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Why does everything go wrong at once....?

Lexy1972

Full Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st6lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.2 Loss: 1st8lb(11.22%)
#1
Hi all, I thought I would tell my story having read some really honest, open and emotional threads today. Firstly I run my own business in recruitment, I had a brilliant first 2 years, one employee and we were doing great. Then the recession hit, she left and I moved out of the office to work from home. Business has got gradually worse and worse and now I have no business or money coming in, haven't had for 3 months! I was in a 3 year relationship with a man 10 years younger than me who was the love of my life, we lived together, had a puppy and were discussing marriage and kids (as I am almost 37) and life was good on that front, then about a month ago he said he still loved me but wasn't sure how he felt about us. The long and short of it is that about 2 and a half weeks ago we split up as he said he just wasn't ready to commit and wanted to be fair to me, but who knew what might happen in the future as we still loved each other. I was doing OK, then yesterday he admitted he has started seeing someone else . My world just shattered and I felt so hurt, betrayed and angry. I would be out having fun and keeping busy so I didn't have time to think about it BUT I have put on 3 stone since we've been together and I feel so fat, un-attractive, rejected etc that I started CD again.

I have lost just over a stone in 2 and a half weeks and although I'm not finding it hard to stick to the diet at the moment I am so bored. I don't want to go out as we live in a v.small town and drink in the same 2 pubs and the thought of seeing him with someone else makes me feel sick. Because my work is dead, apart from a daily walk with my dog I just end up sitting round the house all day and evening. I don't want to socialise as I don't want to be tempted and I don't want to go out looking and feeling like I do at the moment :cry:

I just want the next 2 months done, I want to have lost the weight I put on and I want to start going out again and get my life back on track!!!! 2 months at the moment feels like a lifetime and I dread going to bed every night knowing I have to wake up tomorrow to another day of sadness and boredom.

Thanks for listening, my friends have all been amzing but sometimes it's easier talking to people that don't know you xxx
 
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S: 16st0lb C: 11st5lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 27.3 Loss: 4st9lb(29.02%)
#2
I'm sorry things are difficult for you at this moment in time but things do change and they will change just sometimes we can't see past that point. When life throws ***** at you it sticks for awhile and then gradually you will start to feel better. losing the weight will help you gain confidence too.

Hang on there, Don't give up.

xxxx
 

minxie

One day at a time!
S: 15st3lb C: 14st9lb G: 10st0lb BMI: 35.2 Loss: 0st8lb(3.76%)
#3
Lexi, sorry to hear all your bad news - you must be feeling pretty wretched so it is an amazingly strong thing that you have chosen this time to lose weight. It is devastating when you hear an ex has a new person in his life and you don't.

I'm a great believer in the maxim "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade". If you can look for the positive in this time you will emerge a stronger, fitter, devastatingly attractive woman! As you say you don't feel like socialising much at the present time so the diet should be easier to stick to. Here's a few suggestions (forgive me for suggesting any of these if you are not looking for advice but just wanted to offload:) )

Take the dog for several long walks a day - maybe make some leaflets offering your business services and do a local leaflet drop, maybe it might drum up some business. Both you and the dog will benefit from the added exercise.

Borrow some exercise DVDs from the library and start doing them - you have time on your hands to do so.

Could you go for a regular swim at your local pool - don't they reduce the charges if you have no income?

Take this time to learn a new craft/skill - look in the library for inspiration.

Spend lots and lots of time on this forum and not feel guilty that you ought to be doing something else!!

Hope things start looking up for you - luck and fortune change when you least expect it so fingers are crossed for you.
 

Lexy1972

Full Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st6lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.2 Loss: 1st8lb(11.22%)
#4
Thanks for your kind words and support.

Minxie - my dog is only 9 months old so can only be walked for 45 mins a day until she is 1ish and her bones are more developed (which I am already doing). I have a Pilates DVD that I am ready to start but my house is soooooooo hot in this heat, I just can't face making myself hotter. The swimming is a good idea but I am in a catch 22 in the sense that I just don't have the confidence to get into a costume in public right now.

As for him having someone else and me not, it's not that that's bothering me, it's the fact that he made me believe we needed some space to think about what we both wanted and told me he still loved me and within 2 and a half weeks he is seeing someone new and his words were 'it's early days', well given we'd only split up for 5 minutes I thought that was rather stating the obvious. I'm just so devestated by that right now, but I know given time it will get better it's just so hard in the here and now :cry:

But thanks for all the support - it does help! xx
 

Sunshine Singer

Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic
S: 13st2lb C: 11st10lb G: 9st11lb BMI: 31 Loss: 1st6lb(10.87%)
#5
Hun, you're doing so well. Not just with cd but how you're coping. What a rough time you're going through and you've done the best thing coming on here. Thankyou for opening up your heart.

