I'm still here honey!
I haven't been on as much as I have been getting a bit discombobulated with getting my head round things. It's hard to explain, I am still not at healthy bmi, in fact my weight has dic*ed around this last week or so, but my waist ratio is healthy, I am a 6-8 on the bottom, 10-12 on top, and I look thin. Rationally I know I have achieved my goal, I have lost 10 stones and I look and feel great - but my goal for 9 long extremely focussed months has been about a number on a scale - first 9 stone 10, then 10 stone 3. By stopping abstinence before getting there I feel like I have somehow failed.
So the problem is that I come here, and read about people who are upset because they have 'gone up' to about the weight I am now and are beside themselves about it and it makes me feel too fat, I read that other people have achieved the bottom end of healthy bmi and I feel fat. I know it is mad and it is about me, not them, and I can't understand how I can weigh 10 stone 8lbs, yet look so skinny - some parts of me are miniscule and won't bear losing more weight without looking dreadful - and I can't understand how other people are healthy bmi and look great, not too skinny at all.
As you see I am in a bit of funny place at the moment. It should all be irrelevant but it isn't. Is it an age thing? Can younger people take a lower bmi looks wise? I just don't know.
I so wanted to be 7lbs below the top healthy bmi and I don't know how to make my body lose the weight from the right places - I don't know how because I can't. If I carry on in abstinence there is no way of making my body take it's energy from my middle and thighs instead of my face, arms and chest. Am I making sense?
I am also all confused about eating. I feel really hungry at the moment - both actual and head hunger. When I have a pack it doesn't touch the sides and I just have the urge to want to eat and eat and eat - I just don't feel satisfied after a pack or bar and am so terrified that I won't feel satisfied with small portions of real food when I start eating next Thursday.
What a nutter eh?!
So I haven't deserted you, just trying to make sense of the world - I saw you had started a fab thread and weren't 'on your own' so didn't feel so bad about visiting less.
Will come and have a good read later so I can catch up with how you have been getting on. Am taking the rest of today off to go any have THE FRINGE cut into my never before seen a fringe hair!
Love ya honey.
Ohhh peony. I can't reply properly because I am at work. However, remember that you body will distribute itself once you have settled at a weight, so it may come off your thighs and onto your boobs for example. Plus, I think bmi is just a guideline. It you take the excess skin off, that will be your 7lbs (I am just assuming you have some after 10 stone lost). Also fir example, I was blessed with massive boobs. They r still big compared to the rest of me, so am I going to have to keep losing until I compensate fir that.....HELL NO!
Stop looking at the numbers and start looking at your figures (body, how much u have lost and clothes size).
I know you want to be a healthy bmi, but how you feel and look is more important than bmi or other peoples numbers. Some people have smaller frames than others. Some peoples bodies distribute differently and some people lie lol.
I think it's time for u to start eating again now. It's making you sad and that's not what this diet is about. You will still lose between 7lbs and a stone doing the ll rtm, and if u don't it's not the end of the world. Look at your post again.....if a friend if yours said they were a size 6-8 and biggest 12 would you suggest they were fat? of course you wouldn't. Your head hasn't caught up yet that's all.
I hope you feel better soon, I'm sending you love xxxx
Good for you - my boobs used to be pretty enormous, now they look like sad little sacks to me but looking at some of my recent pics they don't look that small in clothes so I think you might be right about them too honey.
I am trying so hard not to look at the scale weight but yet again today it has only moved fractionally. Have been and bought a couple of new tops as I now have zilch tha fits. Also, sitting in front of a full length mirror for an hour and a half at the hairdresser yesterday made it finally sink in that I am thin now. I couldn't take my eyes off myself - really narcissistic but I was just mind boggled that the reflection was mine.
I am also over the moon with my new haircut (pics in album). Stupid fringe keeps wanting to part in th emiddle so I am going to have to send it to boot camp lol but am really pleased with the overall new peony!
Thanks for your post darling - I read it just before bed last night and it made me feel 100% better about things.
Fabulous photos. You look great and the difference is splendid.
I can relate to a lot of what you said yesterday. When you get near theend of such a weight loss you might want to adjust your goal. Somehow your body starts to tell you when it's ready to stop.
I did persevere and get down to my goal
and it felt great to be so skinny, but actually I realised it was too slim and I did look gaunt. I've settled at about 10 - 12lbs above my lowest weight.
It's very confusing though because I thought, am I just saying that because it's hard to keep so slim? is it the beginning of the slippery slope back to obesity? how can I be lucky and keep the new me when so many other people can't?
I hope you'll feel like I do, losing the weight has made such a huge difference to my life there's no way I can go back.
Also losing 10 stone as you have gives a good long time for your head to adjust as well as your body. It'sso hard when people start telling you you are too thin.
You'll notice that it's only people who knew you fat who say it. Strangers think you're perfectly normal!
I still have days when I feel fat and can't believe what I've achieved.
It's very difficult to get your head round how others see you.
My main piece of advice would be to be sure you are happy with the weight/size you are before you come off abstinence.
Be sure to do RTM.It really seems to be a key to maintaining the new slim you.
Congratulations Peony xx
Thanks for taking the time to write this SB - you seem to know where I am coming from. Similarly to you when you say "It's very confusing though because I thought, am I just saying that because it's hard to keep so slim? is it the beginning of the slippery slope back to obesity" I have asked myself do I want to end abstinence because it is too hard to continue, is it the beginning of the end, or the start of the future slim me?
I have done a lot of naval gazing and have concluded that it is genuinely that I feel my body needs to eat real food again. I have become stuck for almost 2 weeks weight loss wise, have never had a LL milk week or Exante add a meal week, and I think that my body needs more food to get over the hump.
The scales sticking again today decided me, in fact I have brought forward my RTM and have started today. I have brought forward my ocado delivery with all my RTM foods to tomorrow morning and went and bought some salmon for my first meal later today.
I do feel happy with the decision and whilst following neither LL or CD RTMs to the letter, I have fashioned my own based on their principles - just a tiny bit shorter, and allowing a small amount of dairy week one. It is based around calorie intake and food type - 810 cals for a couple of weeks, 1000 for a couple, 1200 for a couple etc etc and bringing the carbs and trigger foods slowly in later in the weeks. All the time slowly reducing the amount of food replacement packs I have.
It is all very exciting, and I have to learn that I am in control even if something happens along the way that makes me feel as though I am not.