Why does MIL upsat me & make me feel like sh*t

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by big bear, 23 March 2010 Social URL.

  1. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

    Posts:
    2,611
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    14st7lb
    Diet:
    slimming world
    Ok as you know I just found out a few weeks ago I was pregnant. This will be my second child my son is 15 mths old. We told the in laws on mothers day & ever since she's been a complete b*tch.

    She isn't speaking to me at all. She wanted us to have an only child as my husband is the 3rd generation of only children. I never wanted this & it's f*ck all to do with her.

    She is making life difficult & causing problems between hubbie & I. My FIL has been fab and speaks to my son asking him what he thinks of getting a bro/sis.

    I went for my 1st scan yesterday which she knew about & I saw her this morning & she never even asked how I was, how the scan was? She kinds talks to me through my son IYSWIM.

    I'm sick of her being like this & its really annoying me why can't she just be happy it isn't her that'll be looking after our next child.
     
  2. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Matched Content

  3. julie19

    julie19 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,152
    Likes Received:
    38
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Diet:
    Slimmingworld
    she sounds jealous to me. Did she want a second one and couldn't conceive maybe? Whatever it is she does sound like a complete b*tch to me, I think that either you or your husband are going to have to have it out with her at some point or will your fil talk to her if you explain the issues to him? He sounds like he has accepted it.

    I hope you get it sorted - good luck.
    xx
     
  4. julie19

    julie19 Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,152
    Likes Received:
    38
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Diet:
    Slimmingworld
    oh and how did the scan go? Was everything ok?
     
  5. Happy Holidays

    Happy Holidays Gold Member

    Posts:
    18,581
    Likes Received:
    131
    Start Weight:
    9st11lb
    Current Weight:
    8st9lb
    Goal Weight:
    8st9lb
    Lost(%):
    1st2lb(11.68%)
    Badges:
    Maintainer
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    How childish, I just can't understand her behaviour especially as you're having a new addition to their family.

    If it was me I wouldn't 'have it out' with her as I wouldn't want her to know I was upset, I can be very stubborn. What I would do is be just as nice & polite as I've always been.

    What does your OH think of her behaviour?
     
  6. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

    Posts:
    2,611
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    14st7lb
    Diet:
    slimming world
    Thanks Julie.

    The scan went well although I thought that I was 13 weeks but I'm only 10 weeks so its due 16th Oct.

    She is a prat anyway the way she treats my son it's as if it's her child & tried to potty train him (at 10mths old) etc when I'm at work. Gives him chocolate & sweets. Also this morning she was at our place to pick him up (grandad looks after him) she went to the loo left the toilet seat up & the bathroom door opened. My son usually just wonders round the house as all is safe as we keep doors closed etc (she knows this). I was eating my brekkie and I wondered what he was up to as he was quiet. She laughs & says I think he's in the toilet so I jumped up & there he was hands etc down the loo. She just thought it was funny.

    I just can't take her any more & just want to smack her hard in the face.
     
  7. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

    Posts:
    2,611
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    14st7lb
    Diet:
    slimming world
    OH told her to wise up & not be such a prat & as she wanted a grandaughter 1st time round would she not like one now but no she won't speak to me at all.
     
  8. alwyn

    alwyn Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,068
    Likes Received:
    16
    Start Weight:
    80.29kg
    Current Weight:
    80.29kg
    Goal Weight:
    60.33kg
    Lost(%):
    0kg(0%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    My MIL is equally as annoying. She started off by saying that if we had red and white flowers at our wedding then she wouldn't come :mad:

    Now all she says is "don't have kids, you'll never cope"

    We're not thinking of having a baby any time soon because of me starting a teacher training course in September but she really annoys me when she thinks we wouldn't cope :mad:

    I'm really good with babies and so many people think I'm a natural with kids - she doesn't know anything.

    I'm inclined to agree with Julie, maybe she wanted more than one but couldn't conceive.
     
  9. judimac

    judimac Mad old Bat with Attitude

    Posts:
    5,247
    Likes Received:
    182
    Start Weight:
    14st5lb
    Diet:
    WW
    I would say it's jealousy, pure and simple. She was no 1 in her son's life till you came along and now she's going further down the pecking order.
    I know I had a good cry the day my son got married, and that's what it was, and I can see how it turns a woman, but if you put your child first you get over it. (and my poor DIL gets to wash his smelly socks! :D)
     
  10. *EB*

    *EB* Gold Member

    Posts:
    10,465
    Likes Received:
    205
    oh BB ignore her, she is just being a jealous sort!!! she will get over it! dont worry yourself over her behaviour, as you will end up winding yourself up even more about it.

    I am an only child and would have loved brothers/sisters but my mum had complications when i was born and couldnt have any more.

    My OH says we are going to have 3 kids....haha! wish me luck...! :D (not yet though i might like to add!) xxx
     
  11. fifegirl

    fifegirl Full Member

    Posts:
    52
    Likes Received:
    1
    Start Weight:
    15st7lb
    Current Weight:
    13st7lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st7lb
    Lost(%):
    2st0lb(12.9%)
    Diet:
    SW
    My MIL was the same and it was purely down to jealosy. When OH and I first moved in together she would phone with the slightest thing and expect him to go straight over. She just couldn't stand that he would dare leave her for someone else. She is slightly better now but there are still things that really bug me. It took OH having a talk with her about us being a family to get her to stop all the hassle.

    Alwyn, was your MIL a nurse? historically in nursing red and white flowers are a big no no. hospital myth/legend link the 2 of them with death. (sorry to be morbid, but thought it might explain her reasoning.;))
     
  12. alwyn

    alwyn Silver Member

    Posts:
    1,068
    Likes Received:
    16
    Start Weight:
    80.29kg
    Current Weight:
    80.29kg
    Goal Weight:
    60.33kg
    Lost(%):
    0kg(0%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Fifegirl, you hit the nail on the head :) She was a nurse until about 5 years ago.

