What age have you/will you let you children out by themselves?

[CloudsKitchen]

Totally off topic but I thought there must be people of all ages and stages of life on here so it seems a good place to ask. My child is almost 10 and I have just started letting her out in our neighbourhood round to see her friend and on to a little green close by. She doesn't have to cross any main or even busy roads and she has to check back with me every half an hour. I can feel the apron strings twanging What age have you let your children out locally by themselves or what age do you think you will? Thanks in advance for any answers.

 

[Starlight]

My eldest niece is 9. Shes allowed out on her own but has strict restrictions on her. Shes limited to 3 streets, the one they live in, the next street where they used to live, and everyone knows her, and the street linking them. (all which involve not crossing any roads at all, and they live in a very quiet wee housing estate) If she wants to go elsewhere she knows she MUST come and ask. Shes actually really good and doesnt set a foot out her boundaries. My brother and sister in law feel she responds well to the freedom but theyre comfortable that shes not far from them.

 

[OUFC]

I was very similar to Starlight's family rules - 2 or 3 streets and no crossing roads.

I also allowed her to spread her wings a bit by taking her & couple of friends to town (pedestrianized) to 'do their own thing' for an hour or so - I would sit in a cafe and they had to come back to see me at least once and were told that if they didn't or were late back (without a very good reason), they'd be sort of grounded (no more town) for a few weeks.

I made sure my daughter knew that I trusted her - it was everyone else that needed treating with a bit of courteous caution.

 

[donna88]

I have no idea, my son is only 3 so I'm hopefully a while off him wanting to go out on his own. I'm hoping he will make close friends with people who live close by so he can go to play by himself at their house or them come to us and still feel safe.

I can't imagine ever being comfortable with him playing out on his own, but obviously know the time will come when I'll have to lol

 

[Happy Holidays]

I can't remember what age my two were when I started letting them out on their own. But you need to do what you feel comfortable with, but at the same time, give your daughter a little bit of responsiblity.

Where we live it backs onto fields, so my two used to play outside with their friends & either me or another parent watching. When they did start going to friends houses etc I made sure I knew exactly where they were & they knew what time to be back.

At the end of the day it's all about trust, you trust your daughter to be responsible & she will trust your decisions.

 

[Mummy2Bslim]

I think it's so different now from when I was growing up.

My childhood home was a 2 minute walk from my school so I had a key when I was 8 and was ok to walk to and from with my friends.

I was also allowed to play out by myself from 8 because we have lots of fields nearby the only rule was no crossing the road.

I had a very structured life because I went to school then on Monday's, Wednesday's and Saturday's I would be in dance classes for hours. Tuesday's I went to swimming lessons, Thursday's I had piano lessons and Fridays I went to brownies then guides. Sunday morning was Sunday school until i was 11 then Sunday dinner then I went out to play. That was my life from 3 years old to 17 years old and I loved it! I was always busy lol I didn't have time to cause trouble like kids seem to these days.

I think because we see so much media attention to tragedies where young children have been snatched it scares parents into not letting children out alone.

I really don't know how I will feel when my baby is older, you see so many kids out drinking and being a nuisance I don't want that to be my baby I want more for him or her! My husband disagrees with how many after school activities I had but I'm a grade 8 on the piano, have my Baden Powell award, i represented wales in iceland for girl guides, have taken the highest exams in dance for tap, modern, ballet, jazz, national and disco danced in the albert hall, london palladium and disney land, and I was in the Wales under 16 swim team. I also did carnival queen competitions as the local hospital queen and helped raise £50,000 for vital equipment.

I'm proud I've done so much and had so many experiences, I think he thinks my mum is pushy but I enjoyed doing all that stuff! I want our child boy or girl to have all the opportunities I had and more but I think Rob thinks I'm going to be a pushy helicopter parent!

X x x

P.s sorry for the essay! With motherhood looming all this has been surfacing its nice to have an outlet!

 

[donna88]

I think it's so different now from when I was growing up.