It must feel like your whole world is falling apart but you now have the chance to rebuild a brand new life for yourself. You're still young and this is just the start. I'm so sorry you're feeling so upset but everything you're going through is normal. For you its worse because you can't go and get on with your work. To run your own biz means you are one very motivated person and you CAN do it again. Can you use this time to look into other ideas?

Don't be a stranger and sending you hugs xxx
 
#6
You get out of bed everyday and live your life, that makes you a winner in my book.

We never know what even the next 5 minutes will bring so eventhough it is hard sometimes to see past our present circumstances, keep your eyes fixed firmly ahead and I know all will work itself out.
 

ELAY

Full Member
S: 14st7lb C: 12st5lb G: 10st7lb BMI: 27.9 Loss: 2st2lb(14.78%)
#7
Lexy, I am so sorry that you are having a pretty Shi**y time of it at the moment!

I know it is hard at the moment, but try and stay positive as it is so easy to slip into a downward spiral!!

Just look upon it that you are doing something really positive for you.. doing CD is certainly no mean feet...

I would personally say, go out and have fun with your friends (i take it they know about you doing CD?), they are your support network. So what if you see the Guy out ... it was his choice to go, but it is your choice to get on with your life and be as upbeat as you can (he'll soon see that you are moving on and looking HOT).

But don't let any man think that your life revolves around them... at the end of the Day you are the most important person and you need to look after yourself!

Chin up xx
 

fitz

Lovin it !!! :)
#8
Hey Lexy

I'm on Norwich - not too far from you - if you fancied a day out or even to meet halfway, I'm happy to meet up if you wanted to get away etc

Won't be offended if you dont want to, but sometimes it's good to change the routine and do something totally different.

Hugs

Bev xx
 

Sunshine Singer

Dropped White Sugar & Feeling Fantastic
S: 13st2lb C: 11st10lb G: 9st11lb BMI: 31 Loss: 1st6lb(10.87%)
#9
Great advice from Elay. You're so right there. Speaking from experience shutting yourself away from your friends socially isn't the best plan. You've already lost so much weight so get yourself back out there and start to live your new life. It's so hard but you'll get there x
 

Watergirl

Rock Solid
S: 14st0lb C: 12st4lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 1st10lb(12.24%)
#10
Hey Lexy, if you ever need to talk to someone who knows what recruitment is like, give me a shout!

I have my own business too and unless you have I think it's really hard to understand the pressure that can be specific to recruitment. Times are tough at the moment and I get days where I feel really fed up.

I am on quite a few recruitment specific forums that you might like to join :) lots of really friendly and helpful people all in the same boat. I used to work from home and it was quite lonely at times and there's no line between work and home.

I'm really sorry to hear about your split as well. I think I'd struggle to cope without a strong support network at home, so you're doing amazingly well. Right now it is obviously really hurting you and nothing can really take that away sadly, you almost have to go through a grieving process.

Sometimes it helps to try and see the positive in it. It gives you chance to focus on you and your diet if that's what you want to do. Good that your friends are there for you.
I'll PM you my work email address if you ever want to talk about work/get support let me know. We all get burn out especially at times like this, but it doesn't have to mean that business dries up completely. You're obviously good at what you do and things will pick up again.
 
S: 14st0lb C: 10st12lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 3st2lb(22.45%)
#11
Lexy, I don't have words of advice because others have already given them to you. I just want you to know you are not alone. I was forced to close my business the week after my husband moved out. When he got with current gf, he told me he had been seeing her 3 weeks and it was early days yet the following week he moved in with her. I know exactly how you feel, hence the name I use on here. He now lives in a 4 bedroom detached house, has 3 vehicles and holidays at least twice a year. Meanwhile me and his 3 kids struggle for money to pay the bills. I want to lose weight and go out yet to be honest I can't afford to go anywhere so apart from my dancing I stay home. At least I have you lot to talk to.
 

Lexy1972

Full Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st6lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.2 Loss: 1st8lb(11.22%)
#12
Hi Liz, please do PM me that would be great. Reject doll - god I feel awful whinging about my situ when you were married and he left you with 3 kids :sigh:

Right - I am going to work really hard on all the positives in my life. I have a nice house, a gorgeous puppy, the MOST amazing friends, a business (just) and I am losing weight!!!!

Thanks you all for all the supportive words, I don't know what I would have done without this forum the last few days :)

Hugs to you all xxx
 
S: 14st0lb C: 10st12lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 3st2lb(22.45%)
#13
Hi Liz, please do PM me that would be great. Reject doll - god I feel awful whinging about my situ when you were married and he left you with 3 kids :sigh:

Right - I am going to work really hard on all the positives in my life. I have a nice house, a gorgeous puppy, the MOST amazing friends, a business (just) and I am losing weight!!!!

Thanks you all for all the supportive words, I don't know what I would have done without this forum the last few days :)

Hugs to you all xxx
Don't get me wrong Lexy, I wasn't saying that for sympathy or to take away how you are feeling. I just know that sometimes you wonder why it's happening to you. It wasn't all his fault why he left but I can't help resenting that he seems to have it made now. One day I'm going to be able to show him what he lost out on and that will make my day! You can do that too!
 

