Willpower doesn't necessarily have to be overcome, it just has to be managed.

Discussion in 'Exante' started by Miss Demeanour, 11 April 2010 Social URL.

  1. Miss Demeanour

    Miss Demeanour I.P. Freely

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    Right then chuck, if you're looking at this on a willpower basis alone, you're on a hiding to nothing. Willpower doesn't necessarily have to be overcome, it just has to be managed.

    The rest of us may be doing well because we've discovered for ourselves a few useful tools:- 1) habit, 2) distraction, 3) a change of approach and 4) results.

    As you will have read, the first week is hellish. You are fighting against umpteen years of habit, which doesn't change overnight. Your body screams at you to be fed. It will tell you to eat that which it is used to, but once it realises it's not going to get fed, it quietens down a bit, which for me was after about a week. That is normal, and is not permanent. You body resists the change to it's alternative fuel source (See my post elsewhere about the 'dual fuel car analogy'), and you are effectively 'withdrawing' from a carb addiction. But it's temporary, it passes soon enough and is a blessed relief when it does.

    Apparently according to certain NLP practictioners, it takes 21 occurrences of the 'new practice' until habit forms - which is a week of 3 times a day, or 3 weeks if you're doing something new daily. Therefore whatever it is, you cannot crack it overnight.

    Therefore you need to engage the next tool - distraction. Instead of what you've always done, eg sitting in front of Corrie and having the snack itch - go do something else, preferably something absorbing for an hour, bath, read a book, go for a walk (lovely evenings at the mo), do your nails, tidy the wardrobe, crochet, whatever - just anything, preferably not including the kitchen. If the danger time is, say, after the kids have gone to bed, then this is now *your* time, and if you previously rewarded yourself after a tough day with food, you need to adjust your thinking that your 'reward' is doing something constructive for you. Eating random stuff is not constructive (otherwise we wouldn't be here) so now is an opportunity to do something new with your time. You just need to do something different than you've done for several months/years, just one evening at a time.

    Regarding the change of approach - you need to adjust your thinking. Don't think of this in the 'long term', don't think 'I can't do it for weeks'. You can do this 'just for today'. Even if that is too much of an unbearable thought, you are only actually dieting for a maximum of 5 hours at a time, from pack to pack. and after your last pack, it's only going to be about 3-4 hours till bedtime, and if you manage to distract yourself for an hour or two, then the evening will pass in a flash.

    You need to think pack to pack then a day passes. Manage this, and a week will pass. You will get the first week's results which will give added impetus, and by which time your body will stop shouting at you, ketosis will have kicked in, your blood sugar level will have evened out, and more importantly you will have started to form new habits. It only takes a week. (Or, of you prefer, 21 packs, and 7 evenings of doing something else...)

    Thereafter, it will get substantially easier. New habits will get steadily more entrenched, the previous ones begin fall away, you might have found you enjoy your distractions, varying results keep rolling in. Then there are other problems to face, but no-where near the first week 'hell'.

    But most of us still choose to do this 'just for today'. It's a positive choice, doing something for the good of ourselves, rather than a grudging 'need to change or else...'. (Or even worse, 'I hate myself because I'm fat so must do something about it'. :cry: How is anyone going to succeed if they dislike themselves that much?)

    So apart from the first paragraph, where did I mention willpower? ;)

    Now, we're not all perfect, by no stretch of the imagination. I, for example have replaced a few iffy habits with a few others - I've had 'days off' when (4 weeks in) I was too much of a coward to be upfront with the family about doing a VLCD. I'm still also an idle bugger, using replying to this (and listening to the Archers Omnibus) as an excuse for putting-off doing the garden, while on my second coffee and stopping mid-way for a smoko. I also drink far too much fizzy pop. But the VLCD is temporary, and I'll address all of those later. I ain't superhuman, and if I try to tackle everything that's 'wrong' in my little life in one hit, I fear the house of cards will come crashing down...