My childhood home was a 2 minute walk from my school so I had a key when I was 8 and was ok to walk to and from with my friends.

I was also allowed to play out by myself from 8 because we have lots of fields nearby the only rule was no crossing the road.

I had a very structured life because I went to school then on Monday's, Wednesday's and Saturday's I would be in dance classes for hours. Tuesday's I went to swimming lessons, Thursday's I had piano lessons and Fridays I went to brownies then guides. Sunday morning was Sunday school until i was 11 then Sunday dinner then I went out to play. That was my life from 3 years old to 17 years old and I loved it! I was always busy lol I didn't have time to cause trouble like kids seem to these days.

I think because we see so much media attention to tragedies where young children have been snatched it scares parents into not letting children out alone.

I really don't know how I will feel when my baby is older, you see so many kids out drinking and being a nuisance I don't want that to be my baby I want more for him or her! My husband disagrees with how many after school activities I had but I'm a grade 8 on the piano, have my Baden Powell award, i represented wales in iceland for girl guides, have taken the highest exams in dance for tap, modern, ballet, jazz, national and disco danced in the albert hall, london palladium and disney land, and I was in the Wales under 16 swim team. I also did carnival queen competitions as the local hospital queen and helped raise £50,000 for vital equipment.

I'm proud I've done so much and had so many experiences, I think he thinks my mum is pushy but I enjoyed doing all that stuff! I want our child boy or girl to have all the opportunities I had and more but I think Rob thinks I'm going to be a pushy helicopter parent!

X x x

P.s sorry for the essay! With motherhood looming all this has been surfacing its nice to have an outlet!

I think its lovely to have lots of after school activities, if you want to and enjoy it, which you did. The point you become a pushy parent is when your either forcing your children to do something they're not that bothered about or when you push them to constantly do something they do enjoy to the point where they start to not enjoy it.

My niece goes dancing, but she does hours and hours of it a day, she's 9 years old and I think she has one day off, sometimes two. She enjoys the show side of the dancing but always seems to be moaning about having to go. I think so many hours a week doing the same thing is a bit much.

Sounds like you have had loads of great experiences

I'd love for my son to do lots of after school activities but will only put him in for things he is interested in. At the moment he is 3 (4 in July) and he would love to play guitar and was saying about learning how to juggle the other day, but I'm not sure if he's a little young for it at the moment

 

[Shirleen]

We live in a close so they played outside from three!
We live next to the infants and junior schools and they walked to school on their own age 7/8.
Allowed to call for local mates at age 10.

Going into Town at 13/14 with major rules, always in a group always go to the loo in threes, buy a return ticket and keep it in a little used zip pocket.
Cinema at 14 but only with a lift and pick up.
He's now 15 and does most things without too many stipulations.
However if either of them broke ANY rules they were grounded! Dort learned that the hard way, one month grounding (from tv/phone/Internet/friends/ going out) and a personal apology when she admitted shoplifting (cos the others were doing it, she didn't get caught but confessed!!) the other girls had a sleepover together that night and one of them was the Pastors daughter and her parents warned her off mine!!!! Needless to say I don't go to that church anymore lol!
Son is now asking to go to gigs in pubs I'm a bit eek! About that as he's not yet 16.

 

[Mummy2Bslim]

I started going to gigs in Manchester London and Liverpool either with my friends or I would travel alone and meet friends there from 16 years old. I'm in Holyhead so was a long trip to London alone. Our main benefit was if we were concerned about anything we could speak welsh to each other and no one understood lol.

I also went to London auditions for drama college when I was 17.

I went to holland on my own when I was 17 to meet a friend I met once at a gig in London. I stayed with her family for a week.

I was really independent but now I'm older I recognise the dangers more than I did back then of staying in hostels with 15 strangers etc. My mum knew I was sensible and trusted me but I can imagine how worried she got!

I think at 16 you have to remember that a lot of people leave home and so I think as long as you discuss the dangers, make sure they call and check in you can let them out to gigs or whatever but if they break your trust then no more.