Lexy1972

Full Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st6lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.2 Loss: 1st8lb(11.22%)
#14
Awww hon, I know you didn't mean it like that, I just felt bad as it must be soooo much harder when there are little ones involved. I am going to get back to the weight I was when I met him and enjoy going out looking fab and hopefully he'll at least think bugger she looks great.

I also will ensure that my next man isn't the coach potato he was. Although I take responsibility for my weight gain, it certainly didn't help that all he ever wanted to do was go out and get drunk, lie on the sofa watching sport and eat take out food most evenings. I love the outdoors, walking the dog, horse riding and dinner parties, concerts etc. I need to get back to doing all the things I love as I made so many compromises to be with him! Maybe his new woman can change him but I don't think he will ever be an outdoors/country active type and that is what I'd really like!!! ;):) xxx
 

Watergirl

Rock Solid
S: 14st0lb C: 12st4lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 1st10lb(12.24%)
#15
Hey Lexy, there doesn't seem to be the option to PM you. Think it's because you don't have enough posts just yet and have to wait till you have 50.
Have added you as a friend though and am sure your word count will be up soon enough!!!
 

Watergirl

Rock Solid
S: 14st0lb C: 12st4lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 1st10lb(12.24%)
#16
That's much more positive! Now you can go man shopping for someone much better lol.

Write down a shopping list first though so you don't get side tracked by special offers.

Awww hon, I know you didn't mean it like that, I just felt bad as it must be soooo much harder when there are little ones involved. I am going to get back to the weight I was when I met him and enjoy going out looking fab and hopefully he'll at least think bugger she looks great.

I also will ensure that my next man isn't the coach potato he was. Although I take responsibility for my weight gain, it certainly didn't help that all he ever wanted to do was go out and get drunk, lie on the sofa watching sport and eat take out food most evenings. I love the outdoors, walking the dog, horse riding and dinner parties, concerts etc. I need to get back to doing all the things I love as I made so many compromises to be with him! Maybe his new woman can change him but I don't think he will ever be an outdoors/country active type and that is what I'd really like!!! ;):) xxx
 

Lexy1972

Full Member
S: 14st0lb C: 12st6lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.2 Loss: 1st8lb(11.22%)
#17
Thanks Liz - that made me smile :) out of interest where in the country are you, I couldn't see on your profile.

It's funny as deep down I think I knew that we want a different lifestyle and I don't want to be with someone that would leave me at home with a baby to go to the pub every Friday night. It's just the fact that he's moved on so quickly when 2 weeks ago he was telling me how much he loved me still - men! :mad:

Onwards and upwards at least I'm dealing with my weight now and seeing the scales going down is making me happy! xxx
 
S: 14st0lb C: 10st12lb G: 9st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 3st2lb(22.45%)
#18
Awww hon, I know you didn't mean it like that, I just felt bad as it must be soooo much harder when there are little ones involved. I am going to get back to the weight I was when I met him and enjoy going out looking fab and hopefully he'll at least think bugger she looks great.

I also will ensure that my next man isn't the coach potato he was. Although I take responsibility for my weight gain, it certainly didn't help that all he ever wanted to do was go out and get drunk, lie on the sofa watching sport and eat take out food most evenings. I love the outdoors, walking the dog, horse riding and dinner parties, concerts etc. I need to get back to doing all the things I love as I made so many compromises to be with him! Maybe his new woman can change him but I don't think he will ever be an outdoors/country active type and that is what I'd really like!!! ;):) xxx
At it girl! You got the right attitude! Am so with you hun.
 

Watergirl

Rock Solid
S: 14st0lb C: 12st4lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 27.8 Loss: 1st10lb(12.24%)
#19
I'm in Peterborough Lexy.

It's funny because I think we often know deep down that something isn't quite right, but we don't want to be that person that tries to change someone.

It's only when they force your hand by doing the ending that part of you thinks 'maybe it is for the best,' although it doesn't always feel that way.

I can remember one ex splitting up with me and literally feeling like I was dying! I think I cried daily for about 3 months because I felt my life was over. Then gradually you just start to have better days and think about it less.

I know people will tell you he was an idiot (and he hasn't behaved that well!) and that you're too good for him etc, but I think it's more a case of you maybe just weren't right for each other because like you say, you wanted different lifestyles.
I lost loads of weight after my split - always seems to make it easier for some reason! Am glad you're feeling positive watching the scales go down. Once you start noticing admiring glances from people it will motivate you even more - if it's not happening already!
 

Redpam

Living the Life
S: 0st0lb C: 0st0lb G: 0st0lb BMI: 0 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
#20
Hi Lexy

One way to get your post count up quickly is to do the word association type threads. They can be fun and you will be surprised how your count goes up.

Well done on your weight loss so far,

Pam
 


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