From a restarter...

[Laura Croft]

This is one of the hardest posts I've ever written but I just hope it helps someone.

Last year I completed SS, losing about 3 stone and ending up quite happily around 9 stone 10.

Like many on here, I'd battled with weight and depression all my life and thought I'd finally finally broken the back of it. I felt great, I looked great, and I was finally beginning to live. I made a lot of plans for this year doing all those things I'd put off for being overweight and just enjoying 'being normal.'

I finished SS and thought that was it, I had it made. I was really careful with my food and exercise and maintained my weight for a few months. I didn't do the steps because I didn't think I needed them.

Then I didn't deal with some of the issues that were bothering me. I made a few half arsed attempts to get back on track and would do okay for a bit but slowly, and then faster, I went downhill and I kept on tumbling.

I didn't learn how to control my food, I didn't reach out properly for help, I stopped weighing myself, I stopped exercising, I stopped planning my food. I started to feel sorry for myself, I started to think 'just one won't hurt' and I thought tomorrow would be another day.

Now I find myself 6 months later wondering what on earth happened. I'm back at the weight I was before I started CD, and perhaps a little bit more. I'm isolating from friends and colleagues, especially those that were sceptical about the diet. The diet didn't do anything wrong, it was me.

We've all got battles to face and after the honeymoon period of losing weight is over, the hard part really begins. This is time you really need your CDC for guidance, use the forums and follow the steps - they are there for a reason.

To anyone out there who is thinking about not doing the steps, about going it alone, please reconsider. We've all learnt how to NOT eat in SS/SS+, now it's time to learn how to eat. The steps teach you how to be control of your food.

I don't want anyone else to end up like me - 6 months later looking at photos of a me that was so happy and feeling so free and knowing they have to go through the process all. over. again. Instead I feel guilty, ashamed, sad, and I'm hurting because I let down the one person I really need to look after - me.

So financially things are going to be tough too but I'm determined to still have a life as much as I can. For (cliche two) it's often been about what's eating me, not what am I eating so I will get out there and keep meeting the triggers that have caused me to run back to the food and isolation before. I can do this, but it's just a pain I have to do it all over again!!

I'm a big believer in life trying to teach you lessons and if you miss them the first, second, third.... time, they'll come back at you so you can learn them in order to move onto your next stage. This is where I am now, the kid whose just been told she needs to repeat a whole lesson that really the answer was just there on the page, she just didn't really think she needed it.

[unreal83]

Hi Laura

My goodness....this post gave me chills. I know its cliche when people say "I could have written that" but honestly, every single letter you typed, every single sentance you used to describe how you feel and whats happened is ME.

Especially gave me a chill when you said about isolating friends and colleagues - I have just realised that is exactly what I have done.

I am going back on it next Thursday, I also lost loads on it but made the same mistake.....

Its so true...not eating is the easy bit, its what comes after....

So glad to know im not the only one!

xxxxx

[Coley]

I'm in the club Laura....

Just another lesson we had to learn I think! Luckily, this is one of the things we can have a second (and third, and fourth....hehehe...and five hundredth) chance at.

Chin up sad face! Onwards!!!!!! wooooooooo!

[minxie]

(((Laura)))
Thank you so much for sharing your story and well done for heading back here. As a lifetime serial dieter your story rings true for me too - each time I've got even heavier than before - but no longer. Here you should get lots of support and inspiration, and knowing the importance of going up the steps this time you will succeed.

I think it must be scary going back up the steps - I look forward to being there though as it will mean I've reached my goal! Hearing stories like your really serve as a valuable lesson in doing it all the right way - brave of you to share it. Good luck

[LizS]

Gosh, how honest and painful that post was. I did this too. 4.5 stone off, 3.5 stone back on and here again.

I've gone through all the negative emotions you describe - horrible, I know. Well done for having the guts to write it all down; well done for taking control.

