WAG Princess-A Modern Fairytale for Girls

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by KateF, 5 July 2010 Social URL.

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  1. KateF

    KateF Silver Member

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    Hi, I write poems for adults, not usually for children, but have written this and wonder what age group it may fit. I think 8-13. Anyone got any willing child guinea pigs they might try reading it to if you think it's appropriate? Any feedback much welcomed. I know the ladies of Minimins contain many Mums...

    Princess Wag

    She was born wearing hair extensions,
    and her first words were “Get me some fake tan”,
    so her parents called her “Princess”
    and told her she’d marry a footballing man.

    They said that she was special
    and deserved much better things
    like Jimmy Choos and Fendi Bags
    and a Chihuahua with genetically modified wings

    She didn’t play in the sandpit,
    she was scared of breaking a nail,
    and if her bibs got dirty or her rattle didn’t match,
    she would prettily cry and wail.

    She always wore a tiara
    and knew she’d get married on a throne,
    with her photo in “Hello! I’m Brilliant!” magazine
    and diamonds on her phone.

    She secretly really loved horses,
    but would never go for a ride
    cos she didn’t want freckles, or messy hair
    to stop her becoming a soccer star’s bride.

    She didn’t bother doing sums
    or being interesting when she spoke
    she didn’t want wrinkles from frowning
    or laughing at a joke.

    Her Mum scanned the football league tables,
    and collected albums full of men on stickers
    and lists of possible florists,
    five star reception venues and Vicars.

    At eighteen she was ready,
    to put the plan into place
    but while she was scanning a club for a man with a club
    she tripped and fell on her face

    A man with kind eyes helped her up
    and said “I’m Andy, are you alright?”
    She said “You’re not a footie player are you?
    Then get out of my sight”.

    So Andy, who was actually a plumber,
    and funny and thoughtful and fit,
    slunk off like a dog that had been smacked on the nose
    but kept an eye on her for a bit.

    He saw Kyle from Bigtime FC walk in
    and everyone gasp in surprise
    and twenty seven people offer to buy him a drink,
    and him and Princess locking eyes.

    Everything seemed to go fuzzy
    and pink smoke swirled at their feet
    as they walked towards each other in slow motion
    and Kyle said “Babe, you’re right up my street”.

    He didn’t ask her about herself that night
    just talked about his last twelve winning goals
    and she stifled a yawn as she looked at his pecs
    and started thinking about fields full of foals.

    He scrolled past lots of girls names
    to put hers into his phone,
    and she only let him give her a peck on the cheek
    when he dropped her off back home.

    Her Mum and Dad were thrilled,
    they’d prepared her for this since birth,
    they went and bought lifetime tickets for Bigtime FC
    and covered their lawn in astro turf.

    Kyle would nip round after training
    and sit and play on the X Box
    and get her to launder his shirt
    and iron his soccer socks.

    Sometimes photographers would follow them
    when they recognised Princess and Kyle,
    though he was too cool and she was too Botoxed
    to give in to their shouts for a smile.

    Eventually one day in the club where they met
    he said “Babe will you marry me please?”
    he didn’t bend down cos his joints were quite dodgy
    and he didn’t want to strain his knees.

    A snapper leapt out of the toilets
    and handed them a contract to sign,
    then a solicitor popped out of the cloakroom
    and said “Sign your pre nup on this dotted line”

    Princess said to Kyle that she wanted
    to come down the aisle on a horse
    but he said if she did something so stupid,
    they’d be starting their marriage with divorce.

    So the sun shone bright and the flashbulbs popped
    on their happy day,
    though Kyle’s manager whisked him off at the reception
    and said “Sorry love, we need him to play”.

    She spent her days at the mall
    while he spent all his time with the team
    and they were like goals at opposite ends of the pitch
    until she had a revealing dream.

    Kyle was wearing his numbered shirt
    and a pair of underpants on his head,
    he was kissing a woman who looked just like Princess
    and laughing at everything that she said.

