Let’s do this - restart 27/04/19 💃🏼

Hiya!!

Yeah i'm really happy, in the next stone bracket now woohoo :classic_big_grin:
Huge well done on the 6lbs!! That's amazing and sounds like step 3 is just what you're needing, hopefully help you on the mend, and losses too, you'd take that any day eh!!
Having mixed reactions to the Exante products. Meal wise only like the curry and noodles so far, love the pancakes and porridge. Bars and cookies are ok (can't see past CWP cranberry crunch!) Bad - carbonara, beef in black bean, cheese and bacon eggs :oops: Still to try the cookies and cream bar, always seems to be out of stock tho
How's this week going? xxx

Hellooooo!

So I’ve explained it fully in a post above but I would say that my 6 pounds is back on, possibly with a little more added LOL. I’m afraid to weigh myself but I had a crazy week in the hospital and totally went off track. I assume a lot of the bloating is water weight though and it’ll be off me again soon hopefully :classic_big_grin: Getting back on it tomorrow but I will be sticking to Step 3 for the time being!

How are you getting on? Have you managed to stay on plan with your busy week? Any more exante testing updates haha? I’ve been keeping an eye on the website for the lemon crunch bars to come back in stock but no luck yet haha.

Getting back to Step 3 tomorrow and I actually can’t wait even though the detox won’t be nice. But right now I’m so bloated and crampy from the food, I’ve got horrible acid reflux and I’m definitely getting energy slumps... My body really doesn’t respond well to high carbs!

Hope all is well with you anyway ❤️ Xxxx
 
Good lord Cambridge what a lot to deal with. Cambridge is fine for now but if chemo and the likes kicks in your dietian will also keep you on the right path, your requirements may be different ( as you ll know)
Take care
Jenx
 
Good lord Cambridge what a lot to deal with. Cambridge is fine for now but if chemo and the likes kicks in your dietian will also keep you on the right path, your requirements may be different ( as you ll know)
Take care
Jenx

Thanks a mil Jen, it was a shock but it does explain some things that weren’t adding up over the last 6 months. To be honest I was probably having symptoms for longer. Oh yes absolutely, I’m about a stone overweight at the moment and I guess having that bit of a reserve could come in handy if I do need intensive treatment (hopefully I won’t though). I think it’s given me a bit of a kick too because I don’t want to stuff myself with loads of processed foods for fear of making recovery more difficult on my body... I want to fuel myself properly and not restrict heavily. But I still am a total carb lover and could happily live on bread and pasta and potatoes for life... so it’s hard haha! I just need to find that middle place and I find Cambridge helps me with that.

First day back on track today anyway. Rice pudding for breakfast, will have 2 more products and a ‘normal’ dinner later.

How are you getting on? When do you plan to start Step 3? Xxx
 
Hellooooo!

So I’ve explained it fully in a post above but I would say that my 6 pounds is back on, possibly with a little more added LOL. I’m afraid to weigh myself but I had a crazy week in the hospital and totally went off track. I assume a lot of the bloating is water weight though and it’ll be off me again soon hopefully :classic_big_grin: Getting back on it tomorrow but I will be sticking to Step 3 for the time being!

How are you getting on? Have you managed to stay on plan with your busy week? Any more exante testing updates haha? I’ve been keeping an eye on the website for the lemon crunch bars to come back in stock but no luck yet haha.

Getting back to Step 3 tomorrow and I actually can’t wait even though the detox won’t be nice. But right now I’m so bloated and crampy from the food, I’ve got horrible acid reflux and I’m definitely getting energy slumps... My body really doesn’t respond well to high carbs!

Hope all is well with you anyway ❤️ Xxxx
Oh my word, what a time of it you've had!! I did think you had been quiet but 8 nights in hospital! Hopefully you'll get the appointment through quickly and they can get a plan together. I always think it helps deal with things when you know what to expect.
Good plan taking a year out, need to concentrate on getting yourself better, you can get back to it next year once you're fighting fit and can give it your full attention
I'm chipping away slowly, a stone til in healthy BMI and that seems very do-able so i'm ok with it going a bit slower. If i have something on i'm not feeling guilty for having a day off. We were out for a family dinner on Saturday as it would've been my dad's birthday and i thoroughly enjoyed my Italian and gin! :)
I have a big box to go back to Exante, the meals are nowhere near as good as Cambridge, not found any soups i like either. I called them the other day for a returns form and asked about product availability, they said everything should start coming back early September, couldn't give a date but said just to keep checking. Really want to try the lemon crunch and cookies and cream bars
It's amazing the effect food can have on your body eh?? Hopefully you start feeling the benefit when you decrease the carbs, if you start feeling yucky tho just take it one step at a time, have something if you're needing it. I'm doing step 3 just now too and am feeling lots better for it
Take care of yourself and you know where we are if you need anything xxx
 
Hey everyone!