Now you've got it all out there, please start at least giving yourself some credit for tackling it and not burying your head in the sand. It'll take a while I know, but here's the turning point, here's where you start to feel good again.

good luck hon xx

[mrsessex]

Well written and really inspiring in a strange way

I wish you all the luck in the world xxx

[eyeontheprize]

good luck in your restart laura. You post was so well written and heartfelt, and has really made me realise how important it is to do all the steps properly. I'm nearing maintenence now and am both looking forward to it and dreading it, as I still don't quite trust myself not to go off on a binge. Well done for taking control and being so honest with us x

[Nellyphant]

Very well written, thank you so much for this. It happens so many times, I've done it when I've lost weight in the past. We have to have the attitude that this is a LIFETIME change. And I'm definitely going to need the steps when I've got to goal.

[boardwitless]

Thanks so much for this, at the moment I swing between really optimistic that *this time* the weight is going to stay off (this is my first time on CD). However, bitter experience of previous gains kicks in sometimes and I can see my maintenance as being like on a knife edge - anything might tip me off. Thanks for your honesty, I have thought sometimes that I'm probably too smart to have to do the plans - after all, I've out-smarted every other diet I've been on in the past (and THAT'S exactly why I have failed on them). I guess I have only done well on CD as it's virtually un-cheatable unless you go for it big time.
You have convinced me to go up thorough the plans - I wish you all the best with your journey this time
Please don't think you have to put your life on hold though until you have lost it again - you are not defined solely by what your scales read xx

[Lexy1972]

Hi Laura,

Wow, that really hit a nerve for me. I have done the same and in the process I lost the love of my life and the person that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. He didn't leave me because I got fat, he left me because of the person I became when I got fat again.

It was worse than before because I hated myself more for having lost the weight and then put it back on again. I totally lost my sparkle and energy, didn't want to go out and just isolated myself from everyone and everything and ultimately pushed him away. I won't make that mistake again.................... thank you for writing such a personal and open post that touched my heart and I'm sure many others on here xx

[canireallydothis!!]

Wow, what a post, it must be one of the most heartfelt posts Ive ever read.

It must have been sheer hell for you to write it, but I hope once you did you feel proud for facing up to it.

I too am in the same boat, hard lessons learned by me over the past 2 years.

I am now taking control, but your post is the most inspiring, it was me 6 weeks ago, and now I feel and look so much better, and you will too.

Please change your sad face as soon as you feel able, youve reached out to one heck of a lot of people on here, and I wish you all the luck in the world x

[Annie 100]

Hi Laura,

I can't add anything more than everyone else has said, but I really want to wish you well and thank you for your post, food for thought (sorry, bad unintended pun)

[Laura Croft]

I'm so overwhelmed by your lovely posts and so much honesty. As the saying goes, or something like that, whatever you give back, you get back 1000 times over. Okay I made it up but you know what I mean... I'll write more when I'm a bit more awake but especially to those struggling, or back with me, know you aren't alone either and we can do this.

[Jellababy]

Thanks for your honesty, I did the same thing last year just came off it, did ok till christmas then slowly gave up and put it all back on. I'm 3 weeks in now and struggeling but reading your post has made me remember the bigger picture Thank You

[KD]

Have replied on your other thread Lc. Wanted to pick up this bit in the replies.

Originally Posted by boardwitless

I have thought sometimes that I'm probably too smart to have to do the plans - after all, I've out-smarted every other diet I've been on in the past (and THAT'S exactly why I have failed on them)

This is exactly what went through my mind when I was doing CD..well, just before it anyway. I wanted to do it my way. I thought I knew better. But I failed over and over again.

That's why this time I did the plans. I suppose I wanted to blame Cambridge if it all went wrong

For once though, I knew that I needed guidance, and I had to put my pride behind me and do it as laid out.

I think that when you are in ketosis, it gives you a false sense of confidence. After all, if you can manage under 800 calories, then double that will be a cinch. Except it's not like that at all is it.

I've been talking with my clients about this recently. Not wanting to paint a dark picture, but I do want them to be aware of the pitfalls.

When they get to goal, I'm going to tie them up here and not let them go until they've done the plans and passed a very strict test in all aspects of maintaining that weight