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Weight Loss & Sex / Relationships

Discussion in 'General Weight Loss Discussion' started by Instant_Karma, 28 March 2010 Social URL.

  1. Instant_Karma

    Instant_Karma Lardy Lady

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    Start Weight:
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    Hi,

    I just wondered if being overweight has interfered with anyone's relationships / sex life etc? I feel woefully unattractive at my current weight and the thought of taking my clothes off in front of a man and showing him my flabby stretch-marked stomach just makes me sick. Not that it would happen because I can't remember the last time a man took an interest in me :(
    . Sex is probably my biggest motivation to lose weight, shallow as that sounds! What is your attitude to it?

    xx
     
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  3. hchappyh

    hchappyh Silver Member

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    Insant Karma, I guess I'm very lucky. My OH loves me as I am. Obviously he is happy with my weight loss so far, because he knows it makes me happy...but he also loves all my wobbly bits. Something to grab hold of! And as for the stretch marks, well, they are just part of the package....he doesn't care, so I don't care!

    Hope all goes well with you and when you find that special someone, as corny as it sounds, they won't care either. Lose weight and be happy and the rest will just follow.

    Keep up the good work and keep motivated.

    xx
     
  4. Metal_Gear_Panda

    Metal_Gear_Panda Full Member

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    Hey Instant Karma. I do feel that it does get in the way a little. I'm starting at the beginning of my journey this weekend and I just cant stop myself from picking things that are bad for me. I know my OH loves me, and he tells me all the time, but when it comes to getting my kit off, it's a as quick to get my PJ;s on and into bed watching T.V. I dont feel attractive at all. I pretty much feel useless and have done for the last year.

    But I guess I'm lucky having my OH who loves me for me...and not my body.

    Hope you keep motivated xxxx
     
  5. breadbin

    breadbin Full Member

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    ah instant-karma pity you're so far away cos i'm in pretty much the same boat except for being a bloke:) i agree though the weight does sort of get in the way but i think it depends on who you're with too. don't think it affects the libido though so get yourself a bloke who fancies you and don't look back. when i was last in a relationship which was only bout 6 months ago my weight was pretty much the same and i have to say it didn't matter at all so try not to let it get in the way.
     
  6. Instant_Karma

    Instant_Karma Lardy Lady

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    Diet:
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    If it was that easy to get a bloke who fancied me, I wouldn't be quite so desperate to lose weight :p so maybe it's a blessing in disguise. I have 10lbs to go to be under 12st, and I think my confidence might rise a bit as the loss is progressing. My father used to say, "Any woman under 8st should be force-fed, and any woman over 12st should be tied to a treadmill". It's quite a reductive way of looking at it, but for my height and age it seems generally quite a realistic motto, haha! x
     
  7. rugbykirsty87

    rugbykirsty87 Never Give Up

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    instant karma- your very similar to me, in your weight and height. Im single aswell, but im not losing weight to attract a bloke or anything because I think even when im slimmer i may still have the problem attracting the blokes, its the confidence i lack but not just due to weight.
     
  8. Instant_Karma

    Instant_Karma Lardy Lady

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    Hi rugbykirsty87, from your username I'm assuming we're a similar age too :D. Do you think the confidence issues are related to weight? I know they have been for me, pretty much through all my adolescence. If I was thin I would be much, much more confident in myself. Probably still shy/introverted but much less so.
     
  9. shelz

    shelz Silver Member

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    My initial reaction to your post was 'why should it make a difference'. Not all men are shallow.

    A man will love you for you, for what is inside, not just for what can be seen. My fiance has loved me from the start. He has seen me gain weight and loose it and has stood by me all the way.

    He knows I have felt uncomfortable and ugly within my self and very protective when it comes to my body. I wouldnt even let him touch my stomach at one stage!

    I believe it is all about confidence, feel good within yourself and the rest will follow. Try not to think of people as generic, everyone is different. People love different things and go for different types of people.

    At the end of the day you should be loosing weight for youself, nobody else. I've found when you try to do it for somebody else you dont have the same will power and just end up resenting them!
     
  10. hchappyh

    hchappyh Silver Member

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    How's it going InstantKarma? Don't think you don't have a boyfriend because your fat. You just haven't met the right person yet. As Shelz says, you must loose weight for you and not because you think it might solve your problems. The problems will still be there, but hopefully having done your journey, you'll have more confidence and self esteem and will be able to tackle them head on. Weight is not the be all and end all. I used to think and sometimes still do, that thin people have it easier. To some respect I still think that, but then I am a stronger person and appreciate life more because of the journey I've been on and am still on. Eventually it all works out, I just can't tell you when as my crystal ball is broken! (otherwise I'd have won the euro-millions the other night and have a personal trainer and people to cook for me day and night!)

    Good luck
    xx
     
  11. rugbykirsty87

    rugbykirsty87 Never Give Up

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    I don't think my confidence issues are entirely due to my weight, even if I was thin to start with I still think id be just as shy as I was/am. My lack of confidence has been due to being knocked back as a child trying things like sports and not being very successful (this wasnt always due to weight, and now ive answered everyone wrong and im doing a sports degree).

    My confidence is growing slowly now, but i think its because im in the right frame of mind to take 'risks'. My brain is now ready for those extra challenges I want to put on it.
     
    Last edited: 29 March 2010
  12. livi

    livi Committed Loser

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    I spent two years single before I met my fiance and I was convinced it was because of my weight. Men that did take an interest (they were few and far between!!) weren't interested in anything long term, and I'm not the type of girl to oblige a one night stand.