So I have been majorly off track for the last 8 days after spending 8 nights in hospital with severe pyelonephritis, which resulted in an unexpected (and quite devastating) diagnosis of a brain tumour. I am now waiting to get a biopsy of the mass to confirm exactly what it is. Only one hospital in Ireland has a neurosurgery department so these things take a bit of time but it should be in the next couple of weeks. We do not think it is cancerous so I am not very scared but the treatment is still likely going to involve brain surgery, radiotherapy and possibly chemo. I had been feeling unwell for months which I was always attributing to my recurring UTIs but there was obviously a lot more going on!

I am due to return to university on Monday but I have decided to take a year out of college to focus on my health as the next few months are going to be crazy, and studying medicine is too intensive when other things are going on. There is very little flexibility with missing time and attendance on our placements is mandatory so I would not be able to pass the year anyway.

Diet wise, I have definitely gained a few pounds and I can see it in my face very clearly... my cheeks are always the first things to go puffy. I’m also very bloated and the flat tummy was instantly gone as soon as I upped my carbs! But it really all seems a bit irrelevant now as this has put things into perspective for me. I didn’t eat anything my first two days in hospital as I was too sick from my infection but after that I basically lived on carbs: bread, Weetabix, fruit, porridge, chips, potatoes etc. 😬

My Cambridge consultant has been amazing and constantly checking up on me. She kept reinforcing that losing weight should be the least of my worries now and that I just need to focus on being healthy. She told me not to feel pressured to continue if I didn’t want to. I was finally discharged yesterday and do plan to get back to Cambridge tomorrow for my HEALTH. I don’t even care what I weigh right now but I want to get into a healthy BMI range to make my body as happy and healthy as possible. I have decided to do this on around 1000 to 1200 calories a day as I don’t want to stress out my body in a massive deficit, and I also want to be able to be more active too!

So I’m heading to a family dinner party tonight and I’m going to enjoy what I fancy. Then tomorrow it’ll be back to reality but nothing too extreme. I am planning to have 2 to 3 products a day and make up the rest of my calories with a Mediterranean style diet - high fat, high fibre, loads of veg, moderate carb and moderate protein.

Anyway I will continue to update this page even though it won’t be too inspirational to anybody doing sole source! I find it motivates me and keeps me a small bit accountable!

Have a great weekend everyone! Xxx


Hi Cambridge,

So sorry to hear your news and wishing you a speedy recovery. Definitely think having a year out is the right decision you need to focus on you and your health for now. Regarding the diet do what you feel is best take a day at a time and see how you go. Glad your consultant is being so good. Hope you had a good weekend xx
 
Hi Cambridge,

So sorry to hear your news and wishing you a speedy recovery. Definitely think having a year out is the right decision you need to focus on you and your health for now. Regarding the diet do what you feel is best take a day at a time and see how you go. Glad your consultant is being so good. Hope you had a good weekend xx

Thanks a million Rolo, I have been finding it hard to get my head back in the game diet wise! Had 3 full days on Step 3 Sun, Mon and Tues but today I ate all around me... for no reason other than being emotional because I’ve got my period and obviously I’m a bit stressed with everything that’s going on!

How are you getting on yourself? I have just checked your diary and I see you’ve been unwell yourself too, are you still doing a higher up step? In a weird way it’s so much harder eating more, in my opinion anyway! Not having to think about food on sole source gets rid of that choice and just helps to take food out of the equation.

