Weight loss and confidence?

Discussion in 'Slimming World' started by *Emsie*, 30 January 2011 Social URL.

  1. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    Weight loss and increased confidence are often linked and it annoys me in some ways. It takes away from the person I was before I feel and having lost weight can sometimes put me in situations that I find uncomfortable and embarrassing. Its nice when people notice I've lost weight but not always great to be in the spotlight with people going oooh look at you etc I like feeling more normal size and not standing out for being so big but don't feel it makes me more confident. I probably am more confident but have had emotional support to help me with that on top of sw.

    I just wondered how other people felt about this? Its always mentioned in weight loss stories in the magazines etc and I wondered how much of it is true and how much of it is a sales pitch for the diet?
    Don't get me wrong I love sw and would recommend it all the way but this was just going through my head :confused:
     
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  3. Ruby-Dooby-Dooo

    Ruby-Dooby-Dooo Member

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    Hiya! Will be interested in how people answer this, I'm experiencing similar. Have lost two stone so far, getting lots of attention, not sure how to cope with it. I'm not used to being complimented and talked about in a good way, and don't really want to talk about how I've done it. It feels awkward and last time I reached this stage (a few years ago) a comment from a male friend scared me and I let it all slip again. Don't want to do that this time! I've been fat all my life - how do I be someone different?
     
  4. sockmonkey

    sockmonkey Full Member

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    I do know what you mean, but personally I've found that I do have a lot more confidence now. If you'd asked me before I started SW whether I lacked confidence I'd have laughed at you, but I do have a confidence now that was lacking before.

    Not a 'woo look at me I've lost weight' type of confidence. For one thing I still have a long way to go before I'm skinny, and for another, I know it sounds terrible, but I never thought of myself as especially 'big' in the first place.

    The confidence I think I have gained is from knowing that I have taken control over what I eat, that I have pinpointed something I don't like and I am doing something about it. That is very empowering.

    I don't think that is something exclusive to SW, I think it comes from letting go of negativity and bad self image, and focussing on the positive instead. I think it comes as a natural part of changing the way you eat and the way you treat food, and that SW focusses on that perhaps more than other diets. With SW you are far more 'in control' over what you eat and the way you do things, compared to other diets. But I think if you read the 'before and after' write-ups for any diet they always have a lot of 'OMG I have so much more confidence now, giggle giggle' in them.
     
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  5. ninnins

    ninnins SW ROCKS!

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    It annoys me when people say "oh you must feel so much better". Im like I feel exactly the same! I am the same person, just shrunk down a little!
     
  6. RegField

    RegField Silver Member

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    I don't like the SW magazine's success stories, or similar things in other publications, because of this.

    They usually seem to follow the "poor me, I couldn't do this, and I couldn't do that, and now I am a different person and can do all these amazing things" pattern, and while that may be true for some people, we are all different. And I don't think that it is a good thing to lead people to expect miracles.

    Personally, I don't expect to be a different person when I have got to my target weight. I expect I will be the same intelligent, nice, disorganised, lazy, funny, argumentative, obstinate, pedantic, etc., etc., person that I am now.

    But I will be thinner - and of course that will be an improvement, but I doubt if I will experience a personality transplant!
     
  7. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I tried to fill in the form for the magazine and the questions were all loaded that way and though there are things I can do now and there are improvements I did do things before I lost the weight I've lost and I just thought my story isn't going to cut it!
    I had a lovely card from my c and she said how I'd grown more confident in group etc and I thought well yes because I've got to knpw people in group and feel more comfortable not just because of my weight loss though I know she means well by it and I did love getting the card.
    I would say I have changed though and me and hubby and family are adjusting to the changes and Rooby Doo it is quite strange but worth it I think :confused:
     
  8. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    Hi Emsie :) Do you want to go in the magazine or were you filling in the form out of curiosity?



    *mumbles about nobody every noticing my weight loss apart from my mum but she doesn't count because she knows I am trying* lol
     
  9. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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    it's difficult to get past the "please don't notice me" mentality that being big gives you.. all you want to do is blend in and not be singled out as a freak.., so when you do lose weight and people then single you out for that it still seems wrong to you somehow..

    it should over time be normal for you to be that size and for people to stop noticing you as the person who "used to be fat and has lost lots of weight", and to just notice you as "just another person"..

    I think ( and hope ) that it's then that the confidence will come back..

