The Teenage Daughter Owner's Manual

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by KD, 13 October 2006 Social URL.

  1. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    Diet:
    Was Cambridge, now maintaining
    Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a teenaged daughter. If you feel you have received your teenager in error, examine your daughter carefully. Does she: Look similar to your original daughter, only with more makeup and less clothing? Refuse to acknowledge your existence except when requesting money? Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry? If any of these are true, you have the correct item.

    BREAK-IN: When you first receive your teenaged daughter, you will initially experience a high level of discomfort. Don’t worry; this will gradually subside until you feel merely traumatized. This is called “The Break-in Period.” Once you have grown accustomed to her weird behavior, she will act even worse.

    ACTIVATION: To activate your teenaged daughter, simply place her in the vicinity of a telephone. No further assistance is required.

    SHUTDOWN: If you desire to shut down your teenaged daughter, think again. There is no shutdown.

    CLEANING: Having a teenaged daughter means learning the difference between the words “clean” and “neat.” Teenaged daughters are very clean, because they frequently take showers lasting over an hour, scrubbing with expensive soap that you must purchase for them because “like I’m so sure I’m gonna use like the same soap Mom and Dad use!” When all the hot water is gone, they will leave the shower wrapped in every clean towel in the bathroom, which they will subsequently shed throughout the house. Do not confuse “clean” with “neat.” Teenagers are too busy to be neat. They expect others to pick up after them, where “others” is defined as “parents.”

    FEEDING: Your teenaged daughter requires regular meals, which must be purchased at restaurants because she detests everything you eat because “it is like so disgusting!” You may not accompany her to these restaurants because “someone might see you and like I’m sure I want my friends to see me eating dinner with my parents!” Order take-out or give her the money, preferably both. If you order pizza, never answer the doorbell because “the delivery boy might see you and ohmigod he is so hot!” Yes, your daughter’s idea of an attractive man is now the pizza delivery boy.

    CLOTHING: Retailers make millions of dollars year selling stylish, sensible clothing that looks great on your teenaged daughter. Unfortunately, she wants to dress like a hooker. If you do coerce her into wearing something cute before leaving the house, by the time she gets to where she’s going, she’ll be wearing something entirely different.

    MAINTENANCE: Teenaged daughters require one level of maintenance: “Ultra High.” This means that whatever you do won’t be enough and whatever you try won’t work.

    WARRANTY: This product is not without defect because she has your genes. If you find this unfair, talk to your parents, who think it’s hilarious. Your teenaged daughter will remain a teenager for as long as it takes for her to become a woman, which in her opinion has already happened and as far as you are concerned never really will. Your warranty will never return your little girl, except that, deep down she’s still there. You just have to look for her!
     
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  3. Gill-cdthing

    Gill-cdthing Gone, but who cares huh

    do you have a spare copy of the teenage son one :D
     
  4. Roch

    Roch Minimins gal x

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    I need one as well(teenage son) !!!
     
  5. debz32

    debz32 Gold Member

    loved that !!

    not quite at the teenage stage in my house (11 - going on 28 !!)...but this'll be useful when we get there ;)
     
  6. Cheb

    Cheb Gold Member

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  7. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    Diet:
    Was Cambridge, now maintaining
    Haven't got a son manual I'm afraid :( Could do with one myself having 2 teen lads

    Got this though
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  8. kazz

    kazz Gold Member

    Diet:
    WW
    Is there one of these for 6 yr old daughters??? Could do with a manual right now...in particular, the section that turns the sound off!!
     
  9. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    Thought this was brilliant Karion as I have 2 daughters ... one's 20 and the other's 17 and the
    is so true!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  10. KD

    KD Gone fishing

    Diet:
    Was Cambridge, now maintaining
    Thought I'd bump this one up :D
     
  11. misscheeky

    misscheeky Gold Member

    i dont want my baby to become a teenager!!!
     
  12. brumchick

    brumchick Full Member

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    don't worry my baby became a teenager as per manual but is now 21 and a wonderful young woman
     
  13. HelenG

    HelenG Member

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    Dashed good question Jeeves!
    Oh boy - I have absolutely no hope - TWIN teenaged daughters & credit crunch - anyone got a spare room I can hide in for the next 5 years?
     
  14. blue_grapefruit

    blue_grapefruit Gold Member

    Hehe, Teenage daughters don't stop adhering to the above manual til way past 23 :D
     
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