Some friends do not help!

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by jayde1148, 26 March 2011 Social URL.

  1. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

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    Ok I'm gonna have winge I'm sorry! But I have 3 long time friends who I see regularly but all they want to do is eat!!! There is always take away or restaurants or really naught snacks and they are all big themselves! The know I'm really trying but they don't see how this is not helping me! The last few invites I has pretended to be working because I do t want to be in temptations way and in starting to think they sabotage me :( One of them is a size 32 and I have tried to get her to come SW but she is not interested irbid like there is complete denial about their size? I was a 32 and just yesterday bought some
    22 jeans so I know how bad you feel at the top end of fat and how great I feel now even with a long way still to go.

    Anyway tonight is supposed to be Chinese takeaway so going to look up sums and hope for the best but I'm not looking forward to tonight :( does anyone else have friends like this?
     
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  3. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    meeee, and family too. Id take your own food, its what i had to do. I would encourage going to pub resteraunts and stuff so i could orders jackets, or chicken dishes etc.. and then take away nights or when others were cooking id pre-cook my own something i really want so i wasnt tempted and eat that. you feel awkward at first but when your gorgeous and slim, and they'r still the way they are.. they'l realise they could have done it too. .. i remember sitting in my mums house with 20 other relatives, they all ate dominoes.. and i ate chicken topped with BBQ sauce and cheese, and mash LOL.. cos it proper filled me up and i really enjoyed it, with minimal syns. i remember my step dad making a sly comment, but i thought to myself 'im going to loose wieght because of this' and i lost 3lbs that week, and i felt so proud!

    you CAN do this. If they are real friends they wont push you. x
     
  4. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    Well done on your loss so far. You sound determined enough to lose the rest!

    Do you get a say? Can you suggest another kind of night out...cinema, bowling or something? Or a night in with healthy food.

    I don't like Chinese food, but I have seen folk here mention healthy options.

    Good luck!
     
  5. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

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    Yes silly I'm determined! I try to suggest other things but I think they are obsessed with food!!! And they have no idea about what is healthy??? One orders the fattiest meal nearly every time and orders extra plates of fries and onion rings and then picks of everyone elses plate - it is embarrassing! I just find time with them traumatic now which is such a shame I think I have changed and moved on, but what upsets me is there is no well done or support, they can see I have lost weight and yet they say some quite harsh things. Does make me wonder why I bother!
     
  6. Sarahc

    Sarahc Silver Member

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    It sounds like they are just jealous. They c u doing really well but they r not ready to do it themselves and they don't want u yo leave them behind. U r doing so well just keep at it and they might b ready to join u at some point. X
     
  7. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    Oh dear. I am beginning to wonder why you bother too :eek:

    Yep, sounds like jealousy. You need to surround yourself with positive people. Do you go to a SW group? Maybe arrange a night out with some of the girls from group - likeminded people who have similar goals that can become new friends.

    Your current vampire pals will suck all the positivity and confidence out of you. Friends that are not supportive of your efforts to have good health aint worth having. Maybe I am a bit harsh :confused:
     
  8. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

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    Thanks everyone.

    I go to a lovely sw group but not made friends yet I guess but maybe I will ask a couple if the ladies if they fancy getting together that is a good idea.

    I'm going to eat before I go tonight so I'm not hungry and take some fruit and if they start think that will be it! I shouldn't have to feel like this. I love this board for support so thanks guys x
     
  9. Harrigoose

    Harrigoose Full Member

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    Well done on the loss so far.

    Keep at it, they will soon look at things differently when you are slimmer and more confident, you have made this step yourself and only you can allow them to bring you down. You don't have to break the friendships if they mean alot to you, however you owe it to yourself to be valued by them. I am sure one of these days at least one of them will be coming to you to ask how you are doing it!

    Be strong, x
     
  10. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    you may find this honey- its not the wieght loss changing you, its your whole life style that your re-shaping and your mindset is different now. You want more from life and you are realising that your not fufilling any of that with the girls your surrounding yourself with. Time for change maybe. broaden your horizens as they say! i know its tough but positivity is key and they arnt giving you that xx
     
  11. Roziee

    Roziee Gold Member

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    As harsh as this may sound, do not surround yourself with people that will hinder your weight loss.

    Friends, whether they a following your diet or not should be supporting you with your weight loss journey.. And should do everhing thhey can to make you comfortable.

    I went to my friends yesterday and normally we would eat samosas and fried kebabs and all things delicious and fatty (lol).. But i told her the day before that i joined sw and she made me a wonderful fruit salad instead.

    You should have friends like that, not those who taunt you for your fabulous weight loss.

    At the end of the day, they are your friends from way back when, but this is a life style change-sometimes you have to get it of bad karma with it.
     