Hope all is ok with you! Xxxx
 
Oh my word, what a time of it you've had!! I did think you had been quiet but 8 nights in hospital! Hopefully you'll get the appointment through quickly and they can get a plan together. I always think it helps deal with things when you know what to expect.
Good plan taking a year out, need to concentrate on getting yourself better, you can get back to it next year once you're fighting fit and can give it your full attention
I'm chipping away slowly, a stone til in healthy BMI and that seems very do-able so i'm ok with it going a bit slower. If i have something on i'm not feeling guilty for having a day off. We were out for a family dinner on Saturday as it would've been my dad's birthday and i thoroughly enjoyed my Italian and gin! :)
I have a big box to go back to Exante, the meals are nowhere near as good as Cambridge, not found any soups i like either. I called them the other day for a returns form and asked about product availability, they said everything should start coming back early September, couldn't give a date but said just to keep checking. Really want to try the lemon crunch and cookies and cream bars
It's amazing the effect food can have on your body eh?? Hopefully you start feeling the benefit when you decrease the carbs, if you start feeling yucky tho just take it one step at a time, have something if you're needing it. I'm doing step 3 just now too and am feeling lots better for it
Take care of yourself and you know where we are if you need anything xxx

Thank you so much girl, it has definitely been a whirlwind! The worst thing now is all the waiting and not knowing... I’ve a lot of scans and appointments to go to but most aren’t for 2-3 weeks and I hate having to sit calm until then! Diet wise, it has been hard. I did 3 days on Step 3 from Sunday to yesterday but today I’ve eaten everything. I went out for breakfast and lunch, and also had a brownie with my 3pm coffee. There’s a battle in my mind between the whole ‘treat yourself, you deserve it’ and ‘you need to lose weight to make yourself healthier’! Anyway, I think mostly healthy is what I’m going to strive for... and not beat myself up for occasional treats! If I do mostly Step 3 and the odd day off plan, it’s still much better than constantly stuffing my face! I haven’t being weighing myself at all as I honestly don’t want to know how much I’ve gained 🙈 I see my consultant tomorrow so not looking forward to that!

Glad to hear you are doing well! Hope you were ok for your dad’s birthday and I am sure he was much happier watching you enjoy your Italian and gin rather than drinking a Cambridge shake for dinner! So strange how inconsistent the Exante products are but at least we are both finding out (the hard way!!!) what products we like. I ordered a big bunch of shakes yesterday - mainly lemon cheesecake and creamy coconut - so they’ll keep me going for a while. I bought one of a couple of new flavours but I mostly got what I know I like!

How’s this week going for you?! Xxxx
 
Thanks a million Rolo, I have been finding it hard to get my head back in the game diet wise! Had 3 full days on Step 3 Sun, Mon and Tues but today I ate all around me... for no reason other than being emotional because I’ve got my period and obviously I’m a bit stressed with everything that’s going on!

How are you getting on yourself? I have just checked your diary and I see you’ve been unwell yourself too, are you still doing a higher up step? In a weird way it’s so much harder eating more, in my opinion anyway! Not having to think about food on sole source gets rid of that choice and just helps to take food out of the equation.

Hope all is ok with you! Xxxx


Hi Cambridge,

I totally agree putting food back in the equation at such an early stage in the plan hasn’t really worked for me.

Makes it so much harder I stayed the same last week so I have now gone back onto step 1 3 shakes a day and I am feeling happier.

If I start feeling ill again I will have to rethink it but it’s just too early in my journey I actually find it easy just having 3 products and water and I am not constantly thinking about what food I am going to have.
Every day that you can stick to plan will help you in the long term so don’t worry about the days you have an off day. Hopefully you will see the consultant and start your treatment soon.
Keep your chin up, keep talking about how you are feeling and try not to worry xx
 
Thank you so much girl, it has definitely been a whirlwind! The worst thing now is all the waiting and not knowing... I’ve a lot of scans and appointments to go to but most aren’t for 2-3 weeks and I hate having to sit calm until then! Diet wise, it has been hard. I did 3 days on Step 3 from Sunday to yesterday but today I’ve eaten everything. I went out for breakfast and lunch, and also had a brownie with my 3pm coffee. There’s a battle in my mind between the whole ‘treat yourself, you deserve it’ and ‘you need to lose weight to make yourself healthier’! Anyway, I think mostly healthy is what I’m going to strive for... and not beat myself up for occasional treats! If I do mostly Step 3 and the odd day off plan, it’s still much better than constantly stuffing my face! I haven’t being weighing myself at all as I honestly don’t want to know how much I’ve gained 🙈 I see my consultant tomorrow so not looking forward to that!

