things to change.

 

[Sculls]

Oh reading this has made me really feel for you, we have all been in a situation where we feel like this and your husband should be the last person to make you feel so sad. I can't offer any words of wisdom here because only you will know what to do but I really hope you are ok and send you some hugs xx

 

[888sally888]

Sorry - but he sounds like a male chauvanist and appears to be stuck in the olden days - I would give him a dose of his own medicine!

 

[rachaeld82]

I agree with the above. To me, "a new year snog" with someone else would not be ok. Neither would the fact that your kids have noticed his wandering eye - I'm horrified that your own children have noticed it to such an extent that they have had to tell their Mum that their Dad is oggling other women. And saying you're 11 year old son might "end up gay" is ridiculous - I totally agree with Anna on that, he's either gay or he's not, being loving and kind to his Mum is not going to steer him one way or the other. And who cares if he is gay anyway?! I'd say you need serious words with your husband to find out what's going on.

Hope you are feeling better after your sickness.

 

[Karen.hat]

I'm sure he has some good qualities but right now I can't think of any.
The girls he made a pass at were in their very early 20's and girl he snogged on new years eve was 19/20ish he keeps telling me it was only a kiss and it might have been but with his leching and other girls I now feel like he's just passing the time with me until someone better comes along.
He stayed at work yesterday and I refused to speak to him cos he always twists it and a finds a way of making it my fault or shifting the blame.
As for my son the comments were to me and my son overheard, which doesn't make it any better but from my point if he was gay I'd love him exactly the same he is my son no matter what his sexual orientation or his life choices are.
Thanks for listening guys

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[kingleds]

Honesty? He sounds like a total dickhead. The wandering eye thing is bad enough. The new years eve snog makes my blood boil. The complete ignorance re your son just being bloody nice to his mum thing makes me want to pinch him myself.

Seems to me you could do with losing him from your life more than the stone & a half you want to loose. Grrrrrrrr.

 

[Karen.hat]

Honesty? He sounds like a total dickhead. The wandering eye thing is bad enough. The new years eve snog makes my blood boil. The complete ignorance re your son just being bloody nice to his mum thing makes me want to pinch him myself.

Seems to me you could do with losing him from your life more than the stone & a half you want to loose. Grrrrrrrr.

I'm starting to believe this myself. He has stayed at work since it happened I told him I didn't want to see him right now. I've ignored his texts and calls as I really am to hurt and upset over it. But get this his justification is "but you "look" at guys in those films"

It's frigging laughable. I think I'm turning from upset to angry and he's probably sulking cos I haven't rang him up and made the peace and took the blame as I usually do.

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[*Emsie*]

Looking at others is one thing a wandering eye is different and new years snogs are out of order! If he says he has tried it on with girls but nothing has happened then that sounds as if they just havent recipricated.
It sounds like he is taking advantage of you and I hope you can find the strength to kick him into touch or to the kerb!
You shouldn't have to compete with girls however pretty they are or aren't and how ever you are dressed.
Looking at your stats I would love to be the weight you are now and I bet you look beautiful slouchy or not and if he can't see that then he should sod off.

 

[Beegee]

Totally agree with Emsie and wouldn't have worded it nearly so well! It sounds horrible for you and I hope you can sort things out if you want to xx

 

[Karen.hat]

Thanks ladies I had started to wonder if I had over reacted but I know deep down this is his personality. I have put up with a lot over the years, but I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes but all he does lately is make me feel worthless and empty and lonely. This is just the latest in a long line of problems and I know I need to tackle the issue I just don't feel strong enough emotionally to deal with it.

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[rachaeld82]

Try to keep your chin up and tackle this head on - it won't go away, and the sooner you kick him to the curb the better I say.

 

[*Emsie*]

Thanks ladies I had started to wonder if I had over reacted but I know deep down this is his personality. I have put up with a lot over the years, but I'm not saying I haven't made mistakes but all he does lately is make me feel worthless and empty and lonely. This is just the latest in a long line of problems and I know I need to tackle the issue I just don't feel strong enough emotionally to deal with it.

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Are you strong enough to not deal with it? and keep being made to feel like this? You are worth more than this and if he can't give you more than he doesn't deserve you. I know its easy for me to say and its not hard to do and am only going on part of the story on here but try and be strong for yourself x

 

[Karen.hat]

Are you strong enough to not deal with it? and keep being made to feel like this? You are worth more than this and if he can't give you more than he doesn't deserve you. I know its easy for me to say and its not hard to do and am only going on part of the story on here but try and be strong for yourself x

I pm'd you xx

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[bilsat]

When you reach your ideal weight, put your glad rags on, go for a make over, get pictures taken then treat yourself to a pampered weekend away but just tell him that you want some time to yourself!
Good Luck.
Pete

 

[Shirleen]

Do not, I repeat DO NOT! In any way shape or form take the blame for this, this pathetic worm of a man is belittling you to make himself feel better, and the comment about your son was because he wanted you to think badly of your boy because he was jealous of your closeness!
He's a bully, a bully is someone who deliberately makes you feel like rubbish!

But darlin.... Harsh words coming, he'll keep walking over you as long as you lay down.
So get up chin up, boobs out and tell him to shape up! Good luck sweetie xxxx

 

[Karen.hat]

Do not, I repeat DO NOT! In any way shape or form take the blame for this, this pathetic worm of a man is belittling you to make himself feel better, and the comment about your son was because he wanted you to think badly of your boy because he was jealous of your closeness!
He's a bully, a bully is someone who deliberately makes you feel like rubbish!

But darlin.... Harsh words coming, he'll keep walking over you as long as you lay down.
So get up chin up, boobs out and tell him to shape up! Good luck sweetie xxxx

Not so harsh words when they are completely true. Think I'd already realised deep down to.
Thanks for the reply it's good to have it drummed in it's not me xx

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[fillymum]

I am supposed to be on holiday and taking a break from my normal day to day activities but popped on this morning to see how everyone is.

Your original posting absolutely incensed me on your behalf. It took me back to when my ex was treating me exactly this way but his wandering eye was going much further.

My advice would be bin him, get rid of him, kick him into touch. Find the strength from somewhere.

Getting rid of mine was the best thing I ever did. I have been married to my second husband now for 27 years. My ex did me the greatest favour in the world being so horrid. I would never have met my lovely, wonderful, adorable Paul who makes me feel like the most important, most beautiful and most cherished person in the world.

This is not meant to be a me, me , me entry just my way of saying I have 100% understanding and empathy for you. My heart goes out to you and your caring son. Your husband does not deserve either of you.............bin him !!!

hugs xxxxxx

 

[*EB*]

Can i ask - have you ever kissed anyone else whilst you have been with him?

I think he sounds a lowlife, and reminds me of a few toads i have met in my time. I have been out and about in the past with the girls in bars and perhaps we meet a group of men, who once we are chatting i explain i am happily in a relationship (esp if they start to give out the charm/chat up lines) - they then tell me 'so are they' but 'she's at home' or 'its a bad patch at the moment'. I tell them what for and warn my girlies about them. Some men just think they are so amazing and really they are nasty to the core and out for anything they think they can get - yak. Makes me so angry.

You deserve respect. End of.