Warning: Falling in love can damage your weight!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Summerskye, 15 February 2007 Social URL.

  1. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    It's occurred to me that a lot of women (maybe men too come to that) put on weight once they've fallen in love, start to feel more settled in their relationship or, even, move in together. Has anyone else noticed this?

    When I met my husband I was 28 years old, weighed around 13 stone and wore size 14/16 clothes. Once we started to live together I definitely got hit by the 'nesting' bug .. wanting to make nice meals for us, eating together every evening, and (what's worse!) eating the same amount of food as he did (he's 6'4" tall and I'm 5'6"!). Basically I think I began to feel contented being with someone who loved me for 'me' and not based on what size I was/what I looked like etc. and I just simply lost the plot where it came to my weight!

    Gradually .. inevitably .. my weight crept up and up until I got to almost 19 stone - but at no point did he ever criticise me or comment on my size, merely claiming that he loved me whatever size I was .. as long as I was happy then he was happy etc. etc.

    I think that when I was single and still 'available', I was far more conscious that I was in a competitive environment and strove to keep my weight down in order to attract potential boyfriends. Once I'd found 'the one', that didn't seem to be as important .. and up went the weight!

    Maybe staying single is the way to keep your weight down - but it ain't half as much fun I guess :)
     
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  3. bakerfa

    bakerfa Silver Member

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    I nearly made almost this point exactly on the WeMITT sizism thread a minute ago, but you're much more eloquent than I would have been.

    Absolutely right. Once we're in comfortable relationships nesting takes over after a bit, and possibly after a while laziness (certainly on my part) means a bit less care going into looks/clothes as "he knows what I look like/what good/bad bits I have/what I look like with no makeup etc."
     
  4. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    Great minds think alike eh? ;)

    I've also just added to the debate on that thread too .. which I think is fascinating!
     
  5. matty

    matty Regular Member

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    And I thought it was only men got lazy!!
    I think eating with men is always disastrous, as they can eat much more and you tend to eat more when with them...and then there is the thing about all our celebrations being centred around food and drink...it is lovely to have a nice dinner on a Friday evening to start the weekend and so on!
    I am single now though so don't know anything about that! But still try to have something nice on Fridays and have a glass of wine.
    Its weird you know, when I first separated, it seemed like I was the only one on my own, but now I meet loads of people who are also single and that is nice.
    Matty
     
  6. Mich

    Mich Taking Back Control...!!!

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    Sharon

    I totally agree with what you have said.... I would guess the only thing is if your partner wasnt very supportive and called you names as you got bigger that it may stop you....... obviously my husband has never called me names.....;)
     
  7. Isobel1965

    Isobel1965 Gold Member

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    I totally agree with this (although I've had many excuses for putting on weight in my time!!) but this is what a friend of mine calls the 'layer of contentment' - when you seal your love with a massive fry-up (cos you think you've burned off loads of calories the night before???).

    It doesn't help when you're with a blurke who can eat his own bodyweight in lard without gaining an oz!

    Barstewards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  8. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    I do blame my husband for part of my weight problem.

    I was always 8 stone or under and never had a weight problem, I ate what I wanted and over eating was not a problem.

    One every month I got a sweet craving for some chocolate and I would buy a small bar of fruit and nut, packet of munchies and that was mostly it then for the rest of the month.

    On occasion I had been known to over do it and had more than once slice of my mothers apple tart or a second helping of dinner but it was not an issue.

    Then when I was pregnant my husband started about how I was over eating and the little comments grew...

    Over the years he felt he knew what was best for me when I was eating and he would always say...do you really need that or are you really going to eat that.

    I do believe he gave me a complex about food that was never there before and I lost touch with my own natural skinny me...who ate to live...not lived to eat.

    To add to that he harped on about me smoking and this then lead into a vicious cycle of giving up the ciggies and gaining weight and when I put on the weight I began smoking again...until finally he said he would rather I gave up smoking and did not mind if I was fat...:rolleyes:

    I felt he was a control freak and because of this I could no longer relate to my own body's needs and I think in order to stay married to him because I loved him...I do believe I disowned my own body.