    Just been having another rant with one of the girls at work - she told me I needed to stop putting other people first (I'm a big people pleaser)
     
  13. Debs154

    Debs154 Trying again!!

    Posts:
    674
    Likes Received:
    8
    Start Weight:
    13st0lb
    Current Weight:
    13st0lb
    Goal Weight:
    11st8lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Atkins
    Hard to believe the lengths some people go to interfering with other people's lives - it must be so frustrating! I hope you feel better for coming on here and having a good rage about her. xox
     
  14. Kikikisses

    Kikikisses Silver Member

    Posts:
    617
    Likes Received:
    18
    Start Weight:
    13st7lb
    Current Weight:
    10st6lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st4lb
    Lost(%):
    3st1lb(22.75%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Well just give her less input into the new babies and your already born child. It'll rub her the wrong way but she doesn't deserve your attention.
     
  15. avisk

    avisk xx

    Posts:
    2,303
    Likes Received:
    92
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    The first time I heard about the red and white flowers superstition was when I was in a florist choosing flowers to take to someone in hospital. The florist refused point blank to put in the flowers I wanted because some were red and some were white. I was amazed, but as the florist said that some people genuinely believed it, and would be upset if they saw red and white flowers together, I agreed to her colour substitutions as I really wouldn't want to run the risk of upsetting someone who was ill or visiting a patient.

    Apparently, the colours represent blood and bandages. My mother was a nurse and of course knew about this superstition, but never told us about it as we weren't allowed any superstitions when we were growing up!

    Further information about this on the Snopes website:
    snopes.com: Flowers in Hospitals
     
  16. avisk

    avisk xx

    Posts:
    2,303
    Likes Received:
    92
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    She clearly is not a rational person at all - no sane person would react like this. You certainly shouldn't let it upset you - she has issues that you can't possibly resolve for her.

    Don't let anyone else spoil this special time for you. And congratulations.
     
  17. Littleslimmingbee

    Littleslimmingbee Gold Member

    Posts:
    6,269
    Likes Received:
    205
    Start Weight:
    14st13lb
    Current Weight:
    14st13lb
    Goal Weight:
    10st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    SW
    :eek: what!!?? i have never heard anything so rediculous! She should be ashamed of herself. Many woman never get to have the gift of grandchildren for whatever reason. she should be more greatful to the people she has in her life.. her behaviour is unnacceptable, and i can completly understand your upset over it. I suggest you tell her, politly and calmly but firmly that untill she agrees to treat all your children, unborn or not the same.. her involvment in there lives will be limited!!!



    Im glad to hear your scan went well.. do keep us updated! will you find out what your having??


    p.s cheers for the heads up on red and white flowers.. never knew that at all! x
     
  18. Avatar

    MiniMins.com Advert

  19. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

    Posts:
    5,605
    Likes Received:
    64
    Start Weight:
    21st12.5lb
    Current Weight:
    21st4lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st0lb
    Lost(%):
    0st8.5lb(2.77%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    My SIL had this problem with her MIL, I don't think she ever forgave her for not having twin boys like she did and having two little girls instead!
    The thing is no one ever called her on it. She would give money to the eldest girl but not the youngest until after SIL and BIL divorced the children refused to see her!

    I'd want to tell her that if she doesn't buck her ideas up she risks losing both her grandchildren AND her daughter in law!
     
  20. tinkerbellsmum

    tinkerbellsmum Gold Member

    Posts:
    2,520
    Likes Received:
    36
    Start Weight:
    13st13.5lb
    Current Weight:
    13st13.5lb
    Goal Weight:
    9st7lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    healthy eating
    hun its her problem not yours. shes the one that has the problem not u. you won't change her mind(she has to change it herself) so theres no point worring or trying. u r happy thats all that matters. ignore her hun cause while ever u r being stressed about it she is winning and will keep doing it. ignore her and like a child she will soon get bored.
    i'd put as much distance as u can between u and her and times u have to see her make them short and sweet by having everything ready so she can just go.
    also if she starts talking about something u know will cause a arguement change the subject to something that can't like oh btw did u see eastners last night or even turn and ask someone else a question.
    where your dh is concerned if something comes up in conversation. say this stresses me out alittle which isn't good for the baby can we pls not talk about it.
    congratulations on your pregnancy. pls don't let yourself get stressed hun its not good for u and being pg is the most special time.
     
  21. big bear

    big bear A bear on a mission!

    Posts:
    2,611
    Likes Received:
    28
    Start Weight:
    14st7lb
    Diet:
    slimming world
    Just want to say thanks to you all.

    I had a good chat with H last night & he's going to speak to her but as far as I'm concerned I want nothing to do with her but for my son's sake I'll put up with her.

    Fern - We're not finding out the sex of the baby we like a surprise...
     
  22. suepat10

    suepat10 I am one of the 63336

    Posts:
    2,889
    Likes Received:
    88
    Start Weight:
    20st3lb
    Current Weight:
    20st3lb
    Goal Weight:
    12st7lb
    Lost(%):
    0st0lb(0%)
    Diet:
    Slimming World
    Sorry I'm late on this BB.

    Isn't it scary when your children, of what ever age, have more brain cells than their grandparents!

    Congratulations and hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy xx
     
Popular Forums
  1. MiniMins.com is a weight loss support community helping each other on their weight loss journey. We have a multitude of forums, from Slimming World and Exante, to Success Stories. Click the logo at the top right to return to the forum home page at any time.
Loading...