I also started going on nights out from when I was 16 but they weren't so hot on ID back then lol.

My mums rule was that as long as I told her the truth about where I was she was happy. If my kids want to do things at 16, I would rather agree to it and know where they are and what they are doing than to have them sneak and do it behind my back because at least if I know and they get in trouble I can go to them.

X x x

 

[Shirleen]

I started going to gigs in Manchester London and Liverpool either with my friends or I would travel alone and meet friends there from 16 years old. I'm in Holyhead so was a long trip to London alone. Our main benefit was if we were concerned about anything we could speak welsh to each other and no one understood lol.

I also went to London auditions for drama college when I was 17.

I went to holland on my own when I was 17 to meet a friend I met once at a gig in London. I stayed with her family for a week.

I was really independent but now I'm older I recognise the dangers more than I did back then of staying in hostels with 15 strangers etc. My mum knew I was sensible and trusted me but I can imagine how worried she got!

I think at 16 you have to remember that a lot of people leave home and so I think as long as you discuss the dangers, make sure they call and check in you can let them out to gigs or whatever but if they break your trust then no more.

I also started going on nights out from when I was 16 but they weren't so hot on ID back then lol.

My mums rule was that as long as I told her the truth about where I was she was happy. If my kids want to do things at 16, I would rather agree to it and know where they are and what they are doing than to have them sneak and do it behind my back because at least if I know and they get in trouble I can go to them.

X x x

I agree I left home aged 14! However I was NEVER safe!!! I shudder to think of it!

I'd allow my Sam more freedom as hes the most sensible person i know (takes after his Dad) but he's a strapping lad 5ft 11 at last measure and built like an outhouse (local Rugby team are begging him to join), from the age of 14 grown MEN have threatened him!!! He was mugged by a bunch of lads in Balaclavas for his phone.
Young boys are in far more danger than girls ever were and NOONE stops to help a lad!

 

[Mummy2Bslim]

I agree I left home aged 14! However I was NEVER safe!!! I shudder to think of it!

I'd allow my Sam more freedom as hes the most sensible person i know (takes after his Dad) but he's a strapping lad 5ft 11 at last measure and built like an outhouse (local Rugby team are begging him to join), from the age of 14 grown MEN have threatened him!!! He was mugged by a bunch of lads in Balaclavas for his phone.
Young boys are in far more danger than girls ever were and NOONE stops to help a lad!

Very true and a lad won't carry a rape alarm because it's not "manly"

I think boys are more likely to end up alone at some point whereas girls go in a pack even to the loo!

My only trouble was this big glowing sign I have that follows me about saying weirdos welcome, I always seem to attract the strange uns wherever I go lol. The best was a tramp who made me swing dance with him in the middle of the day in Liverpool city centre. The worst are the scary smelly ones who are pervy and think your going to go off with them just because they are male and older, I've had random young blokes pretend to be my boyfriend in the street to save me from strange old men in the past!

X x x

 

[CloudsKitchen]

Thank you all for your replies and sharing your experiences. My daughter is limited to a few local streets and only when she's out with a friend, I'm also waiting for a simm card to arrive for an old mobile phone so she can take that out with her. She tells me that she hates being the oldest as we are learning on here and she's right - her brother will probably get an easier ride when he gets to the same age but thats life i suppose.

Thanks again
Emma

 

[mumtheshopper]

My 9 year old calls for local friends and plays locally. The local park and shop is a 5 minute walk and she goes there. They start middle school at 9 amd are expected to walk to and fro from there unsupervised. We are even told to let them practice in year 5 in readiness. My eldested is year 7, 12 in in the summer. SHe goes quite fat afield wirh friends. To the town and parks. I have driven her to the next big town to go to the cinema with a friend, and get a McD after. Her friend's Mum then picks them up. She is, however, very mature and sensible. They both walk the dog independently, though nowhere too remote. I was going to say you have to go with gut instinct, though actually, on ocassion, i ahve had to go against it to give them the freedom that they deserve. It is soo hard