  12. big-girl

    big-girl Full Member

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    I have been there on one of my many weightloss times.......and I had to remind myself that i once was one of those people, i ordered extra onion rings etc and thoroughly enjoyed them at the time, so you can't really blame them for doing what they want, after all you are doing what you want now, which is losing weight and you are doing a great job of it........as someone else said you can take your own food, that way you can stick to the way you want to live now and they can stick to theirs........as for their being no support, i don't think its as easy as them being jealous, they probably are but don't realise thats how they are acting.......as we all know, most of us when we are big and unhappy with our weight, we are the biggest actors around in front of other people and will often have a jibe at others before they can say something about us, i think more than likely they feel threatened by you, change is scary, whether it happens to yourself or happens to those around you, you moving on with your life is probably making them uncomfortable and when we're scared we say and do things that can be hurtful but again, we are not always aware that we are doing it, or even WHY we are doing it........

    if they are really good friends and important to you you will get through this......taking your own food is a good start and soon they will realise that you're doing this whether they want/agree or not.......and they will not need you to join their bad eating habits to validate them doing it, just as you will not need their compliments to validate what a great job you are doing, you are only losiing weight for yourself right??? so why should it matter whether they think its good or not........i don't want to come across as harsh, becasue i'm really not trying to be, just concerned that you may well be on one of those distraction paths i often find myself on......the one where i don't get enough compliments/praise from other people and then slide into the why bother, who cares whether i lose weight or not distraction.......we can only ever do this for ourselves and being happy for ourselves with how we're doing is the only reward we should be concerned with.....yes it is nice if others notice and support us but if they don't we shouldn't let it get us down, becasue what they think doesn't matter, how we think and feel does........hope i've made some sense, its always harder trying to type things out than say them in a conversation:rolleyes:

    Really hope you find a way to resolve this that is right for YOU........as long as you are happy with your decision that is all that matters, and i'm sure your determinatiion to do this will help you get to where you want to be.......lots of luck :)
     
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  13. MandiNKel

    MandiNKel Full Member

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    I have family members like this and it's hard when they say I'm obsessed and boring.
    But I see it a different way they're always saying how happy they are with their weight and how their living life to the full.
    I think they say the things they do as a front their not happy but don't want to admit it.
    I just say well that's their choice and it's my choice to help prolong my life and be happy & healthy.
    May be a bit harsh but I've said to them that they are a heart attack waiting to happy, our family medical history isn't a good one and there is no way I'm going to give it a helping hand.
    You stick in there as really you are a stronger person than your friends and they'll need you in time.
     
  14. 10st10lbs

    10st10lbs Gold Member

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    I really want to give you a huge huge huge hug as you're trying so hard and your friends really aren't helping. I agree with some of the comments made above - especially that you need to distance yourself from them as much as possible. Yes, they are your friends and yes, nothing should come between you, but if you're taking a step for the better, they should be supporting you to the fullest. They seem to be in denial? You can't make them come along to SW, but maybe once they see the changes in you (tell them you're busy for a month, work really hard at SW, the next time you meet them you'll look so much different!) they'll want the same for themselves... :)

    :hug99:

    xxx
     
  15. jayde1148

    jayde1148 Gold Member

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    Hi thanks for your reply, I am deffo not in it for the compliments if they said nothing it would be better than some if the digs! But thanks, I am going to go and enjoy it and I'd they do say something just be honest about how it makes me feel. I do think friends should support me though not act the way they do!
     
  16. PurpleSky

    PurpleSky banana phone

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    Jayde i think you have done fabulously wow what a change and you must feel so much better too :D. Bring your own food or you can chose sensible options when out or ordering takeaways. I would suggest getting a copy of the food directory its a really useful and handy book :D. As you change your friends might feel a bit threatened. But remember you are doing this for you. Best of luck with the rest of your journey :D
     
  17. Cherry-Blossom

    Cherry-Blossom I CAN do this

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    I think one of the problems is our friends are often people similar to ourselves. When you were larger your friends liked and did similar things to you. Now you are losing the weight one of the main connecting factors between you is breaking and that can be difficult. If the connection of food was one of the main things that you were friends for then I'm afraid the friendship may be doomed. If not then fingers crossed it will all be ok and they will learn to understand and support you.
     
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  19. helzzz

    helzzz loves SW!!

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    It is difficult when people aren't supportive but if you have the motivation (and it seems like you do) you CAN do it. My hubby and friends are really supportive but mother in law is awful. She makes comments about how I need to lose weight then sulks like a child if I refuse some cake after dinner! I've decided that not letting her make me fall off the wagon is the best way to deal with her! Good luck!
     
  20. susicab

    susicab Full Member

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    Hi
    Stay strong! I know its hard, but it really isnt worth giving up all that you have achieved so far. Me and my friend have been doing WW on and off for the last 3 years or so, but she has a saboteur - her husband. He is quite nasty to ANYONE with his comments about their weight, but he could do with losing a few pounds himself. Everytime she starts to track her points, he goes to Asda and buys her her favourite carrot cake that she cant point (he doesnt like carrot cake), he takes her to restaurants that she cant point etc etc, then when she fails he calls her names (five bellies, thunder thighs...). I have tried to be as supportive as i can with her, but nothing i say gets through to her. I am usually the heaviest of the two of us, but for the last couple of weeks I have been 5lb lighter than her and not even "we cant have you weighing heavier than me now can we" has spurred her into action. You don't want to end up like my friend now do you? Take no notice of your friends, at the end of the day, look at it like i do, I am going out for a night to SEE my friends and not the food/drink, usually gets me through the night and now, no-one takes any notice of me being on a diet as they see it doesnt get to me anymore.

    Onto the Chinese side of things..... I have toyed with SW before, and did go to a buffet night a couple of times whilst on it. I just chose vegetable dishes and noodles.... I know there will probably be Syns in these but not as much as the fried stuff, lol! And i always lost weight those weeks as well.

    Good Luck

    Sue xx
     
  21. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

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    cor that is SO mean. I couldnt share my life with a man like that. he sounds vile. Thank goodness she has a friend like you- sounds like HE is the root to all her problems. x
     
  22. MandiNKel

    MandiNKel Full Member

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    Chinese chicken chow mein only 7 syns
     
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