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Sorry but I have a really morbid dilemma...

#1
Hi all

Sorry as this is a really morbid dilemma but I would really appreciate your advise especially all the mums out there. It is my Granmother's funeral on Friday and I don't know what to do about Mothers Day. Somehow making a big fuss seems so inappropriate when my Mum will have just sad goodbye to her own Mum and would only serve to highlight her loss. On the other hand I don't feel like I can do nothing.

Any advice welcome!

Gx
 
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#2
Sorry to hear about your nan Georgie.

Are you close to your mum?? Do you have siblings??

Could you do a more low key type meal at home??

Would it be better to give her a card with an IOU a meal/treat sometime in the future??

Would she actually like to go out somewhere maybe to celebrate her mum's life too??

I don't know your mum, so difficult to say - go with what you feel is appropriate - or have a word with your mum.

Also what do YOU want to do?? bear in mind you too have lost a loved one.

((HUGS)) xxxx
 
#3
I would probably get a really nice bunch of flowers and instead of a Mothers Day card, I'd get 'Thinking of you'. Then inside I'd just say I know how difficult this day must be but how I wanted her (my mum) to know how much she is loved and appreciated.

'Official' mothers day cards might be a bit too flippant and jolly (have a nice day etc). Flowers would be a subtle and beautiful gesture and so would some words written from the heart.

Sorry about your gran - sending hugs your way.

xx
 
#5
Thanks Beverley

Yes I am very close to my Mum and I had been thinking of a card with an IOU for a meal out or something similar - reassuring to know you had the same thoughts.

Thanks again

Gx
 
#6
I would probably get a really nice bunch of flowers and instead of a Mothers Day card, I'd get 'Thinking of you'. Then inside I'd just say I know how difficult this day must be but how I wanted her (my mum) to know how much she is loved and appreciated.

'Official' mothers day cards might be a bit too flippant and jolly (have a nice day etc). Flowers would be a subtle and beautiful gesture and so would some words written from the heart.

Sorry about your gran - sending hugs your way.

xx
That's a lovely idea, thank you xxx
 

Grandma

Totally Focused
#7
So sorry to hear about your Grandmother, Georgie. I send hugs and consoling thoughts to you and to your mother. However old we are ourselves, losing a parent is really difficult.

I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I like the idea of flowers with a personal message and an IOU for a meal at a later date......but you know your mum best and know what she would appreciate.

with love
Chris
x
 
#8
Sorry to hear about your loss
l think flowers are a lovely idea you both will need plenty of TLC just be there for each other as lm sure you already are.
Will be thinking of you
 

Mrs B

Silver Member
#9
Sorry about your gran georgie. Flowers would be lovely. Your Mum might also appreciate visiting her Mum too with some flowers (either her grave or her favourite place maybe?) - could you take her? Then go for a quiet meal somewhere?
 
#10
Hi Georgie, So sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts are with you.

My Nan also sadly passed away at the end of January and my sister and I having been trying to think of how to deal with this mothers day for my mum and dad. My Nan was my dads mum, but my mum was her main carer so all very close as a family. We have spoken to them both and they do not want to go out for lunch and be around others 'celebrating' so to speak, so mum, dad, sister, brother-in-law and 2 nephews are coming to mine for lunch.

We are all spending the day together, going to watch my 9yr old nephew in his football match as mum and dad always enjoy being with their grandchildren and will hopefully bring a little cheer to a very sad day where Nan will be at the forefront of all our thoughts.

I like the idea of a 'thinking of you' card rather than a mothers day card it's a lovely idea.

I hope your day isnt too painful for both you and your mum. x x
 
#11
Sorry to hear about your Nan Georgie.

I also think a nice card with your own message and some flowers and perhaps a plant, a rose bush or something like that to plant in her garden as a rememberance to her mum and your nan.

It was hard when my dad died. He was buried on my mum's birthday which was also their 38th wedding anniversary but the whole family got together and remembered all the good times.
 
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#13
Hello Georgie,

So very sorry about your Nan,

I think the "thinking of you card" with some heart felt word written in it,along with the flowers & an IOU is a great idea and personally think thats what i would do, planting a rose bush or something along that line is also a great idea,

Will be thinking of you both on friday & on sunday

Love & hugs to you hun xxxx

ps, you know where i am if you want to chat xxxx
 
#14
Georgie i'm so sorry to hear about your Nan, big big hugs xxxxxx

Lovely suggestions so far but only you know your mum. If it was my mum she wouldn't be upset if we celebrated mother's day but i'd make a point of including your nan in whatever you decide to do. Like maybe buy some flowers for your Nan too. The meal idea really does sound lovely, you could make it a day of celebrating your Nan's life too. If you're really struggling why not ask your mum whether she wants to do anything this year

Hope tomorrow is ok for you thinking of u xxxx
 
#15
I was in exactly the same position as you this time last year..

My gran had just died and we were all distraught. As soon as I knew, I sent flowers and flew home. The house was full of flowers. More flowers would not have been appropriate.

Instead - at last minute, I went out to the city for an afternoon out with my mum and my aunt. There were many tears - but it was a nice afternoon.

This year, I've sent my mum and my aunt flowers - to arrive tomorrow. I've asked for some Bonnie Jean in each bouquet - my Gran was called Jane - but known as Jean. They also had Bonnie Jean through the funeral flowers. It's as much to let them know that I'm thinking of them and the first anniversary of my Gran's passing....

I think the flowers this year will cover both occasions and it does not seem appropriate for cards / chocolates / anything different at this point in time as I know they'll want to celebrate my Gran's life too.

I had also thought of ordering flowers to be sent to the graveyard - but am concerned that they might not end up in the right place .... :-S
 
#16
Thank you all so much for your best wishes and advice. I think sometimes we are so caught up in the situation it is hard to see the wood for the trees. I sent flowers as soon as we received the news just to remind Mum that I was there for her and loved her and think as some have suggested I will give her a thinking of you card with some loving words. Unfortunately visiting Gran won't be possible as we are all spread around the UK and Gran will be at rest in her home town of Bristol. I think it may also still be a bit raw so soon after the funeral.

Thanks again everyone, sharing your experiences is very generous of you and has helped me enormously.

Georgie
xx
 
#17
I would probably get a really nice bunch of flowers and instead of a Mothers Day card, I'd get 'Thinking of you'.
Sorry to hear about your nan :hug99:

I think the 'Thinking of you' card would be lovely.

My daughter was stillborn in at the end of november 2002 & her funeral was in the december. Needless to say christmas wasn't something i wanted celebrate despite having a 2 year old. I got 2 cards at christmas which had 'Thinking of you' on them. I also got a 'Merry Christmas' card from someone :rolleyes:.
The 'Thinking of you' cards were nicer & much more appropriate than a 'Merry Christmas' card.
 
#18
Sorry about the loss of your gran - it must be a difficult time for you and your family. If it was me I would spend the day with my own Mum and you can support each other. It will be hard for her but she will appreciate your being there. It would be nice to give her flowers and maybe she would want to get some flowers in memory of her Mum too. Then you could take them to the grave or a special place. I lost someone last year and someone gave me a rose called "Memory" It was so thoughtful and I really enjoyed it cos it made me focus on happy memories.

Scented Memory Rose : Large Flowered / Other Bud Form : Roses Uk


{{{{ :) }}}}
 


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