    It's probably easy for me to say but the nice guys, the ones that are worth it, don't see weight. They see you. Big, small or whatever. I'm bigger than most on here yet have a fabulous man coming home to me every night. Just don't spend your life looking and blaming your singleness on your weight. Your time will come...

    I may be contradicting myself by saying this but confidence is attractive and if you need to lose weight to feel confident then do it, but do it for you, not to attract the attention of blokes :) Been there, done that and the t-shirt doesn't fit anymore ;)
     
    Lynn8124 likes this.
  13. Lynn8124

    Lynn8124 Gold Member

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    I've never had a proper bf and blame the weight, rightly or wrongly, I dunno. Could be lack of confidence too. I went out a lot when I was in my teens and didn't bother about fellas cos I didn't wanna be the fat one who copped off at the end of the night with the guy wearing super-strength beer goggles. :giggle:

    I am trying to change my mindset and outlook and build up my self-esteem and believe i will meet a good man soon, who will love me for who I am not whether I look like a barbie doll or not. :)
     
  14. Instant_Karma

    Instant_Karma Lardy Lady

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    I am still in my teens and that is basically me. :cry:
     
  15. Lynn8124

    Lynn8124 Gold Member

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    Aww you can't really compare yourself to me, I am/was far fatter than you. Most men I have met are so shallow. You have at least ten years to go to get to my age (am 29 in June) and I am sure you can sort any issues out by then, I wish I had've done so at your age as I am just getting started but it's all about timing, you know. I hope I did not upset you by the remark, I was only referring to myself and I had got sick of men only approaching me as a last resort but now I don't even go out (I quit boozing 5 yrs ago) so I don't have to think about it anymore. :hug99:
     
  16. breadbin

    breadbin Full Member

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    @lynn not all men fancy barbies:) so im sure its only a mattr of time. i am the same too on the other side of the fence, i don't cop off with girls just for the sake of it, rather wait to get to know someone first etc. also i never thought i would meet the right girl out drinking anyway cos when i'm drinking my self esteem drops even lower believe it or not!! so fair play to you for giving up the boozing:) how do you socialise as a matter of interest? i found when i gave up drinking i turned into a hermit:(

    @instant-karma sorry to hear you have confidence issues and hope you can do something about it asap. there are plenty of people to talk to but if you think the weight will make a difference fair play to you and go for it:)
     
  17. rugbykirsty87

    rugbykirsty87 Never Give Up

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    Originally Posted by Lyn8124 [​IMG]
    I went out a lot when I was in my teens and didn't bother about fellas cos I didn't wanna be the fat one who copped off at the end of the night with the guy wearing super-strength beer goggles. :giggle:

    Thats me too!
     
  18. Instant_Karma

    Instant_Karma Lardy Lady

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    Oh no, I'm not upset my any means :) but it is a cruel truth really - when you're 18 and involved in a social circle, not many men will fancy the fat girl. It would be naive to expect them to, in my opinion - they can be the loveliest man on earth but if they don't find you sexually attractive, it's useless. And I had resigned myself to the being 'the fat girl' but when I realised I could do something about it, I became determined to try. It may seem shallow but I can understand the male point of view - because I've never been attracted to a fat man either. It's instinctive for most people to desire someone of a normal weight, for it to be otherwise would be an anomaly. Maybe it will change as I get older, but I don't want to wait that long to find out.
     
  19. Konvictz

    Konvictz Full Member

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    hmm...

    Im not really interested in women because i believe i have found the right person and il see how that goes, so the rest dont apply to me.

    il be honest, if i see a 'fit' girl and a slightly larger girl walking together, i would look at the fit girl first. im just being honest. however, once i start talking to them, thats if i talk to them, i might find the slightly larger one is better to talk to.

    personally being fat hasnt affected me too much. probably because i havent reached that stage where i look so fat, alot of people dont call me fat i must say, just people close to me lol. but my problem is im still gaining weight.

    but speaking from personal experience, lets say about 3-4 years ago. when i had a tight shirt on, the confidence it would give me would be immense, like huge. i used to leave a few buttons opened (on purpos) on my shirt, and i did have some decent results at times...details will not be revealed on here though lol...

    but i cant comment on the bedroom department, because im waiting til after i get married, and shes also waiting til after marriage lol. but i would have thought that if 2 people like each other, they wont care 'that' much about the others body. like the person i like, shes pretty, but some people wouldnt say shes sooo amazing and stunning, but to me she is so pretty and beautiful, i like everything about her. but she is quite skinny, so when she critisizes my weight, i cant say anything back. and she always calls her self fat, and does exercise, she has like no fat on her. why do girls do that? i have no idea...she calls her self fat, however if i ever called her fat, i know she would kill me.

    but back to the topic. physical attraction will always exist and have some effect. its similar to saying people eat with their eyes...they SEE something which looks nice to eat, and they eat it.

    so i think weight does have some impact on bedroom. because if you feel good about your self, it will give you that confidence to do your thing. ive got a bit of a belly now, and woah it does not look good. i know i wouldnt feel comfortable with a girl, but if its the right girl then i wouldnt feel that bad. but id rather not have the belly and get my 6 pac back, then id feel much better.
     
  20. Instant_Karma

    Instant_Karma Lardy Lady

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    I hate my arms, too. They round out from the elbow to the wrist like a big ham :(. What weight are you currently and what is your goal..?
     
  21. breadbin

    breadbin Full Member

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    don't get me wrong i'd love to have a sixpack especially coming into the summer for beach etc!! but i was fairly fit only 2 years ago and can remember clearly what my confidence was like and now i have more confidence even being 4 stone heavier? it doesn't make sense really but there you go. its amazing how the mind works:)
     
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