Glad to hear you are doing well! Hope you were ok for your dad’s birthday and I am sure he was much happier watching you enjoy your Italian and gin rather than drinking a Cambridge shake for dinner! So strange how inconsistent the Exante products are but at least we are both finding out (the hard way!!!) what products we like. I ordered a big bunch of shakes yesterday - mainly lemon cheesecake and creamy coconut - so they’ll keep me going for a while. I bought one of a couple of new flavours but I mostly got what I know I like!

How’s this week going for you?! Xxxx
I can imagine the waiting is the hardest part, very difficult not to think too much. Sounds like you're thinking about things great tho, you're wanting to be healthier but know that there will be some days that are harder than others, so just take each day as it comes. Might take longer to get to your ultimate goal but then right now that doesn't really matter. Got to do whatever you need to right now. How did you get on with consultant?
I sent a load of stuff back to Exante and had to pay postage, thought that was a bit of a cheek! Week's going ok but i'm definitely not in the zone, stayed the same last week which was a total result! xxx
 
Hey everyone!

I am BACK ;) Not sure if many of the same people are still hanging around here, hope you are all doing good! :D

After a difficult 8 weeks including a brain biopsy, I am ready to get my act together as my weight is going in the wrong direction, again. Old habits have started to slowly creep back in and for the last few days I have binged more than ever. I must have consumed 10,000 calories this weekend alone and I feel so disgusted in myself. I didn’t even enjoy it but I just couldn’t stop. Today I feel so bloated and guilty... but also determined and motivated.

So this morning I started back on Cambridge STEP 2!

My brain tumor did not turn out to be cancerous as we expected (I’m so lucky and thankful!). It is grade 2 though so it will still get bigger over time. The plan for now is to observe its growth every 3-6 months, and when it shows quick growth or begins to cause problems we can then reevaluate the need for radiotherapy, chemotherapy etc. Unfortunately it is not in a place that can be surgically removed completely. This should be motivating me to lose weight and get to a healthy BMI and it did initially, but the last few weeks the binge monster has been so so hard to fight.

On top of this, the doctors also think I might have an autoimmune disease affecting my kidneys, the tests are ongoing for this at the moment but we think it will need treatment with a high dose of steroids! I’m terrified of the weight gain and puffiness they might bring but I’m trying to give myself a kick in the bum that I’m even thinking this because health is more important than anything at the end of the day.

For now my goal is to get my eating under control and we all know the strict nature of Cambridge just makes this easier sometimes. o_O

I am not at home to weigh in this morning but I will find out where I am tomorrow... NOT looking forward to it but needs to be done! I reckon I have gained close to a stone, about half my weight back. I’m glad I am nipping this in the bud though and getting back on plan before I’ve gained it all back! Hoping to be in the lower side of the 13s tomorrow but we will see.

Just having my rice pudding and dare I say I missed it?! So yummy! Looking forward to hearing how you’re all getting on! Xxx
 
Hi Cambridge,

I totally agree putting food back in the equation at such an early stage in the plan hasn’t really worked for me.

Makes it so much harder I stayed the same last week so I have now gone back onto step 1 3 shakes a day and I am feeling happier.

If I start feeling ill again I will have to rethink it but it’s just too early in my journey I actually find it easy just having 3 products and water and I am not constantly thinking about what food I am going to have.
Every day that you can stick to plan will help you in the long term so don’t worry about the days you have an off day. Hopefully you will see the consultant and start your treatment soon.
Keep your chin up, keep talking about how you are feeling and try not to worry xx

Hi Rolo,

How are you getting on? Not sure if you’re still around here, I just started back today after a couple of months off :classic_tongue:

Hope all is good! Xxxx
 
I can imagine the waiting is the hardest part, very difficult not to think too much. Sounds like you're thinking about things great tho, you're wanting to be healthier but know that there will be some days that are harder than others, so just take each day as it comes. Might take longer to get to your ultimate goal but then right now that doesn't really matter. Got to do whatever you need to right now. How did you get on with consultant?
I sent a load of stuff back to Exante and had to pay postage, thought that was a bit of a cheek! Week's going ok but i'm definitely not in the zone, stayed the same last week which was a total result! xxx

Hey you!!!

