Strokes - how to accept?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by scotwannabethin, 6 October 2007 Social URL.

  1. scotwannabethin

    scotwannabethin Back to the grindstone!!

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    Morning guys,
    I have a bit of a strange one for you. I am struggling but not in the sense of food. I have lost a fair bit of weight now as can be seen by ma wee tracker below and as I am 5'2" short, it is getting pretty noticable.
    For a while I was gutted that no one was mentioning it but now it is pretty much everyone who ever knew me that are coming up to me and telling me how much better I look.
    The thing is, and it's something which I am finding difficult, is that I can't seem to take the positive strokes from it!! I get all embarrased and almost shy when they say it and that really isn't me!! I know, by and large, that the majority of folk are saying it and meaning it but I guess after hiding behind my weight for so long it is hard to hear and accept.
    Any advice? I did say it was a strange one!!! :confused:
     
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  3. Eileen

    Eileen likes posting.

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    Its funny we were talking about this in class on monday, we were saying thats its wonderful that people are making nice comments but we wish it would stop & get back to normal, not too be known as the woman whos lost loads of weight.
     
  4. icemoose

    icemoose The Diet Guy

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    Hiya

    I am afraid you kind of have to get used to it! It is very difficult sometimes to take a compliment and I used to reply with things like..

    " I still have loads to lose "
    " I am still a stone from goal "
    " I am not as slim as James/Peter/Andy"
    " These clothes do a lot to hide it"
    " I am still in a 36" trouser "
    " My teeth are brown now though from all the coffee (WTF!) "
    etc etc etc

    So you aren't strange, just try and say thanks and even better give them back a compliment and you can difuse your compliment!

    But be proud, you have been given a compliment because you have done something positive.

    Mike
     
  5. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Hello

    Your request is not strange at all so rest assured many of us have been in your situation.

    The best advice I can give you is to to just say thank you when you hear the compliment and smile. We practised this in our group because many of us struggled with the positive strokes. It's also hard, as you say, when you've been busy trying to hide behind your weight to suddenly be visible in a different way.

    Eventually, people will stop noticing so make the most of it! Just smile and say thank you!

    Good luck.

    Take care.

    Mrs Lxxx
     
  6. megsmum

    megsmum Full Member

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    Hi

    I have had the same problem I know say thankyou and smile. I was saying stuff like thanks glad you can tell it is costing me enough lol. Not very good response. I am at the stage I have lost 3 stone but i still have hell of a lot to loose so I am still big. I know some people are looking but they dont say anything.

    My problem is I am embarresed to admit I am doing Lighterlife. Dont ask me why as before when I was on a diet I would happily say I was doing weight watchers or slimming world ect but this is different somehow. Does that make sense.
     
  7. DramaQueen

    DramaQueen Full Member

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    I can understand exactly what you all say. I have only lost 19lbs so far , but people have started making comments already. The thing is I find them quite rude. they say things like "you look so much better now" and I take it as though they are saying I looked so awful before - it;s true but how rude to comment! Someone actually said to me last week " you are losing weight off your legs which is great because they looked like they were going to burst before!" I just smile, and say I have a long way to go.

    Megs mum - I have only told my close family that I am doing LL, anybody else who asks I just say I am on a strict diet. I can't be bothered with explaining to everybody how it all works and really I do not want to have to justify myself.

    I suppose we should be thankful that we have this dilema as it is so much better than people not saying anything but thinking you are huge! LOL

    Keep up the good work. Happy weekend DQ x
     
  8. Miss_Bettany

    Miss_Bettany Full Member

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    oh I do know just what you mean! No one knows I am doing LL, in fact no one knows I am on a diet other than hubby, and I'm dreading people starting to ask. At the moment I am getting looked at, and on Sunday (tomorrow) I am godmother at my Neice's christening, so in an attempt to deflect people from me looking at my wright loss, I've had my hair cut short and dyed red and blonde! Daft or what!
     
  9. Delli

    Delli Talks too much

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    lol bettany! any chance of a pic of ur hair? u sound like a cool godmother
     
  10. scotwannabethin

    scotwannabethin Back to the grindstone!!

