Squiddie is back

[squiddie]

Wow! This place has changed since I was last here, so much has changed; on this site and my life. Probably no-one remembers me, I think I was last here in early 2011. If anyone does remember I had a problem with my eye that was causing hassle and I was going back and forth to the hospital, well this is still going on I go on average every two weeks. I was taken into hospital in January to have IV steroids and since then I've been put on steroids and a drug called mycophenolate also known as CellCept which they give to people who have had organ transplants so the body doesn't reject the new organ. This is where my troubles began, I started SW in September 2009 and kept going until March this year. Since leaving I've put back on all the weight I lost plus more. All in all I'm around 2st heavier than when I first started. The side effects of the drugs have left me with exhaustion, headaches, stomach aches, confusion and depression - this means I'm spending most of my life in bed, or at least indoors - which if anyone knows me isn't like me, in fact I hate it.

Around the same time I stopped going to SW I found out I have kidney stones and they wanted to operate due to being immunosuppressed. I really didn't want to have the operation as I knew a general aesthetic with my weight wasn't a good idea and the doctors confirmed this for me. I made a deal with myself that if I got through it I would sort my life out and get my act together. With a stroke of luck they decided to do a CT scan before the operation and it turned out I had managed to pass one of the 6mm stones and so they decided not to operate. This was on June 28th. Since then I've been trying to rev myself up in order to get things sorted.

I've been working with my doctors to try and minimise my symptoms, I'm supposed to be moving to Worcester Uni in September, but this is looking more and more unlikely. I don't need to be at a SW to start the plan, if I felt better I'd be there in a shot, and when I do I will be going, but I'm not going to use that as excuse. I love my Mum very, very much, but I think she is causing a problem in her love and caring for me. She has been cooking and shopping for me, but of course she's not going to (and I'm not going to ask her) to cook me a completely different meal.

Anyway my long winded point is this: I remember when I was on here daily before I was always inspired by the stories and courage shown by the SW'ers and always wanted to do better. I'm just looking for some coping mechanisms or ideas that can get me going. Anyone who has suffered depression knows how hard it can be to do anything for yourself, and my weakness makes me more depressed, but I know what I need to do, I'm passed the denial and excuses I'm stuck between the place of wanting to do something and actually doing it!! It's taken about 2 hours to think of coming here and posting, but I don't want to hide anymore. If anyone can help me, please let me know, and of course I will do anything I can to advise and encourage anyone else that needs it.

Thanks to everyone who will read this
Natt xx

 

[Jenna88]

Hey Natt,
Not sure I can offer any inspiration but didn't want to read and run.

A big well done on coming back and addressing your weight issues, although this is my first time doing SW I completely understand that returning to any 'plan' after regaining any amount of weight is extremely hard so you've made a massive step. You can do it, you've done it before and we're all here to offer you as much support as possible

Sorry to hear about your various ailments and I really hope they begin to ease soon Good luck and I hope you can jump back on the wagon asap

 

[*Emsie*]

I remember you, its nice to hear from you but sorry you are having such a difficult time.
Am still half asleep so not got much advice at the moment but it seems like you are making a good step on coming back on here where there's lots of suportive people x

 

[lentil2]

Yes, I remember you too!
Your posts were very inspirational...let's hope we can return the favour!

It sounds like you are in the right frame of mind to get going again.
One thing I will say, you are in control of what you eat, you can call the shots where that's concerned even if all around you is out of your control and in the long term, your weight (loss) will help with how you are feeling too. Everything to gain.
GO FOR IT.........

And GOOD LUCK

 

[jaylou]

NATT!!!!! :bighug:

Fab to see you again chick. You've had a rough old ride!

Well, come on, you know you can do this - just start, today. No excuses, no messing. Just do it We're still here, old and new, still on our little SW journey, still having good and bad times, but still plodding on.

Go for it!

 

[Scarlett Desire]

welcome back!

 

[Pickle81]

Hi Nat,

I just wanted to let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is very doable. When I joined SW on April 17th I weighed 22st 3lbs. I'd recently suffered my second baby loss in 18 months and I was, frankly, eating myself to death. I have suffered from clinical depression for the last 10 years and I had absolutely hit rock bottom. My relationship was suffering, and I was spending most of the day in bed, curtains closed, hiding from the world.
Fast forward 12 weeks and I have lost 3st 8lbs. I now weigh 18st 9lbs and, although I have a long way to go, I am feeling so much better. I rarely spend a whole day in the house these days. I made some fabulous friends at group and we go to the gym together, and swimming. My self-esteem is improving daily, and my relationship is back to being wonderful.. because now I feel that life is worth living again.
If you'd like to be friends, I'm more than happy to offer you support. Don't feel alone, because you are part of the SW family.. and we've got your back Xx

 