    Because I felt like it was not mine anymore as my husband knew best...I also remember being so angry with him when he told me I could do with losing a few more pounds and I was about eight and half stone at the time...I distinctly remember thinking I will show him what fat is!!!:eek:

    My mother dieing of lung cancer made me focus on eventually getting to stop smoking and I found it very difficult to give them up...was trying for so long and failing and I am now a none smoker for 9 years and would never go back to being a smoker.

    In the meantime my weight escalated beyond what I could of ever dreamed possible... up to almost 18 stone...I know the scales went over 18 stone but I have denial about that....as it is so painful.

    But it is suffice to say that when I began this diet journey I was 17st. 12lbs.

    My husband started with me as he had over the years he had succumbed to a little weight himself[​IMG] and I do think because of this he was more able to understand how hard it was to actually lose weight as he did not find it all that easy to lose it and especially the last few pounds was a real struggle. He now is at goal and has maintained since August.

    He has learned and admitted how wrong he was and he can now see what a brat he was at times...

    Of course he believed at the time his comments were helpful and he only ever had my best interest at heart and in a way I do believe that but also know that he suffered from over control issues...

    I think in marriage it is easy to lose yourself and I think if you have someone constantly going on about your weight it is a form of bullying...our marriage did come to a head and we ended up in marriage counselling because I was leaving him and he could not understand it as he was so happy.:rolleyes:

    I think also my failed diet attempts were more about me trying to please my husband instead of myself and now it is about losing weight for my own health and well being.

    Looking back I do think it is a miracle we are still together, but love can overcome a lot of ups and downs and I think because he 'alllows' me to talk about how I felt he hurt me and that he is able to admit that his behaviour was out of order, this is probably one of the reasons why we are now still married.

    Food for me became an emotional battle ground of what was wrong in my marriage and I know it became my drug of choice.

    Love Mini xxx
     
  9. EmMUK

    EmMUK Trying Hard!

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    As you know, I have always been overweight but even I have to agree that love and especially marriage added the pounds.

    I was amazed that I was attractive to guys when I was 16 and that they saw the good in me through the chubbyness. I never had a problem finding boyfriends and I think they liked the fact that I wasn't obsessed about the way I looked and liked to do the things they liked to including drinking and eating. I found I binge ate less when I was in a relationship but ate out more so it probably balanced out. I never worried about loosing weight when I became single, in fact I binge ate because you can when you spend more time on your own.

    and then I met Mike and we became friends. He used to tease me about my weight and it never occurred to me he fancied me but eventually we realised we should be together. he has no weight problem, he gains sure but can loose it just as quick if he slightly tempers his intake. and so we dated and it involved food, and we moved in together and enjoyed food, and we got married and loved food and we travelled the world and guess what, sampled all the food. and every now and again we would think we should diet and we did, but once he got to his goal I gave up so we could ....... eat together!!! see a pattern.

    I blame my parents (and I guess their love for me that they wanted me to be slim and therefore healthy) for the majority of my weight issues - and believe me it's not unfounded and they admit it. But yes, I think Mikes love is also to blame because he loves me so much as I am that he never wanted to force me to change no matter what. sure he said he wanted me to be healthier so I would be with him as long as possible, but he never pushed the issue

    wow, this has got me thinking.

    I have to say though, I think that falling in love damages your weight most by providing all the boxes of chocs!!
     
  10. kati

    kati Gold Member

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    I dont agree that that is what always happens. i only started to put on weight because I wasn't happy in my marriage. nothing to do with contentment at all I just felt trapped with a man who didn't really like me anyway so what was the point in trying to keep looking good?
     
  11. Dom1979

    Dom1979 Gold Member

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    I am 5 10 and struggle with keeping weight off - OH is 6 4 and struggles to keep it on. It's not faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair!
     
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