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    Thanks guys, Mike - the replies you list, used pretty much all of them so far, other than the size 34 and the coffee :coffee:
    I will bear in mind the returning of strokes, didn't think of that and I will try and be more accepting.
    I was out at a birthday dinner last night with lots of friends who hadn't seen me in ages and that is what sparked it all. Like a few of you, I have pretty much kept it to myself and only close family and friends know that I am doing LL and last night I had coffee, (what was I saying Mike!!) and a bar whilst they tucked into scrummy food and a Baskin Robbins Ice cream cake so I really had to tell them why I wasn't eating.
    Thanks again for all your comments, I don't feel quite so alone with this one now! Practice makes perfect I guess and I'd better practice for when folk stop saying anything!!
    :thankyou:
     
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  11. silhouettes

    silhouettes Silver Member

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    its strange accepting compliments isnt it. It has taken me 3 months to learn to say "thank you" and not add a negative to go along side it. But it feels great :)

    well done for your great loss so far :)
    sil
     
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  12. madhatter400

    madhatter400 Full Member

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    Just to echo what everyone has been saying....i have suddenly also been getting a lot of comments, from the newsagents i go to, security guard at work even the cleaners at work! All a bit strange....i am struggling to not dismiss it and take it all in....I also try to not feel guilty...i know doing LL is very very hard but because the weight comes off so quickly some people (the ones with their own issues and negativity) think i am "cheating" and of course if you don't eat you will lose weight...i am now trying to find a way to tackle those people and their comments!!

    In summary we should all find away to take these positive comments, accept them and feel good about ourselves...feel proud that we were brave to take the first steps and make such positive changes in our lives....the other day heather smalls song proud came on and for some reason some of the lyrics really made an impact on me....

    I look into the window of my mind
    Reflections of the fears I know I've left behind
    I step out of the ordinary
    I can feel my soul ascending
    I am on my way
    Can't stop me now
    And you can do the same

    What have you done today to make you feel proud?
    It's never too late to try
    What have you done today to make you feel proud?
    You could be so many people
    If you make that break for freedom
    What have you done today to make you feel proud?

    Still so many answers I don't know
    Realise that to question is how we grow
    So I step out of the ordinary
    I can feel my soul ascending
    I am on my way
    Can't stop me now
    And you can do the same

    What have you done today to make you feel proud?
    It's never too late to try
    What have you done today to make you feel proud?
    You could be so many people
    If you make that break for freedom
    What have you done today to make you feel proud?

    We need a change
    Do it today
    I can feel my spirit rising
    We need a change
    So do it today
    'Cause I can see a clear horizon

    What have you done today to make you feel proud?
    So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
    'Cause you could be so many people
    If you make that break for freedom
    So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
    What have you done today to make you feel proud?
    What have you done today
    You could be so many people?
    Just make that break for freedom
    So what have you done today to make you feel proud?


    Corny maybe but hey!

    Mad x
     
  13. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    I understand this one too. I am trying hard to accept the strokes graciuosly, but like Mike, I often deflect with the "I have 2.5 stone ot go" or "Yes but look at this" indicating flabby tum or whatever!

    I am now getting the "YOu've lost so much now, surely you cant need to lose any more. You can be too thin, you know..." and similar. I do sometimes try to explain the BMI thing, but what do you guys do?? Its a bit tricky, isnt it?


    (Oh and a corker from my sis-in-law recently.... I'd better try to lose weight, you'll be thinner than me soon...... and then I returned to her some jeans she had handed on as they were too tight, but too big for me!!!!)
     
  14. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    I was working with someone last week who Ive only seen in passing recently. He did a double take and said 'My God youve lost some amount of weight' My immediate answer? 'Yeah but Ive still a long way to go' :rolleyes:

    He asked how much Id lost and was amazed at the amount, initially that almost embarrased me when I told people how much Id lost, part of me was very proud but part of me was imagining them thinking Id lost all that and was still definitely overweight.

    Im getting better at accepting compliments, maybe because theyre becoming more frequent but I think also partly as my weight is going down my confidence and how I feel about myself is improving all the time, and as a result I can USUALLY accept compliments quite graciously :)
     
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