Wanted to stop but didn't want to be stopped

Discussion in 'Cambridge Weight Plan' started by Dancing, 27 January 2008 Social URL.

  1. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

    I could have logged in here for support and to have people try to persuade me to stop but I didn't want to.

    I've eaten. It started last night when I went out for a meal that had been arranged since the beginning of December. When I thought I wouldn't eat during my 5 week holiday, I decided it would be okay to have one night out of drinking and eating. Even though I ended up eating during my holiday, I didn't cancel the night out. Instead, I decided to stick to the Add a Meal/790 concept and I had some fish and salad. Nothing else - oh, except wine!

    Today I went back to abstinance. Until around 7pm, when I succumbed to the voices in my head and ate some of the Roses chocolates I had in my freezer. Then I decided I felt a little ill from the sweetness and had a few crisps and then I ordered Pizza!!!!!!

    What was going through my head? I messed up yesterday by having the wine (I was still in ketosis though) and wouldn't lose any weight this week - especially as it was time of the month and I don't lose too much during these weeks anyway, so I may as well just eat today and get right back into it tomorrow.

    How do I feel now? I don't feel guilty but I do feel like a hypocrite and disappointed and concerned that my head can so easily flip to a different space. Prior to my holiday there is no way on this planet I would have cheated. So what has changed now? I don't know, I just know that it is different. And if it can happen to me, it can happen to anyone of you reading this. If you are considering breaking abstinance for whatever reason, please don't do it. You may be lucky but you may not be and it is not worth the risk, if you truly want to lose the weight.

    I didn' want to stop eating the pizza because it would be a waste of money - and also it would mean I may as well have not eaten any of it. So I was trying to justify it by eating it all. But, I couldn't finish it. It wasn't that nice, it was greasy and I was too full.

    I want to be back in the headspace where it was easy to sole source. I want to lose these last 2-3stone (my ticker says 3 stone but I'd be happy at 2 stone loss and size 12). I know that the more I cheat myself by not being 100% abstinant, the longer it will take me to get there. I know that i'll be making it a more painful process than it needs to be. I know I will feel great once I get there. But what is it in my head that turns that switch to off?

    Any thoughts? I know I'm not alone but I really wish I knew why and how it happens and how to turn the switch to on.
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  3. misscheeky

    misscheeky Gold Member

    Hiya, sorry ive not much advice for you. Im only starting week 2 and havent cheated but i kind of tdo know where you are coming from i reckon if i got the taste for food now that would be it. I would continue to be at food. All I can say is just start again tomorrow ssing you will lose the weight in no time. Cheer Up :)
  4. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

    thanks becky. Yes, I won't use this as an excuse not to start again tomorrow but I guess i'm just worried that there will be more and more stops and starts. I can only persevere though - I won't accept failure.

    Well done to you on your losses by the way.
  5. Lily

    Lily Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Oh honey, been there, got the T-shirt...


    I've done the same today. I've stuck to low carb principles so hopefully the damage will be minimal (so long as I don't do it all again tomorrow).

    Why did I do it? Well, that's the million dollar question. Why did you do it?

    For my own part, I wanted to console myself in the only way I know how. By eating. It's a bad habit, but one, it would appear, I haven't yet broken, despite doing so well on CD. And let's be honest, maybe it's a habit I'll never completely break. I have a feeling I'll always turn to food in times of crisis, just like an alcoholic reaching for the bottle. I realise that might sound a bit defeatist, but actually, I don't think it is. It's recognising what I did for what it was--me being human.

    You can get hung up on the whys and wherefores, or just accept that it's going to happen sometimes. But you know what, tomorrow's another day. And if you have more good days than bad, ultimately, you'll lose the weight. Maybe not as fast as you'd like, but it'll happen nonetheless.

    So, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again (Hmm, sounds familiar...) :D

    Don't beat yourself up about it. There really isn't any point. You've done so amazingly well--and if you don't let yourself get hung up on this, you can carry on doing well from tomorrow onwards. It's not the mistakes we make in life that let us down. It's what we do as a result of those mistakes that makes the difference.

    So back to it, tomorrow, okay? I'll be joining you. And little by little, day by day, we'll get there!
  6. misscheeky

    misscheeky Gold Member

    Thank you dancing. One thing i def find works in If the stuff isnt in the house you wont eat it! Now in saying that I did get some goodies for dp and dd but im not tempted to touch them!
  7. Dancing

    Dancing Gold Member

    thank you so much Lily. I think the most challenging thing for me from this experience is having to face up to the fact that i'm not as perfect as I'd like to think I am. That there are times that I don't follow through and commit to my word. That is what upsets me most. But I'll have to get on with it and just accept who I am.

    Thanks for the support
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