straight talking : LeaE jely wobble

[LeaE]

Well well well here I am again
Im stating a new diary as my last one was like 2 years ago and so much has happened since then but hey ho
I have just completed y first week on CD and wasnt going to bother with a diary but figure it helped me so much and i met some amazing ppl and it was just all part of the diet really so figured i woud do it again
Im Lea and im now 30 yes im the big 30 and well big I am
I weighed in last sunday at 21st.2lbs and I was gutte but not sprised as i have eaten my way through stress and even though iknew i was i just kept on munching through the week ! Just call me the very hungry catapillar !!!
I have two girls ages 10 and 7 and a partner who lives with me hes 29
I started last week as i felt pants im fat uncomy and i sruggle to bend down
my feet are tired and hurt and im suffering lots of aches and pains that are all weight related
I have no clothes that fit as i refuse to buy them as they look awful and well to be frank im sick of being fat spesh as i know i feel so much better lighter plus in my job you stand infront of a mirror 24/7 so can u imagine how soul destroying that it
anyways im sure if u read my diary u will find out more about me if i bore you im sorry but this is for me as i get a bit obcessive on cd so have to get it off my cheast
week ones done anyway and my loss was 12lbs and 8 inch from under my boobs x pretty cool hey x i do love cd
spk soon my frank diary xxx
i look forward to a very long and emotional journey xx

 

[Mini]

What a fabulous incentive losing 12lbs this week Lea!:happy096:

Well done and best of luck on your journey.

 

[LeaE]

Ty mini it was nice but hoping not to sound ungrateful I won't be feeling any happier until I'm over 2 stone down x I think I wait to see the 19s and then I feel I can go for it x hope your doing well x

 

[Em_Butterfly]

Leaaaaaaa! So nice to see you on here! Do you remember me? How are you getting on? X

 

[Em_Butterfly]

Ps what an amazing weight loss! Well done!

 

[Newtocd]

Hey there, good to see you back. Huge congrats on your loss. How are you getting on this week? I

 

[tor137]

12 lbs is a fab weight loss you should be proud ,
Are you a hairdresser ,? I'm 1 myself and know about standing I front of a mirror all day it's horrid.
Your all ready nearly halfway there till your 1st goal of 2stone , keep up the good work xxxxx

 

[tor137]

And won't ur be nice to go into any shop and not but clothes from the "plus size " section xx

 

[Viva La Diva]

Hello Lea, I remember you from before and enjoyed reading your diary, I think you inspired a lot of people then with your posts and the photos....

Although, I'm not doing a VLCD (no judging, it's just not for everyone, dieting choice is such a personal thing IMHO ) I like reading a variety of different weight loss diaries for inspiration,motivation and ideas !!

Welcome back !!

Diva x

 

[LeaE]

Course I remember you x the ppl who kept me going last time is the reason I'm back on here now although I must admit facing the shame of starting all over again was a bit off putting but never one to shy away from the truth I just figured sod it x so here I am x how are u anyhow x

 

[LeaE]

Well I'm just on a night shift as I juggle my own job along side hair and beauty ATM until I'm established x yesterday I was on a course from 9-3 and on a night shift from 8.30 till 7.30 this morning x but on a plus not far too busy to even consider cheating
I have stuck to plan 100% although I'm a bit fed up will busting for the loo every 5 mins ! I did however dip my pee at work and was lovely to see that nice purple colour shining bright x
My uniform is still tight and I'm still feeling really heavy however the prospect of feeling better in a few weeks is keeping me positive x
Yes I am a hairdresser and I love it however I work in a skin covered in mirrors so no escaping my oversized bulges x when I leave the house I think yeah that's fine your covering your fat fine today and then when I'm working I catch a glimpse of myself and think mmmmmm u failed I can still see every lump bump and wobbly bit !!!!!!
I must admit I am a little annoyed with myself and I'm refusing to make excuses about having to start again so although 12lbs loss is great I'm not happy x I know that sounds selfish moody and radic but I'm not going to lie x I'm so annoyed at seeing them scales I don't think I will be feeling happy about my losses for a long long time x
Ty all who have popped in to say hi and hope to see u around soon xxx

 

[LeaE]

Just woke up after my night shift and being awake 24hrs well I say just woke up but I'm weeing every 5mins so haven't had sleep straight through x
Warning over share !! Also I have finally gone to the loo for a number two and it's like tar I'm calling it tarpoo ooohhhhhh I don't miss this one bit x well the start of week 2 is going fine I'm drinking drinking and well drinking x had a bit of a negative blow this am from a member of staff who was asking about my diet and who's response was 'are u going to actually stick to it this time' FFS I did 5 and half month last time and lost 6 stone and I only came off it because I was rushed into hospital for an emergency op mmmmm I wouldn't mind but she's fat and can't stick to anything ! Ggggrrrrrr I kept my cool anyways and said 'who knows, who cares it's my body' I obviously do care but ***** why are ppl so negative !
Anyway I'm in the bath now and it's what has promoted me to post x laying in the bath makes me feel fat ! My belly doesn't even go under the water and I can see my wobbly bits in all it's glory and I hate them x I hate how fat I am I hate feeling heavy when I go up the stairs I hate having no clothes I hate thinking that my fat is all that ppl see of me and if they describe me it's one of the first adjectives they would use x I hate that the little old lady at work thinks I'm pregnant and to save her embarrassment and mine I just play along with it omg !!!!!!! I hate that my bf has me like this and that he can't possibly look at me and find me attractive and that I know I'm the fattest gf he's had ! I hate that I'm the fattest person at work and at college and in all my groups actually ! And most of all I hate that this list shows I hate myself ! And I think that's the worst position you can be in but..... Ever the optimist I love that I can use all these bad feelings to give me the strength to carry on x
I love cd x I love no planning I love that hardly anyone else who has copied me can't stick to it and I bloody can ! I love the fast weight loss I love seeing my consultant I love getting my smaller clothes back and I love when I can see a change xxxxx