I have returned from the dark side, haha. The dark side being that place full of sugar and processed food that makes you bloated and fat :classic_roll_eyes: Posted a full update above but I was doing ok for a while... then the last few weeks the cravings were unbearable and I decided I needed to strictness of Cambridge for a while to get myself back of track!

How are you?! Hope you are well and hope you are happy :classic_big_grin:

Xxxx
 
My first day back on track went very smoothly and no side effects as of yet, although I expect the carb withdrawl headache and fuzziness to kick in soon :classic_big_grin::classic_eek:

Had my 3 products with some chicken and broccoli for dinner.

I am SO happy I found the motivation somewhere very deep inside to give this another go - yesterday morning I really didn’t want to but the first day is the hardest and I’m so glad today. Still staying at my aunt’s house where there is no access to a scales so I’ve yet to weigh in, feels nice not being able to actually! But will be home to check my stats in the morning.

Ordered some Exante bars yesterday in the 42 products for £38 (€45) offer. Got 21 of the lemon crunch and 21 of the strawberry yogurt crunch. Those two flavours are up there as good if not better than any Cambridge bar in my opinion, and there is a lot of eating in them. I found all the other Exante bars that I’ve tried horrible though. Hoping they arrive by the weekend to add some variety :classic_big_grin:

How are you all getting on? Xxxx
 
Hi Rolo,

How are you getting on? Not sure if you’re still around here, I just started back today after a couple of months off :classic_tongue:

Hope all is good! Xxxx


Hello you!
How are you?

Yes still on plan but been having a few weekends off which have then extended to a week.

Started again yesterday on 3 products and felt a bit rubbish today but been here before I know it gets better so just getting on with it.

I too have just ordered some Exante products to try as my consultant isn’t that good so thought why not give it a try. Ordered a mixture of shakes and bars but think I will miss the strawberry and cherry smoothie if I stop Cambridge so will have to see how it goes. I want to lose another stone by the middle of November so fingers crossed. Xx
 
Day 3 already and I’m feeling GOOD! I had a bit of a headache last night so I took some paracetamol to nip it in the bud and it seemed to work very well! Already feeling less bloated in my tummy.

Yesterday my 200 calorie meal was more like 400 calories as I’d had a very active day. But still kept it low carb. Not going to beat myself up at all if some days I float around 1000 calories as I had great success in August on Step 3 :p

I weighed in this morning for the first time in ages at just under 13st 4lb :) This is 8 pounds above my lowest Cambridge weight from mid August so I’m pretty chuffed with that after a not so great 8 weeks. I realise I’ve probably lost 2 or 3 pounds of water weight in the last couple of days but overall damage isn’t as bad as I had thought!

The bad news is that tomorrow I start taking prednisone 60mg for my kidneys, which is quite a high dose of steroids. From what I’ve read online, low carb diets are the best for minimising steroid weight gain, hunger and fluid retention, but only time will tell I guess.

Have a good day everyone :D xxx
 
Hello you!
How are you?

Yes still on plan but been having a few weekends off which have then extended to a week.

Started again yesterday on 3 products and felt a bit rubbish today but been here before I know it gets better so just getting on with it.

I too have just ordered some Exante products to try as my consultant isn’t that good so thought why not give it a try. Ordered a mixture of shakes and bars but think I will miss the strawberry and cherry smoothie if I stop Cambridge so will have to see how it goes. I want to lose another stone by the middle of November so fingers crossed. Xx

Yay I’m glad you are still knocking about here! And wow well done on your two stone loss going by your stats - that is a fantastic result and you must be delighted! Your clothes must be getting loose on you by now too? :p I think a stone per month is definitely doable so no doubt that you’ll get there with the right mind set!

Looking forward to hearing what you think of the Exante range. The Cambridge cherry and strawberry smoothie is also one of my faves! I have some exante ‘cherry and berries’ at home that I’ve yet to try, I wonder will they be similar. I will try it tomorrow and report back! Exante do a shake called lemon cheesecake that is absolutely delicious too. Hope you got some of the lemon crunch and strawberry crunch yogurt bars as they are both amazing!

I’m doing ok! Only started back on Monday after a good 7-8 weeks off. I’m 8 pounds above my lowest weight now which I’m pretty happy about considering I ate a LOT, especially in the last 2 weeks. I should be able to get rid of it easily within 10 days or so!

