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Very Depressed (not because of LT)

#1
I feel very depressed at the moment for two reasons. My mother unexpectedly died in January and all I can do is think about her and how she still should still be here. I get no comfort at home because my dad (they were married 48 years) refuses to talk about it, and my husband, well he just tells me to cheer up! I am so wound up about her death, you see at the moment we are taking legal action against the hospital because they didn't treat what was really wrong with her and by the time they did it was too late. If they had she would probably have survived. We have a good chance of winning the case, although we are not doing it for the money, we want justice for mum and for someone to say sorry (fat chance eh?). If she had died of old age, yes it would be hard to take but I could come to terms with it, but because she died because someone took the wrong decision, I can't reconcile it. Everywhere I go there are reminders of her, my daughter keeps asking about her...it is just so very hard.

I am sorry for bending your ears over this but I feel I have to tell someone or I will go mad.
 
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LollyPop

One Day at a Time
S: 17st10lb C: 17st10lb G: 14st0lb BMI: 36.6 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#2
Oh Hun!

I'm so sorry for you and your family. There isn't much I can say as I have never been in this position, so sending you lots of hugs. I don't blame you for trying to get an apology from the Hospital - it will help you I'm sure, to come to terms with this awful event.

We are all here if you need us.
 
#3
Charlotte, I wont even pretend that I know what you are going through with this - I can only imagine how draining and distressing it is for you. I will just hope for you that it is soon resolved, that you do get an apology and that your husband starts to realise how much it is affecting you and has more understanding and patience.

We're all here to support you through the next weeks, you know where we are :)

(((hugs)))
 
#4
Thanks so much. I didn't want to burden you all with this, but lately it's been really getting to me and if I don't have an outlet I will explode.
 

Hedgemag

Cambridge Diet Counsellor
#5
Hi charlotte, have you tried Grief counselling...I have heard this is very good and may help you come to terms with your loss.

(((Hugs))) to you
 
S: 14st4lb C: 14st4lb G: 11st7lb BMI: 32.3 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#6
Charlotte, I don't know what to say really, as I've never been through this. But sending hugs your way. Thinking of you hun...
Caz
:hug99:
 

sonkie

Gold Member
G: 12st0lb
#7
Awww hun losing your mum is hard enough to deal with ......without the added stress of knowing the hospital didnt do enough to treat her.
I lost my mum to cancer 8yrs ago now and it was so hard to deal with so I have an idea of what you are going through. If you ever want to chat I am usually floating around. xxx
 

sonkie

Gold Member
G: 12st0lb
#8
I feel very depressed at the moment for two reasons. My mother unexpectedly died in January and all I can do is think about her and how she still should still be here. I get no comfort at home because my dad (they were married 48 years) refuses to talk about it, and my husband, well he just tells me to cheer up!
My husband was also this insensitive with me, my mum was all I had and just 2 weeks after she died I was inconsolable and he said to me "are you always going to be this miserable" this lack of understanding just made it soooo much harder to deal with.
I am so wound up about her death, you see at the moment we are taking legal action against the hospital because they didn't treat what was really wrong with her and by the time they did it was too late. If they had she would probably have survived. We have a good chance of winning the case, although we are not doing it for the money, we want justice for mum and for someone to say sorry (fat chance eh?). If she had died of old age, yes it would be hard to take but I could come to terms with it, but because she died because someone took the wrong decision, I can't reconcile it. Everywhere I go there are reminders of her, my daughter keeps asking about her...it is just so very hard.
It is very hard when the children ask questions.....I used to take comfort in this though. My ex would never talk about her and to me it felt as if he had forgotten about her. You need to grieve properley, maybe go to your gp and see if there is anything he can do to help you.......either counsilling or antidepressants. I was on the pills for a few months and they did help lift my mood a bit.
I am sorry for bending your ears over this but I feel I have to tell someone or I will go mad.
We are all here to help and listen to you hun.......!!!!
 