    I don't go out except to work and to group, and even at group I sit at the back and prefer to not be singled out by the C ( though he does anyway because of my big losses.. but that's another thread somewhere.. )..
    I still just want to be invisible even in a group of people who are also large and there for the same thing I am, most likely because I'm still the biggest person there so evern though they are not stick thin themselves, I think somewhere in the back of my mind that they are judging me for being fat.. crazy I know..
     
    Last edited: 30 January 2011
  10. RegField

    RegField Silver Member

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    I do know what you mean, ColJack, and I am not trying to belittle your experience.

    But we are all different. When I was working (and three stone heavier than I am now) I was very much in the public eye and gave lectures to large audiences, went to receptions, etc. My confidence came from the fact that I was this country's leading expert in something, and that people wanted to hear what I had to say.

    After I retired, things were different, but I joined a voluntary organisation and now give talks, chair meetings, organise events. I still have a lot of weight to lose, but it never occurs to me that anyone is judging me on anything other than my performance in the various things I am doing.

    When someone said "oh, you will have so much more confidence when you are slimmer", my friend overheard and said "oh God, I hope not!!".
     
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  11. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I was thinking about it as do feel I have achieved something but don't want to tell a story that isn't entirely true so don't think it will be for me!
    How much have you lost Silly sausage?
     
  12. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I do think people judge people judge people for being fat and I still think some people think when they hear how much I have lost that I just shouldn't have got that fat in the first place but I think people can just be very mean at times not all though hopefully! I think its because of peoples judgements and assumptions that they have decided that I am more confident etc now!
    I hope you can get to a place where you feel more comfortable and confident though :)
    Have you got a link to the other thread you mention about your big losses?
     
  13. gl12282

    gl12282 Plodding on.......

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    Interesting thread Emsie and shows up how different we all are.

    For me personally, I disagree with some of what you say though. I definitely have more confidence. I wasn't outwardly lacking in confidence before (if you ask my friends/colleagues, I am definitely NOT a shy wall flower and can be quite assertive) however things have changed for me. They haven't necessarily changed because of my weight as such, but it may be partly because I feel good about doing something about my weight.

    When people 'single me out' for having lost weight, actually I don't take it as anything other than the compliment that they give me. I don't think they are saying 'you looked awful before' but just 'you look great now' and if it wasn't something that was important to me, I wouldn't be doing SW or lost weight ! So, for me those are just supportive, encouraging comments and nothing more.

    But as I said, we ARE all different and that's what makes life interesting !!

    Gail x
     
  14. ColJack

    ColJack Gold Member

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  15. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    I wasn't sure what the other thread was about and was interested to know. Can understand why that could be a big pressure for you!
     
  16. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    Not quite sure what bits you disagree with but I agree that we are all different and I hoped to get others opinions and thoughts too. I think it is a bit of a bug bear of mine, having been so big for most of my life, to feel at times that I am being told I wasn't much cop back then! But I am also lucky to get lots of compliments and encouragement that I do take and enjoy as well because as you say it is an important journey and I wouldn't be doing it either if I didn't think it was :) xx
     
  17. silly sausage

    silly sausage Peas on Earth

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    Hi Emsie :) My weight loss is 45lbs in just under 6 months - but as Gail will tell you :rolleyes: lol - I am not good at buying new clothes so nobody notices my loss.

    Sockmonkey hit a chord with me...

    Nice one Monkey :) x

    I agree with ColJack that the novelty will wear off when everyone has seen you a few times.

    Maybe you could apply for the magazine and break the mould? One of the school mums here was feathured in the Scottish Slimmers mag. Be aware that you would be a little celeb and strangers would come up to you! It happened to that lady.
     
  18. gl12282

    gl12282 Plodding on.......

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    Hi Emsie,

    These are the things that I don't necessarily agree with however I apologise for cutting your post down as I may have changed what you intended to say in the editing !!!

    Well done on your losses though. I think you have done brilliantly.

    Gail x
     
  19. gl12282

    gl12282 Plodding on.......

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    Sausage - have you STILL not bought new clothes (or at least slimmed into old ones) ?????? Blimey, they must be falling off you.

    Gail x
     
  20. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    Those are feelings that are very real to me but I understand they may not be the same for other people. No need to apologise I wanted others opinions thats why started the thread :)

    And thanks for the compliment ;)
     
  21. *Emsie*

    *Emsie* Gold Member

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    Hmm interesting idea! Why do you not treat yourself to new clothes?? :eek::confused: ;)
     
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