I’m not going to go below Step 2 as I do have some ongoing health issues and I want my body to have energy to get me better. 3 products per day with a low carb meal works well for me but I’m not going to very strict with the evening meal calorie wise, as long as it’s high protein and low carb I’m happy. I plan to keep things around 800-1000 cals in total so I’ll just adjust the size of my evening meal depending on how I’m feeling.

Tomorrow I actually start on quite a high dose of steroids which really worries me from a weight loss point of view as I’ve seen so many people blow up on them. Seemingly keto can help with this from what I read online so hopefully it won’t interfere with my goals too much!

Hope you are feeling better today! Xxxx
 
Yay I’m glad you are still knocking about here! And wow well done on your two stone loss going by your stats - that is a fantastic result and you must be delighted! Your clothes must be getting loose on you by now too? :p I think a stone per month is definitely doable so no doubt that you’ll get there with the right mind set!

Looking forward to hearing what you think of the Exante range. The Cambridge cherry and strawberry smoothie is also one of my faves! I have some exante ‘cherry and berries’ at home that I’ve yet to try, I wonder will they be similar. I will try it tomorrow and report back! Exante do a shake called lemon cheesecake that is absolutely delicious too. Hope you got some of the lemon crunch and strawberry crunch yogurt bars as they are both amazing!

I’m doing ok! Only started back on Monday after a good 7-8 weeks off. I’m 8 pounds above my lowest weight now which I’m pretty happy about considering I ate a LOT, especially in the last 2 weeks. I should be able to get rid of it easily within 10 days or so!

I’m not going to go below Step 2 as I do have some ongoing health issues and I want my body to have energy to get me better. 3 products per day with a low carb meal works well for me but I’m not going to very strict with the evening meal calorie wise, as long as it’s high protein and low carb I’m happy. I plan to keep things around 800-1000 cals in total so I’ll just adjust the size of my evening meal depending on how I’m feeling.

Tomorrow I actually start on quite a high dose of steroids which really worries me from a weight loss point of view as I’ve seen so many people blow up on them. Seemingly keto can help with this from what I read online so hopefully it won’t interfere with my goals too much!

Hope you are feeling better today! Xxxx

Hi,

So pleased you are back and sounding very positive which is really good to hear. Definitely think you are doing the right step and hopefully the steroids won’t make too much difference I am sure you will be fine.

I tried the cherries and strawberry shake today unfortunately it’s not the same as the Cambridge one. I have just tried the peanut butter bar and I didn’t like that was a weird texture some reviews says to microwave it or put it in the fridge so will try each method and see which I like the best and let you know.

I didn’t get any lemon bars or strawberry ones but if these go ok I will try them next time. I did get a lemon cheesecake shake though so looking forward to that. Turns out my consultant is stopping Cambridge anyway so I would of had to stop Cambridge so hopefully Exante will be ok and there seems to be a good variety of products to choose from I am sure I will like some of them.

Yes feeling really good about my loss I am weighing on Monday so fingers crossed a few more pounds will have gone by then. I am in a size 14 now it is a little bit snug but I still feel good and happy with what I am achieving.

I fancy following the keto/low carb diet once I have lost another 2 stone but a little nervous about eating high fat as it just seems so wrong obviously it works though just totally opposite to the types of diet I have previously tried.

You have done so well only putting a small amount on in the time you have been off plan you should be really proud of yourself. Xx
 
Hey you!!!

I have returned from the dark side, haha. The dark side being that place full of sugar and processed food that makes you bloated and fat :classic_roll_eyes: Posted a full update above but I was doing ok for a while... then the last few weeks the cravings were unbearable and I decided I needed to strictness of Cambridge for a while to get myself back of track!

How are you?! Hope you are well and hope you are happy :classic_big_grin:

Xxxx
Morning and welcome back!!

Glad to hear your results were better than expected, fingers crossed there's no rapid growth, and they figure out what else is going on too. How you doing on the steroids?

Sounds like you're really focused, that can be the hardest part! Step 2 a good idea too

I've not really been on it for a while, too much going on, but weight bobbing around the same so i'm happy about that, altho i do still want at least another stone off. Having a week on plan this week, weekend off then hopefully a good run at it until a wedding mid November. It's funny how when i was totally in the zone, days out or plans wouldn't have stopped me and i would've stayed focused, maybe consultant is right and it's cos i'm happier now. Still, whatever works eh xxx
 
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