#9
Aw Charlotte im really sorry to hear about your troubles. I have never gone through anything like this either im afraid. I agree with maggiegray about going for grief counselling and maybe trying to get your Dad to come along too because it sounds like he has just shut it all in and that wont help in the long run either. I think Sonkie is right though and maybe try to use the times that your daughter asks about her gran to talk about her and remember the good times. Your husband probably dosent know what to do and unfortuanely most men are not very good with emotions.

Sending hugs your way :hug99:xx
 
#10
Thank you all so much. It isn't my husbands fault that he doesn't know how to show emotion, he has manic depression and the mass of medication he is on makes him moodless. I have been to the doctor and am on antidepressants, he suggested Cruse bereavement but they were useless I am afraid. I feel a bit better now. It goes like this, I can go for days and then something simple sets it all off. I know that suing the hospital won't bring Mum back, but I hope it stops this from happening to anyone else. Mum went into hospital with a very easily treatable disease but she had complications which were picked up when she first went in, but unfortunately the Consultant thought otherwise and didn't do anything about them...that is why Mum died. I have lived with my Mum and Dad for nearly 40 years, she was my best friend. We did everything together, now I just feel alone. I have no one to confide in, no one to share confidences or have a joke with. My husband does try but he just doesn't understand. I am filled with so much rage too. They took my Mum away, if they had done what they should she would still be here. Everyone was shocked when she died, even our doctor couldn't believe it, that's how healthy she was. I don't think I will ever get over this.
 
#11
Charlotte I'm really sorry to hear about all you've gone through. I cannot say much that would help, but just know we're here to listen whenever you need to let off steam. ((HUGS))
 
#12
Try to think about what your Mum would say to you now. Im sure she wouldn't want you to eat yourself up inside. They do say taht time is a good healer but im sure until the court case is over and you get a good result it will still be very fresh. My heart eally does go out to you Charlotte. Maybe you could try a different counseller im sure someone must be able to help you.
 
S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#13
You're right Charlotte ... you will never 'get over this' - but in time you will learn to live with the loss of your dear mum. Six months or so really isn't very long you know ... your loss is recent and so the pain is still very acute. I think some people misjudge just how long the grieving process can take. It's an utter nightmare whilst you're in the middle of it but there's little you can do other than to ride the storm - there are no shortcuts unfortunately. When my son died, the words of the Beatles song 'Let it be' really spoke to me ... all I could do was to accept each day as it presented itself to me and 'Let it be' even though it was agony.

The fact you're involved in a court case whilst so recently bereaved is likely to magnify your pain so I hope, for all concerned, that the issue is resolved quickly. Unfortunately, knowing the NHS, that's unlikely.

My heart goes out to you - please feel free to come on here and vent all you like: you need an outlet as bottling things up will just prolong your pain. There are some very good ears (as well as broad shoulders) on this forum and we all want to help as much as we can.

Thinking of you xx
 
#14
I am overwhelmed by your messages of support. I thank you all for thinking of me during this time. It is good to know that I have this forum to say how I feel.
 
S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#16
I'll ditto that ... hope you're bearing up and feeling OK today.
Hugs xx
 

sonkie

Gold Member
G: 12st0lb
#17
Hey hun ....after my mum died all people would say is when it gets to 5 yrs after my mum passing it would become easier..... I used to brush it off and think what the hell do they know I will never get over this. I was close to my mum like you were with yours ...we did everything together and told each other everything.
Well I have to admit it really does get easier to deal with, though I still have my down days especially now I have no-one near to listen to me like my mum would.

I just want you to know it does become easier and you are not alone hun....xxx
I am on msn ...my addy is in my profile so if u wanna chat feel free, I really do know how you miss her so.
 
#18
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your support. I am feeling better today. It goes like this. Yesterday was a bad day for the whole family, even dad was crying. However today is a new day and I have my second weigh in to look forward too.
 
S: 17st4lb C: 16st11lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 43 Loss: 0st7lb(2.89%)
#19
Glad to hear you're feeling a little brighter today charlotte. Grief is a strange thing isn't it ... a surreal rollercoaster ride. When you're really down, you can't imagine ever smiling again and then, on another day, things look a little brighter. Just go with the flow and take offers of support when you need it. Good luck with your weigh in :)
 


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