What to do? Advice please

[babylady50]

I'm writing this even tho I know the answer. I've been with my partner 3 1/2 yrs now after 16 yrs of being single. I love this man but I don't know if I should get out. Let me explain, he is a 57 yr old man that was marries years ago but never re married although did have a 11 yr relationship but never lived with her. He has been single on n off for 3 yrs after she unfortunate,y died , never really committing to anyone. So here I am with him, I have my house 50 mile away from him, I am allowed!!! To stay with him when he says, normally on days we are both working, his days off are with his mates. Those things are bad enough but when he has a drink he's verbally horrible at times.
7 yr ago I had a gastric band fitted and have lost nearly 7 stone, still trying, hence sw for last few stone. My figure isn't perfect, large amount skin on tummy( saving for tummy tuck) but I'm aware of my imperfections and dress well to cover them haha.
Due to various problems on his part ie smokes n drinks too much, raised blood pressure we haven't made love for 18 month now, but during an argument the other week he has told me that the reason we don't is that he thinks I'm fat , with a backside the side of a house , in fact too fat to's**g' . I know at 15 st I' m still overweight but I'm devastated, he said next day that he didn't mean it, that are only words but he said them and I can't get over it.
The man is no brad Pitt, in fact has a bigger tummy n boobs than me, but I love him what ever shape he is and encourage him to loose weight.
I just don't know what to do, I can't bear to let him see me in my underwear and we are due to go on hol in 10 weeks.
Any words of reason please, ??

 

[Cee33]

Hi there

I think you know the answer yourself (as you've said), but sometimes it helps to ask others as we want someone to say it's ok for you to think this relationship is not working and you should get out. What positive things do you get from the relationship? Not much from what you've written. Life is too short to be with someone like that, I know it's easier said than done but you should cut ties and move on - you're better than this and I think you know that

 

[AnnaFaraday]

Yes, of course you know the answer. You can't find a single nice thing to say about him in your description. He is rude, controlling, unpleasant, etc., etc. and appears to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever.

Advice - RUN, don't walk, RUN!!!

 

[ceebeee]

Sounds to me like you need to really evaluate why you're with him. If you can't bear to split up with him, you need to talk to him. Talk honestly and openly, otherwise this will plague you forever.

If he can't deal with the real you, you should consider whether or not you can deal with the real him.

In reality, only you can make this decision. Only you can know what's right.

Good luck!

 

[chocko1]

A partner should be there to love you, warts and all, through good and bad, not to judge and demean you. Nobody should put up with verbal and emotional abuse, to be made to feel worthless and unattractive. Do you really want to waste any more of your life feeling as you do? As AnnaFarraday said, life is too short. Anyone who can hurt another person's feelings like this, doesn't deserve to be with them. Yes, it is nice to have somebody in your life but not when they're obviously making you unhappy. Obviously, it is your decision but, if you even have to be querying your choice of partner, you already know the answer to your question. Good luck. You are worth so much more. xx


Kathy