Why do we make it hard? – Contentious Post

Discussion in 'WeMITTS (We Mean It This Time)' started by dontcallmetracey, 4 October 2009 Social URL.

  1. dontcallmetracey

    dontcallmetracey Member

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    Hi
    Over the weekend I saw a friend of mind who I have not seen for a few years. On seeing me she said something like “I can’t believe how you have changed!” After a couple of drinks, the conversation turned back to my diminishing frame and what kind of diet I had been on and she could not believe it when I told her that I am not on a “diet” as such I am just not eating it.

    As this is a lot’s of weight to lose board I feel that we can get down to basics here. We all know that being 8 stone, 100lbs or 50kgs over weight has nothing to do with what we eat, its down more down to WHY we eat. I my case I have always been fat, wartime parents with a “don’t waste anything” attitude. This attitude stretched from clothes to furnishings to food. When I look back most things that we eat when I was a child were fried or contained huge amounts of butter, for more frequently both, then followed by a huge mug of tea and biscuits. It really is not that much of a surprise that when I went to school I was “the fat kid”.

    Okay, fast forward……..

    Why did I eat? For protection? As a cushion against failure? To keep people away? As a front? The answer to all of these questions on reflection I think the answer is yes. The current weight loss attempt has taken me since 2006 with around the last 20 months with the weight slow creeping back on, not any more.

    We all know that the only way to gain weight is to intake more calories than we burn, and the only way to lose weight is to burn more calories than we intake. Perhaps I should write the ultimate weight loss book, it would only contain three chapters;

    ----------------------------------------------------------------

    Universal Weight Loss Guide


    Chapter 1 – Why we gain weight

    We only increase our weight when we intake more calories than we expend

    Chapter 2 – How we lose weight

    We will only decrease our weight when we expend more calories than we intake.

    Chapter 3 - Conclusion - How to lose weight

    Intake fewer calories and move more.

    The End

    -------------------------------------------------------------

    We all know that this is the absolute truth, does anyone think it would sell?
     
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  3. The Rose

    The Rose Rosie

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    That just sounds really good common sense and thank you for writing all of this.

    However, if only it were this simple. WLS may give you more control because yes you can intake fewer calories, but for the rest of us mere mortals, we have to struggle with this day to day!! Dealing with emotional issues (whatever they may be) without our drug of choice (food) is the big issue here. How do we do this? I dont have the answer to that and I struggle with it every single day. If you could stick a chapter in your book about that I would definitely take a look.

    I use food when I am stressed, when I am tired, when I am depressed and I use food when I am happy. I know this goes back years, as in your case, but even though I have read books, had counselling and bought the t-shirt, I still dont feel like I have tackled the issues behind my problems.

    Love
    Rosie x
     
  4. dontcallmetracey

    dontcallmetracey Member

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    That is my point exactly.

    Our weight issues are not simply weight issues, they are symptoms of other underlying issues that we all have.

    The only "trick" that I have is to think that any issues or problem I have are not a consequence of the weight, but are in fact the exact opposite.
     
  5. The Rose

    The Rose Rosie

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    So do you have some answers that you could share with me??? I am struggling!!
     
  6. dontcallmetracey

    dontcallmetracey Member

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    Hi Rose

    I knew this post would generate a little contention, hence the title.

    I don't have any answers expect for myself. For me it was;

    1 Be Myself.
    2 Stop thinking about the weight, both lost and to lose.
    3 Accept that it is going to take many many months.
    4 Disregard any negative or sideways comments and ignore what other people think about you. (This included members of my own family.)
    5 If I do "fall", I can always get up again.

    I hope this helps and if would like to chat a little more privately, please email me. (I don't if this is allowed in this forum, but I am sure someone would tell me.)

    Love DCMT
     
  7. Auburn

    Auburn x x x

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    Very well worded, couldn't agree more. I have spoken to several people, on professional levels, doctors, counsellors, etc. Friends, Family members... People rarely seem to "get" the whole thing, that it isn't just about the quantity of the food...
    There are two things I have noticed particularly - Whilst I was starting on my weightloss mission, and I was single and looking, I did the whole internet dating thing for a while, and as well as getting chatting to several guys, I went on dates with a handful of blokes. I never shy-ed away from the fact that I was watching my weight. Everyone would say that I was fine as I was and that I didnt need to lose weight. Only one person seemed to accept the fact that it didn't matter how I looked to them, that it was a "what I think of myself" thing, and he understood that it was support I was after, rather than a companion who would try to talk me into having dessert, or whatever, rather than someone who would let me have the treats that had contributed to the weight gain in the first place...

    All the doctors, nurses, dietitians, slimming consultants etc that I have spoken to - There was one statement that has stuck out with me, and that I have never forgotton - And that was that turning to food when you are emotional, regardless of the type of emotion, is exactly like reaching for a bottle of wine, or narcotics, or something to soften the hurt or quieten the stress. It is an addiction, and it is a tough habit to break, but with a bit of willpower, motivation and support, it can be done.
    We've all got the support here, shame the other two bits are harder to come by!!!

