Waxing!!!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by fuzzyduck, 17 May 2007 Social URL.

  1. fuzzyduck

    fuzzyduck Full Member

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    All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

    It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. Ho w hard can it be?

    I mean, I'm not a Genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.

    (YA THINK!?!)

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah... right!) I lay the strip across my thigh.

    Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

    With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

    I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

    Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip)

    I inhale deeply and brace myself.... RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.

    OH NO! What have I done???!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!

    Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.

    I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!

    There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

    Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair.

    The hair that should be on the strip.

    I touch. I am touching wax.

    WHAT?! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

    Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot Down.

    My LIFE FLASHES BEFORE ME!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
    *Hoo-hoo*?

    Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

    I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!
    "What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!

    I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

    WRONG!!!!!!!

    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

    Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

    So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

    God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

    I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed be fore and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

    There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hoo- ha?"

    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

    YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

    While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!

    By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

    My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....
    the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

    I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

    The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend.

    It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

    I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.

    I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

    So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.

    I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

    Next week I'm going to try hair color... Now that's funny ...
     
    rubyberrie and wannabeminime like this.
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  3. fuzzyduck

    fuzzyduck Full Member

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    P.S. This wasn't me, Someone posted it on my site and I almost fell off the sofa laughing so I had to share:D
     
  4. kazz

    kazz Gold Member

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    OMG, could you imagine!??! I have been creased up laughing at this!!
     
  5. lancslass53

    lancslass53 Silver Member

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    omg that is sooo funny, brought tears to my eyes thru thinking about it and laughing so much
     
  6. MadamDotty

    MadamDotty Back again!

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    OMG that is so funny, I'm wiping away the tears, I thought it was you FuzzyDuck (nickname seemed so appropriate for a moment there!), glad you didn't have to go through all that :p
     
  7. Mrs Depp

    Mrs Depp Gold Member

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    OMG I'm sitting here with my legs all wrapped around me tight and inwardly squeezing my 'hoohoo'!:eek: :D

    It's lucky I'm alone at home 'cos my eyes are streaming with tears of laughter! Oh the poor woman!!
     
  8. flirty40greeneyes

    flirty40greeneyes Busy busy busy!!

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    PMSL!!!!!!!!!!! That is soooo funny!!!
     
  9. Brad0053

    Brad0053 Silver Member

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    Yeah right :whistle:
     
  10. Summerskye

    Summerskye Gold Member

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    Oh ... my .... god!!! :eek:

    Waxing is the devil's invention anyway. What's wrong with using a good ol' Bic that's what I want to know ... :whistle: And, no, I don't mean a ballpoint pen!! :giggle:
     
  11. sonkie

    sonkie Gold Member

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    [​IMG].......rofl.....lol....pmsl.....
     
  12. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

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    Cripes, this made me laugh and my eyes water so much!!!!!!
     
  13. Sparkle

    Sparkle Gold Member

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    :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:
     
  14. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

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    At the tender age of 48 and a bit I tried my first ever wax treatment today on the legs! Having read all of the above I feel incredibly smug - in fact smooth and smug. I would deffo not try it on my hoo ha though!

    Love Barb xxxx
     
  15. ANNTEXT

    ANNTEXT Full Member

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    Still laughing my head off at that one! - well odne for getting it and posting it on! x
     
  16. bigal6

    bigal6 Full Member

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    I've got a strimmer going spare if this puts you ladies off waxing..........Just a thought



    Alex
     
  17. CW Consultant

    CW Consultant Gold Member

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  19. IslandBreeze

    IslandBreeze Castaway

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    :rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:

    laughed so much i got hiccups!
     
  20. rubyberrie

    rubyberrie Working My Way to Thin!

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    I have just stumbled across this thread OMG, it is sooo funny

    I am actually at work at the moment and I have been trying to stifle my giggles, everyone keeps turning round and asking me what the matter is - which is only making me laugh even more [​IMG]

    Top marks fuzzyduck [​IMG]- absolutely brilliant !!


    [​IMG]
     
  21. Jelly belly

    Jelly belly Member

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    Oh my God

    Thank you!!!!

    I've been feeling really down and crappy the last few days and that has made me laught out loud for the 1st time in ages. My son came downstairs to see what i was laughing at.

    Jo xx
     
  22. PinkyButtonz

    PinkyButtonz Full Member

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    LOL!! I am doing Beauty Therapy and part of my course is waxing an we have to do it on each other before we can do client and i can tell you that waxing does hate!!
    But it hurts more if you don't pull it off right!!
     
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