    Princess shook him awake
    and asked if her dream was true,
    and he said “Babe, you are my wife,
    but get real, it’s what footballers are supposed to do”

    She shredded their wedding photos
    and clutched her Chihuahua and wailed
    and didn’t know how to tell her parents
    that her fairytale footie marriage had failed.

    She stopped going to the mall and the salon,
    and even a manicure didn’t make her want to wake up
    but Kyle didn’t notice anything was amiss
    just said “Hey babe, what’s with the Vampire make up?”

    Her Mum found out from her Facebook,
    and said she would never forgive her,
    that same day her washer broke down,
    water flowed like her tears in a river,

    So she had to call out a plumber
    and did a double take when she answered the door,
    a man with kind eyes and a sprocket
    she could have sworn she had met before.

    His heart started beating faster
    he had never forgotten the day he picked up Princess,
    but he could see that both she and her washer
    were drowning in their distress.

    He banged and tweaked and wrenched
    until the leaking stopped
    then made Princess a cup of tea,
    had a dust round, polished and mopped.

    He offered to come round again,
    to check on the washing machine
    and he made her a cuppa and chatted
    and did another little clean

    and gradually when her Botox wore off
    she’d find herself laughing at his jokes
    and realising there might be more to life
    than football booting blokes

    Andy took her on a mystery trip
    which turned out to be a pony trek,
    and she didn’t mind her Manolos getting muddy
    or that he looked a bit like Shrek.

    Kyle came in one day from training
    said he was transferring to AC Milan
    and Princess said she was transferring too
    she’d found a better man.

    But she said she wasn’t going to date him,
    until they’d got their divorce
    and she found herself a job at a stables
    and bought herself a horse.

    Andy kept in touch by text but understood
    that she needed time on her own
    told her his love for her was an ever flowing tap
    and he’d always be at the end of the phone.

    She had months to think, mucking out the stables
    and realised she’d missed out on real life
    by thinking her only goal could be
    becoming a footballers wife

    She smelled the fresh air in the meadows
    fed her horse, Henry, oats in his nosebag
    and was glad that she had discovered
    there was more to her than being a WAG

    She knew she didn’t need a man now,
    but wanted one who could make her life better,
    by sharing her dreams and laughs and Maltesers,
    so she wrote Andy the plumber a letter.

    Then she delivered it direct to his doorstep
    on the back of her big white horse
    he said “Princess have you come to rescue me?”
    She said “Andy, the Plumber of course-

    -Not! You’re perfectly capable of looking after yourself,
    and now I know so am I,
    but I think we’d rub along pretty well together,
    How about we give it a try?”

    Andy said” Princess, you were out of my league”
    She said “No, You were out of mine,
    you are a kind eyed gentleman
    and all I did was wax and whine”

    Eventually they announced their marriage
    in an issue of “Toilet Technician’s News”
    and exchanged rings made from an old lavatory chain,
    though Princess wore some pink Jimmy Choos

    She could teach any child to ride,
    and Andy could fix any pipe,
    they sometimes went off to do their own thing
    but kept in touch by Skype.

    Their days were filled with talking,
    sharing meals and walks and laughter,
    and Princess and the plumber
    lived tappily ever after.
    Mini likes this.
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  3. LVLLM

    LVLLM Gold Member

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    wonderful (and im 34 ;) )
  4. Lynn_

    Lynn_ On A Mission!

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    That was wonderful, loved it!
  5. Emmaaddo

    Emmaaddo Member

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    Wow that's lovely!
  6. skinnydawn

    skinnydawn Gold Member

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    Absolutey fantastic! Thank you for sharing it xx
  7. NiaX

    NiaX Silver Member

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    That's really good! Thanks for sharing.
  8. JamesRob

    JamesRob Full Member

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    Very good! :)
  9. pennyx

    pennyx Member

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    That was really fun! =D thank you for writing that!
  10. Antiefeva

    Antiefeva Full Member

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    Weightwatchers now Exante.
  11. trimlee

    trimlee Love God; Love People

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