    :)

    [Wow, that was a rant for a monday morning....!]
     
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  8. CrazyBrit

    CrazyBrit Silver Member

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    Hi Rosie,

    I was pretty much in the exact same boat as you. I ate when tired (It'd be almost automatic - tired? food goes here!), I ate when upset (Omnom, lovely comfort food!), stressed (displacement activity, omnomnom), and so on.

    I really can't tell you what happened. It's like about a month ago something inside me just clicked. I just sat here and thought "I really need to grow the hell up and take responsibility for my weight".

    Now I'm not saying that you need to "grow up", just that that's what happened for me. I was kinda chatting to a friend in the USA, and she was giving me all these (helpful, but irrelevant) tips: Cut out fizzy drinks, don't eat bread, cut down on blah blah blah. I pretty much only drink water anyway, usually just have bread as a couple of slices of toast now and then, and... yeah. You get the idea. And I suddenly thought "You know what? I am sick of everything else being the reason I'm fat. I am the reason I'm fat. I put food in my mouth, I eat it, and I keep doing it, and I can blame my dad hitting me and me turning to food, or my brain skipping tracks whenever I'm stressed, or whatever, but ultimately nobody else makes me eat."

    And that was kinda it, really. I bought scales, I cut out crisps and chocolate, I started checking calories, I re-joined my local gym, I aim to eat around 1,200 - 1,500 calories a day, I now eat healthy well-rounded meals prepared at home instead of opening boxed ready-meals or burgers, and I've lost close to a stone in a month. And I am totally into this. Because if I want to live the life I want for myself, I have to get off my fat, lazy arse and go get it for myself :)

    Like I say, though, it's like it clicked, and suddenly I was 100% in the zone, ready to go, and I'm still there a month later.

    Now if I get bored, I get away from my desk and walk around a little. If I get stressed, I go to the loo and have a ten-minute sit and relax. If I get hungry between meals I drink water and have a piece of fruit if it won't go away. If I get hungry, I pause to see whether or not I'm feeling tired, and if I am I go to bed. And if I get upset, I cry and I talk to my fiancee or family or friends to air whatever's upsetting me.

    I'm not sure if that helps you at all, Rose. But good luck!
     
  9. dontcallmetracey

    dontcallmetracey Member

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    Hi

    I was just having checking my emails and having a mooch around after getting out of the bath and came across a video of the US "The Late Late Show" with Craig Ferguson, I remember seeing him live in the early 90's in London. Anyway I came across the video where he is talking about Britney Spears and his alcoholism. Have a look and see what you think.

    DCMT

    YouTube - Ferguson Speaks From The Heart
     
    Last edited: 1 November 2009
  10. purple_kathryn

    purple_kathryn Mostly harmless

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    My eating was more to do with eating sweets rather large meals. I used to hole up in my bedroom and eat loads of the things. Before it all came to a head I was eating a packet of fruit pastels, a packet of fruit gums and some kind of chocolate bar every single night.

    I actually think it was an act of passive rebellion against my mum. She's a very controlling person (which she doesn't even realise) and by doing this I was taking control back from her. She was always about healthy eating etc

    Another way of taking control back is by not telling her things. So she doesn't know that I'm taking xenical and seeing a doctor to help me lose weight. At least I'm not damaging my health this way

    A bit pathetic really :(
     
  11. colescrabb

    colescrabb Full Member

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    i to am taking control, i never thought about it before but i agree with purple katherine, mum always had to tell me what to do and was always saying no to snacks and when i was old enough and started having my own money i always blew it on food while my school friends brought cigerettes!!!! i thought i was better with the sweets and crisps, proud of myself for not smoking!!!
    well no-one but hubby knows i am taking xenical might admit it one day when i really know i am on the road to recovery and a better life for myself and my family. x x
     
  12. CrazyBrit

    CrazyBrit Silver Member

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    On the bright side, now you're going to lose weight, AND not have lung cancer! :D
     
  13. purple_kathryn

    purple_kathryn Mostly harmless

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    I have to think that losing weight has be a heck of a lot easier than giving up smoking.
     
  14. CrazyBrit

    CrazyBrit Silver Member

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    Certainly you don't have to put up with eating your sandwiches outside in the rain because it's banned indoors :D
     
  15. bellefrogette

    bellefrogette Silver Member

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    sat 28 Nov -16/9 (97lbs to lose)

    I eat for every reason sunder the sun, but what is constant is a need to nourish and take care of myself. I tend not to be a pity me type of person and I don’t use excuses. I am tired of making it hard on myself to lose weight and this time round I am looking at more management tools and strategies, because at the point where I need nourishment, I am just not thinking straight and often times its too late.


    Belle
     
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