[loolahoop]

i too have suffered depression for the past 7 years (as well as other crap!) so i totally know where u are and a massive well done to you for getting back on here and wanting to get urslef sorted!!
i too had hit rock bottom and tbh didnt even think i was gonna come out of it, and im quite lucky i did!
this is mainly what my SW journey is about, ive tried god knows how many meds etc and they have all worked for a while but then stop, so i figured it must just be me! and only i have the ability to chnage me!
i had thoughti had been at this place before and although i hated feeling teh way i did and i wanted to be better i was never in the right frame of mind or had the strength to actually do it before! but like i said i too hit rock bottom and from there the only way is up!
so (with lots of coping techniques i had learned) i convinced myself that healthy body = healthy mind and healthy body + healthy mind = happy me! and happy me = happy family! (i have 4 kids)
and the 1st step to a healthy body is to feed it the right nutrients! i did some research and found SW to be a great learning tool when it comes to nutrition and diet.
i am pleased to say that 15 weeks on i have not touched 1 anti-depressant or relaxant or sleeping tablet! i have lost 2 stone and i am (oh so very slowly) building my confidence!
im still not too great at getting out of the house, but i force myself to go to group and i actually enjoy it once im there and my way of thinking about everything (not just food) is definitely changing!! and suffering with depression im sure u know exactly what i mean by that!
so really really well done for coming back to SW and even just posting on here! u should be proud of urself!!
xXx

 

[peacelily]

Hi Natt. I'm fairly new on here so dont know you from before but your story just made me want to say hello. I have a friend who has battled with the side effects of high dose steroids and it was so hard for her as they caused her to gain a huge amount of weight and she hit rock bottom. You've had such a rough time it would test anyone so first thing is to just focus on the way forward and look at what you want not what you don't want. You know the programme inside out cos you've done so well in the past so even if you can't get to group maybe you could sit down with your mum and explain the programme to her. As you know most of the EE meals and menus are easy to adapt to family eating so might not mean her having to cook different meals for you and who knows, she may benefit too. If you start to get in control of how you feel about your weight, again, you may begin to feel better about yourself. Hope you take the next step but even if it takes a little while to do it, keep in touch and let us know how it's going. We're all here for you.

 

[bilsat]

Hi Natt.
Welcome back, sorry to hear about your problems but with our help and support I'm sure you will work your way through it.
You will find hundreds of great recipes on here now so pick a few out and get your mom to try them, it will help both of you, remember that the books you receive when you started have changed this year and some values have changed so it might be worth going to a class to obtain them if you can, also if you find a good, friendly group it will help your confidence.
Good luck, remember well are all here foe you.
Pete

 

[squiddie]

Thank you all so much for your wonderful replies. I've just come back from a day surgery procedure at the hospital and I've decided that enough is enough, my first goal is that the next time I go in the gown will fit me all the way round! I've been texting my old consultant and she's really keen for me to go back, so I will be going on Thursday. I've got the orange book (I don't think it's changed again since March has it?) and loads of magazines. My Mum had her diabetic review results yesterday and they are going to test her again in October so we've both decided to give it everything. We're going to sit down tonight and write out some recipes and then do a shop.

I know I won't be getting the big loses I used to with my metabolism being attacked from the steroids, but that is OK, slow and steady wins the race. Thank you all again.

Natt xx

 

[peacelily]

Fantastic news. Good luck to both of you. Hopefully you can keep us posted on how you're doing.

 

[tracejovi]

Hi Natt!

I remember you from before. Sorry to hear you've had such a rough time. I'm also trying to get back on the SW wagon but not doing very well so far!! If you and your mum are doing it together, that should make things easier for you.

Good luck hon!

Trace xx

 

[BOBTHEBLOB]

2 hours to get on here? ha, took me nearly 2 years!

good luck

 

[frugal fifer]

good to see you back posting Natt, I lurk more than post these days, but will be more active soon. hope your health gets better xx

 

[Pickle81]

Fantastic news, Nat! I'm so glad you are feeling more positive

 

[Lucia Lucia]

Natt,

I remember you so well posting every day. I used to be Princess Sausage. I didnt manage it back then but it clicked with me last year and I went from 24 st 4 to 17:7 in the past 11 months. I know exactly what you say being the place between wanting to do it and doing it. Just posting on here is a huge step in the right direction. We are all here to support you x

 

[jaxmummy]

I remember you too! just remember you have done it once and you can do it again and we can do it together!

 

[Brightonrosie]

Natt Natt Natt Wow girl lovely to hear from you again. How brave are you telling the world your story!! Hats off to you girl. I don't know if you have ever heard of EFT (google it have a look on you tube) It is worth a try to get you focused on your goals. Biggest hugs and good luck x x x x :bighug:

 

[LisaC]

Hi Natt,

I remember your posts. They were all well informed & always seriously helpful!!

Glad you're back on the wagon x