    So, don't be so hard on yourself - the problem may be with your thinking and approach, and not your willpower. You are perfectly normal. :)

    Anyway, if there's anything specific you have a problem with do come back and we'll all natter further.

    there goes the Archers theme #dum de dum de dum de dummm# I'm off to slaughter the lawn ;)
     
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  3. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    I cam across this motivating post by Miss Demeanour ... and I have taken a copy from the thread below and put it on a sticky here.

    http://www.minimins.com/exante/145214-failing-miserably.html

    The heading was taken from Miss Demeanour's post which I feel sums it up and is a good mantra for all of us.

    I know I will be referring to this post on those days when I find it tough going.

    Thank you Miss D :thankyou:
     
  4. Miss Demeanour

    Miss Demeanour I.P. Freely

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    Lordy. Thanks for the... er... thanks :eek: :)
     
  5. Mrs R

    Mrs R Full Member

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    Thats great, thanks from me too. I'm finding the third week incredibly tough so I'm doing a really complicated cross stitch with lots of shading. It's so addictive I can't put it down - the house and garden is a tip :)
     
  6. Magggie

    Magggie Full Member

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    ha ha ha
    don;t know about the shrinking Miss D
    but your hats are going to need a bigger size :p
     
  7. french

    french Member

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    thats inspriational clare. x
    I just ate 4 biscuits.
    fren
     
  8. fongy

    fongy Member

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    and they weren't even your biscuits...:eek:
    shame on you...;)
     
  9. Magggie

    Magggie Full Member

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    Just be grateful they weren't isadora's :eek: :cry:
     
  10. fattea

    fattea Full Member

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    wow, you ladies are doing great.......
    Maggie, I can't beleive your progress and length of time on this diet. I am so jealous but still so nervous to take the plunge i don't want to try and fail but already am thinking what happens after you lose this how is it managed.
     
  11. Magggie

    Magggie Full Member

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    Fattea-the times just shot by-really !
    I looked at my ticker & I thought I had done a typo by saying I started on 8/1/10, surely it was 8th Feb???

    I too was nervous-
    I didn't realise you could manage on 600Kcal a day- How??? its impossible
    But then I had never heard of ketosis properly before. Oh , I knew about atkins, but I thought that avenue was closed to me as I am a vegetarian

    my first couple of weeks I analysed every mood, rumble from my tum (poo !!!!) morsel that passed my mouth
    but now I have done a full cycle, and even happily enough lost 3lbs in my refeed week, I am elated

    I can really do this

    & I am a diet failer- really !!!

    and YOU can do it too Fattea :)
    :D
    of course I will have to tackle my relationship with food, but exante is brilliant because it is low in artificial sweeteners, so you lose your sweet tooth if you want

    VCLD's have revolutionised my life-I realise if I eat canny, then I don't have to fill my fat face with a massive amount of carbs to not be hungry

    Its so do-able
     
  12. Miss Demeanour

    Miss Demeanour I.P. Freely

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    I really wouldn't concern yourself with that yet. Looking that far ahead is too frightening a prospect! lol

    As you lose you do take a bit more interest in the body and it's processes, and you may well read up a bit more, come to a few conclusions, and make your mind up about the future. But at this stage, if you try and take in the enormity of whole project it'll be enough to make you run for the vodka...

    And as for fear of failure - you need to readjust what you mean by 'failure'. If you see anything short of reaching target is a failure, you may never be happy! ever! (sorry, but life often gets in the way...). Supposing someone sets themselves a goal of losing a rigid 4 stone, and 'only' lose 2 or 3, should they consider themselves to have 'failed'? Lordy no. How absurd does that sound? ;)

    However if you see any loss, however small, is a small success in itself, then you can take pride in every nudge forward. After all, the goal is to weigh less. And any loss is a positive step. I don't have a target. Haven't a clue. I don't have much in the way of 'rules' either, aside from 'I'll continue only for as long as I'm well on it, and it remains appropriate'. And only cos I promised that to my OH when I started.

    So what... you don't lose as much as the magic figure in your head. You will still be less than you started and that's still better, no? :cool:
     
  13. AJE

    AJE Member

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    Cool post
     
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