 

[LeaE]

Oh nooooooo confirmation of deep ketosis is here ! The dreaded period ! And it's only week 2 !
I don't do totm I have the implant but when on Cambridge god dam it makes up for it x omg ongoing omg scarlet niagra falls has come to South Yorkshire !!!!!
Ooohhhhhh this usually lasts 6-8 weeks and I usually grin it out for that long then have a ss + meal to stop it but I don't want to !!!!!!!
Well let's see how well my will power can be tested
Living proof my body fights tooth and nail to avoid losing weight ! God dam my genetically adopted body !

 

[Newtocd]

I love your honesty- to be honest you are not alone I have felt every sentiment that you have and totally get the bath thing!! I can't even do underwater swimming anymore my goddam body just floats. So madam you are on it and from what I have read in the past that you are 100% committed. You will do well. Hope your health doesn't get in the way ( hope that didn't come across rude).

 

[LeaE]

Give over rude ! Nothing's seen as too rude on my point only the truth I'm afraid x I can't cope with ppl talking bull and not being honest glorifying a very hard diet to be something it's not x u know I love cd but I'm not going to say it's all a miracle I find easy x it has it's ups and it has it's downs the stuff your body and mind go through while on this diet is untrue and it's because of cd last time that I learnt how my body works x which now said is another plus
If your honestly saying I'm not alone and you feel just like me then I'm sending you a hug x it's so crappy feeling like that about yourself but ..... At least it will get better hey x and Ty I'm glad at least one person can stomach my honesty and over shares however I'm still considering 'tarpoo' a little bit over the top for my honesty lol
Well night shift done so that's them over for the week and now to battle on with hairdressing x I'm shattered now so off to bed
I'm still 100% ss I'm still peeing every 10mins and I'm still fat but ..... I'm still plodding on x x good night my dear diary good night fellow cd friends x think drink !!!!

 

[Colony]

Just woke up after my night shift and being awake 24hrs well I say just woke up but I'm weeing every 5mins so haven't had sleep straight through x Warning over share !! Also I have finally gone to the loo for a number two and it's like tar I'm calling it tarpoo ooohhhhhh I don't miss this one bit x well the start of week 2 is going fine I'm drinking drinking and well drinking x had a bit of a negative blow this am from a member of staff who was asking about my diet and who's response was 'are u going to actually stick to it this time' FFS I did 5 and half month last time and lost 6 stone and I only came off it because I was rushed into hospital for an emergency op mmmmm I wouldn't mind but she's fat and can't stick to anything ! Ggggrrrrrr I kept my cool anyways and said 'who knows, who cares it's my body' I obviously do care but ***** why are ppl so negative ! Anyway I'm in the bath now and it's what has promoted me to post x laying in the bath makes me feel fat ! My belly doesn't even go under the water and I can see my wobbly bits in all it's glory and I hate them x I hate how fat I am I hate feeling heavy when I go up the stairs I hate having no clothes I hate thinking that my fat is all that ppl see of me and if they describe me it's one of the first adjectives they would use x I hate that the little old lady at work thinks I'm pregnant and to save her embarrassment and mine I just play along with it omg !!!!!!! I hate that my bf has me like this and that he can't possibly look at me and find me attractive and that I know I'm the fattest gf he's had ! I hate that I'm the fattest person at work and at college and in all my groups actually ! And most of all I hate that this list shows I hate myself ! And I think that's the worst position you can be in but..... Ever the optimist I love that I can use all these bad feelings to give me the strength to carry on x I love cd x I love no planning I love that hardly anyone else who has copied me can't stick to it and I bloody can ! I love the fast weight loss I love seeing my consultant I love getting my smaller clothes back and I love when I can see a change xxxxx

I loved this post. I think it's a real honest summary of how a lot of us feel about ourselves. But then there's the light at the end of the tunnel - and helping us to get there is CD and this board!

Best of luck with your weight loss, looking forward to hearing about your next weigh in! Xx

 

[LeaE]

Ah Ty Hun x not sure if anyone would appreciate my over shares lol
Well today I have had chicken soup and a strawberry tetra and plenty of water x the chicken soups a bit chalky but I ate it x I have had my daughter at dancing and have been trying to organise a raffle as if my life's not busy enough x busy busy busy means I haven't even considered cheating so all well in the hood lol
I'm still gutted though as the dance studio is covered in mirrors and I got to have 3 hrs again of seeing my reflection x mmmmm wonderful ! Anyways that's another day almost over I'm going to watch big brother and then bed x well I say bed lightly as I know most of the night will be spent going for a wee x

 

[xholly]

I started CD today! It's only 2pm and I've been to loo about 6 times, bet everyone at work thinks I'm up to something dodgey! Love your blog, kinda just sums up exactly how I feel about myself! Especially the 'how can my boyfriend find me attractive'. Good luck on your journey!

 

[Newtocd]

I'm the same hate looking at myself in the mirror but here I am with my water at the hairdressers trying not to stare at myself. Hope it's going well with you all. X

 

[LeaE]

Thank u for your post guys it's kinda nice to not feel on your own however it's sad that ppl do feel like me xx anyway it's weigh day so better get ready x